Consequential Outcomes, Mundial Sábado A.M.

Hello friends. What a delightful Saturday morning, weatherwise. It is cool down here (as it tends to be at sunrise), the sky is clear, and I can’t fucking believe that Uruguay is the only South American team that failed to qualify for the knockouts despite having both Cape Verde AND Saudi Arabia in their group.

Apologies; the pleasing blue tone of the sky triggered me into remembering La Celeste’s Mundial campaign, which was shambolic and depressing. Although last night’s ESP 1 – 0 URU was a legit highlight (really!), a show of balls-out effort and purpose. Generally; all the running and roughing up of minors by URU was wholly unproductive against the superior opponent. And the game was overshadowed by YET ANOTHER goalkeeping mistake that decided the match against La Celeste. That mistake eliminated Uruguay, but real problems emerged in their prior game.

The loss to Spain was the best Uruguayan performance in the Mundial, but it cannot erase the humiliating 2-2 tie with Cape Verde. There, Uruguayan cowardice at the wall on a free kick gave Cape Verde a goal, and the other CPV goal was out of pure incompetence by Uruguay’s defense and goalkeeper. Those are kind of mistakes that, you know, are made by lesser nations making their World Cup début—not a historical powerhouse like Uruguay, which earned the four stars on its crest through hard and borderline dirty defending.

URU’s elimination is final and the reasons why are clear (goalkeeping, player dysfunction, coaching decisions in that order IMHO). But is hard to accept. It is the intellect who must adjust and reckon with heartbreak, and butthurtedness. While Cape Verde’s progression into the knockouts was brave, and is historic, my current state refuses any joy from it.

BUT, in my defense, I do want Cape Verde to eliminate Argentina. The Messi Slurpy Train is getting runaway-y, which grounds my hate. This, I submit, is proof of my sports fan sanity.

tldr URU, qué mierda.

Looking forward, I will concentrate on what I am thankful. I bless the universe for making me sleep through The Islamic Republic of Iran missing a penalty against Egypt and then getting a winner at the end VARed because I would’ve stayed awake all night looking for conspiracy fodder. For real, though: The Islamic Republic of Iran has been jobbed through actual disadvantages suffered by none of the other 47 participants. Hell, reading what happened this morning, while having wakeup coffee, almost pushed me to an immediate second greca. In fact, Imma do that now.

Bears noting that TIRI had an ingenious and beautiful free kick against Belgium (which would have also turned out to be a winner), also VARed off by a knee hair offside

TIRI can still qualify, despite disadvantaged conditions as to rest and logistics (source & how). TIRI’s qualification would be a pus-filled zit on FIFA’s glowing face. In this case, I’m rooting for acne.

POSITIVE STUFFS

-From what I have seen in the Mundial, which has been an unhealthy large amount, Germany has been the team that has brought more joy to fans. Fans of Germany, of course, but also to fans of Curaҫao (who put one past Manuel Neuer) and especially fans of Ecuador. Ecuador was having the worst time at the World Cup: loss to CIV (1-0), Curaҫao got their first Mundial point off Ecuador, without any goals but about 37 PALOs. Enter Germany, who went ahead of ECU 1-0 at TWO MINUTES. Ecuador equalized at one on a scorcher seven minutes later. ECU’s winner came at the end: corner kick to the near edge of the box and, naturally, the first ECU player hits the ball with his left shoulder blade towards his teammate, who sticks up his boot in front of the goalie’s hands. Just like in practice! #Obvio

Heh heh, ahhh. Lookit me smilin’ and stuff now. Second AM coffee is magic yall.

-The Lions of Teranga entered their last group game yesterday with 0 points, 0 goals, and -3 goal differential. The game was against Iraq, which Senegal walloped 5-0 and got SEN qualification for the knockouts. That was badass, which is in line with SEN being the current possessor and displayer of the Africa Cup of Nations trophy.

-Incidentally, ten African teams made the Mundial. Of those, Tunisia is the only one eliminated. Seven African teams have qualified, with Algeria and Doctor Congo still in the bubble.

CORRECTION

You know I love you, so I say this for your own good. [Deep breath]

ColOmbia. It’s spelled Colombia. [Long exhale].

Colombia has never had a “u”, whether in English or español. Colombia. Co lOmmm bia.

Btw, I’m ecstatic that COL is through the knockouts, which will give all of us the opportunity to appreciate their awesomeness as fans and practitioners of Fair Play, no matter the mutterings that come out of certain Yale-adjacent sex dwarf basements. I mean, c’mon!

Este hincha de Congo estaba SOLO en la tribuna y entonó el himno de su país RODEADO DE COLOMBIANOS.

Nadie lo interrumpió y cuando terminó de cantar todos se abalanzaron sobre él para FELICITARLO.

Simplemente, la Copa del Mundo. 🇨🇩❤️🇨🇴 pic.twitter.com/vheZpLRToj

— Ataque Futbolero (@AtaqueFutbolero) June 25, 2026

PERSONAL CORRECTION

Intellectual integrity requires never linking a South American fútbol team with the term “Fair Play”, unless being really obviously cynical. Will keep that in mind going forward.

ACTION!

Today is the last day of Group games. Early PM, it’s Group L:

Panamá v. England – 5 EST, New Jersey / New Jersey

When I hear that fútbol is a cruel sport, I will think of Panamá in this Mundial. I watched all their games. PAN is already eliminated, despite outplaying both Ghana and Croatia, and lost 1-0 to both. Panamá is the only nation that has yet to score a goal in this Mundial (even Qatar scored a couple ffs), though not for lack of effort. Panamá does everything well, until the last touch towards goal. Which I find very similar to the USA of the last Mundial.

Panamá does not play a lot of pack-the-back, keep it unembarrassing fútbol. PAN plays to score and now have nothing to lose. ENG, howva, really needs something positive to wash away their ugly draw against GHA. This can be a loose game.

Predicción: ENG 2 (two yellow cards) – 1 PAN (one red card).

Croatia v. Ghana – 5 EST, Illin’ in Philly

 The Black Stars of Ghana are second in the group with 4 points and therefore have already qualified for the knockouts. Croatia has 3 points and a -1 GD. But! If CRO loses by three goals, Scotland could still have a chance to get in!

The bad news: Ghana is coached by Carlos Queiroz, formerly the coach of several overachieving nations, including TIRI. I can say, with confidence, that Queiroz is a coach who has never backed away from turning any game, no matter the opponent, into a slop of anti-fútbol. CRO only needs a tie to pursue its ugly brand of knockout ball: outlast the opponent for 120 minutes, advance on PKs. Ugh, getting angry again.

Predicción: CRO 0 – 0 GHA

FINALLY,

It’s true what they say: the Mundial is where the fans come out to celebrate fútbol’s brightest stars:

Via @SoySimpsonito

Ahhhh. I needed that. Have a great day, peeps.