Too Much, Too Soon? A Thursday Night Football Open Thread

It’s been quite some time since last we saw six tilts in the same-ish slot. Is anyone nervous that they’ll implode from sheer joy? Probably not, as this is the first time out for everyone and there will be slop-but of the conventional kind.

Lions/Bengals:

This would be a fantastic regular season game. The offenses are first-rate and it’s yet to be determined if the defenses can improve to the point where they can get stops when they need them. Detroit was wise to rid themselves of lb Analzone (h/t Balls, who else?) because at 31 he just can’t tackle sideline-to-sideline anymore.

Packers/Steelers:

Ooo, look at the rough and tumble football. I think Fauci is putting his weight behind Green Bay.

Colts/Pats:

Is New England going to regress like a bunch of regressors? The harder sked says yes but some fortuitous progress by Maye says no. Indy’s wr room is in such a state that I think Tyler Warren is going to have great numbers.

Chargers/Texans:

I hope C.J. Stroud makes the defense proud. The last playoff game he played is a textbook example of a qB having a nervous breakdown. The Chargers have a bunch of pieces in place but the theatrics by the coach on the sideline (he just wants to win) is a weird distraction.

Cards/Raiders:

Both feature young, talented RB’s. Vegas has re-tooled their ol so we’ll see where that goes. I’ve no clue what Arizona has done to improve.

Titans/Niners:

How many San Fran players will get injured tonight? All of them.

 

Do your thing.

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WCS

https://www.firehouse.com/safety-health/news/55397831/for-allegheny-county-pa-9-1-1-dispatchers-the-impact-lingers-after-the-call-ends

This was in yesterday’s Post-Gazette and their website. Because the PG is shell of it’s former self, it’s behind a paywall. HOWEVAH, this site has it posted for free!
I invite yinz to have a read and get a quick look inside what work is like.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Good read.

2Pack

LaFlure spazzin out and lookin all confused in the 4th quarter of a pre season game is not a good sign. That dude needs a shot of Tom Landry.

Redshirt

EDIT: I’m an idiot

Last edited 14 hours ago by Redshirt
Mr. Ayo

Whomst amongst us?

2Pack

Well you’re in the right place.

Gumbygirl

.

1000007795
Mr. Ayo

The NFL has broke contain. First night of presesason football and I cannot keep up with my BlueSky feed. Settle down everyone, none of this means anything.

Brick Meathook

I posted this late Monday night (that’s Brick time!) so I don’t know if anybody saw it.

This short video single-handedly justifies all the AI data centers in the world.

(video defaults to muted sound at start so fix that)

https://www.facebook.com/reel/907955808471908

Taxidriver_Ronald
Redshirt

Me: “The Reds won and the Bengals won. It was a good day.”
Mom: “But it rained so you can’t go on the garage’s roof to get the tree limbs the storm blew on it!”
Me: “…a good day.”

SonOfSpam

Didn’t have to use your rAKe.

Senor Weaselo

That’s considered Progress!

/This joke brought to you by Igor Stravinsky

Gumbygirl

Inspired by Hogarth

Former C-G-U-O

As a White Sox fan, I strongly disagree. I even saw the Goodyear Blimp this morning, but it was not a good day.

Gumbygirl

You have the Pope on your side. The curse shall be lifted!

litre_cola

The last playoff game he played is a textbook example of a qB having a nervous breakdown.

This is bang on!

Redshirt

Mendoza is in and he’s looking good.

SonOfSpam

I hope the defense has a guy named McBain.

herodotus450

Somebody drafted that Miami (FL) guy, Ruben Bane.

WCS

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

– AFC West opponents, in Rikki’s fantasy

Horatio Cornblower

Don’t forget hot LLWS action! See 12-13 year-olds have their dreams destroyed in real time!! It’s cool though; great preparation for adulthood.

Redshirt

Why do I have a feeling most of these words were emailed to the President in evidence that’ll never see the light?

SonOfSpam

Dunno if they made it to the LLWS, but in one of the prelim games last week, the Alabama team had a GIRL playing. She got a hit the time I saw her at bat.

Of course, I object to women in men’s locker rooms and whatnot. Think of the children!

litre_cola

Was she a “12” year old girl from the Dominican?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

See 12-13 year-olds have their dreams destroyed in real time!

“Nice! I’ve been getting so tired of watching these grainy Epstein Island videotapes.” – Kash Patel

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Some of you might know him as “spiderkash” though.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Alright, in homage to several of you (Litre, GumbyGirl, Mrs. Horatio, Taj) I took an edible and am gonna chill out til I pass out. What movie or tv should I keep on in the background while I drift off? Non-football answers only, please.

WCS

I watched the Weather Channel constantly growing up specifically for the smooth jazz. Plus, I also ended up learning quite a lot about the weather.

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Horatio Cornblower

Mrs. Horatio tends towards Lifetime movies. Not sure you want that.

Last edited 15 hours ago by Horatio Cornblower
BrettFavresColonoscopy

NOT WITHOUT MY DAUGHTER I DON’T!

litre_cola

Love after Lockup. Great brainless stoner activity.

Gumbygirl

Just watch cat videos

1000011392
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ew

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Last edited 14 hours ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Gumbygirl

All this chitter-chatter, chitter- chatter, chitter- chatter about smack🫱smack🫲smack

Gumbygirl

And yes, I know it’s shmatta. But I’m bored.

SonOfSpam
Gumbygirl

Shadoobie.

Redshirt

Found a funny:

Having Gambling advertisements in front of the same corn Shoeless Joe and the rest of the Black Sox walked out of is peak irony.

Redshirt

Oh, please do this for real LSU…

IMG_4040
ArmedandHammered

The 26 yard lon? Did I hear that right?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I just caught a fruit fly in my bare hand. Bow before me, Drosophila melanogaster!

Last edited 16 hours ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
ArmedandHammered

So what, I catch them with my eyelashes, well not intetionally, but it still happens.

Redshirt

Josh Johnson is still around?!

King Hippo

muthafucka must not have him no hobbies

Redshirt

Can confirm. Social Media is already diagnosing an arm injury with Burrow, writing his epitaph and calling for Orlando Brown Jr. to be cut and/or drawn and quartered on Fountain Square.

WE’RE BACK!!!

IMG_4038
ArmedandHammered

I wonder what games the NFL uses to train the AIs it will replace the refs with as soon as they can.

ArmedandHammered

this is a good call and and this call is a bad call unless the betting line reaches this threshold then it is the call which will earn the most money for the NFL

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Kansas City Chiefs subreddit would be my guess.

Redshirt

Narrator: “We’ve replaced the football with a greased pig. Let’s see if anyone notices…”

blaxabbath

How 2026 that now all the rookies enter the league with CTE.

ArmedandHammered

Who is this announcer who sounds like Quagmire?

ArmedandHammered

I swear one of those guys souded like Quagmire for a moment in the Steelers game.

SonOfSpam

comment image

Redshirt

I heard that on a highlight. Sounded weird.

ArmedandHammered

Thank the goddess I was not imagining it, this time.

King Hippo

I wondered why he kept going on about what a pretentious dickhole Brian is. I mean, he’s not WRONG but maybe talk about the barely practice-calibre footy…

ArmedandHammered

Thanks Hippo, I knew I could count on you.

Gumbygirl

You aren’t talking shit about my beloved Charlie Batch are you?

jjfozz

An hour long interview with a woman who had the expression of a manequin. After some of the old Fozz banter, she loosened up. Wrapping up, “Well we’re talking to other people, they’ll probably be a third round of interviews.”

“Wait, you don’t want this slice of beefcake walking around the office in a tight shirt and tighter pants? Let’s get serious here.”

ArmedandHammered

Good luck man, as if you would need it.

ArmedandHammered

Oh, Tubi has a show for you called Millenial Killer, about a guy who makes it his mission to kill all millenials.

blaxabbath

“Why would I bite met-Ahl?”

-Millennials

(Not sure what a Millennial is. I’m a Pepsi Generation.)

3561
LemonJello

jjfozz, dramatic re-creation:

comment image

ArmedandHammered

Fozz would never wear Capri pants, studded leather work slacks.

Redshirt

Bengals Legend Joe Flacco.

(never in my nightmares would I ever imagine using those words sincerely)

ArmedandHammered

Going to have to figure out the gmes to which I have access.

ArmedandHammered

After I watch Setting Up a Room 2.

Redshirt

Update: Bengals Starting Defense is keeping the Backup Lions in check. This is normally a sarcastic comment but this is sadly progress.

Bengals Starting Offense’s flirtation with running under center does show potential but the OL may get Burrow killed sooner than expected if they played out of the shotgun.

Redshirt

Bengals Backup Defense…ugh.

Gumbygirl

Mason Rudolph still sucks. Shocked! [ not shocked]

Redshirt

That’s a new thing to avoid the slow starts. It was technically successful last season by starting 2-0.

(screaming internally)

ArmedandHammered

I would think that would just move the scheduled season ending injuries up by two weeks?

Redshirt

…the Promised Land. I can see the Promised Land…

IMG_4037
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Are any of these games on channels I can watch?

yeah right

NFL Network has Pack/Steelers. The rest are regional which means I get Chargers game AND Raiders game. No, we’re not in the Vegas broadcast area but we’ve got a shitload of Raiders fans still.

LemonJello

Are there a lot of prisons around Fortress Right?

ballsofsteelandfury

Actually, yes. There’s one right on the harbor.

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