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Gooners/Gay Paris Before The Void Open Thread

King Hippo

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, ,

Handsome Mikel got his teeth into one hunk of metal this May, and today he gets a chance at another (12:00, CBS).  Should he and his charges succeed, that would make the Prem 3-for-3 in major European finals.  I don’t suspect they WILL, though.  PSG is a fookin’ wagon, y’all.

What will we make of the rest of the summer?  Well, scotchy has kindly agreed (date pending) to write his own, Northern Ontario salute to Pep Guardiola.  Beyond that?  Lots and lots of Uncle Teddy’s gruff visage.  I have considered a plausible series of looking at clubs on the brink of pulling a 2026-27 Spurs/WHam! (UK), but that seems like a decent amount of work.  Plus nobody will really care anyway.

Perhaps I will have thoughts about fantasy FITBAW as Hippo “prepares” for his annual auction.  But maybe we will just all stare into the void together.

There will be neither punch nor pie.

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169 Comments
King Hippo

We want the ball and we’re gonna SCORE

2
Mr. Ayo

Bastard Man!

0
WCS

“Always take the wind.”

— M. Morningweg, current parts unknown

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Don T

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Horatio Cornblower

2 hours have not settled the Championship, so now we settle it the old fashioned way, the swimsuit competition.

4
Don T

Nifty formation by Arsenal 0-1-37

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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King Hippo

In the olden days, they would have blown for FT already, then made the fuckers PLAY AGAIN two days later. Repeat as necessary.

3
Horatio Cornblower

I do not think that was a penalty, but the ref needs to keep his yellow cards to himself.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Much like the early potential handball on Saka, good no-call.

1
WCS

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My grandmother always asked for Saka when we would eat a restaurant.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Gimme an Eze bullet from 35′, please and thank you.

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King Hippo

Everyone piss and get MOAR caffeine!!

1
Mr. Ayo

*Freezer Vodka

1
King Hippo

yep this is NO TIME to be getting your DTs on

2
WCS

They really aren’t much fun.

2
Horatio Cornblower

What are the OT rules here? 2 15 minutes halves, then the nihilism of PKs?

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King Hippo

si, es verdad

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Mr. Ayo

Correct. Nihilism all the way down.

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WCS

PKs believe in nuthzing, Ayo. Nuthzing.

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Mr. Ayo

I’m going to be so mad if this goes to PKs.

Hey, it’s the biggest game of the soccer year, and the end of it as well. Let’s do some set piece skill challenge determined by random guessing of the psycho goalkeeper to determine the winner. Brilliant!

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Horatio Cornblower

May as well have a spelling bee for all PKs do to determine who the actual best team is.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Someone needs to point out to [whoever makes the money] how much more profit they could rake in if they just scheduled another game.

1
Mr. Ayo

It’s insane they have two-legged ties for all knockout rounds EXCEPT FOR THE FINAL.

3
Horatio Cornblower

The last few minutes have not been among my dog’s favorites.

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King Hippo

and again just now, I bet! I am a pure neutral, and I still yelped

1
Horatio Cornblower

David Raya, goddamn.

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King Hippo

Remember when they questioned Handsome Mikel for even bringing him in?

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Horatio Cornblower

When he initially came on, yes.

I don’t think anyone does now.

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King Hippo

yeah, after the first few months it stopped, but nobody that I recall issued a “mea culpa”

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King Hippo

Raya saves the day AGAIN, he HAD to go for it, and HAD to get there…

1
King Hippo

One suspects Gov. Rhodes is happy to see the pizza boi!

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King Hippo

Wide open like a $5 whore now!

1
Don T

PALO
mierda

1
King Hippo

PALO!!!

0
Horatio Cornblower

Saka getting too cute by half there. Should have fired it immediately.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Those assholes in the stands blowing whistles are making me long for the soothing notes of the vuvuzela.

4
Horatio Cornblower

Hats off to Arteta for those subs; he’s not playing for OT.

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Horatio Cornblower

And on that note it might be time to put Eze in for Trossard.

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ballsofsteelandfury

That was a real stupid mistake

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King Hippo

that Li’l Stalin kid is just SO FUCKING FAST

2
Horatio Cornblower

Masquerade, or whatever his name is, should have been yanked the second he got the yellow card. You can’t him covering that guy with a yellow on him.

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King Hippo

TROOF. I am a tad surprised Handsome Mikel has not been MOAR aggressive with his subs here.

2
Don T

And playing with a Veterns’’ Stadium shin burn. Will miss Jawja in the Mundial.

4
King Hippo

Yeah, that is an excellent analogy. That 70s and 80s turf collected so very much skin…

2
Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, that’s gonna sting in the post-game shower.

1
Mr. Ayo

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Horatio Cornblower

I don’t know what the debate here is, he kicked his legs right out from under him.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, pretty clear.

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King Hippo

oh, this mofo gonna go 120′ just like Rikki’s project-devising mind…

2
Horatio Cornblower

This will end in regulation. I fear I will not enjoy the result.

0
yeah right

Drove to Carson to what’s supposed to be the best carneceria in the South Bay and their carne asada is like 20 bucks a pound!

This better be worth the drive.

Results to come tomorrow.

They did have some really tasty looking salsa verde so grabbed some of that too.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

No carne asada is worth 20 bucks a pound

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Horatio Cornblower

In the second half Arsenal are going to pull two defenders and substitute a literal bus, which they will park in front of the net.

2
King Hippo

Everytime I see Thierry Henry, I think he’s Kenny Smith. Then, I feel super-duper Das RAYCESS

2
Horatio Cornblower

Talking to my son’s poker-playing friend again

Him: “So Mr.Cornblower, what would you do here? I have pocket 9s. It’s 3-bet to me, so I go all in….”

Me: “Jesus Christ.”

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Him: “I mean, the only thing that can beat me are pocket 10’s, right?”

2
Horatio Cornblower

Funny thing was he actually made the right read on the one player who wound up calling him, only to lose when an Ace came on the turn, but I still had to explain that if two people have raised in front of you you’ve gotta know that your 9s are no better than 50-50.

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Doktor Zymm

Although I can think of a few people I know whose range for re-raising is the entire deck

1
Horatio Cornblower

This is true.

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King Hippo

tWBS re-incarnated??

4
Horatio Cornblower

He does have extremely debatable taste in women.

5
2Pack

Gunners jump out early…

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Horatio Cornblower

Meth goalie ded?

1
Horatio Cornblower

I thought Troassard kicked him in the head on the way by, but on replay that seems to have been friendly fire.

Good dive though; I think Trossard was beating the defender to the ball.

1
King Hippo

I dunno, that looked VAR-able to me.

0
Horatio Cornblower

You shut your whore mouth.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Maybe if he was under pressure. But he wasn’t.

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Cecil Rhodes

OUR MERCURIAL JERRY HAS DONE IT! GET IN!

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King Hippo

I am nigh-certain this won’t end 1-nil, so everyone can rest assured the football points are finished for the afternoon.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Oh, it’s a lock

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Don T

I think the tuberculosis is affecting PSG’s goalie. Oop getting a text.
Turns out the goalie is a Rusdian in his 30s. Never mind.

2
King Hippo

TRUE HIPPO STORY – Anytime the cheerleaders tried the “Whadda we want? TD! What’s that? Touchdown!” chant, I always, ALWAYS said “TB” and “tuberculosis” (respectively). Occasionally, I got others to join in. Not often, mind.

5
Horatio Cornblower

Everything Is Tuberculosis

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Ah man, I haven’t seen Tuberculosis Teddy since that oil drum potluck in Amarillo!” – Jim Tomsula

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Don T

Fact! Ladies afflicted with consumption had very defined shoulders. Very in character, YM.

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King Hippo

teh subconscious works in mysterious ways!

1
Horatio Cornblower

HOLY SHIT!!!! KAI HAVERTZ YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD!!!

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King Hippo

Let’s see if that puts meth cook keeper on tilt?

0
King Hippo

Once again…FRONK FOOKIN’ CALLED IT

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Mr. Ayo

Great call FRONK!

3
Mr. Ayo

So PSG is still sticking to this goal kick out of bounds strategy?

This is going to be an absolutely delightful game to watch.

1
Don T

Hey hey. We all about Partido Socialista Gay

3
Doktor Zymm

Not cool, who thought sticking trip hazards around the court was a good idea?
https://twitter.com/i/status/2060306241834930286

1
Mr. Ayo

What could possibly go wrong?

Oh, right, that. Well, sorry, contracts and such. At least the players will get up to 14% of the money.

3
Gumbygirl

If she complains, Lacoste will sicc their alligators on her.

3
Horatio Cornblower

This moat’s not just decoration, it’s functional!

3
Mr. Ayo

Why is their a concert where the soccer is supposed to be happening?

Although the dance ladies are a nice touch.

1
King Hippo

THIS should be the pre-match anthem:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7XEeuakxdQ

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Dear Universe,
It is not my fault I’m having a hard time getting to the checkout page of this fly-by-night Chinese knockoff jersey website. I am holding up my end of the deal, I assure you.
Sincerely,
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

2
Fronkenshteen

I’d rather have seen Gyokeres over Trossard and Eze over Lewis-Skelly in the starting lineup, but I guess that’s why Arteta just won the Prem and I’m sitting on my ass doing nothing.

1
King Hippo

Maybe Handsome Mikel thinks E-z-e can eat a big fat dick?

2
Gumbygirl

Did you come up with that on your own, or were you AIDed?

1
King Hippo

I hear early 90s gangsta rap in my head all day long. It’s what I most fear about future senility (ie, that I will go around the home lyricizing unfiltered)

Last edited 22 days ago by King Hippo
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Mr. Ayo

King Hippo’s future grocery trips

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XASNM1XEQPs

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Mr. Ayo

It’s just Dre Day around here

2
King Hippo

unfadeable so plz don’t try to fade me

1
NotShogunButShogun

Damn! I forgot about him!

3
Horatio Cornblower

Thought that same, Fronk, but I’m thinking Havertz got in over Gyokeres for his Championship experience, and it did pay off. I like Trossard coming on late; he always seems to do some thing.

I did want Eze over Lewis-Skelly, but now that Arsenal’s grabbed a lead I prefer Eze on the bench; his defense isn’t what I’d call “good.”

1
Cecil Rhodes

What an outstanding campaign this has been! I, for one, am delighted that our handsome field marshal finally overcame his limitations and guided the King’s Finest to an honest to goodness title. There shall be much rejoicing in the parlour at the Rhodes Estate over the weeks to come!

It is simply unfathomable to me that a French squadron could advance this far in any competition. They are meant to be outstanding at cheese and wine production — not at football! Regardless, the Lord will be on the side of Those That Are Right today, and a triumph over l’opposition française will not be denied! Glory be to the Arsenal! Do it for Lizzie!

signal-2026-05-04-191018
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Doktor Zymm

I enjoyed Pep’s cameo in Ted Lasso

1
Horatio Cornblower

As far as I’m concerned today is all gravy. Arsenal got the Premier, and PSG is honestly just a better team. It is what it is. As much as I’ve disliked Arsenal’s style of play I suspect they’re going to have to play defense first and look for chances to counter, because if they try to run with PSG this is going to be something like 5-2.

Hopefully they are just able to play their game and play loose, knowing they’ve already got the one title and are playing with house money.

I’ll say PSG 3-1 and hope I’m wrong, but not that way Monkey’s Paw!!

3
King Hippo

Imagine that scoring the first goal is gonna be even more important/decisive than usual. PSG are a side that rides momentum.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m of the same mind. If Arsenal wins, I’ll be elated. If they lose, I’ll feel nothing.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Dear Universe,
I’m ordering my Odegaard jersey now. Please be nice to Arsenal.
Warmest regards,
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

2
King Hippo

May the Power of Fredbird be with y’all

0
litre_cola

Can’t believe that everyone isn’t glued to the Scotland Curacao friendly!

1
King Hippo

Stakes are just too high, me heart can’t handle it smh

2
litre_cola

Scots are all over them.

2
King Hippo

like a Welshman on an unattended sheep flock, aye?

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[also has a heart that cannot handle stakes]

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King Hippo

My Bloody Valentine increases in volume

3
Horatio Cornblower

Server: “Our special tonight is a rib-eye steak with garlic fries…”

Derek: “You son of a bitch.”

0
Horatio Cornblower

Is that on ESPN 14?

1
Mr. Ayo

I’m trying to watch the French Open but TNT seems to be terminally fucked and will show nothing but the actual tennis being played right now.

0
Mr. Ayo

Like, we could be watching the deciding third set of the Anisimova match, but instead we’re seeing Wozniaki’s kids doing spelling lessons on the set.

Update! They’ve cut to the 3rd and not at all deciding set between unseeded Berettini versus unseeded Comesana. Tennis methadone I guess?

Last edited 22 days ago by Mr. Ayo
0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Anismova was on TruTV. She framed a second serve when trailing 5-3 in the tiebreaker and completely collapsed after that. Didn’t even come close to winning another point.

0
Mr. Ayo

Yeah, I figured it out. Just woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

And that tie break was woof. She just checked out I think.

1
blaxabbath

Im reading about this QB Texas Tech QB Sorsby and the gambling/eligibility case. The way these college players are just pawns for this Heritage Society style everything-is-a-lawsuit “gamesmanship” of COLLEGE SPORTS BOOSTERS is why all the profit must flow to the players.

By the way, let’s just galvanize the legality of, “oh shit I’m just rich and addicted that I can’t HELP but place bets with insider information. Here, I’ll accept a two-game suspension for having no integrity. ”

Honestly, the kid, I do get your story. Every single other human being involved in these lawsuits and their families — go fucking off your wife and kids and then do yourself in the head.

Last edited 22 days ago by blaxabbath
2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t understand how anyone would ever *dream* of seriously betting on anything given the insane degree of corruption in our society now. It’s like that old saying that if you can’t spot the sucker at a poker table in five minutes, it’s you – if you don’t have inside information on something you’re betting on (whether sports, stocks, assassinations, or other), you’re exit liquidity for those who do.

Last edited 22 days ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
5
King Hippo

For me, recognizing the AI impact finally got me to step back. It’s a rush, for sure. But it’s one thing to have little chance to come out ahead (that’s part of the allure, test your mind and instincts), it’s quite another to have literally NO chance.

Public corruption angle is a damned good point, had never considered from that angle.

3
Doktor Zymm

That’s not entirely true, the apps are built around exploiting addicts, not around picking winners. The number of people with inside info is almost certainly too small to influence odds.

As for analytics involvement, smart gamblers have been doing the math for years. The difference now is that analytics is far more widespread, especially in particular sports like baseball. That means even casual gamblers have better information and they have to set the odds closer to the ‘true’ odds to make the most money. Then they make the real cash by using incentives and app design to get suckers to place the bets with the worst odds.

As a casual gambler you do still have a chance to come out ahead over time, but you do have to be really prudent about picking your spots. That can definitely take a lot of the fun out of it. For successful gamblers it’s always been a job, and now that’s pretty much gone mainstream

3
Doktor Zymm

Oh fer fuck’s sake

“denying Brendan eligibility to play football in a structured environment is very likely to threaten his progress and recovery.”

yeah, because having no consequences for your actions always helps addiction recovery and the NCAA is all about helping students build character and contribute to society

3
King Hippo

Plus, I mean…he will still go into the Supplemental Draft and draw an NFL paycheck. Just a much smaller one than at Guns Up!

2
Fronkenshteen

I’m predicting another Kai Havertz day. Here we go, Gunners! (at least my son can be happy)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oS9eK0IfPU0

Last edited 22 days ago by Fronkenshteen
3
King Hippo

I have a sneaking feeling they might just do it, too. At least a 30-40% shot.

Then again, it could just be gas.

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