Greetings people who are looking to avoid work on a Monday. Today I’m avoiding it entirely, because I took the day off. Why? Because I realized that I have something like 360 hours of stored up vacation time and I can’t cash it out, nor can I even donate it to people in my office who might need it. I actually asked about the latter and was told ‘no’ for ‘stupid reason goes here’ but I could donate it to a pool where people I don’t know could use it, or something, but I stopped listening because if I don’t know you you are not getting my vacation time. The result is I will be disappearing on a lot of Fridays and Mondays when the weather’s good.
That said, a mock draft we need and a mock draft you shall have, even if I likely won’t be around much because I’ve got a list of errands to run and things to address that could make a mock draft of its own. ‘Things Horatio Needs To Do That I Will Do For Him’ would be great for me, but probably draw the most limited response of any mock draft in the history of the world.
With that said, (and with the word salad now over 200 words!), this week we’re going to be drafting world-changing events. They can be man-made or natural. They can be acute or chronic. If it happened, and it had a significant effect on the world as we know it today, you can draft it.
Our commissioner is the one and only Sir David Attenborough,
seen here meeting with the DFO branch from the North Atlantic. Sir David’s calm, soothing voice will get us through a series of choices involving volcanoes, plagues, pollution, and, inevitably, a certain failed Austrian painter.
With the first pick I will take the Permian-Triassic Extinction Event, a truly bad-ass event that occurred over 250 million years ago, was likely the result of volcanic eruptions in Siberia that basically poisoned everything while also superheating the planet, wiped out 70% of terrestrial vertebrae species, and which will, with any luck, recur sometime between now and November 5, 2024.
Either that or, as suggested in the feature image, that smug bastard Otto the Orange had something to do with it.
The rest of you are on the clock.
![[DOOR FLIES OPEN]](https://doorfliesopen.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/DFO-MC-Patch.png)












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