An Interview with DeSean Jackson

It is late Wednesday afternoon after practice.  DeSean Jackson steps up to the podium to address the media.

REPORTER: DeSean, it seems like you are really giving your all out there. What are your feelings on the upcoming season?

DESEAN: I don’t feel no one could stop me.

[dun dun]

DESEAN: You could go get Darrelle Revis, Richard Sherman, whoever you want to get.

[dun dun]

DESEAN: I just try to set the tempo by playing at a high level and then everybody else can kind of follow. [looks over his right shoulder]

REPORTER: What do you think your chances are for the coming season?

[dun dun, dun dun]

DESEAN: As long as I think them guys can stay healthy, we can get the best out of them.

[DUN DUN, DUN DUN, DUN DUN, DUN DUN]

DESEAN: Did you guys hear that? No? Man, I must be crazy.  Anyway, not put too much pressure – it’s everybody across the board, it’s a team sport – it’s not a one man game. I think everybody has to be held accounta-

[DUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUN]

DESEAN: I know you heard that. I–

[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

DESEAN: What the hell?  Why’s that blocking sled in here? I’m tying to do an interview and this shi–

[SECOND DOOR FLIES OPEN]

DESEAN: NO!  NO! STOP! STOP! NOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo . . . .

[MUSIC ABRUPTLY ENDS]