Future Shock: Tuesday Open Thread

Carnac_the_Magnificent

Thank god the football season is over, so I can get back to enjoying football.

Yes, we are finally past What is Happening and into What Will Happen Next, an altogether more hopeful phase for the vast majority of fans. Free agency, the draft, the potential for your miserable owner to have a stroke while vacationing on his ultrayacht Poors Can Suck It VI. The world is our oyster.

Who knows, maybe the Joe Brady Experiment in Buffalo will end up being the Doug Collins-Phil Jackson transition that gets the Bills over the top. One of the reasons I enjoy reading old non-fiction is that it puts you back in the moment and makes you realize that even our very brightest have no clairvoyance.

Example: I am currently reading Paul Zimmerman’s The New Thinking Man’s Guide to Pro Football. Note that this “New” version was published in 1984, an update of the original 1970 book. He talks about the outlawing of the defensive line head-slap in 1977 as a relatively recent development to which teams are still adjusting. John Elway was an unproven second-year player, who had thrown twice as many interceptions (14) as touchdowns (7) and who had been benched multiple times in his rookie season for Steve DeBerg. Dan Marino is debated as a potential flash-in-the-pan. Terry Bradshaw was Pittsburgh’s starting quarterback looking to come back from a late-season elbow injury suffered at Shea Stadium- an injury that would in fact end his career.  300 pounds for an offensive lineman is truly monstrous, instead of constructively a minimum (94% of rostered offensive linemen Week 1 2023 were over 3 bills).

Now, Dr. Z is a venerated hero in the DFO Pantheon for a reason- he was brilliant, analytical, and funny as hell. And he was one of the earliest sports writers to openly discuss the role steroids were playing- and would continue to play- in the game, famously getting banned from television coverage in the late 80s for mentioning it during the draft. But even the best knowledge, access and analysis didn’t give him insight into what the game would look like 40 years later- nor even 10 years later. He was as much a prisoner of then-current information as anyone else. Kind of like watching old sci-fi’s predictions about the world in the Far Distant Future of 2000 (or 1997, in the case of Escape from New York), it’s fascinating to see where expectations diverged from reality from these then-current sources.

Similarly, I highly recommend Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail ’72 by Hunter S. Thompson. Published in 1973, it is largely made up of Thompson’s 1972 semi-monthly articles for Rolling Stone covering the presidential election. Expectations and predictions from early articles are already exploded in later months. Major players are now names no one but true sickos even remember, while minor weirdos with cameos like Pat Buchanan would later become hugely influential. The biggest unseen shadow, of course, is Watergate- a scandal and fall that even the rabidly anti-Nixon HST could never foresee.

ANYWAY:

It’s a good overall reminder that the Current Prevailing Wisdom is generally dead flat wrong in important respects over any but the shortest timeline, and that most “Guy Who Saw This Coming” folks are (at best) hitting a low-probability guess.

And that is why I am willing to NOT abandon hope that the Bills may still be good and are not going to come apart at the seams this year. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
Feared conqueror; scholar; poet; revered holy man; professional raconteur; soldier of fortune; aloof yet thorough lover; bandit; blazing gypsy speedboat. I have been called some of these things.
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

FWIW I am getting drunk off my face tonight and trawling through old editions of Request Line for music to listen to.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAiOjxkCS0g

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well that was quite the ride*.

*cause of the horses, you see – you have to see the movie to get that joke

120 Minutes Playlist Project Update: Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bge-YbKLnI8

rockingdog

This guy seems Rockingggg! 🇺🇸

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oiTJ7Pz_59A

rockingdog

Looks like he got arrested again.
This time down in New Orleans during Mardi Gras! 🎉
Cue the music!

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=o0u4M6vppCI&list=RDo0u4M6vppCI&start_radio=1&pp=ygUPU2hpYSBsZWJ1ZiBzb25noAcB

Gumbygirl

What in the ambiguously gay fuck is this speedskating trio thing?

SonOfSpam

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rockingdog

🍑

IMG_3230
SonOfSpam

Balls grew a stache!

rockingdog

Found a funny:

Well well well, if it isn’t the Blow Job Brothers…

https://bsky.app/profile/paleofuture.bsky.social/post/3mf3ksp3rkk23

Gumbygirl

Cootie Fest

SonOfSpam

More gay than Lindsey Graham at a Frankie Goes To Hollywood convention hosted by a Paul Lynde tribute act sponsored by Grindr.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I would rather hit my own dick with a meat tenderizer than watch this and/or be a part of it

SonOfSpam

I would also rather do that. How much?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And is it like a per-whack rate, or do you pay for a window of time, say, one minute of unlimited whacks?

SonOfSpam

Depends, you gonna whack slow or fast?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[beats the shit out of J.T. O’Sullivan]

Last edited 15 days ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
blaxabbath

Jeans to cover up track marks.

Doktor Zymm

I’ve been predicting turmoil in the Middle East for at least 20 years now and I’ve yet to be wrong

BrettFavresColonoscopy

My only prediction is that we’re too big of cowards to be like the French

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Doktor Zymm

It’s a lot harder when cake is relatively cheap

ballsofsteelandfury

They also produced Napoleon Bonaparte, so….

blaxabbath

The Cardinals off-season is a slow slide into whatever bad decision they make with Kyle Murray. GM Ossenfort’s picks have, of course, looked great on the line — but are generally unavailable due to injury. No reason not to count on those men for 17 games apiece next season though!

Marvin Harrison Jr is a professional college football player and, in the NFL, is just sort of a bust. The team sees MHJ as a STRONG WR1 and Trey McBride (TE) has been the best target on the field.

The run game, I guess, will just be more James Connor then a steep drop-off to guys who drop the ball before the goal line and, slap, drop the ball when hit.

Really no clue what MiLF will do as HC. Guessing it’s one of those, see if we can seem to punch above our payroll and, if so, wait til you see what happens*!

Fuck this franchise. Fuck their 16-year old boy raping owner. Fuck the community that continues to shovel limited public resources at renovations to public facilities for billionaire tennants who have PROVEN to be unable to win or make the stadium a worthwhile investment. It’s a point of shame and, as with the Coyotes, everyone actually will be happy without them.

I mean, our shittiest health-inspected restaurant in town, Great Wall Buffet, is technically eligible for a James Beard Award. But we all know they cannot win one. Which is why we don’t invest a billion dollars in public money for facility upgrades to Great Wall. The Cardinals are no different. Yeah, they’re “in the NFL” but they’re never going to be a winner. That cheapass loser Bill Bidwill raised his soft son to be a fucking loser too and, what do you know, the crown jewel of their loveless family is a loser football franchise.

*…when the 49ers, Seahawks, and Rams all become bad.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

All right, I finished my chores for the evening (by which I mean “glanced at my home insurance renewal package and noticed that it’s not due until April”) so it’s time to use a BOGO coupon at Del Taco and get me some cheeseburgers.

And then I believe I’ll watch the film “Sorry To Bother You”.

rockingdog

That’s sounds Rocking!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve got one dog, one cat, zero wives (she’s on an overnight trip with a friend) and plenty of Jack Daniels. It should be a pleasant evening.

Horatio Cornblower

This absolutely speaks to me, although I don’t think Mom drank while driving us around. She mostly made us walk wherever we were going by ourselves, because that was also a thing in the 70’s.

https://bsky.app/profile/saltymactavish.bsky.social/post/3mezb3dujkc2x

SonOfSpam

I remember riding around in a ’72 Pinto (unexploded somehow) and, yeah, an open Olympia would accompany us to the hardware store.

Parents didn’t smoke though, grateful for that in retrospect.

SonOfSpam

AM radio only, and “255” sir conditioning (2 windows down at 55 mph)

Gatoraids

having a six pack of kids means you can crack open a six pack at any time necessary

SonOfSpam

That’s the law, yes.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I remember being age 13 and riding in the bed of our older friend’s truck out to the arcade in Vernon to play Dragon’s Lair and Spy Hunter. And the tabletop demoltion derby game was usually pretty fun, too.

Mr. Ayo

I do miss those trips riding in the bed of a truck in Montana.

SonOfSpam
Don T

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Don T

Bills draft a Pippen, sign a Rodman and yeah, Joe Brady is Phil Jackson.

SonOfSpam

Predictions are fun!

1) The Dems will take the House easily, and the Senate will be 51-49 one way or another. NOW LET’S WATCH HOW WRONG THIS IS!

b) Trump dies from a stroke this summer. There will be much rejoicing. (This cannot be 50% wrong)

pi) The next ICE killing will be of an ICE guy. Maybe even friendly fire! But it will be blamed on a Honduran or possibly a Sri Lankan.

69) Timothy ChallahBread will win Best Actor for playing ping pong and no one will be happy about it. Meanwhile, Michael B. Jordan plays kickass twins named Smoke and Stack and everyone shrugs. I’m already really pissed about this.

potato) Dammit, this could have been its own column. Maybe next year.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Re: b) they would def Weekend at Bernie’s that fat fuck for at least a few months

NotShogunButShogun

I mean really… haven’t they already been?

litre_cola

He walked in on his own, didn’t smell of faeces the 2 hours I dealt with him. Fat bastard ain’t dead yet. That was in June though, he has gotten worse.

SonOfSpam

Spelling “faeces” that way is so much classier.

Like shit, but erudite. Erushite.

BC Dick

Like paedophile.

ballsofsteelandfury

Pretty sure they did that with Biden…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And Reagan.

scotchnaut

Zimmerman’s book was a revelation in that he was such an intelligent guy and he explained what the offensive line’s role was in a way that you could understand it-without the coach’s terminology. Great book.

Horatio Cornblower

Zimmerman was no Peter King, that’s for sure.

That’s a compliment.

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Or Greggggg

Bogdanski

https://youtu.be/jv7jcciKB_s?si=mAbjSsta2HBJ4e_-
King is the only reason I know of Dr Z

ballsofsteelandfury

Chiefs are cooked. Bills had a golden opportunity and blew it. The North is a shadow of its former self. The Pats had the easiest schedule in history and still sucked.

Get ready for Jacksonville versus Houston in the AFC Championship game for the next three years….

Last edited 16 days ago by ballsofsteelandfury
SonOfSpam

See, this is a perfect example of how it sounds right, and I can’t poke specific holes (heh) into it, but this will be laughably wrong.

First thing? Because we can’t have nice things, the Chiefs will be good next season.

litre_cola

Go Birds.

Patullo was the problem.

SonOfSpam

Yes, AJ Brown will be happy now. (on another team)

NotShogunButShogun

There’s a royal water horse who might have a small disagreement. His wild horsies might be alright

ballsofsteelandfury

Nope. They had their shot. Nix is Maye in the mountains.

They’ll both be good and serviceable but they are maxing out below Joe Burrow and he doesn’t have a defence.

NotShogunButShogun

We can’t live in a world where the surly duff division is the answer.
*Looks around*
…sigh… nevermind

Doktor Zymm

Maye in the Mountains sounds like a rustic version of Emily in Paris