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“At Least the Wolven Sort Don’t Play” JV NFL Night Thread

King Hippo

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, ,

Yes, indeed.  At least that’s one pissed-offedness trigger that’s on bye.  Huzzah, universe!

Ballsy: It’s a good thing my alma mater sucks at football and I don’t like them because they rejected my niece. That way I can enjoy college football without any aggravation.

Texas Tech (-4.5) at Original Recipe Big Love (7:00, FS1)

I think this is kind of fun, anyway.  I imagine the Oil Money babarian hordes invading the bizarre Stormin’ Mormon politeness brigade is quite the culture clash.  Viva realignment!

Ballsy:  I think Hippo keeps showcasing Texas Tech games just so I can keep posting this picture.

Michigan (-24) at Michigan State (7:30, NBC)

The one where we get to see if Mark Dantonio has an all-timer of a pre-game team talk.  Otherwise, this will be just another B1G snoozer.  Bet on the latter.

Ballsy: It would be nice if this game was close. 24 points is A LOT in a rivalry game…

Duke (+14) at Florida State (7:30, ABC)

The Devils go into Tallahassee with probably the last real shot to derail the Semenholes’ undefeated regular season.  Which would be fitting, given how frequently the roles have been reverse in JV hoopsball (FSU long being Duke’s bogey side).  But Riley Leonard likely won’t play, and his backup completed a grand TOTAL of 4 forward passes in their 24-3 beatdown of NC State last week.  That…uh, won’t suffice this week.

Ballsy: No way The Dookies beat FSU. No way.

Team Secular Big Love (+6.5) at Southern Cal (8:00, Fox)

Nobody has laid a bigger, stinkier turd this season than the Troi Boiz in South Bend.  I guess we’ll see if they have any capacity to right the ship, starting now.  Complete clash of styles, this.  GO UTES.

Ballsy: How many hot and wet USC Song Girl pictures can I find? LET’S FIND OUT!!

Arizona State (+26.5) at Washington (10:30, FS1)

Kind of weak sauce on the Tweaker front, but Sparky will do their best to get their hands on some hot Penix.  Plus, I just love U-Dub’s banner pic so very much.

Ballsy: We are truly blessed. Tonight, we have FSU, ASU, and USC cheerleaders on tap!

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Redshirt 
TEST
1
Gumbygirl

Home. That was a good show, they have obviously been playing together for years. The crowd was digging it.q And these casinos have the sound and lights figured out in their concert venues. My old ears and eyes appreciate that! Wandered around the parking lot like a couple of old stoners searching for the car, but we can use the exercise.

6
Gumbygirl

Random q, how weird!

1
TheRevanchist

It’s a conspiracy!

4
WCS

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Last edited 2 years ago by WCS
3
Mr. Ayo

Happy to hear!

Also, can you confirm the venue was or was not an actual casino?

1
Gumbygirl

It is a purpose built concert venue attached to the casino.1

2
Gumbygirl

Now there’s a 1. My phone is acting up, awesome!

2
Mr. Ayo

Woah. A random 1. After a random q.

1 and q. What does it mean? Or is this just the beginning of the riddle?

2
Gumbygirl

Beats the shit out of me. My phone is going all Ouija. Spooky!

3
WCS

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Guess that’s it for Sparky.

1
Mr. Ayo

So the soon to be 2-PAC is a bunch of clown frauds? I’m shocked! Shocked, I say!

1
Mr. Ayo

SUDDEN CHANGE! THE HUSKIES ARE BACK! BOW DOWN!

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Headed to bed, but it looks like another PAC-12 AFTER DARK…um…I don’t want to say “classic” when a total of 10 points have been scored after three quarters, but..something memorable, at least, is brewing.

1
WCS

I have never met him like most of the Left Coasters, but I am absolutely, categorically convinced Balls can hit a driver further and straighter than ASU’s kicker just did with whatever the shit that was supposed to be.

3
WCS

SHA’KHLOR will not accept that offering. Holy piss in a bucket.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Thank you and I’d like to think I could too. I was a soccer player for fuck’s sake, I should be able to do better…

1
Horatio Cornblower

I’d like to go to bed, but ASU is currently up 7-3 on undefeated Washington, and I don’t think I can.

1
Horatio Cornblower

I have continued on to purchase Xmas gifts for Mrs. Horatio and daughter Horatio.

Buzzed shopping is drunk shopping, and I’ll regret this next month. For now, however, I’m ahead of the Xmas shopping rush, so fuck it.

1
WCS

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And how do you plan on explaining this when it arrives for Lowratio before Thanksgiving?

7
Horatio Cornblower

After everything he’s had to put up with from this site all year you think he’s getting coal? Hell no. He’s earned those wheels.

9
Horatio Cornblower

On the site I’m using to get hockey jerseys they also sell football jerseys. In the past I bought their “Creamsicle” jersey, and they were nice enough to put ‘Selmon’ on the back and ’63’ for the number.

Today I notice you can get a ‘Meadowlands’ jersey, which they’ll customize with your own name, even if it’s Taylor, and give you a number like oh, I don’t know, 56 for instance. And it’ll be better quality than anything Fanatics puts together.

Gotta get them to make a ‘Forum’ hockey jersey.

Last edited 2 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
2
Horatio Cornblower

In 4-6 weeks I shall have a Spokane Canaries jersey, and the Vietnamese economy will be just a smidge better.

1
Don T

Updated list of most glorious profanity (yet) on Bad Bunny’s SNL:
cabrón
cojones
culito
joda

5
Senor Weaselo

I’ve heard of the others, pero ¿qué es joda?

2
Don T

joda comes from joder
joder is fuck around
but more often annoy
que se joda means fuck it
but joda means party

tl dr vibe determines meaning in Spanish

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Joder can also be used as an expression of frustration. ¡Joder!

0
ballsofsteelandfury

And, of course, it also means “to fuck”

0
yeah right

We should really have relegation for under preforming states.

I still haven’t figured out where they get relegated to but..
My first two votes are Florida and Arkansas.

We’ll just send them elsewhere.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Every time Texas threatens to secede my response is “motherfucker I will hold the door”

But in terms of relegation I would probably toss Mississippi and Arkansas. We need to discuss who would be coming in. I’m inclined to give Puerto Rico statehood, (Don T sends ghost to my house to pull my feet), and then I think we’re left with Guam. Does the US have any other territories? I could look it up, but it would interfere with my hockey jersey shopping.

Last edited 2 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
3
yeah right

But I’ll probably slam it on your ass on the way out!

0
Horatio Cornblower

That’s a trade I’m willing to make in order to render Ted Cruz, Greg Abbott, and their ilk completely irrelevant.

1
WCS

Indiana can fuck right back to the Frenchies, and promote DC.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Fuck! DC was right there, and even in the continental US.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

American Samoa?

0
yeah right

Exactly! And the Mariana Islands.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Both excellent choices.

0
yeah right

/ clears throat
// steps to the mike

Gentlemen!

The discussion is about relegation!

Cast your 2 votes please.

1
WCS

Missouri and Indiana

1
Doktor Zymm

Oklahoma and Mississippi

1
Horatio Cornblower

Mississippi and Arkansas.

I will admit that Sarah Huckabee Sanders has a lot to do with the second choice.

Hookworms and racism lately guide the first one.

2
WCS

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A cousin of Ms. Sanders, perhaps?

1
yeah right

Ladies and gentlemen, this discussion has been completed.

[using best JFK voice]

The former great states of Arkansas and Mississippi, you can collect your lovely parting gifts at the door.

There may even be Rice A Roni

2
yeah right

That was empowering.

0
WCS

Arkansas is the Indiana of the South.

1
yeah right

Tell me you’ve read Frank Bill?

0
Horatio Cornblower

I’m late-night shopping for various hockey jerseys and college sweatshirts. So far now have one vintage UConn sweatshirt and am debating adding a Spokane Canaries hockey jersey to the list of things to explain to Mrs. Horatio later on.

0
herodotus450

I haven’t seen a Penix get taken the other way this much since I was back stage at the Library drag show.

2
yeah right

I needed a good stupid movie day and I made it happen.

War of the Worlds and Hacksaw Ridge.

War of the Worlds was actually pretty ok on second watch.

Hacksaw Ridge was like Forrest Gump goes to war again.

“I’ve got to save my good best friend Bubba!”

0
WCS

Back Ye Olden Days, Big Daddy Drew called Hacksaw Ridge “Buttchug Mountain” and I’m still laughing at it.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Eraser used to be Hillary Clinton’s IT guy, ppl forget that

3
WCS

Ben Gazzi!

2
Horatio Cornblower

Folks. Back from a ‘Day of the Dead’ party featuring tacos and margaritas based around Mexican sodas. The tacos were good, anyway.

Let’s all see if Utah has a hero for a kicker!

4
Horatio Cornblower

It seems that Utah does, in fact, have a hero for a kicker.

1
WCS

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3
Brocky

…fuck I want tacos now

2
Brocky

You know my town is white as hell when you can’t get authentic Mexican food after 10:00 pm

6
Horatio Cornblower

My town is lily white, but fortunately we took the precaution of living 5 minutes from a town with a significant Latin/Hispanic population, (and then we moved all the mills to the South! Suckers!), so we have no shortage of excellent Mexican/Caribbean/Latin food options.

Also heroin, but that’s neither here nor there.

2
yeah right

It sounds like a great day!

But fuck Utah.

3
WCS

Alas, but one +1 to give.

1
Gumbygirl

Filled up. Show’s about to start. I am high.

20231021_200710.jpg
8
2Pack

Let us know if the Cult is still tight after all these years.

3
2Pack

Get that lighter out and hop up on Gumpy’s shoulders when they play Ciao Baby…

2
King Hippo

Wahoowa had never won a road game against an AP Top 10 team. Until tonight. 😀

2
WCS

East fucking Virginia, Hips…

0
Sharkbait

Live look at Mr. Ayo

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3
Redshirt

Michigan State displays image of Hitler on video board before game (thecomeback.com)

Now I’m happy that Michigan is destroying them.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Somebody or bodies is getting good and fired over that one.

1
Sharkbait

This is why I wanna start some sort of common sense consulting firm. Companies can pay me to look at their ideas and in this case, ask them what the cinnamon toast fuck they are thinking.

5
Horatio Cornblower

Just programming Clippy to show up: “It looks like you’re trying to post a picture of Hitler. Do you want to reconsider that, or just go ahead and torch your entire life?”

5
Sharkbait

Is climate pledge arena doing their part by playing with half the lights on?

1
Mr. Ayo

Apparently. Switching sides halfway through the period.

2
Redshirt

Parents are watching “Under Siege” and they can’t believe this is one of the movies where I actually root for the bad guy.

4
Sharkbait

https://youtu.be/efGxdzCzUus?si=_yzXdX7votT7rKdz

1 of 3 parts.

0
Redshirt

Reason to support Tommy Lee Jones: He was actually on the USA side, but was betrayed and tried to be killed by the CIA. No wonder this guy flipped out. If the CIA sent him a letter of reference and a really good fruit basket, this may not happen.

Reason to not support Steven Seagal: He is openly insubordinate to the Executive Officer. I don’t care if he’s an asshole, he outranks you! He gives an illegal order or is disrespectful to you or to the crew, tell the Captain (who’s your best friend it seems) and he will bust his ass.

3
King Hippo

Something tells me Zach Wilson will be trying to make friends with Jaxson Dart, asap.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You know that Jaxson’s mom does yoga.

1
Brocky

I feel like that’s kinda a given at this point because most D1 quarterbacks seem to come from upper class families with the disposable income to send their kids to football camps and have their wives work out 5 times a week

1
Horatio Cornblower

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKSq_gmfe40

0
King Hippo

See? We don’t NEED to cheat, we jjust do it because we are that giant a collective cunt! – University of Michigan

1
King Hippo

Y’all know I am a “live and let live” mammal, but I think college students who wear sport coats and/or ties to FITBAW games should be executed by catapault.

3
ArmedandHammered

What about Mormon schools? Gotta get them ready to annoy the public as missionaries.

0
King Hippo

That’s the funny thing, seems like the Mormons would, but seems a bridge too far even for their tight arses. Maybe they think it hurts (cult) recruiting?

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think the “execution” part should be incidental. Like, if they survive the launch, they should be free to go.

1
ArmedandHammered

And holy shit is “Fall of the House of Usher” on Netflix a mind trip.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Can I bring a cake?” is the question the Dr. Mrs. asked her friend’s husband, who invited us to the friend’s birthday dinner. A foolish question to ask, in my opinion, because it conveyed the impression that she wanted to bring a cake. So of course he said “yeah, bring a cake.” And now she’s irritated and proposing things like “we’ll just go to Whole Foods in the morning and get something” and I’m thinking (but not saying) “hey, wait a minute here, when the hell did this become a ‘we’ problem?”

5
Doktor Zymm

You should make flash cards with standard phrases like “Is there anything we should bring?”

1
Redshirt

M*CH*G*N was cheating off of these idiots?!

1
Mr. Ayo

Weekend edition of RELEASE THE KRAKEN

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7
King Hippo

You’re skipping Penix time?

1
Mr. Ayo

I’ve got enough Penix, if you know what I mean

1
LemonJello

“Call me.”
-Deanna Favre

4
Sharkbait

Can’t root for them tonight. Sorry.

1
Mr. Ayo

No apologies necessary. This ass whooping will suffice

2
Mr. Ayo

Not the ass whooping I expected

1
Brocky

So, which of these teams should I be rooting against?

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Yes

0
LemonJello

Yes.

0
Mr. Ayo

Yes

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yes.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Maybe.

1
jjfozz

I’ve noticed that today’s cheerleaders aren’t as . . . top heavy as they used to be.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

I think the tops are crushing the boobies

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Modern sports bras have also changed the game

2
Doktor Zymm

It’s also much more of a sport nowadays, most of those gals are close to professional gymnasts or dancers with all the associated eating disorders and hormone screwups. They’ll grow bigger boobs when they retire.

6
Senor Weaselo

I’ve seen the documentary Bring It On!

2
King Hippo

“Once he gets his hands on you, he wants to get you to the ground.”

Wow, that is SUCH A RARE TRAIT in a defensive player.

7
ArmedandHammered

Or a rapist, which explains a hell of a lot.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Or Darren Sharper, who is both of those things.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Or Jim Jordan, who is not and never will be the Speaker of the House.

0
King Hippo

I mean u ever try raping someone while standing up smgdh

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Brock Turner did, and he’s still in Ohio and going by his middle name now apparently.

https://jezebel.com/women-are-warning-each-other-that-brock-turner-is-out-a-1849446450

Edit: more recent link here about rapist Allen Brock Turner: https://www.reddit.com/r/TheGirlSurvivalGuide/comments/11rrr48/cant_create_a_post_using_text_but_had_a_psa_brock/

Last edited 2 years ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
2
LemonJello

THIS WOLVERINE TEAM, I CALL THEM LARRY NASSER BECAUSE THEY ARE GOING TO ABUSE ALL THE MICHIGAN STATE ATHLETES ON THE FIELD TONIGHT

1
scotchnaut

The Gophers have won! They’re making really odd stilted movements dancing in the streets of Duluth* tonight!

*until 8:15, that’s when the curfew kicks in

3
herodotus450

That’s also when the glacier usually rolls in for the night.

3
Gumbygirl

Guess what tonight is !!! I’ll give you a hint, I’m going somewhere to do something with someone.

1
LemonJello

After all this waiting, you finally are going to see the Cult with Gumby?

4
Gumbygirl

Got it in one, woooooooooohooooooooo!

6
Gumbygirl

I could have sold the tickets the other day, but I didn’t want to make him feel bad.

4
LemonJello

After the concert, just casually comment on how you wished they had played all your favorite Cure songs.

3
King Hippo

when it’s over, tell him it was Just Like Heaven

3
Gumbygirl

I’ll sing him a Lullaby.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Then go home and look at some pictures of him.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Could you have sold them to a sanctuary? Because that would have been fire, woman.

2
LemonJello

I know the B1G* isn’t the most “academically rigorous” conference, but these college** kids put so much eye black on, even for a night game that you could almost accuse them of wearing blackface.

*Fuck Michigan

**for the sake of this comment, include U*NC in the college generalization

4
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

I’m shocked by the last picture. Well not me personally.

4
King Hippo

I was a little bemused how nobody at SI caught it!

1
ballsofsteelandfury

That’s actually the official ASU pitchfork hand signal

comment image?v=1645171413

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

It can be two things

1
King Hippo

Step 1 – They won’t call it if you hold every single galdurn play! – Koach Kiffin
Step 2 – Hold every single play
Step 3 – 3rd and 22
Step 4 – Get 21 on a draw play because playing Auburn

2
TheRevanchist

Wow. Those fans in the NC stands did not look like they were having fun.

0
King Hippo

I will write a haigiographic Thomas Jefferson post next week if Wahoowa really do this thing.*

*they will not

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I find it almost bemusing how little I care about college football. I SHOULD be into it based on my other likes and dislikes but I just can’t get excited about it.

2
King Hippo

The Bearistocrats! and Bastard Man Small Bears combine to make you sad enough already?

3
King Hippo

Most Mormon BYU guy name ever? Preston Rex.

Last edited 2 years ago by King Hippo
1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

That name typifies soaking

2
Gumbygirl

It always amazed me that Oral Roberts wasn’t Mormish.

1
King Hippo

They Live Together – Tallahasse!

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