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Your Very Last NFL Football-Free Thursday Night For Quite Some Time Open Thread

scotchnaut

/

,

God, I love awkwardly-phrased post titles, don’t you? I’ve got a few things to pass on.

-Malik Nabers was granted permission by the members of Ray Flaherty’s family to wear #1 which is a retired jersey.  That number was retired wayyyy back in 1935. Apparently it was the first number to be retired across all pro sports. My guess would have been the Yankees. Nabers wore #8 in college but that’s worn by the guy that will be throwing him “full body cast” balls starting next week.

-Someone that doesn’t have to worry about uniform numbers? KADARIUS! HA!

-Fantasy fans were on the edge of their seats, wondering which Pats qb would go undrafted in their leagues-it’s Brissett.

-Jets Update: Formerly perpetually injured wr Mike Williams is no longer injured. He credits his recovery to a steady diet of Aaron Rodgers-approved fried pangolin brains.

-The Browns freed up 36 mil by paying Watson a bonus. They now have the most cap space in the league (good) and a QB that has converted that payment into five dollar bills. (bad)

-Useless to everyone else in the league, Dalvin Cook has been signed by next-level backward-thinking Dallas GM Jerrah Jones. Will Cook be able to beat out Totally Gassed Zeke and Rico Dreidel?

-As I noted, Noah Brown was immediately snorfed up off the waivers and it was done by the Commies. I think he pushes Zaccheaus to the third spot. (not a big fan of Washington making good decisions)

That’s it for the NFL-your hate watch tonight is Colorado vs Something Dakota

Enjoy.

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Unsurprised

The hardest thing to buy in Sicario is all the guys telling Emily Blunt she looks like shit. A huge problem with movies these days is that everyone is so fucking pretty it’s surreal.

It’s also so conspicuously shot in and around Albuquerque for 90% of the movie, except for the scenes that had to be shot in Mexico City or El Paso.

2
rockingdog

They’re making a funny/scary movie about the Y2K thing!
Directed by Jonah Hill & written by Kyle Mooney!

Seems Rockingggg!

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=P4f9gCTLhYs&pp=ygUOTW92aWUgdHJhaWxlcnM%3D

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I enjoyed my very first fruit from my passion fruit vine this evening. In cocktail form, of course.

3
blaxabbath

Did you create the old Raiders stand-by:

Passion for Violence

4
blaxabbath

Something got at my papaya.

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1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Some rats kept stealing my blood oranges. They’re dead now.

1
ArmedandHammered

You have Scotchy come down and deal with them?

0
rockingdog

Found a funny:

[restaurant]

Beaver: I’d like the willow boughs to start, and an Aspen log for my main course

The mushrooms at the next table: ooo we should get that

3
Unsurprised

I heartily recommend Timberline vodka.

0
Unsurprised

Being a fatass makes getting genuinely drunk so hard and expensive. It’s shouldn’t be like J.D. Vance trying to buy a Restoration Hardware couch

1
blaxabbath

How big and how hard?

What if you just gave like, 3 litres of blood first?

Litter of cola says you could substitute it for three liters of cola!

1
Unsurprised

That’s not a bad idea.

1
Unsurprised

Oh, come the fuck on.

https://www.cia.gov/resources/csi/static/review-death-of-stalin.pdf

  1. I’m pretty sure that Molotov was on the list, not Malenkov. Malenkov was your classic Useful Idiot.
  2. Veep has been proven to be a prescient documentary, which sucks because the last two seasons were garbage. But it also means we’re due a competent president like Richard Splett some time around 2044.
3
Don T

Two cents: I hated Veep at first because all characters were hateful or pathetic. When Kent and Splett came in, Veep became thoroughly enjoyable for me. The last season was hardcore, which I liked. It takes guts to go all in on incest jokes and everyone’s stupidity.

0
WCS

Hippo only had to get to sixth pill tonight.

3
Unsurprised

Maybe I should try pills since I was raised to look down on pot.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Colardo gets a ton of help from the officials and barely beats a (very good) FCS team.

Time for the college media to start blowing Coach Prime again!

2
Horatio Cornblower

Moving back towards Connecticut from Montreal with the speed of Benedict Arnold, (if you get that reference you also majored in history, and are a huge nerd), we’ve stopped in Burlington, VT to visit my son.

Went out to dinner with my son and his gf tonight, (hey, guess what, Dad picked up another check! Lawyers, amirite?), and I wore my Mike Liut replica Whalers jersey. Shout out to Royal Retros and Vietnamese sweatshops!

On the way out the guy taking ideas says something to the effect of “Hey, that’s a really cool shirt! What team is it?”

I explain the Whalers-Hurricane thing, then urge him to buy any Whalers jerseys from Royal Retros and not the NHL, because fuck Gary Bettman right in the face. Then one of his co-workers comes up and says “cool shirt, what team is that?” and right about then I realized that I need to start pricing nursing homes.

Last edited 1 year ago by Horatio Cornblower
11
WCS

Yeah, but how does any of that impact Auston Matthews’ Hart Trophy chances?

4
SonOfSpam

Wait…Carolina WASN’T one of the Original Six?

Learn something new every day here.

3
Horatio Cornblower

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Unsurprised

Lawyers, amirite?

See, this is why I decided to just pursue a career as a humble civil servant maxed out at my promotional potential.

0
Unsurprised

LOL. The CIA reviewed Sicario.

https://www.cia.gov/resources/csi/static/Sicario.pdf

0
Horatio Cornblower

They used a lot of words to say “It’s kind of fun and unbelievably stupid”

3
Gumbygirl

You expected brevity from a government agency?

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Your tax dollars at work!

/not my tax dollars. mine get spent on LSD research

5
blaxabbath

Mine build the fucking roads so get out my goddamn way!!!

2
WCS

The ref is doesn’t skip the gym.

1
WCS

At least WVU won’t have the opportunity to screw up against COACH PRIME this season.
That would be such a WVU thing to do, I’d bet Duke WCS’s college savings with Other Hippo on the Buffs.

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(artist’s conception)

Offer quadrupled if WVU would have a playoff berth on the line, and CU was 4-8.

Last edited 1 year ago by WCS
6
SonOfSpam

I think you open against Paedo St. If that’s true then geaux cousinfuckers!

1
WCS

38 hours > now

1
SonOfSpam

Is the couch already soaked in accelerant?

1
WCS

Cross that bridge when we get there. There’s no shortage quick accelerants within reasonable range.

4
Unsurprised

Someone else still calls them that!

1
Unsurprised

BTW, since I just learned there’s another movie about Reality Winner being released, if you want to actually see Sydney Sweeney act, you should watch “Reality” on Max or your favorite streaming (ARRR) website.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m still floored that she was caught because those idiot fucking journalists didn’t sanitize those documents properly. Fucking idiots.

2
WCS

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1
Horatio Cornblower

I have no interest in actually seeing Sydney Sweeney act.

1
Unsurprised

She’s in Daisy Dukes

0
Unsurprised

I’ve had an assful and a half of dystopian movies and media.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Not until you’ve read Cormac McCarthy’s ‘The Road’ you haven’t.

JEEEEEEEEEEEEESUS Christ.

0
SonOfSpam

That was a tad bleak.

0
Horatio Cornblower

A bit.

0
Mr. Ayo

It was a heartwarming father-son adventure! They even made it to a beach!

7
Horatio Cornblower

Beaches! Camping! Hiking! Cookouts!

What more could you ask for?

4
Unsurprised

That’s the problem. Everyone wishes they were half as clever and competent at storytelling as Cormac is. It’s not that I oppose dystopias. I helped write material for one for over a decade. It’s that they are so fucking lazy and bad.

That said, I am mostly angry that no one has any hope.

1
Redshirt

Travis Hunter said Coach Prime’s style of coaching was preparing his players for the NFL. Guess he neglected to mention it was playing for the Panthers.

11
Unsurprised

Damn

3
Gumbygirl

That was a sick burn!

3
litre_cola

I got Western Kentucky and Western Carolina mixed up. I have never heard of Western Carolina.

2
ArmedandHammered

Neither has most of the state of NC.

7
ArmedandHammered

Western is like the university of community colleges.

0
Horatio Cornblower

That’s funny, because Western Connecticut State, (Go Colonels!), is barely acknowledged as part of the State system, and at least recently was nearly out of money and apparently on the verge of no longer existing.

Must be more of that East Coast elitism.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“It’s basically Narnia.” – Olivia Manning, who has been using Western Carolina as a bedtime story staple for the last thirty years.

4
Unsurprised

“Tell us another one about the Catamount!” – Eli and his kids to nana

2
ArmedandHammered

We called them the catamites.

4
SonOfSpam

Is NC State still tied at 14 with Western Cackalacky and if so, can someone do a wellness check on Hippo?

3
jjfozz

If your name is “Quint” your parents were obsessed with Jaws.

4
SonOfSpam

If your name is “Yentl” your parents were obsessed with J

Yes, that is true.

3
ArmedandHammered

Or you were the fifth quintuplet born.

1
ArmedandHammered

The third on born (Triad) had to change his name before traveling to Asia. fuck there is a better joke in there somewhere

0
herodotus450

Didn’t Deion play for the Reds at some point? Yet another reason to throw him out with the bathwater.

3
jjfozz

Colorado o line continues is tradition of crapulence

0
jjfozz

The two biggest hellraisers in the house

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3
Gumbygirl

Awww!

1
litre_cola

The dog and the couch? – JD Vance

9
Unsurprised

The couch doesn’t know to keep its cushions shut

4
jjfozz

So today, at the lawyers, when the dude asked who should be the executor of the will, my mother looked at my brother in law and said, “he should do it.”

Yeah, that felt awesome.

0
Redshirt

My uncles and aunts decided to give it to my dad. Second worst thing that’s ever happened to him in his life. And ALS only won by a photo finish.

2
blaxabbath

Can’t AI do this stuff now?

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s pretty depressing to watch the ads for it, which are basically like “thanks to Google’s [whatever], your child won’t even need to bother to learn how to read!”

1
Senor Weaselo

It went to the parentals Weaselo for their parents, but that’s because

A) My uncle never visited my grandparents for the last, I don’t know, 5 years? Certainly once my grandmother passed. (And is the one suing them!)

B) My aunts on Madre’s side would not be able to do a damned thing.

0
Horatio Cornblower

If it makes you feel any better, being an executor sucks and guarantees that everyone else will hate you.

1
jjfozz

Hurm

0
WCS

COACH PRIME

0
jjfozz

COACH ASSHOLE

2
blaxabbath

“You just gotta watch to see what he does!”

-Fuckwits I Am Better Than

1
jjfozz

My wife, who knows as much about football as Travis Kelce knows about humility, thinks Coach Prime is “really great.” I don’t even know her anymore.

4
herodotus450

Shedeur Sanders beating the defensive backs’ coverage like he beat his secondary school principal

4
Redshirt

(sees long chunk play given up by Colorado)

“Odd, that looks strangely familiar…”

TV: “Colorado’s new Defensive Coordinator was the Secondary Coach for the Cincinnati Bengals for the previous eight years.”

“…ah, now I get it.”

10
Redshirt

The Reds won a one run game? Is that legal?!

0
SonOfSpam

Well, it was against Oakland Sacramento Las Vegas the A’s, so

3
Redshirt

Hey, we’re playing our AA pitchers. If this continues, even I may get a start.

3
SonOfSpam

A guy in my Roto league tried to trade Lodolo to me, describing him as “an ace” and oh how I laughed. (Good arm, may put it together someday, but today is not that day)

Last edited 1 year ago by SonOfSpam
3
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

This year is my first time playing Fantasy Baseball since 2012 (DAHHKIE CHICKEN remains my favorite fantasy team name ever), and someone tried to trade me Sean Manaea for Jeremy Pena straight up. He dropped Sean immediately after I rejected the trade.

3
Redshirt

Yeah, just your standard, ordinary, drunk off its ass game.

IMG_0135.jpeg
2
Redshirt

Go __________Dakota!

2
Gumbygirl

My nephew goes to Dakota State University. Still not entirely sure which one, I think South? Who can tell the difference? It was quite the culture shock for the SoCal boy, but they have one of the best cyber security programs in the country, believe it or not. He’s kind of awkward and shy, so a smaller school worked best for him.

2
SonOfSpam

Middle Dakota State?

1
Gumbygirl

Nope, just Dakota State. No direction given, they don’t want you to know qhere it is. Cyber security, you see!

2
Gumbygirl

Where. My fucking phone is a Nazi. Always with the q!

2
WCS

Eastern

0
King Hippo

Ruling from the Clubhouse? I suggested this as FITBAW walk out of the tunnel music. One of my fellow Wolven Sort said it would need to be “walk not run” with the players all nonsmiling and business like. Which I think would be kinda badass.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHocVRUlvkk

2
Redshirt

Agree with the walk don’t run. Everyone runs out excited. I’d have my team walk out to both conserve energy and for intimidation.

2
King Hippo

whatever they did tonight ain’t working. OY.

1
ArmedandHammered

Did you really expect anything different? Did you? Really?

2
King Hippo

Against Western? Yes. But even so, that was asking FOAR trouble,

1
ArmedandHammered

WESTERN?? hahahahahahahahahah deep breath hahahahahahahahahahahahaha, the if you can’t got to college go to Western?

2
King Hippo

aka UCLA (for the non-Cakalaky, that’s University of Culhowee Left of Asheville)

3
Senor Weaselo

“And with 40 lb. suits on!” -Deontay Wilder, currently flat on his back because the right didn’t flatten the other guy

0
blaxabbath

Never understood the point of sprinting out all hyped up….then settling in to pre-games.

0
SonOfSpam

Yes. Walk, Don’t Run is a good idea.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jg8r4CfoZLI

2
ArmedandHammered

I love surf music.

3
SonOfSpam

It’s a mood, and a really good one.

3
ArmedandHammered

And this is an actual band, not one of the comedy ones.

1
Gumbygirl

The Ventures were really great at it.

0
fleshwound_NPG

caitlin clark has learned the final lesson in being a great basketball player from her teammate: on defense, get your hands on as many balls as you can

https://x.com/chloepeterson67/status/1828969140876358116

3
SonOfSpam

Gonna make me a fan.

2
Senor Weaselo

“YOU KNOW WHO DOESN’T GET THAT? NORTH KOREA!” -Awful Coaching

1
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