Off We Go To Australia! An NFL First

Does Goodell’s monomaniacal desire to expand the game and line his pockets at the same time know any bounds? I think that question lies on rhetorical grounds. Related: Did I take tomorrow off?

So here we are in Melbourne and I’ll just get this out of the way-I’m happy for the fans of the league/pro sport that reside there and I’m quite sure they’ll show up large. Good for them.

But the site of this tilt brings up another question for me: what are the producers going to do to highlight the local flavor of the community? In Seattle it’s salmon tossing, in Vegas it’s escorts rifling thru a passed-out date’s wallet, in Cincy it’s some poor soul emptying the contents of his stomach on the doorstep of a Skyline Chili establishment, and so on. Perhaps we could be blessed with a shirtless mate right-hooking a wayward kangaroo, seems right.

To The Game!

Niners/Rams:

-Aaron Donald will not be playing this fair evening. (game time is around 8am in the host country. Who is up for a Bloody Mary with a shrimp on the rim?) Those brittle 35 yr. old bones could barely stand a half-day of flight time, never mind 10-15 plays over a three hour period.

-We had some injuries last night and the substation-adjacent Niners are raring to add to Week One’s total. I have Trent Williams with a strained bicep on my bingo card.

-Fatt Matt (he could be in the best shape of his life but some things just stick to you) is 4-9 vs Los Niners but if he throws a couple of TD’s he ends up tied with Phil “Never Ending Stream of Semen” Rivers for sixth place all time.

Enjoy the game.

 

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259 Comments
SonOfSpam

So. That wasn’t great.

Luckily, it’s a (I think) 23 game season now, lotsa time to get right.

Sharkbait

You joke, but I’m willing to bet in the next 2-5 seasons, around Thanksgiving or Christmas the NFL is going to schedule a game every day of the week.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Or they do Australia annually and add another bye week

Sharkbait

I can see that too. Also, my other longstanding prediction was a Super Bowl at Spurs. However, I think Melbourne makes more sense. You get the primetime East coast kickoff time, and a stadium that kicks off at a local friendly time. London is hard to do a Super Bowl, but Melbourne might be the venue to do it overseas

Gumbygirl

They looked slow and out of shape.

Sharkbait

Also the jackets are not necessary. Aussie winter in Melbourne is like 65 and sunny.

Sharkbait

An AFL match at the MCG is definitely on the bucket list. Marvel was cool, but its not the same

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And take the tour!

blaxabbath

As running off the field after a loss, Stafford sees neutral field displays “Whose house? Rams House!” chyron.

Last edited 5 hours ago by blaxabbath
Gumbygirl

Noah Eagle just said throw another shrimp on the barbie. Check that one off your bingo card.

Gatoraids

self immolation?

blaxabbath

Kyle Shannahan is kinda dumb looking but he’s not and, honestly, people forget the 49ers owner, Jed York, was just recently arrested for soliciting $140 worth of prostitution at an Ohio trailer park.

Sharkbait

HA! I’m almost positive that means he couldnt even enter the country to watch this game!

fleshwound_NPG

ʞuᴉop

Sharkbait

Excellent

Don T

😘 👌🏼

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Even Shanahan can’t blow this lead, right?

Unsurprised

I hope everyone associated with those Lowe’s commercials dies slowly and painfully

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Even me?” – some poor boom mic operator who just needed the work

Sharkbait

I do appreciate Netflix putting a timer in the corner so you know exactly when you can stop ignoring the ads playing and see the game come back.

Don T

My kind of panderin’

Gumbygirl

I didn’t know until gametime this was a Netflix game, which I do not have. But, it’s a local game so I have it on NBC. Yay?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Boo. You should be watching on Telemundo!

Gumbygirl

I shouldn’t have watched it at all!

Jimbo

Sometimes they try to steal your roadkill dinner.

-J. Tomsula

Don T

Obviously you’ve had the best neighboUrs in the Milky Way.

Unsurprised

I hate dogs and I hate dog people. The antisocial people who don’t control their shits, let them piss and shit everywhere (Picking up turds STILL LEAVES SHIT AND PISS ALL OVER THE PLACE), take them everywhere like children, put them on our fucking TABLES AND LIVING SPACES, and are generally anti-human pieces of fuck need to be flayed, and boiled in the blood of their relatives (They allowed these shit people to become shit people). I want to liquidate all of them. The humans because they are people who would own slaves if they could because dogs are such a perfectly pure expression of how fucking weak and controlling these losers are and dogs because they are fucking dogs.

I don’t want fanfare or sadism against the animals (Just the people). I just want them to be reduced to their component atoms. Loser pieces of shit like this? They are the apotheosis of the dog owner. If you can make your shitbulls and ilk fight each other to the death, you are only not holding Mandingo fights because the punishment is harsher.

Last edited 6 hours ago by Unsurprised
Jimbo

Sir, this is a Wendy’s.

Gatoraids

and fight Michael Vicks trademark!?!?

Don T

Niners are on my 4-team parlay

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Last edited 6 hours ago by Don T
Sharkbait

Hox were on my 11 team one. My friend’s partner had a good run picking teams based on uniforms, She picked the 11 she liked and I tossed a dollar on it. It’s (more than likely) not gonna hit. But if it does….

Last edited 6 hours ago by Sharkbait
Don T

11! 🤣🤣🤣🤣😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝

Redshirt

Rams are on my 4-team parlay.

thanos-vanish
BrettFavresColonoscopy

So many white people

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Do they have a shot at meeting their donation goal? Is it neck and neck?

fleshwound_NPG

so far, staying the week looked like the right play for the niners. rams got that jet lag.

sean mcvay is getting out-time managed by Mr. 28-3

Redshirt

Well, this was unexpected.

Unsurprised

— Not GWB

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So the team that’s been in Melbourne for 8 days is going to beat the team that flew in from LA yesterday? Shocking.

Sharkbait

I was wondering why the Rams made that decision. That flight and time change is no joke.

Unsurprised

The coach is an idiot.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is it the Tasmanian whisky or is this game moving at a decent clip?

Sharkbait

Games in the Southern Hemisphere circle the drain the other way move much faster

Also Tasmanian whiskey fucks.

Last edited 6 hours ago by Sharkbait
Redshirt

(opens Netflix; selects profile)
Netflix: “Scan QR code for easier sign-in and recovery.”
Me: “But I’m already signed in.”
(selects skip QR code)
Netflix: “Enter your email address for easier sign-in and recovery.”
Me: “Why do I need to give my email address if I’m already signed in?!
(closes Netflix)
Me: “Money well spent on NFL, Netflix.”

Gumbygirl

Way to keep on top of things, Yahoo fantasy. They still have the score 7-3 Rams .

Gumbygirl

Finally updated. I skeered them!

Sharkbait

The enshitification of Yahoo fantasy needs to be studied. Making changes for not reason, and fucking with their API access so my fantasy football bot for my league’s discord server is broken until Yahoo approves my request to access it. Assholes

/Rant

Last edited 6 hours ago by Sharkbait
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Would you like to upgrade to enjoy their premium AI services?

WCS

Nice of THE SHIELD to demonstrate WHAT IS SCORE to the Aussies.

WCS

When they try to rob you, or steal your vehicle?

Unsurprised

Whenever I pass the Hollywood Bowl, I remember that Sansa Stark divorced one of the Jonas brothers after they had an argument about whether they should have taken the shuttle or sit in exit traffic for a week.

My life is a joke

Last edited 6 hours ago by Unsurprised
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I want to know who did the ad buys for Netflix. They should find a new line of work.

Spur

What day is it Allen? – Rams Team Doctor
….Friday??? – Allen
—–I think that’s right….- Ram Team Doctor

WCS

Dirt Stillers sweep the Pale Sox, now above .500 for first time before MURICKA’s 250th birthday. Naturally, they’ll make a late push (PHRASING) as the season finishes to juuuuuuuust miss a playoff spot. Even more naturally, this comes as there will be no season next year, because the Dirt Stillers suffer from the same disease The Pauls and Bills suffer from.

Sharkbait

I still need to get to a game there. MY buddy who lives in Pittsburgh says its a good time.

WCS

I’m not YOUR buddy, friend.

WCS

SUDDEN POWER OUTAGE AT THE PSAP

If anyone wants to recreate The Purge, Allegheny County, Pennsyltucky is your destination! At least for the next few minutes…

Redshirt

Nah, if I wanted to Purge, I’d go to Downtown Cincinnati. Though Pittsburgh does have some nice stuff…

Unsurprised

“Mistake”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What was that song and how did all the Australians know it?

Gumbygirl

My nieces were totally into the Jonas Brothers. I never saw the appeal, but I guess the sexless Ken doll type appeals to the tween girls.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I kept waiting for the white foam

Brick Meathook

Rocky Mountains

https://ibb.co/JWh89hWy

Sharkbait

You’d think they would have picked an Australian band for the halftime performance?

I assume the Jonas Brothers are not Australian

Unsurprised

Surely AC/DC is still around

litre_cola

Played in Edmonton last month, apparently they were awesome.

BugEyedBoo

AC/DC with Axl Rose was a great show.

Gatoraids
Redshirt

The professional one, the friends and family one, or the Incognito Mode one?

Spur

Half time

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Aussies should have booed them for taking a knee there. Maybe by the end of the third quarter they’ll have a song going.

Gatoraids

noah zosmol eagle

King Hippo

This is the time on Sprockets when we go sleepyville.

jjfozz

Maybe I’m a bastard, but the actors in these medicine commercials irritate me to the point where I say, “You fucking deserve whatever you’re suffering from.”

King Hippo

yeah “peppy happy cancer patient” is just not…consistent with life experience

fleshwound_NPG

GIT GAS NAO

SonOfSpam

Cool, I was tired of only paying $6 per gallon.

Gumbygirl

Fuck, I meant to do that today.

Unsurprised

At least someone is kicking the Saudis in the balls to honor 9/11

Spur

This Canadian Trade War has gotten serious

fleshwound_NPG

a trade war destroying a republic

what did george lucas know and when did he know it

Spur

I hate sand, it gets in your diaper – Trump

BrettFavresColonoscopy

/continues to laugh in EV

Spur

Aussie Bomb from Purdy

SonOfSpam

There used to be a petting zoo in San Juan Capistrano (where my mother-in-law lived). When my kid was little, I’d take her there (if nothing else, to avoid in-laws). One time we walked up to the emu enclosure, where the sign said EMU’S. I was quietly judging the unnecessary apostrophe, when a local yokel walked up and excitedly said to his son “Hey look – an emus bird!” (pronounced E-muss)

What I’m saying is, hooray for Australia.

herodotus450

I usually tell them to hold the Capistrano these days, on account of my acid reflux.

litre_cola

They should play this game on the full oval.

Spur

but then they’d run counter clockwise.

Spur

waiting for approval? i havent built any cachet around here?

King Hippo

FINE, Hippo will slowly exercise his God-like powers

Unsurprised

Fuck

Don T

Always, amén.

Last edited 6 hours ago by Don T
SonOfSpam

I guess on the plus side, RAMMMMMMIT has looked like dog shit and is leading.

Fuck preseason, we just need a 16 hour flight to get ready for fitbaw.

Spur

its the jet lag

Spur

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fleshwound_NPG

the exchange rate in oz is two ints for every one thrown

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How many is that in chazzwozzers?

fleshwound_NPG

a bonzer amount

litre_cola

Are Scotchy, Beerguy, BC Dick, GTD and I being charged tariffs for every comment?

jjfozz

I didnt comment on this last night, but that rendition of the Star Spangled banner was piss fucking poor.

Mr. Ayo

The Maye suck field has expanded!

Gumbygirl

Maybe, just maybe, starters should play a little in the preseason?

LemonJello

Wipe your greasy hands next time before you throw, Fatty!

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