[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

"This site goes down so often we oughta change the name to “Dating Nancy Reagan”" – Horatio

Log In

The Republican Debates Open Thread

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

/

, , , , , ,

Oh boy, folks.  It’s time to watch 10 crazy people yell at each other tonight.

Here is your list of lunatics, in descending order of poll results that don’t in any way matter yet:

 

The Donald

 

Jeb (Yep Another) Bush

Scott (Fuck the Poors) Walker

Ben (No Matter What He Says, He’s Somehow A Freaking Doctor) Carson

Mike (It’s So Bad That I’m Here) Huckabee

Ted (Yes, This Is My Dad’s Suit) Cruz

Rand (Sure, I Invented My Own Ophthalmology Certification Board) Paul

Marco (Where’s My Water) Rubio

Chris (Real Life Sopranos Governor) Christie

 

John (Who?) Kasich

Have at it, folks.  We’ll be here all night to be just goddamned awful about these terrible people.

Also, some of these guys were very easy to find a ridiculous picture of (looking at you Ted Cruz) and some people, while they are lunatics, never take a dumb looking picture (Thanks Ben Carson.  That’s 10 minutes I’ll never get back…).

0 0 votes
Article Rating

Leave a Reply

Subscribe
Notify of
375 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
jjfozz

I missed this entire fiasco.

If I had to vote, I’d vote for Christie because he’s part Sicilian, and that would entitle me and my offspring to get cushy government jobs while we’re banging hookers, eating rigatoni, and trying to get that goddamn RICO act off the books for good.

0
Doktor Zymm

My brain is tired. I’ll let the Angelic Upstarts make my parting komment :
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcvBWLHQj3Y

0
Horatio Cornblower

The Daily Show is off to a promising start

0
Senor Weaselo

This is ending with a Colbert cameo, isn’t it.

0
SonOfSpam

This was just so fucking horrible. Thanks everyone for hanging out together. I appreciate the DFO collective intelligence (or at least humanity).

These guys can all go motherfucking die in a fire.

0
Horatio Cornblower

I don’t like Hillary Clinton. Or Bill for that matter. Don’t trust either one of ’em.

And this debate is a fantastic illustration as to why I will vote for her as many times as I possibly can.

(If you move to Waterbury, CT you can vote as many times as you want!)

0
SonOfSpam

It’s weird. I love Bill. I trust him as far as I can throw him, but I love him. He is a charismatic beast. His wife is good enough, in that she’s not one of these assholes.

0
jjfozz

I have always loved him because he was a politician who said, “Fuck it. I’m the leader, and if I want to bang tons of babes. I’m going to. Because my wife eats pussy like it’s going to be outlawed tomorrow.”

0
Beastmode Ate My Baby

Kasich got a crowd bump, but his ideas won’t go over well with the GOP. Trump was Trump, Rubio looks like an angry 12 year-old, Jeb has zero charisma, Cruz is a sociopath…anything I’m missing?

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Christie did well. Serious and practical. That should hurt him with the base.

0
Doktor Zymm

That was fun. Lots of people don’t know the definitions of words.

0
Senor Weaselo

This is now a Daily Show finale thread, right?

0
Horatio Cornblower

We don’t beat Japan or Mexico?

Does he have any idea what the economies of either of those countries is like?

Oh sorry, I forgot that Trump and reality are two circles separated by an enormous wall.

0
Smithchez

Neither he nor any of the idiots who were cheering for him take anything from those arguments other than “Who the fuck do Mexico and Japan think they are? They think they’re better than us? FUCK THAT! ‘MURICA!”

It’s a surprisingly/depressingly effective campaign strategy.

0
Senor Weaselo

Didn’t they watch the Women’s World Cup? U-S-A! U-S-A!

0
Duchess

Is SNL begging Chris Parnel to come back to do Scott Walker bits?

0
Horatio Cornblower

Scott Walker and I have the same hairline; one of isn’t trying to hide it.

0
Smithchez

When do we get to the part where they vote a candidate off for the next debate?

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Huckabee is running to make sure his radio show gets renewed, right?

0
Brick Meathook

Persecute religious liberty? You go Ted Cruz!

0
Horatio Cornblower

From now on I will refer to my penis as “The Baton of Freedom.”

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

“Honey, if that burns, I’ll go get the tyranny treated at the clinic.”

0
Horatio Cornblower

Ted Cruz: “If I am elected President let me tell you what will happen on the first day of my Presidency…”

Moderator: “We’re all familiar with the Book of Revelations Ted.”

0
Beastmode Ate My Baby

FUCK OFF, CRUZ

0
Brick Meathook

Rubio was conceived in the back of a bar? I believe it.

0
Doktor Zymm

Yes! Persecute religious liberty!

Ha.

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

BTW, the undercard debate was significantly less crazy than this shitshow.

0
Senor Weaselo

I swear Marco Rubio just said he would persecute religious liberty.

0
Senor Weaselo

Or it was Ted Cruz. That’s what happens when I’m fully glazed over waiting for Daily Show.

0
Duchess

So Cruz wouldnt do anything…

0
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Ted Cruz saying “When I’m elected president” made me laugh out loud.

0
Doktor Zymm

This debate has taught me how much I truly dislike Rand Paul. I always knew I disliked him, but damn he’s unlikable.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Are these guys running or are their parents? Because some of their parents seem pretty cool.

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Rand Paul: #BlackVotesMatter

0
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Chris Christie’s dad was the first college graduate? That should be bigger news, I think.

0
Horatio Cornblower

My father was a journalist, his father worked in a factory.

What are you talking about?

Oh, sorry, I thought we were talking about things that had nothing to do with the election.

0
Beastmode Ate My Baby

FUCK OFF, RUBIO

0
Brick Meathook

Jesus says:
http://i.imgur.com/3E0djeH.jpg

0
Horatio Cornblower

Mr. Cornblower, have you received any messages from God about how you would run the country?

No. I have no further comment.

0
Duchess

I cant wait to hear how Trump answers this…

0
Horatio Cornblower

“I’m the son of a pastor, AND A CANADIAN!”

0
Sill Bimmons

FUCK YOUR GOD CHASE A. NORTON

0
1 … 3 4 5
375
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x