Monday Night Playoffs Open Thread!

This past weekend has been the best in recent memory and reinforces what was said weeks ago, that this season has delivered in so many ways.

Fallout:

-The Giants want Harbaugh so bad. I’m glad that there are only video meetings so far because owner Mara would be blushing like a wee schoolgirl were they to meet in person.

-The countdown has begun for Sirriani to throw Patulo under the bus.

-The other losing coach that is on the internet hotseat-Lafleur-will likely get re-signed and the rabble will be enraged. You see, coach’s salaries have gone through the roof since he last signed so his figure is going to more than double. He’s at 5mil and Coen is at 12, Ben Johnson at 13, McVay at 15 and Tomlin is at 16. And btw, that is not a top-heavy list.

-First-year coaches did a bang-up job this year with Canales, Coen and Johnson all doing great work.

To The Game!

Texans/Steelers:

-It’s been a while since Houston had a loss problem. The week before Halloween as a matter of fact. Four of their five losses have been by one score. No one piles up the points on this team.

-I’d love for someone on the team to say something along the lines of, “There’s only one America’s Team in Texas and it sure ain’t the Cowboys”. That would get Jerry stewing in his primordial juices.

-Stroud and the offense did themselves no favors by finishing 30th in red zone scoring percentage.

-Pitt has a ridiculous 23 game home winning streak on Monday nights that dates back to the Cowher days.

-The Texans have never been beyond the divisional round.

-This is what happens when you focus on your o-line in an effective manner. Stroud’s sacks were reduced from 52(!) last year down to 23 this season.

-Rodgers will have to get the ball out quick against that menacing defensive line. Will the Steelers wr’s be able to get separation in time? Does this scenario nullify Metcalf’s potential contributions outside the numbers down the field?

Get going.

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Doktor Zymm

If they weren’t in Yinzburgh and there was such a thing as a Texans fan I bet there would be a crowd of assholes by the rail trying to get Metcalf to punch them

Unsurprised

Whichever person threatened this being a shit show yesterday needs to atone with the football gods.

Last edited 3 months ago by Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Good God. Big Ben juking JJ makes me feel conflicted.

Nah. That rapist asshole can eat shit and die.

Horatio Cornblower

Boy this sure is a close wildcard game between the Pirates and Astros…

fleshwound_NPG

it takes the pirates 4 games to reach 6 on the scoreboard

astros can easily reach 7 and not do so quietly

BeefReeferLives

“not do so quietly”

well, banging on a garbage can is quite noisy, after all…

Col. Duke LaCross

I’d give up a whole year’s salary if Eli asks about Lindsey Vonn’s magical hands.

Horatio Cornblower

That woman could absolutely shatter watermelons with her thighs.

SonOfSpam

He’s not gonna do that for thirteen bucks.

Col. Duke LaCross

Fifteen! I had a good teaching run last year!

Unsurprised

Applebee’s is on the Duke!

Downfield Matriculator

Stillers lucky CJ has a bit of the yips and could be in line for a 15-14 victory if they get a few more fumbles in field goal range.

Unsurprised

JJ Watt is not showing a lot of confidence in the Steelers O

ArmedandHammered

Can’t say that I blame him.

Horatio Cornblower

We have people coming to the house to put in a new boiler, (lights Applebees money on fire), at 7:45 tomorrow, and I have to drop my car off for an oil change, (and more importantly an explanation for why my 15+ year-old car with 250K+ miles on it is starting to give off a burning radiator fluid smell every time I finish a trip) (the explanation is probably “you have a 15-year-old car with 250K miles on it”), before that so I have to get up at like 7 and working from home has made it so that I find this unreasonably early.

Mr. Ayo

Head gasket. You’re not going to be happy with that bill.

ArmedandHammered

Yeah, may be time to look for a new used car or maybe a new car if you defer payment to Lowratios pension fund.

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

The new boiler might be cheaper that the car repair

Horatio Cornblower

I did some of my own research, (Aaron Rodgers approved!), and apparently Outbacks have a tendency to do this because of the way the radiator valve is designed. In which case it’s nothing.

Or, as you point out, it’s a crack in the head gasket in which case it’s time to pat this car on the back and send it to Valhalla. I really can’t complain; 15+ years and more than a quarter million miles is a hell of a run, especially these days.

SonOfSpam

Oh it’s an Outback.

Is the Lilith Faire cassette stuck and causing a burning smell?

Perhaps you left a flannel shirt under the hood.

Or are the Doc Martens in the back a little funky?

SonOfSpam

I think I paid a lady about $50 once for a head gasket. I think that’s what she called it. Anyway, she was an undercover cop. Never go to a furry convention during the week.

Gumbygirl

Apparently Qaron thought those guys swarming him were imaginary too.

Horatio Cornblower

Sort of like a respiratory virus.

ArmedandHammered

For an imaginary defense, they are doing well.

Brocky

I hope they go for it and drop it

WCS

Metcalf dropped that pass, then blew that block.

Horatio Cornblower

“Probably vaxxed”

  • A. Rodgers
ArmedandHammered

Certainly against catching the ball.

Unsurprised

Peyton talking about batted balls.

Brocky

HE LIKES BIG BALLS AND HE CANNOT LIE!

HIS BROTHER ELI CAN’T DENY!

ArmedandHammered

Always decline when he invites you for a tea ceramony.

WCS

FURMBLE

Brocky

So…. I think it’s time to give the shih tzu a haircut

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Horatio Cornblower

At least share the ice cream, you heartless bastard.

Brocky

Its soup, and yeah I was sharing,

Tangently related: my grandfather had a shih tzu, and following the death of my grandmother, he got really into the habit of giving the dog table scraps, including full scoops of ice cream (not dog ice cream, the regular stuff)

The dog’s weight ballooned up to 25 lbs. I did not know a dog that small could get that heavy. It got so bad my grandpa couldn’t lift him up

Horatio Cornblower

Dog was probably happier than a pig in shit.

Brocky

He walked like one.

Made little grunts too

Horatio Cornblower

Hey, so do I.

Doktor Zymm

Chicken soup? Chicken soup ice cream would probably be….disconcerting

Gumbygirl

I like a shaggy winter coat.

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Wasn’t me

Horatio Cornblower

THIS MOVIE ‘THE BONE TEMPLE’ I CALL IT ME HAVING TO GO TO MASS IN 8TH GRADE AND SIT NEXT TO JENNIFER M., FOR REASONS THAT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS!!!

SonOfSpam

If she didn’t wanna see your tent pitched, she wouldn’t have worn that plaid skirt. Hussy.

Horatio Cornblower

“Did you see the way she was dressed???”

“You mean the exact same way every other girl in this stupid school is dressed?”

“I AM 14!! NONE OF THAT MATTERS!!!”

ArmedandHammered

For me, it was more the way they filled it out the outfits, rather than the outfit.

Unsurprised

Went to catholic school for 13 years. Can confirm that the last half that tenure really built up the ol’ imagination.

SonOfSpam

Kirk caught that one and fell backwards, causing much cheering.

Brocky

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Don T

Figments’ OL looking hella concrete tonight

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t really have a dog in this fight, (my dog glares at me, having already stolen the comfy chair), but I have to root for the Steelers.

I just can’t root for something called ‘The Houston Texans’

SonOfSpam

Imaginary or no, these “Texans” do not employ Aaron Rodgers. If they existed, they would have my support tonight.

Horatio Cornblower

Both you and Brocky make fair points. I shall root for the Steelers to win while simultaneously rooting for Aaron Rodgers to get hit so hard he involuntarily takes a second week-long darkness retreat.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“We can fix that right up!” – Miami Dolphins doctors, unwrapping an ACE bandage

Last edited 3 months ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Brocky

Can you find it in your black heart to not want good things for a known peddler of pseudoscience

SonOfSpam

Can’t spell pseudoscience without pedo.

I’m not suggesting QAron is a pedo, but do your own research.

litre_cola

The countdown has begun for Sirriani to throw Patulo under the bus.

Insert Homer waiting gif.

Doktor Zymm

The Bears sent out a survey asking how I felt about the Indiana stadium plan. They won’t listen to me, but I told them it sucked.

There’s 400-level goalline seats for the Sunday game at $588 now, with my $150 Stubhub credit that’s getting into tempting territory, but still think I’ll wait. Not sure how much I’m willing to pay to freeze my ass off during a once in a lifetime experience but don’t think I’m quite there yet

Horatio Cornblower

Whoever is responsible for moving the Bears to Indiana, even in theory, needs to be landed on the surface of Venus.

Doktor Zymm

They asked me to describe why I thought it sucked in three words. One of the words was ‘Indiana’

Brocky

One of the words was ‘Indiana’

Live in Indiana, can confirm

Brocky

oooo, I want to complete one

Doktor Zymm

Check your email, you might be on their mailing list

BC Dick

It’s gross that billionaire owners making money hand over fist will move à team to the hinterlands rather than spend their own money on a stadium. That makes them even more money. Fornicate them with an iron rod. I would never support regular people’s tax dollar paying for that shit.

WCS

Well, Stillers have their first lead at the end of the first quarter of a playoff game this decade.

WCS

Go punch a fan instead of catching the ball.

WCS

These McDonald’s commercials sure do make the chicken beak, feathers, and toes used in their “snack” wrap look tasty!

Don T
Brocky

I used this clip in a college presentation once

WCS

THAT’S GOOD HUSTLE

Brocky

I also used the clip of the potato eating the carrot, in response to GMOs

Horatio Cornblower

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Gumbygirl

Yesssssssss!

Don T

Have to admire the commitment to the flea flicker with a 280# killer around the QB

Mr. Ayo

VOODOO MAGIC IS HAPPENING!

Gatoraids

the TRICKIEST OF PLAYS

Unsurprised

Aaron is a great leader whose players respect him? Peyton must be high as fuck

Unsurprised

Oh. Maybe he meant Stroud. I jumped in halfway

Horatio Cornblower

I am 6’1″ and 213.

Why do I not look like 5’10” 208 lb Woody Marks?

Don’t answer that.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well hey, at least you can drop a ball like D.K. Metcalf!

Horatio Cornblower

I’d have still been on the line of scrimmage, probably grabbing at my torn hamstring, as the ball sailed 22 yards down the field.

Brocky

I am both shorter and heavier than you.

Uggg

Horatio Cornblower

Don’t worry, your Mom says you’re very handsome and any girl would be lucky to have you.

Horatio Cornblower

My son is doing Dry January.

Me: “Isn’t (best friend’s name goes HERE) getting married in Miami this month?”

Son: “There will be exceptions.”

litre_cola

Lowratio is getting married?

Horatio Cornblower

Although the joke started as Lowratio being our sex dwarf, he has become like an imaginary son to me.

I’m going to start an imaginary college fund for him soon.

litre_cola

Your sex dwarf can’t be your son’s best friend? For shame.

Don T

Agree with PIT: you gotta take the points against the Figments

Horatio Cornblower

I completely forgot there was football tonight.

Shows what happens to Cowboys fans during the post-season.

WCS

“There’s basketball in months besides March?”

— 97% of Dook “fans”

Doktor Zymm

I guess for some fandoms it’s just not football without the potential for personal embarrassment

Brick Meathook

Wait . . . Houston has a football team? Since when?

WCS

These aren’t the Oilers…?

fleshwound_NPG

all christian kirks are good at catching fast, moving objects with their bodies

WCS

“….”

— Ashlii B., parts unknown

Last edited 3 months ago by WCS
Horatio Cornblower

Pretty sure she’s in Hell.

SonOfSpam

sixty-nining dick cheney for eternity

Yeah pray for her or whatever

Don T

Next Gen Stats marked that Qaron incompletion as a miffed throwaway

BeefReeferLives

I love my Stillers, and always want them to do well…

but Rodger’s achilles tendon snapping like an old rubber band as he ran out of the tunnel would have been about the funniest thing ever.

Don T

Evening. I’m here for the violence.

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

And, hopefully, Banana cakes

Sharkbait

I would like the Steelers to win, so the Patriots can give A.A.Ron the Herbert treatment

Redshirt

My YouTube feed has gone down a rather, peculiar wormhole.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMvpB6cBjYk

Brick Meathook

Ahh, surface ships sinking.

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WCS

Intox driver ran over a pedestrian. The game is still an hour away.

I don’t regret not working overnights today.

The victim is awake and responsive. He’s beaten up pretty good, but at least he’s conscious.

Also, welcome back, site. Please keep the bedshitting to a minimum during the game, at least. Unless it becomes a Houston Imaginaries blow-out, then feel free to break and stay broked.

Gumbygirl

We have to take our abuse like grownups. Or we can take it like Fozzie, and rage bourble like a mofo!

WCS

Bridges on the Chesapeake cower at that thought…

Brick Meathook

Or take it like Fonzie and go “Ayyyyyyy!”

Mr. Ayo

The [DFO] site picked a bad weekend to start shitting itself.

Gumbygirl

We’re back! I worry when the site goes down, nobody gets me like yinz. Or nobody tolerates me like yinz, potato tomato.

Redshirt

It’s learning from us!

Doktor Zymm

I have a ton of work to get done today. Fingers crossed I get enough done that I feel comfortable quitting for the day around when the game starts.

WCS

McKeesport School District (Gumbygirl knows) has implemented a two-hour delay tomorrow due to the game.

https://www.wtae.com/article/mckeesport-schools-delayed-steelers/69976417

Yinzers gon’ yinz

Gumbygirl

I seem to recall districts giving everyone the day off after the 70’s Superbowls. I don’t think mine did, but I probably skipped anyway!

Brick Meathook

For the 1987 Super Bowl (WAS v DEN), the big D.C. area grocery stores and other businesses closed early like it was Christmas Eve. It was a big deal.

Gumbygirl

We watched that one in the enlisted club at Bangor.

SonOfSpam

Cmon, if anyone can handle a hangover, it’s schoolkids smh

Redshirt

Our school wouldn’t penalize kids for taking the day after Super Bowls off, but the teacher would punish them by rewarding kids who did show up with painfully easy extra credit.

1. What is your first name?
2. What room are you in?
3. 2+2= ?
4. If a train leaves St. Louis at 2:06 PM going north 25 MPH and a train leaves Chicago at 3:05 PM going south at 30 MPH and the distance between the two cities is 285 miles, what sound does a train whistle make?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I shan’t be watching this game, but I will continue to send strong vibes that something awful happen to Q-A-Ron

Redshirt

C’mon 2026. You know you want to.

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Doktor Zymm

Maybe we should have hired an Etsy witch

WCS
WCS

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EMBRACE THE CHAOS

Redshirt

We now go live to Azu…- Assiy…- Three Heinz River Stadium for Pregame Coverage:

IMG_2939
WCS

Pumped “fresh” from the Monongahela River!*

*may does contain hazardous materials

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Quit getting in feces throwing fights

Brick Meathook

But don’t stop whacking off in front of the visitors.

BeefReeferLives

Hope you feel better soon, Scotchy!

Might want to consider getting a face sheild. I imagine that the bodily fluids of hobos are just swimming with some pretty virulent bugs…

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SonOfSpam

Thank you for your cervix service.

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