At the Chiefs of course. Their reign wasn’t nearly as long as the Patriots 20 year run but to some it may have seemed like it. And who’s to say that this isn’t just a one-year blip? But let’s live in the “Outta The Playoffs” now, shall we?
To The Game!
Broncos/Chiefs:
-Teams have discovered that K.C. didn’t do their homework during the offseason and that the o-line wasn’t going to hold up. These days you can get pressure on Mahomes without blitzes or stunts and he’s seen tons of pressure.
-Those 11 one-score victories they had last year became a 1-7 record this time around.
-The Broncos should dine out but let’s keep in mind that they’ve given up 34, 26, 17 (but it was to the Raiders, so that’s at least 25) and 26 again points recently.
Let’s do this on full bellies, people.
Last funny:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qaR8rFsWoEo
🥣
Also psyched to see Very Important People get renewed for a 3rd season!
My family did very well by me this Xmas and I have no complaints there, but the Universe also gave me increased tinnitus and I just noticed the furnace is leaking water so I would have to suggest that the Universe take a hard look at its gift-giving procedures.
A revamp may be in order.
We suffer the same hearing disorder.
The love of live music.
It’s funny how much I hate goin’ places and doin’ stuff and yet I still love attending rock concerts and wrecking my hearing.
Tinnitus is the fucking worst. Wearing earplugs is definitely a top 5 piece of advice I’d give my younger self if I possessed a time machine.
Or…wait. If I possessed a time machine I wouldn’t fuck around with my younger self even in the slightest, out of fear that I’d fuck up the timeline and lose access to said time machine somehow. Plus there’s really nothing major that I’d change. I suppose I’d discreetly turn up a couple of times to prod myself not to overlook obvious hints (“Did you see way that Persian girl who hosting this party just looked at you? You should ask her for a tour of the house.”) but otherwise I don’t think I’d want to mess with anything.
I was born with tinnitus, so I’ve ever known anything different.
I would get confused stares and responses when I was younger whenever I asked if anyone else could hear that “EEEEEEEE” noise. It’s why I’ve been using the radio, a fan, or even someone else snoring to fall asleep to.
Uff, born with it just sucks. I have no one to blame but myself
You can blame me, if you like. And I’ll blame you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3XMC_Sk3QE
It’s so weird that Uproxx of all people are the ones who uploaded these videos.
Finally. As a Trump voter* I knew nothing was my fault. And as revenge, in addition to ear ringing, may you be cursed with the eternal sound of a vacuum.
No, that’s too cruel, I take it back. Only 40%, though
*even writing it as part of a dumb gag destroys a part of my soul
Hearing fucked. My fault, I wouldn’t change a thing. Being on acid at Punk show when your brain thinks you are deaf is a realm I don’t want to know about
The Brian Flores defense is fun as fuck to watch.
A good day.
All me living brothers in the room.
Now a shot of the Irish.
Good day, lads.
Good day!
“Irish shot? Gladly!”
— Royal Army
An Irish Christmas means dusting off this old classic.
First ballot HOF
It’s new to me and good Lord is it glorious.
That’s fucking hilarious!
Well, Denver pulled that one out in the nick of time.
Shooting at the residence almost directly behind where my ex-wife, Lil’ and Lil’er WCS live.
I thought they were in West Virginia, visiting the ex’s mom, sister, and cousins.
Turns out, they are at home. Everyone is safe and accounted for. Ex-wifey did report she heard the shots.
This is all I know right now, but, fuck me that made my butthold pucker for a moment.
Situation’s under control. I don’t have much in the way of details, but police have left the scene. No paramedics or fire department were needed, so everything is relatively okay.
Good. There’s enough bad shit in the world.
Found a funny:
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/oh-god-someone-gave-me-whiskey-stones
🥃 🪨
GUY: I wish for stones for Christmas.
MONKEY’S PAW: [curls]
MONKEY’S PAW: Wait no I meant whiskey stones not kidney stones
/this is probably incomprehensible as a joke but I’m drunk so I’m leaving it up.
//I wonder if even *I* can remember what I meant by tomorrow morning.
Okay tomorrow Rikki so the joke here is that the Monkey’s Paw meant to give the wisher whiskey stones because they are EVEN WORSE than kidney stones.
Thanks last night Rikk I appreciate the effort if nothing else.
Santa got me Playground by Richard Powers! 📕
Reading is ROCKINGGGG!!! 📚
Merry Christmas!
I hope everyone got what they needed for Christmas.
That’s GREAT
Where are the boys’s?
No, wait. Let me guess.
Is there something weird going on with the site? I’m liking comments but they aren’t showing .
And now it’s fine.
Someone’s gotten into the Christmas weed…
Well, yes, but I was getting the wait thingie, I’m sure it has a name, fuck if I know what it is. It looks like Roman numeral III, but leaning like Fozz probably is, and pulsing like Studio 54.
Ok, I may have hit the Christmas weed a little too festively. Like a fucking lady!
Fozz broke the auto translator so everything reverted to Y2K.
Just worked for me.
the seating chat for fukcface kele’s wedding shold have bubonic plague at every table
Like you know they will have a specialty mocktail for the reception.
Nah. There’s a treatment for that.
Way to not go for the first down, Kelce!
gingerbrad
ugh
eat a fuk, gingerbread
fause you are shitty an dy you tasete like my butt
so you ca go an ddie, gingerbread
i’m a kill you, you fcucking fuck bread cinnamon, you suck shit
Whoa whoa whoa. Cinnamon is good people.
I have puct all myfucks in a column
those fuck ahve been put in a zbig BIG sanwich
I invite all KC and fans to teat ta that sadnwich
cause you will have eatn all my fucks
that i avhave given, no more fucks to give
daear kelce
your girlfriends’ twat
is a welcome mat
thta has treadmarks
from all the other dudes
who boned her
welcome to the club, fcucker
A tie to finish the day would be a true Christmas miracle.
commecial
a chair chasin ga fat guy
applew watch
what th efukc, chair?
why are you so angry/
fat gusy are Funny!
Chair s = bad!
I hate chair!
We watched a k-drama called Birth of a Beauty and the first two episodes were basically nothing but a fat actress doing pratfalls. It was wonderful and it broke my heart when they realized how problematic it was and stopped writing and shooting those scenes.
fat people falling are funny, morefunnier than midedgers!
Agreed.
Leave us something. We’re not all fat … picked to be representation tokens in media.
What’s wild is that originally fat jokes would have been “punching up” because only the rich and powerful could afford enough food to become overweight.
The only K-drama I watched was the K-drama version of True Beauty, because the former Senorita Weaselo read the Webtoon.
It was… interesting.
We watched the first episode just last week!
A fat Korean woman weighs, what, 90 pounds?
y are we seeing so many closeups of kelce?
kids at home avhe never seen a freal penigs
here you go a big fuckin g cock1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKRxMBai3P4
haikue
oh chiefs fans
the sorrow is real
eat a boddam bowl of hit syou tfuk brains
sorry
Lambeau has decided to show off his ball handling skills. Suffice to say he’s doing better than the Lions did earlier today.
I’m sure his other ball handling skills would be impressive if he weren’t (presumably) neutered.
Correct!
Dear KC fans, I’m really sorrya bout the imploion of your team. i wan tto say zi feel bad, but the faet you are all suffeirn gmake smy testilees feel linke volleyballs.
eat my goddamn asses you fuckf aces!
It seems like bad karma for the Chiefs owners to have never named one of their sons Michael.
Clark hunt wille at your kidneys and neer carak a dmsile whooo what evil
That’s authentic Baltimore gibberish.
I can smell the Old Bay on every word.
Not a domestic (yet), but just got a call from a woman who’s soon-to-be ex-husband is currently in Nashville, TN en route here to kill her and take his children back to Mississippi.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_AMTbO50vU
“Have you seen Home Alone …?”
Indeed. In a perfect world I would recommend a gun or the police do their fucking jobs.
Too much work. How about Speed?
Speed (1994) Harry’s Death (Full HD)
/Chef’s Kiss
So i got vodka, nots of it, trying to figre out what to but in it to makeit tasey or firey and kendrick lamar aint here to help. so andy ideas? either answer or i’mma figure it out and your don’t want that!!
I usually add flavored seltzer water. Avoid soda. It has too many calories and it’s sticky when spilled. Mixing it with iced tea is also good. Mix it with Red Bull or a junior Fozz’s energy drink and make your drinking the NEIGHBORHOOD PROBLEM.
threw ins soem bannana pepper slices it is tooood goood
It’s citrus season so how about lemon drops oh wait I forgot you are in Baltimore what kind of fruit is in season there? Shell casings?
That is fucking classic
So is this verbal, rather than bourble?
It’s all bourble to me!
Bourbovich
JJOHN MADDEN MOVE YOU CANNOT CONTAIN MY FUCKING BONER YOU CAN’T SI CAN’T BOOOONER
THIS GAME, I CALL IT MY JUNIOR PROM BEFAUS EO MUSCH WAS EXPECTED, BU NOTHIN GRALLY HAPPENED, AND THE HOME TEAM WAS SO DISAPPOINTED
Fuck and shit. What a great day! Drinking since 2 p, OkAUY1 in troulbel with the wife, sre whty i fuck not . I hope you glorious bsastrardious fucksfaces had a blessedan d christmas day. it’s 10 am pm my tie nad well, who’sdr inkin gmore? this dub fukcer!
It’s a Bourblemas Miracle.
God I love when someone who gets wasted comes on here. Makes me feel better when I do it.
I am int it deepe, wife so madi coudlnt’ dirnk more to not care. fucking chrismtas without my dad/ like i’me goann be sover. ffuuuuuk you
Merry Christmas.
Can’t watch the game as I try to get through this life giving Jeff Bezos as little money as possible.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIhIBFPtnoc
I would send one to Dok for the next (first) China trip if there’s one that says Malort.
.
Malort is good once you know what to expect. The 1st one ever, my word that is a ride.
I think Dok has sent me 3 or 4 bottles so far. BC Dick and I have finished them all.
I also like Skyline Chili and may have had Malorts during the making at BC Dicks house.
I also like Skyline Chili. Want to try Malort.
I’ll bring a bottle next time I’m down in LA!
That hat is Rocking!
I hate wearing hats but I would wear that one
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DSpaeZIk7UX/?igsh=MWJ6NjJ1bHRnczkwcg==
Well, that was a drive for QB3.
Any takers on the domestic violence calls we’ll be getting tonight? I’m putting my O/U on 3.5. Last year I had three.
Mmm…under hopefully. There are many who work tomorrow.
Yeah, I’m gonna bet with my heart and take the under.
Over. All day.
I’d take the over. Trump 2.0 had made life just a little worse.
“More like 1.5 but the last time I saw it was fifteen years ago so maybe something has changed.” – Melania T., literally anywhere other than Washington D.C.
Over
Scoreboard, blouses.
You know, weeks ago when I screamed up into the Heavens and asked God how things could be worse than this Bengals season, I didn’t except Him to show me possible examples.
Denver may want to show up for the second half.
While I applaud their efforts to make Oladokun look good in a convoluted effort to create a QB Controversy for a remote chance they trade Mahomes away…I don’t think its gonna word.
Welcome to NFL Christmas Day, where its all made up and the records don’t matter.
Okay – what in the literal fuck?!
Funny, Mrs. Cola and I just exclaimed the EXACT same thing.
Well, he found his Afghanistan.
There is oil in them there hills.
Merry Christmas Military Industrial Complex!
He couldn’t have waited until December Twenty-Fucking-Sixth?!
Boxing Day would have been too on-point.
I’m sure we’ve bombed Nigeria plenty of times. So, at least we announced this one?
BTW, did you know that terrorism in Africa has gone up 100,000% since the GWOT began and we decided to invest in African counterterrorism operations?
I’m surprised it wasn’t Niger…
I’m just afraid to see how he pronounces the country’s name.
The odds are pretty good he said, “BOMB THEM NI…” and someone had to figure out where to drop the actual bombs.
“In how many ways do I have to show you people that I am literally the Antichrist?”
I always thought of the antichrist being smart.
As I have been saying about Pluribus up until the hive mind got stupid/stuck:
The Devil comes as what you most desire.
OTOH, there are lots of people who genuinely desire this fucking nonsense and being governed by this loser.
Smart, charming, persuasive and charismatic. Oh, yeah, that defines Trump to a T.
I never thought I would be in position to defend the Antichrist on the most holiest of days of my religion…(makes a deep breath)…but here we are.
The ladies attending the house for Christmas just asked if Taylor was at the game.
I am now outside drinking because my answer was considered “inappropriate”.
“Who the fuck cares?” is a phrase that has gotten me in more trouble than I like to remember.
You remember things? Time to up the gummies my friend.
“than I like to remember” still trying to get the dosage right.
Mrs Sharkbait is in the ship in our money league, playing the guy who beat me in the final thanks to Damar Hamlin dying. I need to be avenged, which means Nix needs to do fuck all tonight.
Okay, that was an impressive pick.
That was a fucking unreal INT.
NixPix!
if (backup quarterback) then
insert (story about how the starter is not just a great mentor but also a friend)
return (stab ears with icepick.exe)
Merry Christmas all enjoying it with the family and nieces in Flushing Queens though now in screaming kids giur
I was driving around town just to get out and see everything mostly empty and all the poor people walking around or working, although it seems to have gotten livelier as I came home now that everyone has had their fill and has to go to work tomorrow (Yo!)
Anyway, in this evening’s performance, the Kansas City Chiefs will be playing the role of Catherine the Great and the Broncos will be the bronco.
Kansas City is 13.5 underdogs at home?!
Its a trap!
Happy Christmas/Thursday Night Football
If you like tunnels you’ll love this.
(Note: This actually took two weeks to shoot)
https://vimeo.com/725076200
Very cool.
Happy Santa’s birthday.
Where is this?
Beneath Capitol Hill in Washington DC, and part beneath The Mall. Not many people (including locals) even know they exist.
Alright, Chiefs Kingdom, let’s see how faithful you really are when everything’s gone sideways and the games don’t matter.
Mrs. cola and I can’t even pronounce the qb’s name. 2 td passes coming up
I think its Ola+Doe+Ken.
Like Street Fighter?
The jokes write themselves.