Donks 2018 – Welcome to SWAG World

That’s right, baby.  Ain’t nobody more popular than the backup QB, especially when he’s the redneck nephew of Jim Kelly, who somehow managed to get kicked out of fucking Clemson yet be 10 times smarter than functional illiterate Paxton Lynch.  Anyway, here’s the delightful Brandon Perna to take you through Swag looking great in his first action with Denver’s 2s, while Lynch sucked hind teat against the Bearistocrats! 3s:

One might note that the Donks have lost both home pre-season matches (correct!) and if Hippo led talking about the backup QB (again) who was the last overall pick in the 2017 Draft, perhaps things don’t look so fucking hot?

Well…maybe.  All things Pravda out of camp are positive regarding Case Keenum, and the very limited practice game snaps aren’t such that I am going to start panicking.  Nor am I one of those crazy fucks that expected a 5-11 side to turn instantly into a Superb Owl contender.  This is, after all, the NFL’s lukewarm oatmeal division for 2018 (and probably 2019).  He is a good fit for the Bill Musgrave/Gary Kubiak style that is currently in vogue in Dove Valley.  Demaryius and Emmanuel Sanders both seem noticeably happier.  QB should be fine.  Really.

The offensive line is still shit.  The starters are average on their best day, and the depth is as theoretical as a teenager’s common sense.  Keenum and Swag can both run for their life and make quick decisions, which is very good.

Folks are excite about BOTH rookie RBs Royce Freeman (Oregon) and especially local product Phillip Lindsay (Colorado), who has shown good open field and special teams ability, despite being wee tiny.  Could be a fantasy headache, with Devontae Booker sure to still get carries.  Plus again…shitty OL.

Back to the positives – the defense should be funner ‘n’ hayell.  Bradley Chubb starting along fellow chess piece/nether demon Von Miller will wreak havoc on opposing QBs.  Chubb has shown good run stopping and coverage ability, as well.  Perhaps I will buy my first jersey since the mango #7 I wore during college exams for luck?  The secondary is a bit iffy without Talib, but Bradley Roby and Chris Harris, Jr. are still very good.  They just cannot get hurt under any circumstances.

Oh, and the biggest positive.  Stealing Pre-Vegas’ cool black punter.  He’s fucking awesome.  And we should be punting a lot, and at altitude.  Pencil him in for team MVP.

Behind the scenes, there is a somewhat messy struggle for ownership, as both Bowlens struggle with Alzheimers.  This is remarkably fucking sad.

Overall, this team reeks of 8-8, but a ball could bounce a win either way.  In this division, 8 or 9 could easily suffice.  We shall see if the #SwagEra begins in earnest come 2019.  Hold onto your butts (hey, we have a Jake Butt!  Chubb and the Butt!  Chubb and the Butt!).

Instant Hippo Update: Tevas on the Ground in Donks-ville (sorry, Brick) and my oh my, does the Mile High City have some attractive womenfolk.  I wonder how Moose still has a working neck.  And yes, there were several #BFIB on my train from el aeropuerto.  They ain’t call us that for nuthin’ ya noe.

Instant Hippo Update Numero Dos: And guess where Hippo will be at 3p DFO standard time?

Oh yeah, that’s a Donks WOO!!!  Too bad it’s hot as fuck (more so than in North Cakalaky) and I left my Donks pullover and badass Donks/Obama combo logo long sleeve T-shirt (has to be seen to be believed, tis so awesome – the asshole vegan kid found for me thrifting, she really does have her good moments) in the car (way out park-and-ride lot).  I feel a bit bad wearing only #BFIB swag onto Holy ground, but maybe a cute girl will give me shit and then I’m in, baby!!