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Catler Day Open Thread

King Hippo

/

,

Oh dear Sweet Baby Jeebus, so many things in the (sweltering, unpleasantly musty) June air that I doooooonnnnn’t caaaaaarrrrre about:

  • Infantino’s public display of self-fellatio (ie, the Club World Cup)
  • Trump/Musk kayfabe lovers’ quarrel (after the first hour of mild amusement)
  • fucking baseball (now that the #BFIB Prague Spring is over)
  • 2025 Q-aron Yinzers (but do bet the house on 10+ losses and Mike Tomlin finally getting the sack)
  • climate change (society broke from the mild stressor that was COVID, no fucking way can we tackle sommet that would require real sacrifices and real, cooperative effort)
  • birthday-related shite
  • NBA playoffs, or kvetching about ratings and lack of NY/BOS/LA yada yada
  • fucking transfer rumoUrs

Congrats to Uzbeki-bekistan for making the 2026 World Cup, though.  Hippo plans to boycott that completely, given the dumb format and the Trump/Infantino fascist cosplay exercises.  Assuming Hippo, or any of us for that matter (convinced somebody launches their nukes within 5-10 years, but ain’t psychic or anything).

What are YOU not caring about these days?  Do tell.

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Brick Meathook

I made a perfect trifecta pick on the Belmont! Too bad I forgot to place a bet.

3
Doktor Zymm

So tomorrow I’m going to drive down to the eastern suburbs of LA to return that shitty hammock stand. They don’t pay for return shipping and that thing is bulky and heavy so I figure it’s about the same cost or a little cheaper to drive to the warehouse plus I also get a roadtrip out of it

2
WCS

To the Hammock District!

3
ballsofsteelandfury

Exactly how far East? Like Gumbygirl territory?

0
Doktor Zymm

Azusa. I’m staying overnight in Covina then dropping off hammock stand on Monday

Oh, and there’s a West Covina location of Porto’s so I’m also gonna get a bunch of baked goods for the drive back

Last edited 10 months ago by Doktor Zymm
2
Brick Meathook

Covina > West Covina

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Then I highly recommend that you go to Donut Man in Glendora. It’s right next door to Azusa and their donuts are famous for being good.

You might want to grab a box for the drive home too.

1
Doktor Zymm

Sweet! (both literally and figuratively!)

1
Doktor Zymm

OMG
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3
ballsofsteelandfury

Yeah

0
Doktor Zymm

Oh, they’re 24 hour so I can stop there on my way in!

1
ballsofsteelandfury

If you go late night, you’ll probably get the college crowd from the Claremont colleges. Assuming they’re still in session. Who knows anymore. All the schedules are weird now.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Unless things have changed, they would be well finished by now.

1
BC Dick

I am not caring about my liver today. She will get all the rye whisky Alberta can produce.
Nor will I care about my stomach. The fish and pork tacos I had sitting on my passenger seat for hours in the hot sun yesterday will not go to waste.
If I soil myself mowing the lawn tomorrow it will not be a mystery to me and will only confirm the neighbours’ misgivings.

11
Brick Meathook

THAT’S GOOD HUSTLE

5
WCS

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(artist’s rendition)

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We also would have accepted…

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2
yeah right

Here we are at the ballet.

Maybe hold off on being a grandparent as long as possible.

7
WCS

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Enjoying all the meats of the cultural stew, are ya?

4
yeah right

Torrance is incredibly diverse and the ballet troop shows it.

0
Senor Weaselo

ALL THE MENDELSSOHN!

/It’s still Midsummer Night’s Dream, right? Arguably one of my favorite Shakespeare plays!

2
yeah right

It was. The music was incredible.

0
King Hippo

#BFIB have held Los Doyers to 17 straight scoreless innings so far. And counting.

1
Jimbo

Tied now señor hippo.

1
King Hippo

fucking Helsley

0
Mr. Ayo

Petards have been hoisted.

2
Jimbo

We don’t use that word anymore..oh Petards

6
King Hippo

the Devil Magick was strong enough to overcome Hippo petardery (no ofence to any Corky’s out thar)

3
Doktor Zymm

High schoolers would appreciate Hamlet way more if we explained that this is a fart joke
https://interestingliterature.com/2020/07/hoist-with-his-own-petard-phrase-origins-meaning/

5
BC Dick

Maybe a robot or a clock would fix that? Perhaps some sort of lengthy mid-game review.

0
litre_cola

Canadia showing no mercy on the Ukrainians.

0
King Hippo

tell Mykolynko Hippo sez HAI

0
litre_cola

Who’s ready for some Albania v Serbia in the footy? I am sure it will totally be peaceful in Tirana today.

4
King Hippo

may each side finish with 8 on the pitch

1
King Hippo

I would enjoy a jug band cover of Kraftwerk’s Trans-Europa Express. WHY HAS THIS NOT MATERIALIZED.

0
WCS

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(Jug notes in German)

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How the fuck is it Saturday in America and the only sports worth watching were provided by the FUCKING FROGS?

1
SonOfSpam

Where were they fucking and who won?

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I apologize for my outburst, I’m just in a bad mood because apparently I threw out a vacuum attachment I wasn’t supposed to when I threw out a bunch of other attachments I *was* supposed to and the Dr. Mrs. is going to be mad at me.

6
SonOfSpam

Ooh, that sucks.

On the plus side, VACUUM ATTACHMENT SHOPPING SPREE!

3
WCS

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Gumbygirl

Here’s what’s going to happen. She won’t be able to get the attachment, so she’ll buy a new vacuum. But she’ll keep the old one because it’s great at picking up ________.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s actually what’s *already* happened. She only knew what the discarded attachment was for because a new one came with the replacement vacuum.

4
scotchnaut

My CBC News feed (funded by the federal government, of course) is hitting me with constant Trump stuff. “Trump News Derangement Engagement More Clickment” is a thing.

1
Redshirt

I’m waiting for the Dementia to progress to the point where Trump rages against past shows and movies that he says has Trump Derangement Syndrome.

(watching The Ten Commandments)

“No adultery?! No murder?! I’m the President, why is Hollywood trying to limit the powers of the presidency?! Also, that voice of “God” doesn’t sound anything like me!!!”

0
King Hippo

I want the stage where he grabs his own poo out of his backside and lobs it at the press corps.

While the “new media” taint-lickers jockey for position so they receive Herr Fuhrer’s fecal blessings.

2
BC Dick

They shouldn’t have it succumb to that with all the money they get. I could do without the internet and tv cbc but I told the MP at my door cutting cbc radio funding was a non-starter for me. I need Derek Seguin on the debaters or life is not worth living.

0
Redshirt

Stop me if you’ve heard this one…

Former Bengals player Adam “Pacman” Jones arrested Saturday morning in Covington

6
King Hippo

Pacman gon’ shine. And Pacman gon’ drank.

2
scotchnaut

When the definitive history of the United States is written, “Black Fellas Being Arrested For Being Black” is one of the first three chapters.

5
Redshirt

You are correct but I doubt skin color has much to do with this one. It does a little but reverse the skin color and he’s now a drunken white trash in the back of a squad car.

1
Doktor Zymm

This was Kentucky, they don’t arrest people for being drunken white trash there, they’d be at it all night

Last edited 10 months ago by Doktor Zymm
0
Gumbygirl

Sure they do. I’ve seen them on cops. But they have to add some extra flair or the cops don’t bother.

1
Doktor Zymm

Does the flair come from meth?

0
2Pack

Hippo sounds like he needs some shoulders today…

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4
King Hippo

Speaking of, I betcha whoever plays “Juliette” on Silo has killer shoulders. But I am only halfway through Book 1 (of 3) so I can nae google her.

1
WCS

GADZOOKS

1
scotchnaut

/actual small town interaction that occurred last week while taking my mother to an institution to finalize some financial matters related to my sister’s passing

Mother: “Oh, wait. You grew up on our street! You must know scotchnaut, right.”

Bank Manager: [brief glance between us] “Uh yeah.”

Me: [lowered voice] “Of course.”

Background: We felt each other up at a few parties
four decades ago.

10
Horatio Cornblower

“I know you from somewhere but I can’t put my finger on…no, wait, there it is!!”

3
2Pack

Did you give her a wink?

3
scotchnaut

“Knowing Look” exchanged between us was as far as things went.

4
scotchnaut

Old Man Stalin Alert:

“This Aryna Sabalenka woman-she is strong, has a powerful back. She could lift bales of hay into the tractor just three days before giving birth to strong Soviet boys. Her breasts could feed an entire Worker’s Council!” [adjusts pants]

9
King Hippo

Stakhavonite serve, comrade?

0
Horatio Cornblower

Gauf, more like ‘Goof’ amirite?

0
Horatio Cornblower

(I think she heard me)

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Indeed she did.

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0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve taken the liberty of informing Ms. Sabalenka that you are the reason she lost.

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1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And helpfully provided her with your address.

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0
Gumbygirl

Fuck, don’t they test for steroids any more? I bet her balls are tiny.

3
Doktor Zymm

I learned the Ukrainian word for ‘meteor’

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13
King Hippo

the Ukes are just dope af, ain’t they?

2
Doktor Zymm

They’re pretty awesome, I strongly considered moving to Kyiv before the Russian escalation

1
DJ TAJ

Going to in Chicago next week and was wondering if you have a suggestion for the best Gyro in the city?

1
Doktor Zymm

Nothing specific but probably just go to Greektown and try places

1
DJ TAJ

Officially on the docket. Thank you.

Lets Go Cubbies!!

2
2Pack

But the women are not very trustworthy as elderly care givers… Three times burned by their same old story…

Fine pole dancers however… Uhmmm… I’ve heard…

2
BeefReeferLives

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5
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

I’d totes use that if I could
“) spell it
/6 pronounce it
@ ??
[¢] profit from it

0
blaxabbath

I’m pretty out on caring about people my own age who are fucked. I’ve been side by side with many of you dicks for 30+ years. You needed to get your shit straight in college. Then in your 20’s. Then your 30’s. Now we’re early 40’s and you’re freaking out at me about how hard it is. Yeah — well when you’ve lived a life seeing honest work as some kind of indignity, I can’t help but shrug because, especially the guys, you know better.

10
Don T

My father would have loved this. He used to say that lazy men and smelly women disgraced their respective genders. Agree on the former only.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[would object, but can’t be bothered]

4
ballsofsteelandfury

I agree with you Dad on the smelly women. They should know better

0
Senor Weaselo

Happy Belmont Day from Long Island!

/checks notes

Saratoga? The fuck?

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I actually like Sabalenka, but that’s not going to stop me from making jokes about her greatest fear.

comment imagev

2
Don T

I also don’t care for WRITE PRODUCT REVIEW!!! emails. Unless I got a complaint, leave me alone dammit.
Current template for positive review, for use when I strongly agree about feeling exasperated:

Title – it works
Review – yes

9
King Hippo

Correct. If I wasn’t annoyed enough to bitch, service/goods provider should call that a win and FUCK THE FUCK OFF already.

3
blaxabbath

You know how to tell that I’m satisfied?

I’m not actively trying to get back my money.

6
ArmedandHammered

I usually give a shout out if their customer service is exemplary, since that is so rare now.

4
King Hippo

am soooooo jelly at your retained capacity to feel joy

1
ArmedandHammered

The wife, rabbits, and DFO help.

1
Doktor Zymm

The only time I will voluntarily leave a good review is when I know it will directly affect someone who legit did a really good job. A lot of CS agents are evaluated based on reviews and they have a horrible job anyway

6
Gumbygirl

You can hear that note of pleading when they ask on the phone. It’s full marks from me, comrade! I’ve done years of customer service, it frequently blows goats.

2
scotchnaut

Two guys with nothing better to do than fuck around with a kid in their spare time. Just love it.

paint
5
scotchnaut

When I was washing dishes one of the cooks asked me to go to another resto in the mall and ask to borrow their ‘bacon stretcher’ but I didn’t fall for it. One kid later on fell for the ‘bag of steam for the steam table’ gag though.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve only heard about getting sent next door to ask for “the long stand”.

0
scotchnaut

Wife is gone for the day, wrapped up work a little earlier than usual, bugs are ridiculous and there’s an air advisory warning-Boys, the math tells me this is going to be a day-drinking affair.

13
King Hippo

Pour one for Ange not-looking-up-his-last-name-spelling. Apparently Drunken Sailing InstructoUr (h/t, Fronk) Thomas Frank will be next to general the Yid Army.

Downstream effects?

1) Praise Beesus could be in real relegation danger in 2025-26, as much as that would break Litre’s heart.

2) Does Richarlison come in out of the cold? He is a Thomas Frank-style player, an instrument of bludgeoning. At least that would stop the lazy return-to-Everton rumoUrs.

0
litre_cola

As long as the Whites keep their swarthty Portuguese man I am happy.

Howevah! The Bees going away would also bring me joy.

1
Jimbo

Social media. Never had it and never will.

7
King Hippo

BROTHER!!!!

3
Don T

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Never cared for them, always get miffed when referenced.

And fuck Splinter too.

7
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And fuck Splinter too.

“I’ve done…something similar. I wouldn’t recommend it.” – Deanna Favre

2
Senor Weaselo

THIS DON T I CALL HIM REX RYAN BECAUSE HE TOO HAS AN AFFINITY FOR THE FOOT CLAN!

1
Don T

🤣 🔪

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

What surprised me is how dark and gritty the original comics are and how not any of that the movies and TV shows are.

0
scotchnaut

Time for some Canadian Content.

pants
7
WCS

If you have to question the validity of pants, you’re in the wrong Clubhouse.

6
BeefReeferLives

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6
WCS

I apparently don’t care about my personal health, as I took an additional four hours this morning, and still haven’t eaten anything but vitamins and my meds in the last 24 hours. Does Diet Dr Pepper count as a meal?

8
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

As long as you wash it down with a few gummy bears and some scotch.

0
Doktor Zymm

If it doesn’t have calories it’s only at best a metaphorical meal, ‘a feast of the mind’ or some shit like that

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Love me some Dr. Pepper. Have the one with cream soda too, tis pretty good as well

1
2Pack

Pace yourself Buddy and take care.

1
ArmedandHammered

only if you have two cigarettes with it like I did post divorce – the diet of championship losers

0
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