Monday Night Playoffs Open Thread!

This past weekend has been the best in recent memory and reinforces what was said weeks ago, that this season has delivered in so many ways.

Fallout:

-The Giants want Harbaugh so bad. I’m glad that there are only video meetings so far because owner Mara would be blushing like a wee schoolgirl were they to meet in person.

-The countdown has begun for Sirriani to throw Patulo under the bus.

-The other losing coach that is on the internet hotseat-Lafleur-will likely get re-signed and the rabble will be enraged. You see, coach’s salaries have gone through the roof since he last signed so his figure is going to more than double. He’s at 5mil and Coen is at 12, Ben Johnson at 13, McVay at 15 and Tomlin is at 16. And btw, that is not a top-heavy list.

-First-year coaches did a bang-up job this year with Canales, Coen and Johnson all doing great work.

To The Game!

Texans/Steelers:

-It’s been a while since Houston had a loss problem. The week before Halloween as a matter of fact. Four of their five losses have been by one score. No one piles up the points on this team.

-I’d love for someone on the team to say something along the lines of, “There’s only one America’s Team in Texas and it sure ain’t the Cowboys”. That would get Jerry stewing in his primordial juices.

-Stroud and the offense did themselves no favors by finishing 30th in red zone scoring percentage.

-Pitt has a ridiculous 23 game home winning streak on Monday nights that dates back to the Cowher days.

-The Texans have never been beyond the divisional round.

-This is what happens when you focus on your o-line in an effective manner. Stroud’s sacks were reduced from 52(!) last year down to 23 this season.

-Rodgers will have to get the ball out quick against that menacing defensive line. Will the Steelers wr’s be able to get separation in time? Does this scenario nullify Metcalf’s potential contributions outside the numbers down the field?

Get going.

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Redshirt

Alright, I’m back and WHAT THE HELL?!

Doktor Zymm

Sweet!
One of my friends is running a playoff fantasy thing, you pick 2 QB, 4 RB, 4 WR, 2 TE, 2 K, 2 DEF and you keep them all through the playoffs. So you want to pick from teams you think will make it as deep as possible so you get points from multiple games, but you also kind of want to hedge your bets a bit. I have the Texans D with no other players on the Texans and no players on the Steelers, so woo points!

Unsurprised

Watching these three chucklekfucks react to that touchdown made the whole night worth it.

Brocky

Ben being in denial of his team fucking up is hilarious

Unsurprised

He may not be loyal to the law or human decency, but he’s ride or die for the team.

Spur

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Beerguyrob

That Rodgers sack was very confusing because usually there’s eight men coming at Houston.

SonOfSpam

Texans D against Drake Maye is a quality matchup.

Sharkbait

Game, Blouses.

jjfozz

Trying to figure out how to hide this huge boner I have after that fumble.

SonOfSpam

(subtly hands JJFozz an empty Sweet n Low packet)

jjfozz

I’ll blow that motherfucker out

ThePirateSloth

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Spur

That sack was elder abuse

Unsurprised

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Unsurprised

.

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WCS

Many safeties away from the lead!

fleshwound_NPG

lmao

aaron2
WCS

Well, that’s game.

Mr. Ayo

THICC SIX!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[sighs wistfully] – Deanna Favre

jjfozz

Just got back from celebrating our neighbor’s son’s 21st birthday. Known this kid since he was 6. Fuck I’m old. Although I’m lucky enough to be there to celebrate a real milestone.

And as always, Fuck you Pittsurgh very, very much.

Brocky
Brocky

Fuck Roger goodell

WCS

Three safeties away from the lead!

Sharkbait

A missed FG here would be fucking hilarious

Brick Meathook

I fell asleep in the 2nd quarter (with the game playing on my iPad on the table). I dreamed I was in court for some stupid misdemeanor and somehow a paper funnel from a coffee shop was my key piece of evidence proving my innocence. I woke up in the 3rd and it’s an amazing 7-6.

SonOfSpam

(puts on psychoanalyst hat)

So, it sounds like you jerked off into a coffee shop paper funnel then threw it away and now you’re worried about the DNA being traced back to you. I guess we should explore why you want to have relations with your mother.

SonOfSpam

Aw damn, Nico has a back injury

Doktor Zymm

They’ll just rub in some Tiger Balm and he’ll be good to go!

SonOfSpam

“That’s what they did for Trent Green when I played against him.”

-Trent Green

Unsurprised

Top-notch marksmanship getting Kirk from that distance

Doktor Zymm

While having their defense on the field as much as possible isn’t a horrible strategy for Houston, this whole ‘deep pass’ thing is definitely worth a try

fleshwound_NPG

kirk is giving them a shot

Unsurprised

An actual pass that connects. It’s a miracle!

SonOfSpam

Man, that Christian Kirk getting targeted is really working out!

Beerguyrob

I’ve only been home since the half, so maybe it was different earlier. But it seems to me Stroud is taking naps during the snap.

2Pack

/ Having the pre run coffee… checks the game…

A real shoot out I see.

SonOfSpam

pre-run coffee followed by post-coffee runs

2Pack

I hope not, I have a thing at 1100 today…

SonOfSpam

(that thing? diarrhea)

fleshwound_NPG

lead might be insurmountable if houston gets ANYTHING

even a cfl 1 point rouge

Beerguyrob

Oh goody – time for “Christ, Jerkoff!” Stroud to retake the field for a nine-and-turnover.

Unsurprised

Ben had to duck into the bathroom for a minute

Sharkbait

Is the Steelers O line trash? Or is the Houston rush that good?

Jimbo

Yes.

Beerguyrob

“Jesus – turf can give?”

– RG III, on his couch

Jimbo

Tell me more about this couch.

-VP Couch enthusiast.

Unsurprised

Hah! That gift is such a dick move. A+ sibling present.

(Eli gave Peyton a framed set of cards of all the players who sacked Peyton 28 times his rookie season)

Last edited 3 months ago by Unsurprised
Brocky

I unironically love eli’s “no fucks given” sense of humor

Doktor Zymm

Oooh, let’s see a safety or defensive TD!

Downfield Matriculator

a blocked punt here could lead to a Steelers field goal –does that count?

Beerguyrob

Almost got one there.

Gumbygirl

You can tell just looking at Jonnu Smith he’s a fucking moron.

fleshwound_NPG

if harbs could get fired tomlin should get some consideration if stillers cannot deliver this handwrapped gift from cj

fleshwound_NPG

the last time we saw QB General Mills for houston he played not that bad, and def not THIS bad

Doktor Zymm

Turns out this whole game is just a CJ Stroud stress dream

Mr. Ayo

GOD DAMMIT STROUD!

GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!

SonOfSpam

Geez, Stroud, be a team player and get injured.

Horatio Cornblower

That might be the worst pass attempt I’ve ever seen.

SonOfSpam

Woody Marks is a special player.

(a USC running back who’s never killed anyone)

Sharkbait

That we know of

WCS

If recent history holds, this game is about to enter the Twilight-No-Spin-Strike-Danger-BANANACAKES Zone in approximately one hour.

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SonOfSpam

It was enjoyable when Kenny Loggins appeared in one of the later seasons, and Archer had no idea who he was.

Sharkbait

Sub. Scribe.

Redshirt

I hope so, because my love for football is about to pull a Goose.

Horatio Cornblower

Aw, poor Goose.

SonOfSpam

Play gay volleyball with Maverick?

Redshirt

Consciously no. Hypothetically…maybe.

Spur

I call this Texans Defense, GLP-1, cuz they’re stopping the runs

Redshirt

Aw. I wanted to see a 100 yard Fair Catch Kick Attempt.

Doktor Zymm

Aw, that was a perfect spot for a fake punt!

Downfield Matriculator

This 2 minute drill is answering the question: Who wins when an inept force meets a rather easily moveable object? Plus the excellent time management. JFC

Last edited 3 months ago by Downfield Matriculator
fleshwound_NPG

halftime viewing is ice donks will be coming on soon; it is hockey so a non-zero chance there will be a fight

also on is women’s unrivaled 3v3 basketball; marina mabrey is playing so a non-zero chance there will be a fight

Sharkbait

The ice donks, who are dog walking the entire league.

fleshwound_NPG

but because of gary bettman’s dumb playoff format, the #2 team in the nhl is their likely SECOND ROUND matchup

AND we’ll probably get yet another team from florida in the finals yet again

Sharkbait

It sure as shit won’t be the Rangers, I know that much.

Horatio Cornblower

“The Lunar Owls”

What the fuck?

fleshwound_NPG

lunar owls can fly higher and faster with the lack of gravity on the moon

Horatio Cornblower

I would think the lack of oxygen would be a major problem.

ArmedandHammered

Since birds aren’t real they don’t need oxygen – there Mr. SmartyPants (name withheld due to fear of gov finding out where I am)

WCS

All that fancy, cutting-edge technology can’t stop Todd Bowles from being perpetually confused on the sideline, and Baker from throwing a back-breaking interception, though.

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