![[DOOR FLIES OPEN]](https://doorfliesopen.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/DFO-MC-Patch.png)
Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
We are all sharks, circling, and waiting for traces of blood to appear in the water [in bed].
Allan Clark
Okay, think we covered this a few days ago, but if there’s blood in your pee, go see a fucking doctor.
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
Same as it ever was…
BeefReeferLives
Sleeping behind the wheel of a large automobile sounds more like something Britt Reid would specialize in.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
The way the Bears manage to lose relatively close games, barely losses have become Bearly Losses.
Unsurprised
THIS BRONCOS D I CALL THEM VINCENTE MINNELLI BECAUSE THEY’RE COMPLETELY IGNORING JEUDY AND HITTING ON OTHER GUYS INSTEAD
SonOfSpam
I have to respect Aikman and Buck for calling out some unbelievably shitty refereeing here.
Too bad about the upcoming fatwa Herr Goddell is about to issue.
Horatio Cornblower
Joe Buck talking about Hank Azaria reminds me of Buck’s finest moment, replying to a question from Hank’s character in ‘Brockmire’ with “I’m from Florida; of course I’ve had a finger up my ass.”
Horatio Cornblower
I love how Aikman keeps finding ways to circle the conversation back so he can continue to trash DeShaun Watson.
ThePirateSloth
Today was one of the best days of my life.
Brick Meathook
I reconnected with a bunch of old Navy buddies from 30 years ago. I thought most of them were dead. Instead, it was like we had just spoken a week ago.
Brick Meathook
No Manningcast? We are in hell.
Gumbygirl
Eli has a big coloring project due tomorrow.
SonOfSpam
I just did an Apple Command-F to see if the word “brick” was in this post. It wasn’t.
Move on folks, nothing to see here.
Brick Meathook
My house went live on the MLS today. First showing is tomorrow. On Thursday I’m going to Riverside with my cat to babysit SIL’s pets for a week. Hopefully the real estate agent will have a bunch of showings while I’m over there. It would be easier for me, and certainly the cat, to get this wrapped up quickly.Let us pray there are some newly retired Boomers looking for a reasonably priced house in a nice over 55 community!
Gumbygirl
THIS GUY RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY I CALL HIM STEVE MCNAIR BECAUSE HE TRIED TO PLAY THROUGH FIVE DIFFERENT INJURIES TONIGHT.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Well, if the fifth injury tonight was a bullet in the head, good on you for posting.
THAT’S GOOD HUSTLE
WCS
Re-post from last post:
Ongoing DFO storylines I am curious about:
Spur’s work Gambit
Blax’ patent drama
Dok’s new job
Yeah Right’s retirement in Portugal
WCS’ job as a 911 operator
Blax’ Hawaiian volcano lair
BeerGuyRob’s Union negotiations
Litre’s trip to see the Cure in Pasadena
Toronto DFO meetup in April
RTD’s acting neighbors
Brick’s new website
ballsofsteelandfury
New job is going well, I still like it after 3 months so that’s good. Full remote remains awesome, working on interesting stuff, manager and team are great. The CEO is named MANLIO which is a pretty fantastic name for a CEO.
Doktor Zymm
I got the patent in. I guess it takes like a year of waiting now? I don’t have all my hardware built out so, practically, I have a stupid patent filing. Nothing special.
I’ve been mum on Hawaii because, since the Ballot Box Insurrection, it’s been hard to joke non-braggadociously about my little spot. But the facts are first phase stuff seems to be getting done before we arrive (flooring; moved a doorway; new kitchen; interior paint; and then all the new furniture is a thing) and now I’m working on how to make a good Santa Christmas Magic Trick Illusion for the six-year old for Christmas morning. The next stuff for the house will be the bathrooms and some exterior work – nothing nuts. Honestly, the place just has a lot of delayed maintenance that we’ll have plenty of time to get done between January and like June when school gets out. The unknown is permitting for the pool and casita structure. I’m sure it’ll take a little while but I feel like, maybe, having it in by next Christmas should be a pretty reasonable timeline. But I dunno — this will be our first run there and I’m just amped to getting in my 808 reps.
blaxabbath
Still a work in progress:
https://lousylousylounge.com
Brick Meathook
That rose picture is stunning. You are tremendously talented, Brick! I was grabbing some pictures and memes from Gumby’s phone and I came across these
Gumbygirl
The yeah right retires in Portugal is still 100% go.
A few weeks back I turned 63 and did my annual check in with social security and check the investments thing.
They’re doing good but not retire in 2 years good.
I’m counting down and under 4 years now.
If youngest right can’t do Japan this year then there is a strong possibility I’m going to visit Lisbon, two out of my 3 areas of research.
I’ll probably throw in a few days in Spain because why the fuck not.
Got any intel on San Sebastian?
We’re doing fine and in the meantime I’m seeing the world, baby.
Pretty strong chance that I’m going to leave right after the LA Olympics.
Keep on grinding.
yeah right
Accurate.
Redshirt
So, not a great time to be the leader of a healthcare company in a country awash in anger, guns, and medical debt.
My thoughts and prayers are pending approval as being necessary.
Horatio Cornblower
/DOOR FLIES OPEN
Is this on?
clears throat
BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME AS LOWRATIO LEAGUE COMMISSIONER BY BLEERGH, DOINK, BLAPPT, SHAN’KHLOR AND THE REMAINING PANTHEON OF FOOTBALL DEITIES, I HEREBY MAKE IT KNOWN THAT THERE WILL NOW BE SIX TEAMS IN THE LOWRATIO LEAGUE PLAYOFFS THAT WILL START NEXT WEEK. TOP FOUR (SEMIFINALISTS) WILL…
coughcoughwheezecough
Where was I?
WILL BE PROMOTED INTO THE FREEZER VODKA LEAGUE NEXT SEASON!
/microphone feedback
/dick joke
/DOOR FLIES SHUT
LemonJello
It’s funny, I really don’t mind assembing Ikea furniture. It’s the shopping part that strips my will to live.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
My suggestion would be to glue the dowels in, I find it helps the stuff stay together longer and makes the thing stronger
Game Time Decision
Rikki ten minutes later (artist’s conception):
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Been reading some of the comments in the r/nursing section of Reddit and they are BRUTAL.
“Thank you for choosing United Healthcare for your healthcare needs. After a careful review of the claim submitted for emergency services on December 4, 2024, we regret to inform you that your request for coverage has been denied.
Our denial is based on the following findings:
1) Lack of Prior Authorization:
Our records indicate that you failed to obtain prior authorization before seeking care for the gunshot wound to your chest. While we acknowledge the emergent nature of the situation, our policy requires that all non-preventative services, including “unexpected chest injuries,” be pre-approved through our 24/7 Prior Authorization Hotline. Unfortunately, our hotline received no such call during your ambulance transport or at any point before your admission to the emergency room.
2) Failure to Provide Medical Necessity:
The submitted documentation does not sufficiently demonstrate that treatment for a penetrating chest wound meets the definition of “medically necessary.” Our guidelines specify that life-threatening conditions must be substantiated with a second opinion from a network provider, preferably before care is rendered.”
BeefReeferLives
fleshwound_NPG
https://bsky.app/profile/kleinman.bsky.social/post/3lcm47aphps2f
fleshwound_NPG
Shit is getting real at work. The company that took over outsources its Ops Team from South Asia. My full team got laid off and I still on for 1 week of contract – “Consult” work. Told by their HR not to post hours unless booked for a meeting. It took them until Tuesday to speak to me. By then the Ops mailboxes we backed up since Nov 26. They tried to yell at me for not watching the Ops boxes – told them its no longer my job, I only consult on how to process the work.
Now their Teams are double booking my calendar for knowledge dumps, asking if I can stay past Friday. Hell no! I told them am out at 3pm on Friday. I going to the bar to DRINK!
Spur
Fuck man , sorry to hear that. I hope you can find employment soon as you so desire to be employed.
ArmedandHammered
I landed a job the last day of old owner, start on Dec 16. its a big (evil) multinational Corp. I even got a slight raise at the new job. I was unemployed for 4 hours. I want to claim those hours of unemployment. The new CEO offered a job on Monday. Fuck no.
Spur
It felt cathartic on Monday telling the sales staff to basically fuck off, go ask your new manager. I turned off my Teams by 9am, i have nothing to do with the new owners but consulting when they reached out.
I’m not dropping your Order. Fuck off, ask your new manager.
You need the buyers info and you’re too stupid to look in CRM. Fuck off, ask your new manager.
No idea if Tina took the offer. Fuck off, ask your new manager.
IT isnt picking calls. Fuck off, ask your new manager.
I cried at the end of day on Monday. It was awesome.
Spur
Got a new couch. It came in 15 boxes yesterday. Mrs. Fozz and I worked on it together, not a drop of blood was shed, but the term “you fucking asshole” came up a few times. I mean, she was being an asshole.
jjfozz
I would drink this, and I’m not a fan of brown liquor. Off topic immediately, but I just saw someone call the CEO killer the
” Insurance Adjuster” lol
Gumbygirl
In the spirit of sexy Friday I think I’ll go browse poor quality and potentially hilarious lingerie on Temu
Doktor Zymm
/wifey is on me to drink less lately
Me: “Honey, I have to meet up with Energy Vampire to talk about funeral details.”
Me Again: [Gets home after four hours of discussion]
Wifey: “How many olives do you want in your martini?”
Me: “I love you.”
scotchnaut
McAfee is the kind of guy you’d like to see chased down by a psycho with a harpoon.
2Pack
problem is…he likely is the psycho with the harpoon
King Hippo
football is stupid
WCS
And so are we, perfect fit.
SonOfSpam
Alright, so here’s a candidate for Dumbfuck of the Week:
Routine traffic stop turns into assault of a police office with a vehicle, and then our supergenius rolls his vehicle down a hillside two blocks away trying to flee.
Captain Car Crash here has now tried to flee on foor, has been for about 20 minutes. Here’s the thing: he’s clearly leaking oil, and likely seriously injured.
Since no one else is here, I’m just going to rivebrog this as it happens. There’s no way this doesn’t make the news, so it’s fine.
WCS
22: 49 UPDATE: He’s been detained.
WCS
He’s got a concussion and a leg injury at the very least.
WCS
THIS NEW YORK TEAM, I CALL THESE GUYS BOEING BECAUSE THEY ARE SOME SHITTY JETS!
LemonJello
This is Flopsy. She is 1 and a half years old. She was not trying to eat my phone, just begging for treats
Doktor Zymm
(v/o Seductive Female Voice)
“For Christmas, make your loved one smell like a McDonalds fry cook, Diet Coke, spray tan, flop sweat, and success.”
(v/o male voice at 2x Micro Machine Man Voice Speed)
“Trump Fragrances is a subsidiary of Amalgamated Industrial Waste, LLC, a division of the Trump Organization. Testing was not complete per orders by Elon Musk and Robert Kennedy Jr, but preliminary testing revealed side effects of elevated heart rate, hives, rash, spontaneous constipated diarrhea, rapid hair transplants to other parts of the body, Barclay Protomorphosis Syndrome, may cause your Pokemon to evolve without the use of an Evolutionary Stone or Conditions, and spontaneous gender reassignment. Trump Fragrances must be stored in a dark area when not in use and not be fed after 12 noon. Trump Fragrances has dissolved Happy Fun Ball. HMIS Rating: 4-4-4-K”
(v/o Seductive Female Voice)
“Smell like a winner. Smell like Trump.”
Redshirt
Beautiful day for Jennings
Doktor Zymm
happy aaron rodgers and the ny jets have been eliminated day to all that celebrate (everyone)
fleshwound_NPG
Charger’s the Error Tour will never conclude
Gatoraids
It’s Alive, It’s Alive
Gatoraids
Whelp, we’ve seen (unfortunately) Paintn’ Manning and Debatin’ Manning.
Is Masterbatin’ Manning next? Only time will tell.
BeefReeferLives
Baggin’ Manning
Unsurprised
Taint’n Manning
LemonJello
Wednesday night I started pissing blood. S results ame as Thursday, all day. We wasn’t nt to my PCP on Friday and he said UTI.
Saturday morning I wasn’t feeling right, and by Sarlturday evening I wasn’ peeing. Drips and drabs results and constant agony. Best in mind I’m following UTI instructions and drinking lots of water. So Kathy and I go the ER. I get a catheter, big fun, while test results happen. On-call doctor (the only one they have) says we need to check in and look at deeper tests. In the meantime, that catheter gets blocked by clots in the bladder. That fuckin’ hurt!
So doctor said we need a fancy catheter that flushes out the clots. The nurses come in and they try to install this. I’m already in pain from the old catheter not working. They cannot get it to work! There is a clot that’s too big, and can’t be pulled out of the catheter. Two nurses and two doctors are doing the old monkeys fucking thing, on my dick! I have literally never felt anything this Kathy can’t bear to watch and I am writhing in agony. So the doctor says, “clot removal surgery at 11:30. This was 6 AM and I am in serious pain.
The monkey fuckers put a smaller cath in there too to theoretically drain some piss off my bladder. It doesn’t, it just drips blood, everywhere. Now I’m in pain and dripping blood everywhere. I can’t find anywhere to rest, except the bathroom. Again, the bladder is overfull, but can’t be emptied. I am in constant pain at this point.
Finally, I get the surgery. Doctor said it normally takes about twenty minutes, but mine took two hours. He said they were huge ones in there. Grapefruit, baseballs, shit like that. Enlarged prostate bled, and clots blocked my urethra. Anyway, when I wake up it still hurts because it’s still full of blood and water. It’s actually getting better and the cath should be removed by Friday.
BugEyedBoo
Nightmare fuel. Be well boo.
litre_cola
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
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