TGIF! Hope everyone else jumped on the new fad and got themselves a new boat this week.

Word Count Filler Time

Since it’s the holiday season, let’s talk about cranberries! Just kidding, check out Cocktail of the Week for that. We’re going to talk about lawsuits!

Plantiff: 16 violinists
Defendant: City of Bonn, Germany
Case: The violinists belonged to the Beethoven Orchestra and sued for a pay raise. Their argument was that they played more notes than the woodwind and brass sections and should be compensated for those extra notes. They even argued they were being generous to not ask for more by calculating the extra pay per eighth note. The orchestra director said “This suit is absurd.”

Plantiff: Lady in Santiago, Chile
Defendant: Her bank
Case: The lady was at her bank to make a cash withdrawal. During the transaction one of the cashiers loudly asked “Who’s the the lady for the $16,000?” You’ll be shocked to know upon leaving the bank she was robbed of all that cash. Her suit was to reclaim that money claiming the cashier was responsible. She also claimed he loudly counted out the money so everyone could hear. The bank countered they had video showing the cashier was not shouting.

Plantiff: Restaurant diner in West Palm Beach, Florida
Defendant: The restaurant
Case: The diner ordered potato soup but was given clam chowder soup. Unfortunately, the diner ate the whole bowl of soup despite being allergic to clams. This ended up with him in the emergency room and a lawsuit. HumoUrsly, the jury found the restaurant guilty, but the diner 90% responsible for eating the soup, so they only got 10% of the money they asked for.

Plantiff: Contestant
Defendant: Wheel of Fortune
Case: The contestant won a $48,000 jackpot on the show. The contestant put out his hand to shake hands with Pat, but Pat jumped on him for a hug. The contestant ended up having back surgery and sued the show for $2 million. The show countered he had signed a waiver for injuries before appearing on the show.

Plantiff: Texas parents
Defendant: Scenic Igloo Village in Cordova, Alaska
Case: The parents took their kid their to see Eskimos. The village did not have any Eskimos, but they did encounter an actor there that was dressed as a woman. This horrified the parents with one calling it “sick.” The village manager refunded their money and sent them on their way. The parents sued for $600,000 for damages of the “cross-dressing Eskimo” traumatizing their kid. The manager responded the parents got lucky as that actor had previously come to work dressed as Madonna and another time in only a bagel. The actor added “I am an Aleut, not an Eskimo.” The case ended with in a hung jury.

That’s enough legal chicanery for one day. Let’s move on.

Click here to get to commenting

Sexy Time

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!

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WCS

Just took a call from a gentleman staying that Rivers Casino’s hotel reporting the valet damaged his truck. He reports they wouldn’t give him a straight answer if they had notified the police already (they hadn’t), and refused to give him insurance info.

The moral of this story: if any of yinz are ever in town, just park your own vehicle yourself. There’s plenty of free parking on site, no need to let the valet treat your vehicle like the Porsche in Ferris Beuller’s Day Off.

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If any of yinz are coming for The Draft, let me know.

Unsurprised

Apropos of nothing. An oral history of the Mad Men lawnmower scene/episode, paywall-free.

https://archive.ph/E6tQN

Gumbygirl

Go Cats Go!

litre_cola

Yep. Call me Posh but MSU town is so superior to UM.

Gumbygirl

Troof. I love Bozeman!

WCS
Doktor Zymm

Litre is Posh Spice? Neat!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hey what are your thoughts on Beaujolais?

litre_cola

Gamay is a grape that I am.not that big a fan of.

Horatio Cornblower

Personally, I think each team in each football contest should be allowed one (1) suplex per game, without fear of penalty.

yeah right

Atomic drop during overtime.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh, of course.

litre_cola

Tipsy in the basement pub solo. Re-listening algrithmically to Lenny Kavitz. He was good man. I underapreciated his work.

I did not – Lisa Bonet

Last edited 4 months ago by litre_cola
Horatio Cornblower

Lisa Bonet banging both Lenny Kravitz and Jason Momoa has to be recognized, and I mean that in a good way.

litre_cola

And not Puddin Pops, much respect.

Horatio Cornblower

Well, as far as she remembers…

WCS

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

God that is going to give me nightmares.

Doktor Zymm

Cosby endorsement aside, I remember enjoying pudding pops, especially the vanilla ones. They’ll probably never make them again because of the association

BC Dick

I like Lisa Bonet. Lenny Kravitz : Aerosmith as Jimi Hendrix : Rolling Stones.

BC Dick

Also it’s a rainy 5 degrees here : how’s that minus 17 shit? Move west, old man.

yeah right

Life has momentarily realigned.

Youngest kiddo and I are golden again.

And it’s Friday!

One more stop for adult beverages and the Winter solstice shopping is done!

What’s up dudes and dudettes?

Gumbygirl

Ok, that’s weird. I tried to post a reply, got “commenting is closed”

yeah right

That’s new.

This requires immediate discussion.

I’ll send up a flare.

Gumbygirl

Yeah, I’ve never seen that before.

litre_cola

You aren’t the websites favoUrite apparently. As one of the others, we had no idea.

Doktor Zymm

Ditto

Gumbygirl

I did have to log back in.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Moose out front should have told you

Horatio Cornblower

Moose is back!?!?

Gumbygirl

I wish. He had a meme for every occasion, bless him!

litre_cola

And didn’t support Southampton. 😒

yeah right

I’ve sent a bunch of emails.

I like to think Old Moose is out there.

Taking her easy for the rest of us.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

BRING BACK MATT

Doktor Zymm

Cannibal Banana Bowl would be a great name for a band

yeah right

I swear I saw a hammerhead hand in hand with a mandrill at that show.

BC Dick

The Cannibananabowls

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Fronkenshteen

Hey Hippo, I did some previews for tomorrow’s games. Feel free to use them.

Chelsea v Everton (+420) 10:00 a.m. (EST) – This will be the last game Moises Caiciedo misses from that red card he took against the gunners. Cole Palmer and his ridiculous pelt are both match fit, so all that remains is to see if he’s named to the starting 11 tomorrow. I think they’re running into a buzzsaw tomorrow, though. David Moyes has a legit shot at qualifying for European football next season, and I think he’s going for it full throttle. Ownership must be over the fucking moon at the prospect of introducing their brand new stadium to European fans of absolutely every stripe. Give me the underdog here.

Liverpool v Brighton (+360) 10:00 a.m. (EST) – It looks like Arne Slot and Mo Salah have cleared enough of the air that Salah will play tomorrow. Won’t know if he’s in the starting 11 until lineups come out tomorrow, though. Brighton is getting a hell of a lot of guys back from injury just in time for this one: Mitoma, Milner, Ayari, and Tom Watson (not that one). That combined with the overall crappiness of Liverpool’s play lately could kick the morning off with a happy hippo.

Burnley v Fulham (-110) 12:30 p.m. (EST) – A win here would be far more important for Burnley, but Craven Cottage is a monstrously loud place to play and, more importantly, BOTH their right and left defensive backs, Lucas Pires and Kyle Walker respectively, will be OUT serving yellow-card suspensions. In my mind’s eye, I can already see Raul Jiminez snapping headers into the ol’ onion bag.

Arsenal v Wolves (+2200) 3:00 p.m. (EST) – This is why Arsenal went out and got Gyokeres. They need him to score goals in bunches against bad teams to make games against them non-competitive. Arsenal has lacked a killer instinct under Mikel Arteta, and so far, this guy has not been the answer. Hell, I think Eze has more goals. Arsenal has the talent to sprint out to an insurmountable lead and win handily here, but if form holds, they won’t. They’ll win, but I expect Wolves to hang around like a freakin’ spider.

Last edited 4 months ago by Fronkenshteen
King Hippo

BUT! I woke up early and added post-haste!

litre_cola

Thank you. Do this more.

Mighty Whitey will lose 3 starters and a superb talent to Nigeria for the African Euros. Iwobi, Massey, Chukweze. I hope Nigeria gets bounced early.

We haven’t won at Turf Moor forever.

Scott Parker is a cunt who got us relegated with Europa talent squad. Fuck that guy and his small margins. (Is Burnleys cooch)

Horatio Cornblower

-sigh-

I wish I could argue with that description of Arsenal. Alas, it’s accurate.

I will say that Gyorkes was lined up for the winning goal two weeks ago and another Arsenal player got his head on the ball first and bolloxed the whole play up.

Horatio Cornblower

Just back from an ignominious 7th place finish in our poker leagues year-end Tournament O’ People Who Are In the Top 10 Of Points For The Last 11 Months.

We’re gonna workshop that title.

Don’t even have a good story, just one of those sessions where your cards, much like you versus your parents’ expectations, never amount to anything.

On the plus side I can now get up early and help my daughter move. Wait a minute, that’s not good at all!

Better drink this beer that seems to have poured itself into a glass right next to me.

BugEyedBoo

I’d gladly sacrifice myself for my daughter, but my furniture moving days are over. I’d give her my Mastercard and tell her to let me know how the move worked out.

Horatio Cornblower

Mrs. Horatio and I moved several times and we never once involved our parents.

That said, I’m probably getting dinner and drinks at Armsby Abbey in Worcester out of this, (and I’ll pick up the check, because they’re kids and I’m a middle-aged attorney with a hairline that is more theory than fact and it’s not like I can do anything else without back pain), so I got that going for me.

Gumbygirl

Woostah!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Peace is the enemy of America, ya commie

2Pack

Thanks Ayo. Couple three things…
Mister patato soup is an idiot.
The ladies in 3 look like they could use a 2Pack samich.
And I don’t know but I’ve been told… Eskimo pussy is mighty cold.
Thank you Sir, carry on, I’ll be in the area all day…

2Pack

Plus… (sorry slipped my mind)

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King Hippo

Is that the actual MT state flag? That’s hideous.

King Hippo

Yeah, that’s at least an improvement

Doktor Zymm

Nice of them to make it easy on kids who have to take a quiz on state flags

Gumbygirl

I have a pillow on my couch with that on it.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I just saw someone wearing a Vancouver Grizzlies shirt. Which isn’t THAT unusual except for the fact I’m in Christchurch, NZ.

Doktor Zymm

Probably more likely than in Old Zeeland

litre_cola

The Danes raise their hands.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Next stop: Rand McNally.

Gumbygirl

That was bullshit PI.

WCS

SUDDENER CHANGE in JV JV foobawl

Montana State is prison-bitching Mr. Austin thus far.

King Hippo

Wolven Sort score on a badass floating cross and header, take the lead in the 69th minute WOO!!!!!

WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QnEIexgfno

One of my favorite songs by my favorite band in your backyard.

King Hippo

Remember when we had answering machines? I always wanted mine’s to use that what the fuck is this world comin’ to ya didn’t leave a message so I…coulda heard your voice one last time.

But I am lazy and NEVAR did.

WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eoiwkTUMH9s

That’s this song. My future ex-wife bought us tickets to this show in Philly while she was at Penn. We genuinely loved each other back then.

Fronkenshteen

I never feel more like a stranger on this planet than when I am in front of a television broadcasting a Johnny Depp perfume commercial.

King Hippo

1-AA VAR time!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My stupid dog went missing this afternoon. She’s not a runner or a wanderer so we were at a loss; we traced our normal walking route and queried everyone we saw without success. In the end it turned out she had snuck into my neighbor’s garage when he was home for lunch and got herself stuck there when he didn’t notice her and left.

I’m so relieved. And I think she was pretty scared. I wish I could send her to bed without dinner for causing me such distress but she wouldn’t learn a thing.

King Hippo

We had a Siamese who did the same, but was in next door neighbour’s crawlspace for like 4 or 5 days. Lived, showed only mild annoyance when the nice lady finally heard and freed him late one night.

YAY PUPPY don’t worry human father like that….

SonOfSpam

That’s my second favorite kind of happy ending.

(The favorite, of course, is one of the movies that concludes with the hero getting what he deserves, usually a massage followed by a laconic handy)

WCS

“You’re going to the wrong places,”

— Robert K., MA

Doktor Zymm

Stupid dogs need the most attention!

King Hippo

4 and 5, YOWZA!

King Hippo

Wolven Sort Lesser Footy on ESPNU (national semi against SLU, like a home fixture because the Final Four is like 15 minutes from campus (and 20 minutes from Casa del Hippo – my Wolven Sort legacy child used to run cross country meets at that same sporting complex).

Still though, I guess Go Kitties since the beloved Grizz-izzle ain’t playing?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wo2L–mZ4h8

King Hippo

You should guest-preview the raging semi if y’all survice Dat Texas Axe

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

HumoUrsly, the jury found the restaurant guilty, but the diner 90% responsible for eating the soup, so they only got 10% of the money they asked for.

That’s fucked up. If the victim was allergic to clams, they probably haven’t eaten many clams in their life and don’t know what clam chowder fucking tastes like. Odds are they weren’t aware there was anything wrong until they went into medical distress.

Perhaps the jury found the amount they were suing for to be excessive, but as stated that’s a *terrible* reason to reduce the award.

SonOfSpam

This is how we find out Rikki’s never eaten clam.

Giggity.

King Hippo

Wait, Rikki is BLACK??

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
SonOfSpam

Love that bit. That may be the best one.

Redshirt

If you have to cross the line, you may as well us it as to jump rope.

Redshirt

Wait, Rikki is real?!

SonOfSpam

I’ve met him several times, and no.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, that’s messed up IMO.

Gumbygirl

My SIL is allergic to shellfish. She ate some soup her wife had in the freezer and didn’t realize it had crabmeat in it until the reaction started. Thank Dog for epipens She’s the smartest person I know, an actual rocket scientist. I think this is bullshit too, shame on that jury.

Doktor Zymm

Potato soup doesn’t have chunks of anything with the texture of clam in it normally, and if I’m unfamiliar with clams or other shellfish I would find that texture quite alarming because it is certainly not veg or meat

Doktor Zymm

Of course if it was shitty chowder without much chunky clam then that should have been made known to the jury

Gumbygirl

That’s what I’m thinking. They could have used minced clams that you might not even notice.

2Pack

That’s what I was thinking. Soup so bad you can’t tell what you’re eating.

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, and it would have been bulked out with potto. They should have had the jury do a blind soup tasting!

Doktor Zymm

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Eskimo

ballsofsteelandfury

Excellent pictures this week! I can’t pick a fave…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nothing compares 2 2.

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