TGIF! May your wrist ligaments still be intact. As none of you will remember, I fractured and dislocated my CMC joint which is the joint that connects the base of your thumb with your wrist. You folks have no idea the misery and humiliation having to learn to wipe with your non dominant hand. Curse my apartment management for forcing me to remove my bidet. It was their asshat maintenance flunky that didn’t tighten the nuts when they replaced the plunger that caused that leak! I miss it so much. Anyway, best of luck Burrow.

Survival – Personal Edition

Alright Playboy aficionados, time for the article. This week we’re going to ram a barricade. To be clear, this is not about proper bollards. Don’t mess with them.

• Identify the side of the barricade or gate that is locked. That’s the most vulnerable point of the barricade. If it’s a gate the opens from the middle, that’s your target zone.
• If the barricade or gate is operated my a motor or magnet, your job is much easier. Your vehicle can easily overpower the motor or magnet that controls the gate. Just nudge into it and then slowly depress your accelerator to open.
• Back to the locked barricades. Assuming you have a normal front engined vehicle, you’ll want to back into the barricade. If your vehicle is rear engined, it’s too valuable to damage and you obviously have another option, so use that. Anyway, the point is you don’t want to damage your engine, so use the other end of it.
• Depending on the sturdiness of the barricade you’ll need between only 30-45 mph to be successful. Aim for the weak spot, accelerate to your estimated speed, and maintain that through contact with the barrier. Make sure to scout the area behind the barricade to know if you need to make any turns or slow down immediately after breaching the barricade.
• Don’t forget to duck. A tall barricade can crash through the window and end your fun evening early.
• Look, you made some estimates, and you tried. The good thing is you followed this guide, so your vehicle is still working. Back up and try again. You can do it, sport!

Now that you’ve penetrated the secured area, go do you. Remember you can always replace that vehicle anyway.

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Survival – Species Edition

Time to put the sexy in Friday!

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!