DFO Mock Draft: Best Soundtracks from Worst Movies

I had no idea that drafts were going to be a thing over here, but this started out as a discussion on the email list and just kind of evolved into an actual draft.  And since Yeah Right decided to keep the tradition alive, let’s mock draft it up!  The topic we did was to pick great soundtracks that accompanied terrible movies.  There was pretty much only one rule; you had to have actually seen the movie.  Without further ado, here’s what we came up with (for the first twelve, I included links plus a representative video from each):

1. Rikki-Tikki-Deadly: “Crime and Punishment in Suburbia”

2. WhyEaglesWhy: “Judgment Night”

3. Old School Zero: “Batman Forever”

4. Frank: “Juice”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAoGPS75yW4

5. Brad: “Lost Highway”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aepBpZ3kXek

6. Lee: “Coneheads”

7. Darkest Timeline Zach Morris: “Spawn”

8. Joe: “Encino Man”

9. Yeah Right: “Firestarter”

10. Sunrise: “Belly”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLMp-Rx8Dlg

11. Make It Snow: “Elizabethtown”

12. William Charles Schneider: “Maximum Overdrive”

13. William Charles Schneider: “200 Cigarettes”

14. Make It Snow: “The Phantom Menace”

15. Sunrise: “Garden State”

16. Yeah Right: Birdy

17. Joe: Glory Daze

18. Darkest Timeline Zach Morris: Romeo and Juliet

19. Lee: The Royal Tenenbaums

19A. Mike Wallace & Grommit: Flash Gordon

20. Brad: The Hunger Games – Mockingjay Part 1

21. Frank: The Last Action Hero

22. Old School Zero: The Cable Guy

23. WhyEaglesWhy: Purple Rain

24. Rikki-Tikki-Deadly: Southland Tales

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
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Senor Weaselo

Star Wars Holiday Special. Well, mainly “Good Night but Not Good-Bye.” Fine. ONLY “Good Night but Not Good-Bye.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzXKySxPFCI

Spanky Datass

Saturday Night Fever

“Disco Inferno” by The Trammps! Guys?!?

http://41.media.tumblr.com/50f63677357b56b772cf20ea30fb75ea/tumblr_nj9w46T7HJ1syvjuco1_500.jpg

Spanky Datass

“It has been zero days since Spanky fucked up a link.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sep

If there had been a round 3, this would’ve been my pick:

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Silent Movie?

Sep

My pics no workie, what the hellie?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sep

Is that face printed on the actual ice cream? If so, sign me up!!!

/grabs spoon

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Cable Guy is NOT a terrible movie, and I challenge anyone who says otherwise to a joust.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

/readies “lance”

Brocky

Toys

https://youtu.be/Mi-d33ImK4c

Frankie goes to Hollywood, Tori Amos, and a great score by Hans Zimmer.

laserguru

I’m going to make a pick for my brother Famous LA Radio Guy.
Streets of Fire.

I have no idea why my brother is so obsessed with this movie but he loves it. I will say that Diane Lane was smoking hot though.

Why Thank You Eddie

Flash Gordon. Just thinking about that Hawkman attack theme music get me giddy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

My theory was no undies with this costume.

I have no data or photographic evidence to support this theory, but I’m sticking to it for reasons.

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/65/8b/a6/658ba6214794985cc601668377abf4bb.jpg

laserguru

In explanation of the Firestarter pick: I’m a life long Stephen King fan but Jumping Jesus his books have not translated to film very well. Everything about that movie was wrong. The dialog, casting, effects everything was shit awful. Except the soundtrack.
I do love Tangerine Dream. They’ve scored over 40 movies including some fucking awesome movies like Sorcerer and Thief. I even had the pleasure of seeing them live back in the 80’s. You can’t pick a better “kick back and get ethereal” band. Highly recommended them.

Porky Prime

The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

I will watch this whenever its on, just for the music. Though its reallllllly hard to keep watching after Meatloaf gets whacked…without booze, that is. Luckily, viewing of the film requires booze to begin with.

Sep

Does this count as a bad movie though? Campy, most definitely. I need a ruling on this.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I remember at the midnight showing having demonstrators from a local church out front saying you’d go to hell for watching it…… so some think so.

Cuntler

The “Cold Mountain” soundtrack was pretty good, the movie wasn’t my favorite.

Porky Prime

Did it have saxophones?

Cuntler

SAXOMOPHONE. SAXOMOPHONE.

http://i.imgur.com/4SZMqfi.jpg

King Hippo

book version was really good, though

laserguru

Oh shit that’s a good pick. I actually kind of love the movie. The scene where Leather face is chainsawing the roof off of the two douchebags car while Boingo is playing No One Lives Forever is goddamn cinematic history.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

/Looks at movies that are the “worst”
//likes several of them for various reasons
///movies like any other thing involving subjective taste are good or bad based on the individual
////not according to the internet; “if I don’t like it it SUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS and you are an idiot for liking it!!”

http://41.media.tumblr.com/edbe40b7b1619c48aff532877afad1c3/tumblr_nsoptadZDm1rrm03lo1_500.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Especially Cuntler.

Cuntler

I am not calling anyone an idiot. I just fucking hate Springsteen.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Don’t forget Zappa…… and the others.

But the bright side: you and I will ALWAYS have Britney.

Cuntler

Just Zappa and Springsteen. Can’t stand those two. But to each his own, right?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You are correct; you did not DIRECTLY call Springsteen idiots.

You will make a very good lawyer in the finest U.S. tradition.

Porky Prime

There is no soundtrack worthy of Ninjesus. Not even if its first three tracks are Stairway, Bohemian, and OPP.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The above graphic was supposed to go here. DEEEERRRRRR.

Duchess

The let’s see if Danger is lurking pick…

Space Jam I choose You!

jjfozz

Bachelor Party soundtrack – that movie had cheap laughs, Tawny Kitaen, and a mule that would bang a hooker/dancer.

The sound track had REM, Fleshtones, etc.

King Hippo

How could you forget Marvin the Magical Sexual Mule?

Warthog

Easy Rider. The movie is beyond terrible, but the music is excellent, even if “classic rock” radio has managed to kill a lot of the tunes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I liked it, but it was no Fellini.

Cuntler

I’ll take the “Singles” soundtrack. That movie has not aged well.

Edit: I am having comment issues today. Not sure why.

trollsoharduniversity

I haven’t seen that movie in at least 15 years but I remember liking it.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Edit: I am having comment issues today. Not sure why.

could be the penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Did anybody show tits in this movie? If so you should reconsider.

King Hippo

That soundtrack is definitely in my Top 10 favourite albums of all time…but I like the movie. I identify waaaaayyyyy too much with the Campbell Scott character.

Duchess

Batman Forever… man I hated U2 I despised the Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me, but now it’s like damn that’s a great song.

Also it gave us Seal’s angelic Kiss from a Rose.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Seriously? That movie had “Forever” in the title, everyone knows that movies with “Forever” in the title are all GREAT.

Old School Zero

Not only that, but you have Method Man doing an actually good hip hop song about The Riddler, Brandy with some excellent R&B in “Where are you now?”, PJ Harvey, some actual decent Offspring, a good cover of “The Passenger”, and ending with a one-two punch of Sunny Day Real Estate’s “8” and The Flaming Lips’ “Bad Days” which is infinitely listenable.

Shit movie, though. I’ll watch the Tim Burton movies again, but never this one.

Duchess

The Bodygaurd… Movie was dumb but hot damn could pre-crack Whitney belt one out. Talk about owning a cover song I don’t think Dolly sang that song for long time after Whitney. I’m not a slow jam kind of person, but who doesn’t like that song is either a liar or has no soul.

Porky Prime

CBQUE

Okay 1st Juice was not a bad movie. My selection is New Jack City. This movie has gotten even more lame as time has passed, the soundtrack hoever is first rate awesome. New Jack Hustler from Ice-T, New Jack City by Guy, Queen Latifah and Chrisopher Williams. Yeah I know it gave us Color Me Badd but small price to pay.

jjfozz

“I want to shoot you so bad, my dick’s hard.”

Ice T had a lot of anger issues.

Porky Prime

@DTZM

Don’t blame Leo and Claire; they didnt write that shit.

Porky Prime

Tron. Either one.

Lothar of the Hill People

Is “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure” a bad movie? If not, I’d take its soundtrack.

Oh wait. “Trick or Treat” was a bad movie. Bad.

And its soundtrack–pretty much all Fastway–was awesome.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQYGsC7u5qY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnllTVtpOlg

montythisseemsstrangetome

Vanilla Sky. You’ve got McCartney, Peter Gabriel, Radiohead, Jeff Buckley, and of course R.E.M., among many others.

Movie’s ending pissed me off though.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I walked out of that movie. What a piece of shit.

montythisseemsstrangetome

What the fuck is a “Joe”?

Sep
King Hippo

FYI, Brad = KH. And I strenuously object to the characterization of The Royal Tenenbaums as a bad movie, though this does nothing to help my defense against being labeled a hipster douche (my complete lack of fashion sense remains my trump card).

Representative video from Round 2 pick (also doesn’t help my defense):

trollsoharduniversity

Lee = Troll-So-Hard University

And nobody really likes Wes Anderson movies. People just pretend to because they don’t understand them and don’t want to admit it.

COME AT ME BRO

Brick Meathook

You are incorrect, sir.
http://i.imgur.com/jPgGNfT.gifv

trollsoharduniversity

This is a truly wonderful gif. But I am right.

Cuntler

Now that I know you’re a Springsteen fan, you’re strong takes are dead to me. You let me down, man. Now I don’t believe in nothing no more. I’m going to law school!

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trollsoharduniversity

How could anyone hate Springsteen? OK, I can see not liking his solo stuff, but the E-Street Band of the late 70s and 80s were just good music. I know that he made up his blue collar Jersey persona, but who cares?

Cuntler

Whatever, man. Have another Allagash White.

http://www.phillymag.com/ticket/2014/05/14/bruce-springsteen-sucks/

/moving on with my life now

trollsoharduniversity

That article is mostly nonsense. I’ve never seen him live and I don’t worship the ground he walks on – I just like the songs from the 80s. But, I agree about the fans. Although you can say that about most bands that have die-hard fans. See: Phish, Ted Nugent, etc.

Cuntler

Yeah, that article is a bit glib. I don’t like him because he sounds like he is straining to shit when he sings, the rock-n-roll saxophone is garbage, and I think his themes are trite blue collar nonsense. Also, the music is terribly pedestrian Dad rock. He is New Jersey John Cougar Mellancamp, and the fanboy love is gasoline on the fire.

(Music is subjective and I like some stuff that a lot of people hate, so I won’t try to convince you to like any of it. But I will tell you why I think Bruce Springsteen sucks asshole.)

Porky Prime

FUCK YOU ROCK AND ROLL DIED THE DAY THEY STOPPED USING SAXOPHONES.

Other than that, no issue with your comment.

Duchess

Royal Tenenbaums is great, I got board with Life Aquatic…and You sir are worse than Hitler.

King Hippo

They are meant to be experienced, not really “understood” and dissected like a critical film study project. Just random weird shit.

Tenenbaums is in my Top 10, I loved it so much. Richie is such a great character. I can never get enough weird/distant Bill Murray (despite his incorrect cult-ish Cubs opinions), so yes, I am also down with Life Acquatic.

Porky Prime

I love Royal Tenenbaums. All of his other movies are just well-filmed whupever.

trollsoharduniversity

Wes Anderson films are the New Yorker cartoons of movies

WhyEaglesWhy

I love Wes Anderson movies. But I’m a film school geek.

jjfozz

Lorde represents every woman I chased from about 20-23, and then I realized you don’t stick your dick in Atomic Level Crazy.

I downgraded to every day Crazy

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wait, you don’t? I should try not doing that!

Covalent Blonde

DONE!