So Many Narratives, So Little Time

There was some settling of accounts yesterday but some are bleeding into today because some teams can’t finish what they started, right Carolina?

To The Games!

Colts/Texans:

These teams prove that if you’re going to streak you’d best do it towards the end of the season. You might get your wee bits  shriveled but at least you can play at least one extra game.

Cowboys/Giants:

So it comes to this. If you were some guy with a rooting interest in the G-Men and were hoping for a win to A) prevent Dallas from reaching .500 or B) finally breaking a 9 game losing skid against them, the fallout would be a loss of draft position. As a Nietszche always said, “Life is a shit sandwich. Start eating, there’s plenty more.” Wise man.

Browns/Bengals:

“Garrett needs to lay his sack on a dude and Joe Burrow is just the man for the job.” I ran this game through the Male Porn Preview Generator and it’s not too far off, is it?

Saints/Falcons:

If Atlanta takes it Carolina backs in to the playoffs. If New Orleans takes it Tampa backs in to the playoffs. I Can’t Stop Chewing My Nails!

Packers/Vikes:

Well, at least O’Connell doesn’t have to spend the entire offseason listening to what a great QB developer he is. Green Bay is shutting down a few starters because why give Minny the satisfaction of winning against a full squad?

Titans/Jags:

With 3 TD’s of any kind Ms. Girlfriend will relegate Blake Bortles to the dustbin of history for most combined TD’s in a season by a Jag-off.

Type like monkeys!

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rockingdog

Just saw a note that Gas prices at the pump in Colorado are like approx $1.65 per gallon

Hahaha

Unsurprised

OMG. Trump actually is playing 5-D chess against Russia.

Last edited 2 months ago by Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Does Garrett get s bonus for breaking the record? I hope so. Also, drink on him, tonight. 🙂

LemonJello

WOOOoooooWwoOOOwwWWWOoooooo! DUUUUUuuuuuVAAaaaLLlllllll!

Col. Duke LaCross

FATMANDOWN! And a back door cover.

rockingdog

Hahahaha that was ROCKINGGGG!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ah, not meaningless at all!

Mr. Ayo

THICC SIX!

WCS

Well, that ending of Clots-500s probably just screwed over a lot of people…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

MEANINGLESS FAT GUY TOUCHDOWN!

Col. Duke LaCross

“Meaningful to some…”

A. Michaels, Brentwood, CA

Redshirt

WALK OFF FAT GUY TOUCHDOWN!

Redshirt

Will someone wake up the DFO Hamster?

Brick Meathook

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Mr. Ayo
Doktor Zymm

Third time the NFC South has sent a sub .500 team to the playoffs!

BaldingSpiritually

I have to deal with Black Panthers football, so will you (for another week)!

King Hippo

Order those Division Champion dashikis NOW!!

rockingdog

Yooooo Ronnie Bell TD Catch was ROCKINGGGG!!!! 💯👏

Unsurprised

Good day tp be a southern kitty

Unsurprised

Except for the Dallas Pussies.

Mr. Ayo

The Pauls!

The Bungles!

Best game of the early window? WILD!

rockingdog

Yea that was Rockingggg

Doktor Zymm

It’s the closest the Browns are capable of getting to having nice things, happy for Mr. Garrett, hope he gets to play on a good team after getting paid by Cleveland

rockingdog

Shuck with the HUGE RUN!!!

That’s Rocking!!!!

Mr. Ayo

Then a back breaking INT.

Redshirt

That’s my Bungals!

BaldingSpiritually

Oh this Saints drive is so not rocking

BaldingSpiritually

Saints throws an int to kill momentum

*insert Smiling Friends sound of a smile appearing on my face*

rockingdog

And Shuck throws a pick

Hahaha

rockingdog

Seems like the Raiders got the #1 pick now…

Doktor Zymm

They just lose a bit of value for trading the pick

Unsurprised

I need to leave the house but dude

WCS

Usually necessitates wearing pants, so…

Redshirt

Wear a kilt.

rockingdog

This Falcons Saints game seems like some real Sickos stuff

These next 10min are feel like 45min rite??

IMG_3029
BaldingSpiritually

Report post.
Reason: I’m in it and feel personally affected

King Hippo

WOO!!!!!! RAISE YO FIST

Redshirt

That’s one way to end the season on a high note, Alec Pierce.

Unsurprised

“We haven’t shown Packers offense because there hasn’t been Packers offense.”

JFC. They’re already dead, Scott.

rockingdog

He said they only have 65yrds of offense lmao

rockingdog

Lmao the packers have 65 yards of offense

Hahaha

SonOfSpam

Good for Myles Garrett. And it was a legit record, not Favre-aided.

Horatio Cornblower

“Favre-aided is what I call my dildo”

-Guess who

LemonJello

Collinsworth?

WCS

This is banner-worthy, if it were capable.

Redshirt

Burrow did kind of fall, but it was more “don’t get killed” instead of “carry me daddy!”

rockingdog

And Myles Garrett gets the Sack record.

Good reaction from his teammates & fam & the fans.

I guess that’s Rocking. 🫡

Redshirt

Myles Garrett got the record.

rockingdog

Found a funny:

🏈

IMG_3095
Doktor Zymm

I’m not sure if “they put Dak down” is exactly the language they meant to use. Although I wouldn’t be that surprised if Jerral started euthanizing his old QBs

Unsurprised

Canned ham

Doktor Zymm

Went with sandwiches rather than shame pizza, but the nawt leaving the house part is confirmed

Beerguyrob

Welp. Brosmer tripped over his own guy & fumbled the ball away to the Packers.

It was first & goal on the Packers five.

Horatio Cornblower

Tracy had the first down, then remembered they were 3-13 and needed the draft position.

Horatio Cornblower

Joe Milton to Ryan Flournoy.

Aww, yeah, that’s the stuff!

Horatio Cornblower

Think of the salary cap savings!!

Beerguyrob

Somebody on the Vikings defence is getting a Matt Flynn contract from the Raiders next year. They are KILLING this third-string kid for the Packers.

Beerguyrob

They are now at four sacks, and the Packers are at -23 passing yards for the game.

Doktor Zymm

Oh yeah, this red panda robe is MONEY

fleshwound_NPG

did signing philip rivers get chris ballard fired (riley lenoard is probably good?)

Beerguyrob

Okay – serious question: Why is Lawrence still in the game?

Beerguyrob

Oh – he got to 4000 yards and they pulled him. Incentives!

Horatio Cornblower

Cowboys and Giants “fighting” like any of this matters.

King Hippo

Probably is the sort of chucklefuckery that impresses Cowpersons GM, though

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, I’m all for everyone in Dallas keeping their jobs so we can do this all again next season!

Beerguyrob

I’m watching the Packers – Vikings game so none of you have to, and it’s been exactly the kind of dogshit third-stringer game you’d imagine.

Beerguyrob

And now McCarthy’s hurt. Brosmer’s in now, so the Packers D might get some points.

NotShogunButShogun

I am too and it is

Unsurprised

White on silver. What graphic design genius came up with that scheme?

Last edited 2 months ago by Unsurprised
Redshirt

✝️

IMG_2858
Unsurprised

LOL

WCS

..and our first dog-related call of 2026.

Our caller reports a male who is claiming to be homeless has a dog which is unprotected from the weather. Caller says the dog is shaking from the cold (it’s 21 degrees right now), and reports he knows the male. Caller reports he knows the man is not homeless, and isn’t doing anything to help the German Shepard he’s pulling around with him.

This is one I don’t mind handling, for several, pretty obvious reasons. Fuck this tool.

Redshirt

You were with us the whole time. And I’m not even a dog person!

Horatio Cornblower

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Last edited 2 months ago by Horatio Cornblower
fleshwound_NPG

is riley lenoard…okayish?

(good thing the clots did not find out until now, and we all got our old man rivers laserface games one last time as a result)

Doktor Zymm

With the addition of the fuzzy red panda hoodie robe I think my collection is finally complete

Unsurprised

THIS GUY CAM LITTLE!

I CALL HIM NASA BECAUSE HE’S LAUNCHING ROCKETS IN FLORIDA!

Last edited 2 months ago by Unsurprised