Sexy Friday – 20251017

TGIF! Maybe. Anyway, don’t lose three in a row at home.

Word Count Filler Time

Let’s learn about the Chaucer of Cheese.

His name is James McIntyre. He was born in the Scottish village of Forres in 1827 then moved to Canada when he was 14. Our little bard lived there in the Ontario town of Ingersoll. He took up work as a furniture and coffin maker, but that’s not what he’s known for. In his spare time he wrote poems, even composing tributes to his furniture.

He also used his poems to boost the local economy. This being the mid 1800s, the local economy was cheese. To wit, in 1866, Ontario dairy farmers produced the biggest block of cheese at the time – more than 21 feet across and weighing 7500 lbs. Mr. McIntyre’s two most famous poems are about this gigantic cheese wheel: “Ode on the Mammoth Cheese” and “Prophesy of Ten Ton Cheese.”

Many of his cheese related poems were reprinted in the Toronto Globe (“Oxford Cheese Ode”, “Hints to Cheesemakers”, “Dairy Ode”, “Father Ranney, the Cheese Pioneer”) which made him famoUs in Canada and around the world. I’m not including any of his actual poems here because it turns out, he’s terrible! He’s in the running for worst poet ever terrible. He rhymed his poems and did so forcibly such as “fodder” and “Cheddar” or “shoes Norwegian” and “narrow toboggan.”

If you truly hate yourself, look up these poems and see for yourself. Or, and hear me out, don’t and enjoy your weekend instead.

Click here to get to commenting

Sexy Time

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Man, I REALLY am going to owe you a BOTG after this weekend…

yeah right

Can’t wait.

Brick Meathook

I’m in the Delta club at LAX waiting to board my flight to ATL and then DCA.

These are my carry on items: a laptop case loaded with other stuff, a fanny pack (that I never wear on my fanny), plus a bag with a sandwich and a pickle I bought today at Factor’s Famous Deli on Pico in the Hassidic district. I added the plum and orange from home.

At TSA by bin with these bags got pulled for hand inspection. The TSA agent picked out the paper bag and asked me to empty the items on the counter. He looked at the pickle and then said “Okay you’re good.”

I got searched for a fucking pickle. They let me keep it, though, after they determined its non-lethality.

https://ibb.co/JWyBT1sH
https://ibb.co/S8rSyN5

When I fly I wear my veteran’s ball cap. People always say “thank you for your service” and I glare at them and mutter “kiss my ass” in a groaning voice while rapidly blinking one eye uncontrollably.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why do you keep flying to DC when I’m not there?

Brick Meathook

Ha ha I’ll be there until November 1st and then back again after Thanksgiving until late December. Hopefully one of these times will work!

Bogdanski

You weren’t delayed because of the democrat shutdown?
That is an intimidating pickle

Horatio Cornblower

Steve Belichick hasn’t been missing nearly as many meals as his father has been missing UNC practices.

Don T

It’s tough being single and stumbling upon old photos. God I miss this pussy
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yeah right

That’s a wonderful photo.

Don T

Via Who Askew Studios. Please send notes and critiques to noreply.gov

yeah right

Best attorney in the business.

Horatio Cornblower

I think it was Fozz, of all people, who turned me on to this artist. She’s frigging amazing, but also apparently retired fro touring due to “having children” and “wanting to be present in her children’s lives” and “being a daily decent person” with her “priorities in order” which is a) total bullshit and b) based on all the literature I’ve read fairly unusual in Ireland.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2O-8xRhq9qA&list=RD2O-8xRhq9qA&start_radio=1

Anyway, good song.

SonOfSpam

Part Sinead O’Connor, part Lindsay Lohan?

Dunno if she’s talented (will check it out shortly), but the potential for crazy is high.

Horatio Cornblower

Ridiculously good.

yeah right

I’ve been watching and playing the sports ball thing for close to 60 years and that was one of the most amazing performances by an athlete that I’ve ever seen.

Shohei is next evolution shit.

SonOfSpam

Sadly, he had a parlay including the over, so he’s questionable for the WS (broken thumbs)

SonOfSpam

(also, yes, he’s a complete aberration)

Horatio Cornblower

Absolutely the best baseball player ever who should absolutely be banned for gambling on Southeast Asian badminton.

SonOfSpam

(to be fair, there is no other kind of badminton)

Bogdanski

It was impressive in a vacuum but against playoff Brewers? https://giphy.com/gifs/CBSAllAccess-season-5-episode-23-i-love-lucy-JRhS6WoswF8FxE0g2R

WCS

Ah, great to see those plucky, long-suffering Dodgers finally catch a long-deserved break.

Horatio Cornblower

Well, at least they chased all those beaners Mexican-Americans out of Chavez Ravine and Queens got the Mets.

SonOfSpam

I see you’ve not been to Doyer Stadium.

ballsofsteelandfury

This. I would wager the Doyers fan base is 75% Latino.

Jimbo

Es verdad.

yeah right

And you would be correct.

SonOfSpam

Remember when some GOP idiot said that if Hillary gets elected we’d have taco trucks on every corner? LIKE THAT WAS A BAD THING?

Anyway.

yeah right

We’ve got like 3 killer taco trucks in Pedro.

They’re the shit.

SonOfSpam

Yeah, more taco trucks or more ICE fascists…tough call.

This stupid country.

Horatio Cornblower

The comment was based off of having just finished James Ellroy’s ‘White Jazz’ which focuses a good deal on LA driving Mexican Americans out of their homes in Chavez Ravine so that the Dodgers would have a home.

Ellroy is, based on his books, deeply homomphobic, racist, misogynistic, and absolutely fascinated with incest, yet somehow writes incredibly propulsive books that drive you to the finish no matter how fucking horrible everything going on in the book happens to be.

Great effort on ‘The LA Quarter’ Jim; now get some fucking help.

SonOfSpam

Yeah, historically we have not treated the original owners of California well. And now, um, it’s not going great also.

The LA Quarter is on the list. As soon as it goes on sale. (I am a cheap bastard, you see.)

ballsofsteelandfury

Spam, I have it and I can give it to you. No need to spend money.

yeah right

Did you read Stealing Home?

Great read.
Same concept.

And I’m 300 pages into LA confidential.

Best read of the 3 I’ve read so far.

yeah right

I need a shower every time I read more than 30 pages.

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, it’s not quite the same as the movie version, is it?

Gumbygirl

Look you, LA is getting lobbed with missiles tomorrow, let SoCal have one last celebration.

Jimbo

Wait, what’s happening tomorrow?

Gumbygirl

They’re shooting missiles from Camp Pendleton , live ones, over the 5 freeway. The marines said it would only be on their grounds, but I don’t believe it. This is some bullshit macho posturing from the Cheeto, because of the No Kings demonstrations tomorrow. I will be at the Corona one, with my sign!

Gumbygirl

Shooting them from ships at sea, into the range at Camp Pendleton. There had been rumors they were going to shut down portions of the 5, but they now say that’s not true. I don’t believe anything that comes from Washington, so who fucking knows?

yeah right

It’s perfect for when we go to war against Oceanside.

Last edited 4 months ago by yeah right
Bogdanski

Carlsbad and Escondido will rise again!

WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9xg_O80Ly8

Is Rise of the Triad actually happening?

(DOS gamers of the ’90s, unite!)

SonOfSpam

fingers crossed

Doktor Zymm

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I should stay in an ice hotel at some point

litre_cola

Deci and I can build you an igloo in the back yard and you could have access to my basement pub. Plus comes with emotional support pug!

Last edited 4 months ago by litre_cola
Horatio Cornblower

And plenty of scarves!

Doktor Zymm

Puggle!

litre_cola

Oh HAI!
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Jimbo

oh wow, what a face.

Gumbygirl

St. Pugnatious of Loyola!

Bogdanski

I went to a Jesuit high school. I wish this had occurred to me back then. My favorite

SonOfSpam

I would pay at least like $20 USD for that experience.

litre_cola

You have been invited. Gateway to Banff and the mountains.

SonOfSpam

I WILL DEFINITELY DO THAT

Maybe next year if we haven’t Civil War’d yet.

yeah right

It’s on the potential list.

Last chance for Barcelona recommendations.

Flight is Monday night.

So fucking ready.

SonOfSpam

1) Sagrada Familia
2) Jamon

That’s all I got (from watching Rick Steves)

Gumbygirl

3) La Rambla

yeah right

My rental in on La Rambla. Two balconies.

Don T

1. Everything Gaudí
2. Pork & alcohols

yeah right

I’m staying in the Gothic Quarter.

I’m right by Palau Gaudì. Three minute walk.

Don T

Uf. Have fun man!

yeah right

I have the distinct genetic advantage of being large in structure.

Six three and two fifteen tends to make motherfuckers look elsewhere.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

How many Canadian?

WCS

People’s definitions of “emergency” vary quite a bit, as yinz can probably imagine. What someone believes isn’t that big a deal, someone else will react like its the End of Days. Some freak out at just the mention of blood, others can bathe in it without a single fuck to give. Others will call because their power is off, or the remote control is broken (yes, really). Then there’s my man here:

Bleeding from the throat, short of breath, lightheaded, blood in his stool, dark coffee grinds in his toilet after pooing, coughing up blood, coughing up phlegm, blood sugar spiking and he’s diabetic

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…How are you alive?!!

Doktor Zymm

And he was just toughing it out until ALL those things happened?

Horatio Cornblower

Man, if I’m shitting coffee

SonOfSpam

Yeah, that’s bad. Like, stop watching the game bad.

Horatio Cornblower

Hey, whoah…

Bogdanski

JAIYESUS CHRIST! I had just the coffee grounds thing, went to the university health center, laid down on the floor because I couldn’t stand anymore, and got an ambulance to the nearest hospital for immediate surgery. How does someone go through even 1/5th of that shit before thinking ‘something ain’t right here’.
You’re doing God’s work, sir. Please carry on

litre_cola

Is this Areola guy from Nebraska going to get drafted?

Gumbygirl

Somebody may be willing to take a nipple, erm nibble.

Horatio Cornblower
Horatio Cornblower

“What a play, stretching Nebraska’s D…”

“Wait, you can do that????”

D. Favre, Mississippi

Horatio Cornblower

Watching Nebraska lose simply never gets old.

litre_cola

could I interest you in some Belichek losing?

Horatio Cornblower

Yes. Yes you can.

I haven’t been flipping channels because

/points to empty 11% beer bottle

Don T

Noches. Work drove me to cigs. Yeah, let’s go wid dat 😆

Horatio Cornblower

Mrs. Horatio, just now: Why don’t you become an attorney in Puerto Rico? Then we could live there all the time.

Me: No habla español.

Mrs. Horatio: What?

Me: Exactly.

Last edited 4 months ago by Horatio Cornblower
Don T

Dude, Federal Bar! Lotsa tourists rent cars and those diversity cases ain’t gonna resolve themselves 🤑

Don T

You’ve seen how WE drive 😘

Horatio Cornblower

1). The rules of the road in Connecticut

2). The suggestions of the road in Puerto Rico

Horatio Cornblower

That sounds like “work.”

I don’t do that.

Horatio Cornblower

Guten Tag, people.

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At 11% this is definitely an end of the night beer, but this is also not the end of the night.

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Horatio Cornblower

(note that the version I’m drinking is 11%, not that 17% monstrosity pictured. I regret the error)

SonOfSpam

I have enjoyed those beers, but they are not pounding beers.

WCS

#2 Da U now 5-1 (2-1) is knocked off by now 5-1 (2-1) Louisville in the Meteor Bowl, 24-21.

How’s it progressing for all yinz tonight?

Last edited 4 months ago by WCS
King Hippo

At least Carson “lookit the CHIP on my shoulder” Beck has his $3-4M and OnlyFans girlfriend for consolation.

SonOfSpam

He’ll spend 6-8 years as a backup NFL quartered back and make more money than God. Yes, I think I hate him.

King Hippo

At least he’s ugly as a mule’s behind. Not handsome like US amirite????

SonOfSpam

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Don T

👍🏼 as long as it’s consolation w/o remuneration

yeah right

Home safe and sound and…

I’m on vacation motherfuckers!

WOOOOOO!!!

Gumbygirl

Yay yay for vacay!

yeah right

On to Barcelona!

King Hippo

Nebraksa/Minnesota is why I simply can’t take the B1G seriously. Also, tha fuck is that “Ski-U-Mah” shit???

SonOfSpam

Ohtani just hit another one, 469 (nice) feet this time.

Playin like he owes money

SonOfSpam
herodotus450

Roughing the passer hurts, but rouging the passer is way more embarassing

rockingdog

Found a cool:

🇺🇸

IMG_2994
SonOfSpam

Also, the Stabbin Linebacker U is losing at home to Lou-uh-ville late in the 3rd.

rockingdog

Found a funny:

Me: Every sandwich is an open-face sandwich unless you consume it rectally

Date: Welp, I gotta work in the morning

SonOfSpam

Top of the first, Ohtani walks the leadoff guy, then strikes out the next three.

Bottom of the first, Ohtani hits one 446 feet deep into the right field bleachers.

I think the other lazy Dodgers should start doing their part.

Horatio Cornblower

“I still don’t trust him”
-Bill Parcells

rockingdog

1 more out…

Come onnnnn Mariners 🔱 🙏

rockingdog

Got the W

That’s ROCKING.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Now just 27 more outs!

Horatio Cornblower

And at least +1 in the runs department.

rockingdog

Grand SLAM!!!!

That’s ROCKINGGGG!!!!! 🔱⚾️

LFG!!!!!

ballsofsteelandfury

Grand Salami!

rockingdog

Bases LOADED!!!

No OUTS!!!

Gotta get a run here! 🙏

ArmedandHammered

Now for the pitching to hang on.

rockingdog

Cal Raleigh 64th Home Run!!!!

Seattle crowd is ROCKING!!! 💯

Hope this game is Rocking!

Gooooo Mariners! 🔱 ⚾️

Redshirt

…and I’m one home run from winning a thousand dollars so on cue he is pulled for a pinch runner.

rockingdog

Thats ROCKINGGG!!! ⚾️

Doktor Zymm

Today I learned that many brands of Indian whiskey are technically rum. I also learned about the Pepper’s Ghost illusion

ballsofsteelandfury

I don’t even care if #1 is AI. Good God!

Redshirt

Hopefully safe for DFO. It was safe for Facebook, if that means anything nowadays.

Mods, if wrong, I’ll remove it and sit in the corner and think about what I did.

IMG_2185
ballsofsteelandfury

Sir, your only mistake is that the image is too small…

Doktor Zymm

Eh, I’ve shadow groped myself by accident before, it’s not particularly challenging

King Hippo

#5!!! Wowza….