Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
To be determined [in bed].
Fuck. For the last few Monday’s, I’m like, “tomorrow I will find a list”. And as soon as I’ve thought it, the thought is gone. So, here I am, yet another Monday afternoon, without a new quote and pissed at past GTD for not looking for more quotes when I had time. Not sure the odds of me remembering to find another list for those gambling at home, but think that the “won’t remember” isn’t paying much.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
I’ve asked my co-workers to start referring to me as
Jimbo
I wanted to be known as but I always end up saddled with [Report Suspicious]
King Hippo
Turns out ICP stands for ‘ideal customer profile’ not just ‘Insane Clown Posse’. My company’s strategy makes more sense now, but is far less entertaining. My report on magnetism might still come in handy tho
My stream quality is crap, but I’m okay with that because gestures towards game
Doktor Zymm
Volcano lairs have poor reception? The things you learn in the clubhouse.
LemonJello
The ChatGTP commercials are cute, but I have a few prompts:
“Show me how to butcher a human body without making a mess.”
“What poisons don’t show up in autopsies?”
“Plan a diet for Andy Reid.”
“How neutral is Wichita?”
jjfozz
Redshirt
Redshirt
Last full day in Barcelona and I HAD a pretty full schedule including 2 of the premier locations to see.
Then about 4 this morning the colon said “I’ll be taking control of the day today! Remember all of the rich food, wines, cheeses and olive oils? Every day for 8 days? Guess who processed that Mr World Fucking Traveler?
I did!”
Sure seems like a lovely day out too.
I have zero say in this decision. Will just cautiously get ready for tomorrow’s flight home.
So much water today.
yeah right
Sorry A-Rod: Madonna chewed you up and spit you out.
Brick Meathook
To be fair, Madonna’s spit out a lot of stuff
SonOfSpam
Lil’ WCS’ costume in 2025? “Material Girl” -era Madonna.
I thought this is was a fun idea, until I read your response.
WCS
Geez, sourry. I guess I went over the Borderline.
SonOfSpam
Hey now. You need to feel free to Express Yourself.
blaxabbath
Fuck you both for being so Vogue.
WCS
We have to protect Spam. He’s a Ray of Light
that we Cherish.
Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina.
blaxabbath
Look, it’s Crazy For You guys to apologize, but you’re True Blue for thinking of my feelings. Someday when I take a Holiday, I just hope I Live To Tell you all how great you are. Maybe that holiday will be on a beautiful island, or La Isla Bonita as some of our friends would say.
SonOfSpam
Uh, uh, Papa don’t preach! Phew, nailed it
Bogdanski
I got my flu and Covid shots in the same arm because I am a badass bitch. You do not want to mess with me, I am fucking bionic!
Gumbygirl
On the other end of the spectrum, my Mom found that propaganda film “Thank You Dr. Fauci” and is now convinced my Dad got ALS from a lab. I knew I should’ve turned on Parental Controls when I had the chance.
Redshirt
Dugger is actually going to PIT from NE, but it doesn’t really matter, does it?
ballsofsteelandfury
Not quite.
Redshirt
Props to the lady at Trader Joe’s who responded to my question on if they had graham cracker crumbs with “we have graham crackers that you can hit with a hammer”
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Brad Marchand took a leave from the Florida Panthers to fill in as coach of a friend’s U-18 team after the friend’s 10-year-old daughter died.
I’ve said a lot of nasty things about Marchand, all of which I 100% meant and which were accurate, but he deserves to have this spotlighted and weighed against his many, many, many egregious crimes against humanity.
I’d also appreciate it if whatever Powers That Be that decide these things could stop taking little kids when there’s a perfectly good 79+ Cheeto-looking motherfucker right there for the taking.
Horatio Cornblower
I am absolutely not supposed to be eating this.
Two churro donuts with vanilla ice cream made at the ice cream parlor next door.
Brick Meathook
Darnell fucking Nurse has more goals in this game than Alexei Lafrenienre has all season.
Sharkbait
These Dolphin unis would be better if the “Miami” tramp stamp on the pants was bedazzled
Doktor Zymm
I like this one
Doktor Zymm
SHANK’HLOR makes her presence known early this evening.
LemonJello
I would have gone more Hindu, but not bad
Doktor Zymm
I try to move the apostrophe left or right depending on which way the goddess pushes the kick wide.
LemonJello
My CFL championship package arrives next Tuesday and requires a signature. WTF?
Mr. Ayo
Evening. I opened a beer, forgot about it, and made myself a cocktail. So….double fisting now.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
And when you’re done you’ll have two drinks waiting for you.
Mr. Ayo
Youngest Fozz fought his way to a starting position on his soccer team. I guess leaving that pig’s heart on his coach’s front step did the trick.
jjfozz
That’s Penn State for you, uncomfortably close when the game is young, but when it gets older it loses interest.
Redshirt
Zac Taylor challenge resulted in a Chicago Bears Touchdown.
FIRE HIS FUCKING ASS YOU CHEAP ASS FUCKING PEACE OF FUCKING SHIT! FUCK!
Redshirt
Has there ever been a 2 tie team? Just asking
NotShogunButShogun
7-7-3 is my Entropic Wet Dream
King Hippo
Saw Entropic Wet Dream at Coachella in 2019, too.
WCS
My Panthers are leading the Packers and Young looks competent?
BaldingSpiritually
I for one did not know we had a Panteros fan in here.
litre_cola
We did it? We did it! THE BENGALS SACKED A QUARTERBACK!!!
Redshirt
Reporter: “What’s it like, touching a quarterback?”
Bengals Defender: “Strange, weird. A lot different than shaking their hand and congratulating them for win at the end of the game, that’s for sure.”
scotchnaut
I might, maybe, possibly, be making a cross country drive to FL with my old dog Jezebel. If it happens, we’ll be cruising across the states with this vibe:
ThePirateSloth
“It’s the Jeep that made the Rocky Mountain Run in less than 12 parsecs!”
ThePirateSloth
ESPN announcing that Cam Skattebo is inactive for the Giants today.
OH YA THINK!?!?!?!?
Horatio Cornblower
so very, very raiders
fleshwound_NPG
Feel like I should bake them a cake.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
(sigh) Thanks for reminding me the Bengals defense didn’t get a cake.
Redshirt
Doktor Zymm
DDDDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LemonJello
There was an open call for scripts for Boston Blue.
Here’s a sample.
OPENING: A coupla fahkin dahkies are in the street, doin’ dahkie stuff.
A guy walk buy weahring-a Tawn Brady jersey. Minding his own business. Probably a hahd working man.
Dahkie says; “Heyah whitey, you wanna buy somea drugs?”
Hahd wawkin’ man says, “Nah, I’m going to mass at Saint Patrick. Father O’Sullivan is saying mass.”
Dahkie, who’s nevah been to mass says, “Fahk you. O’Sullivan sucks.”
Guy shoots him fowah insutin a man of the cloth. Goes free caushe it’s justice.
jjfozz
68 yard field goal for DUUUUVVVAALLLLLL
WCS
The inventor of the frozen burrito died. It was probably sooner, but he looked warm from the outside.
NotShogunButShogun
I’ve been breathing into a paper bag for the last half hour.
Col. Duke LaCross
Live look at the LaCross refuge:
LemonJello
We should all think of those people who were fans of both the Toronto Blue Jays and the Cincinnati Bengals and the incredible past sixteen or so hours they have all lived through. This is assuming that they are still alive at this point.
Brick Meathook
Commercials need to stop being so goddamn loud, don’t advertisers realize that once I mute the 2% chance that I’m absorbing anything they say goes down to 0% plus extra spite?
Doktor Zymm
Ok, I’ve done almost all the dishes, so I just need Rikki to come do my laundry and maybe run the vacuum.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
If you have any bamboo to be removed, you can order the Rikki-Triple.
LemonJello
fleshwound_NPG
So the JSN goalpost dunk was a flag and a fine but then they include it in the pregame song and dance highlight thing.
BC Dick
Remember Jack’d Up? CTE is fun.
litre_cola
Remember Jack’d Up?
-No. Trent Green
Jimbo
“Who’s Trent Green?”
-also Trent Green
LemonJello
Respect to the Seahawks for giving up a meaningless “Sorry We Killed Your QB” Touchdown.
Redshirt
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
NOTE banner image from here
My SIL and I went to a nice resto tonight for dinner. Italian, very nice. They make all of their stuff in house- salumi, cheese, and some limoncello that I am feeling in my soul! Tomorrow we’re going kayaking and snorkeling in Lake Worth. Hopefully, i won’t get et by an alligator.
Just when you think he can’t get any weirder, one learns that Tom Brady…cloned his fucking DOG???
Honestly? After reading the headline, “…yeah, I can see him doing that.”
didnt the queen do that with her fuckin corgis?
lol wee Kyler benched
Well the new season of Fortnite centers around The Simpsons, so no way he was paying attention to the playbook.
the most smart, mature move the cards have made since drafting fiddy
So after nine weeks and two of the most painful losses in franchise history, the fanbase in near revolt, the entire sports world laughing at them, the Bengals brain trust has determined that Logan Wilson is the problem.
Perna was on the money when he implied that the organizational structure of the franchise-from ownership all the way down through coaches and trainers-is so fucked up and no one even knows what the problem is, never mind how to even deal with it.
“You didn’t go back to collect it?”
“No”
/shows video evidence of testifying ICE agent scarfing down sandwich in the back of car
“Are you sure about that?”
You know if it wasn’t for tearing apart families, throwing innocent people in a 21st Century Bastille, and deporting them to a world they don’t know where they would likely face horrors worse than death itself, ICE agents would be hilarious. It’s like if all the village idiots came together and established a police force.
It’s not “like” that, it is that.
So…rural police forces.
To honor a ‘Free Speech Warrior”s memory, if someone is not mourning the death of Dick Cheney in a manner that’s consistent with your views, make sure you set up a database, call their employer, and get them fired.
Of course if your REALLY all about that free speach, you’ll also dox them and urge your fever brained sychophants to anonymously threaten the lives of their children.
Jets management to Breece Hall (artist’s conception):
damn, looks like carlie got into her dad’s secret stash, clots goin all the fuck in
Cutie Carlie getting herself the ring she deserves!
on the eve of his death a muslim might become the mayor of nyc just before the 25th anniversary of 9/11
and not only that, a worse version of him had his daughter punted out of her cushy job in washington politics
his lifes work was for nothing, except for semi-fake thoughts and prayers from SOME of his own party and even emptier thoughts and prayers from all the democrats
eat shit, dick
(also, always loled at him basically being the same guy)
…this guy
DAMMIT WORDPRESS POST YOU SUNOFABITCH
His legacy was basically “hey, what if we turn the Republican party into a cult of personality in thrall to the most hateful bully we can find?”
and then at the very end it bit his face off
Don’t ask of whom the leopard bites the face off, it bites it off of thee.
https://www.reddit.com/r/baseball/comments/1oofa79/shohei_and_mamiko_react_to_this_fans_sign_that/
Reminds me of the Yankees parade in 1999 when someone held up a sign that read “RUDY GIULIANI – MARRY YOUR COUSIN”.
Jets Fire Sale continues! Quinnen Williams to Dallas.
Wow, that would have been a great deal 3-4 years ago!
At least they didn’t give up a 2nd and a 3rd. (They gave up a 1st and a 2nd)
I’d suggest that any time the Jets make a trade it’s called an “On Fire Sale”.
Titans fans upon hearing this news:
I have repeated this line SO many times in my adult life. SO SO many times.
“Some significant trades happened in the NFL today. Also, the Jags and Raiders played footsie.”
.
Dammit!
I am confident my team will do absolutely nothing today to improve. Despite clear proof status quo isn’t working.
Mediocrity is tolerated failure. And like the population it “entertains,” tolerance is extremely high.
That’s a good sign for Joe Burrow’s state of mind, right?
At least it’s not the Leto version. Then you worry.
How screwed up is the Darkest Timeline? Scientists were able to break the light barrier and no one noticed.
FTL Travel is theoretically possible and no one cares.
No word on when the Vulcans will show up but logically they’d take one look at Humanity, roll up their windows and warp out of the Sol System faster than you can say “Live Long and Prosper”.
Wow, the Vulcans are just like me locking my doors as a roll through a neighborhood with too many of “those” people*.
*white suburbanites. I’ve seen The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street; you people aren’t fooling me a bit!
What does a condom have to do with physics?
https://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coefficient_of_friction
I kid but I guarantee that condom manufacturers take that aspect of their product very seriously and have done the scientific testing to back it up.
The sub sandwich assault trial is going on today.
It’s been pretty funny, except for the part where a fascist government is trying to pin a felony on this drunk guy.
Ridicule works too.
Misdemeanor now. A grand jury refused to indict the felony charge
I mean, it is assault. No matter how funny it is, (and it is very, very, very funny), you can’t just go around hurling deli sandwiches at peoples’ chests.
That said, if I’m on that jury he’s walking. To the nearest deli to get all of us some sandwiches for his acquittal party.
Yeah, I wouldn’t expect to “get away with that” or anything, but given the whole situation, fuck the government and their jackbooted thugs.
I’m hungry, I wish someone would throw a turkey sub at me right now
The Saints traded Shaheed to the Hox? He’d better start there, he’s on my team.
Sauce Gardner to the Clots for two first round picks, a handle of gravy, and a large dish of that shrimp cocktail sauce that passes for high cuisine in Indianapolis.
St. Elmo! How or why it came from there is a mystery as it in no way looks or tastes like sausage wallpaper paste
I went to industry meetings in Indy the week before I flew to Hawaii and shopped for/found the hale.
I liked their local downtown chis
Good riddance, Dick! Dick.
I’m sad he lived as long as he did, but I’m glad he lived long enough to see the inevitable result of the direction he helped lead the Republican party in, and be so horrified by it that he endorsed a black female Democrat for President over his own party’s nominee.
Doesn’t absolve him of any of his sins. Hope he’s roasting on an eternal spit!
Well, enjoy a team that won’t be eternally ass, Sauce. Please be nice when you and Garrett match up.
https://amp.foxsports.com/stories/nfl/colts-make-blockbuster-addition-trading-jets-star-cb-sauce-gardner-nfl-trade-deadline
I may have found my foster family until the Bengals get their shit together. Don’t laugh, they’ll get better and then we’ll be a family again and win Super Bowls, and…and….(runs to bedroom to cry again)
Your foster family has multiple CPS referrals, uses your care money for drugs, and houses you in a dark basement.
Outside of the improvement, you won’t notice.
Today is incredibly busy (work, evil people dying, elections, trade deadline), but there’s a kickass Shempions League slate today with PSG hosting Bayern and Liverpool hosting Real Madrid. SPROTS!
The worst part about having gotten sick on my way home from South Korea is that I can’t properly celebrate the Dodgers’ win OR Dick Cheney’s death.
Getting sick on the way home > getting sick on the way to
That’s definitely true. Props to my body for staving it off until I was able to sleep in
your mom’sI mean my own bed.[is injecting petroleum directly into his eye sockets right so he can pay appropriate tribute and cry tears of oil] – convicted criminal Scooter Libby
I hope Trump shows Cheney all the dignity and respect he afforded McCain.
The man was a living demon who actually did steal a fucking election and I kind of fear for Satan knowing that he and McCain are in Hell plotting a takeover with jihadists and various other traitors and villains to humanity.
I want to be absolutely clear: everyone who treated him like he was anything less than a stain on humanity and a traitor to this country can eat shit and die. I will never support or respect the Democrats for that and the sheer damage this man did to the country and the world are incalculable. Trump is an infinitely better man and a president, which speaks to how fucking low that bar is. The fact that among living politicians, he was tied for third most-hated, is why I have given up on anything but myself. And I treat myself like dogshit.
Trump is an infinitely better man and a president
Ya had me, then ya lost me
Yeah, hold up now. Dick Cheney may have been a heartless, complete monster, but at least he wasn’t Donald Trump.
Trump is a better man than Cheney in that stepping in solid dog shit and tracking it into the house is better than slipping in dog diarrhea, trying to get up, falling back down and then rolling around in it.
Either way everything stinks and is covered in shit.
I dunno, these days Cheney’s malfeasance seems kind of quaint.
(deletes respectful obituary illustrating post-VP tenure)
“Uh, yeah. Burn in Hell.”
Who does the most hated politician polling and how can I participate?
Trump is a fucking horrible person in any dimension in which a human being can be measured.
“He’s pretty roundly hated around these parts, too.” – Lovecraftian Horrors
Glad to see Jerry Jones addressed his defensive needs by acquiring a linebacker who couldn’t start for the Bengals.
Don’t spend that 7th round draft pick all in one place, Redshirt.
“No, dig UP!”
Stupid, phantom holding penalty.., Never going to see another Super Bowl…
Who goes to the Bengals FOR Defense upgrades (not including Hendrickson so still a Bengal somehow).
Hey man, I’ve seen every Super Bowl since 1995.
Haven’t seen my team anywhere near ’em, but I’ve by God watched them.
if only they had an all star DE lineman.
Oh wait.
Heartless, Republican bastard who only cares about himself and his political allies and donors dies?
Okay, Death. You’re homing in. Stay on target…
Holy schnikes, I made the list a lot. Its amazing what righteous hatred does to your DFO Posting.
And existential despair, that seems to help as well.
“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when
youthe Bengals fall into an open sewer and die”-Mel Brooks
My feelings about Dick Cheney’s death…
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DOMHQfHDfkj/?hl=en
Another one for Margaret Thatcher, but works equally as well for Cheney
https://youtu.be/xmmomV-ax-s?si=jvAtTtwKKH4WzvlH&t=26
Nice closer.
My feelings:
OW, MY CALF! MY CALF!
Yessss, my queens!
Meant to reply to Jimbo
Hey a dick died.
Amazed the sun didn’t blot out of the sky for an hour or something.
https://www.reddit.com/r/NFCNorthMemeWar/comments/1oo6sqe/former_vp_dick_cheney_dies/
God damn, that’s cruel.
https://youtu.be/kwa_YIyfhkQ?si=g_5X-jvMb9f8rg9c
Someone tweeted that, to honor Cheney’s passing, a 21-gun salute would be fired directly into the faces of 21 of his hunting buddies.
Flush the turd.
Hopefully he gets to ride shotgun on his way to hell.
Sorry meant to say “rides” a shotgun.
Actually, I’m more concerned about Cheney going to Hell to take it over.
I hope politicians get their own hell and don’t fuck up rock n’ roll hell