Instant Hippo Thoughts – Lucky Week 13, 2017

Hey, when you follow up a craptastic day of JV GAMBLOR with a beautiful 6-match unbeaten run (sullied only by a longshot moneyline bet on Los Gigantes, which didn’t play out THAT crazy), you give the number its props.

There’s no luck in Buffalo, where the usual P*ts hammering also came with a late GRONK SMASH and unrelated ded Tyrod.  So…I guess we will see Phase 2 of the great J. Peterman era.  Glad I didn’t go with Hauschka for my playoff kicker, after all.

MinnySEWta came into the week as the most legitimate challengers to the Iggle throne, and they exit it the same way.  Mister Winkles’ Vikes closed out a 14-9 businessperson-like win win a killer 5+ minute drive to burn off every last second off the clock.  Not that ATL is the most hostile environment in the League, but it’s a very good road win, and the fashion it was achieved was particularly impressive.  Nobody wants to see them in their playoff bracket.

Kansas City jumped out to a 14-zip lead over the Jets, got about 200 2nd half yards from Tyreek Hill…and still lost.  That kind of dumpster fire for the Chefs.  New York needed 9 plays inside the 5 to score the winning TD, but win they did, 38-31.

#OddWeekJaguras beat the shit out of the Humps because #OddWeekJaguras.  Tune back in next week for the continuing saga of Even Week Jaguras.

Oh my poor fucking Donks.  Miami started and finished the day’s scoring with a safety.  Dunno if I’ve ever seen that before.  In between, they also won 31-9, with 6 of said Denver 9 coming from a Catler Pick Six, because, well, Catler.  Miami also converted an onside kick at 33-9 late because…why the fuck not?  Team shows up with no pride, kick ’em in the teeth, I guess.  Just embarrassing.  YES, this was one of my successful moneyline bets.  Can you believe Denver was a road favourite anywhere??

Yooooooouuuuuston actually controlled much of this game, but Savage Garden is a wet bag of shit.  And Derrick Henry scored a TOTES UNNECESSARY garbage time long TD to beat the spread and turn many fantasy fortunes on they heads.  24-13, Tits win ugly again.  Just like DonT likes it.  /lights cigarette suavely

Packers and MRSA Men went to OT, because who didn’t want more of THAT bullshit?  Anyway, I know nothing of this game except that Davante Adams fucked me over after I finally put him back in the lineup (as Tyreek was doing the opposite).  And Green Bay won on the first drive of bonus time, 26-20.  Who fucking cares.

The Ravens beat the absolute tar shit out of Detroit, and killed Fat Stafford in the process.  The non-Vikes portion of the NFC North just gets fuglier and fuglier.

Speaking of fugly, the Bearistocrats! took requests today (h/t – BFC), and were shut out by former cult hero kicker Robbie Gould, 15-14.  Folk singer Leonard Cohen deserves a shout-out for his Bananacakes Bowl-worthy video game-ish punt return TD, but it turns out one can only hide one’s QB for so long before it bites one, even home against the Fightin’ Tomsulas.  PRO TIP: Maybe draft a QB that can read?

#ThePauls really fucking competed today, and covered to give Hippo win #6, at least.  Still gave up too many fantasy points to Melvin Fucking Gordon and Hunter Henry, though.  The Shitty Clippers are annoying fucks, but move into a 3-way tie for 1st in the world’s worst footy division.

Yes, pre-Vegas made it to 6-6 as well, beating up on Geno and his fellow not-quite-so-Giants.  The scoreline was only 24-17, a damning indictment of just how shitty a football product each team put out there (not including Beast Mode, Khalil Mack, and Evan Engram).  Burn after reading, indeed.

N’Awlins beat Charlotte 31-21, and the score doesn’t reflect just how much of a rout this was.  The Panthers didn’t belong on the same field with the Saints.  Bitchin’ Kamara, winner of all fantasy leagues, was his usual self.  As noted in the Live Blog, you can certainly see why the Tennessee staff got fired, not winning any games with a beast like that in the garage.

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!! went to the desert in what I thought might be a tricky matchup, but as almost always this season – they flattened the team they should beat.  There is much to admire about that, even if it does likely mean the ceiling (for now) is well-below Iggles/Vikes.

Finally, an excellent (on paper) Sunday nighter between the aforementioned Iggles and SeaTruthers.  Bird on Bird violencia, huzzah!  After a boring-as-shit first half, Philly looked to make things interesting, until Dakota Boy fumbled through the end zone inside the one.  After that, I took cold medicine and quit caring.  I seen this movie before.  As y’all now, I be old and shit.