Welcome back to Temptation Island Talk!

Everything has been building towards this. Today, we find out what happens at the final bonfires. Will the couples stay together (snickers)? Will they break up embarrassingly on national TV and become the shame of their families? Here’s hoping!

Before we get started, let us refresh our memories as to what these idiot couples look like.

Episode 10 Part 1 Recap

We start off with the now-traditional “Previously… on Temptation Island”.

Now, given that the 24 hour dates already happened and the only thing left is for the couples to reunite and decide their fates and we’re only going to get two couples a week, I’m giving you fair warning that I think this recap will probably be fairly short. I mean, there will probably be a lot of speculation about what’s going to happen next and feelings and all that shit we don’t care about.

I WANT TO SEE HEARTS BROKEN, DAMMIT!

Oh, hi Kaci, didn’t see you there.

We start with a replay of Mark L telling the Single Girls that they don’t have to go home but they can’t stay here.

Morgan still thinks that Evan will pussy out, but he tells her he’s going to handle his bidness. We shall see…

John and Katheryn talk and John frustrates her by saying he wants to hear Kady’s side of the story and I’m with Kathryn here. Do we have to slap you in the face with Johnnie’s dick?

Cuz if I was producing Temptation Island, I’d do exactly that.

Javen talks to Kayla and thanks her for helping him. He apparently set the bar high for her to meet other dudes.

Karl starts out very well saying nice things to Brittney and then fucks it up by essentially saying goodbye. Predictably, she cries.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure Karl ain’t leaving with Brittney.

Brittney feels tricked and is 0 for 2 in relationships where she fell deeply for someone.

The Boys will now have the night to think about what they will say at bonfire, which, I’m assuming, will be the following night.

At the Girls’ villa, the same things happen.

Justin gives all the girls flowers. Shari feels a bond with him. Huh?

Val says goodbye to the ostrich. Fast forward…

Justin throws one shot in the air to see if he can get Shari to think of a world outside Javen. It may land. I have to say, too many things are pointing towards Shari pulling a Nicole and thinking she’s an independent woman.

I’m worried for Javen and yet, if it does happen, I honestly think it’s for the best. Win-win?

Nicole and Tyler say bye. She says he did well. I guess the anal was good.

Johnnie is whining like a little bitch about leaving Kady. I don’t think he has anything to worry about.

Mark L gives the Girls the same warning about bonfire the next night.

Kaci blah blah blah…

Karl is literally writing what he is going to tell Nicole and I think I can see on the side of the page some boobies.

Now we get a montage summary of Karl’s experience. THIS AIN’T NO CLIP SHOW!

He doesn’t know if they’ll leave together.

Now it’s the Nicole montage. She didn’t like having to prove herself. Tyler really opened her up. OK, NICOLE, WE GET IT! HE HAS A BIG PENIS!

John has his montage now and I wonder if he’ll cringe watching this now and realizing what a dipshit he was. He still doesn’t know if this is the end of his relationship and that’s one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard.

Kady gets her montage now and it’s pretty obvious she’s just figuring out how to break up with John without looking like an asshole. Sorry, sweetie, but it’s too late for that.

IT’S FINAL BONFIRE TIME!!

On the ride over, Nicole says she doesn’t think she should be with Karl. Karl still thinks she might want to be with him.

Karl walks up and Mark L greets him. Mark L brings Nicole in and this is AWKWARD

No eye contact whatsoever. No hug, no kiss, no nothing.

Mark L lays down the rules: One will speak while the other listens. Then, the other speaks while the first one listens. Finally, they’ll talk about what each decides to do with the relationship.

Karl speaks first. He does his spiel about why they came into the island and developing trust. He saw her going to bed with Tyler and then, in his words, “it went too far” with Brittney. He’s not sure what their future looks like.

Nicole talks about being confused about why they came to the island. She talks about their love being surface level. If they are to move forward, they will have to address their issues.

Mark L now gives Karl three choices:

• Leave the island with Nicole
• Leave the island alone
• Leave the island with someone else.

Karl still thinks there is something there and wants to leave with Nicole.

Nicole takes LITERALLY 23 seconds to say, “I want to go home together.”

Nice growth, Nicole!

What the ever living fuck?!?!?

Luckily, Mark L is ON IT!

THIS MOMENT, people, is why I love Mark L, why I love this show, and why no one else could possibly host this show.

Mark L systematically calls them out on their bullshit. It’s a thing of beauty.

It’s too bad they didn’t post a clip on Youtube. It’s worth watching again and again.

Mark L points out that they haven’t seen each other and yet “you didn’t even shake hands”. He tells them, flat out, “What’s going on?…. What’s the awkward thing here?”

Karl acknowledges the awkwardness and slowly, the thread starts to unravel. Eventually, we get to this:

ONE COUPLE DOWN!!

Nicole hugs Karl goodbye and walks off.

Mark L congratulates Karl on what he said. Karl says he has no regrets. Methinks Karl thinks Nicole will go running back to him after experiencing life on her own.

He may be right.

Now it’s John and Kady’s turn and we’re already at the 53 minute mark and either this is the quickest breakup in history or we will have to wait until next week for the resolution.

On the ride up, John looks pissed. This may get interesting. Kady says she still loves John and I wonder how much she loved him with Johnnie’s balls in her mouth.

This time, Kady arrives first and Mark L greets her. John is called in and he is not in a good mood.

Mark L lays out the rules again. Kady speaks first. She talks about how she misses him and tells him “you’re my best friend”, but it’s not clear if that is a contraction of You Are or You Were.

She tells him he’s amazing and perfect just the way he is. Keep this in mind in a few minutes when she breaks up with him.

He talks about how her talking about him not being a good father really hurt him. He also was hurt by watching her with Johnnie. John is saying this with his voice cracking, btw.

He wants a woman to build him up, not tear him down and both Kady and Mark L are nodding and I guess we all agree Kady is a bitch?

Kady keeps saying nice things and then drops the bomb:

And the credits roll and that does her!

I guess we will see the actual breakup next week!

***

Updated Predicciones / Predicción Results

Here’s the way I saw things last week as it was getting down to the end:

• John and Kady: Break Up.
• Nicole and Karl: Break Up.
• Shari and Javen: Stay Together.
• Kaci and Evan: Break Up.

Furthermore, I also predicted these things happening:

• John will try to start a relationship with Kathryn.
• Kady will try to start a relationship with Johnnie.
• Both will fail but will not get back together.
• Karl will want to stay with Nicole, but she won’t want to stay with him.
• Karl will fuck up the situation with Brittney and will end up with nothing.
• Nicole will not go after Tyler and will want to go it alone as an independent woman.

Since we only got the true final resolution to Karl and Nicole’s relationship, we can say that I went 4 for 4 in my predictions.

Karl and Nicole did indeed break up. Karl did want to stay with Nicole but she ultimately didn’t. Karl left the island alone, as did Nicole.

For next week, I will stay with my predictions that:

• John and Kady: Break Up.
• Shari and Javen: Stay Together.
• Kaci and Evan: Break Up.

Furthermore, I stick with my predictions that:

• John will try to start a relationship with Kathryn.
• Kady will try to start a relationship with Johnnie.

In addition, I have these predictions for the other couples:

• Kaci will want to stay with Evan, but Evan won’t.
• Evan will leave the island with Morgan.
• Kaci will leave the island alone.
• Javen will want to stay with Shari and will propose.
• Shari will say no to the proposal, but will want to stay in the relationship.
• They will leave together, but uneasy about the future.

Next episode will be sweet sweet Kaci Schadenfreude Day, so please tune in!

***

This was episode 10 part 1 and the last episode, part 2, will air next week. I’ll write one final recap for next week’s episode.

Temptation Island aired every Tuesday on USA Network at 10 PM Eastern, 9 PM Central. You can catch up on prior episodes (if you sign in with a cable or satellite account although it seems the first two episodes are available for free) and see behind the scene clips on the USA Network website:

https://www.usanetwork.com/temptationisland

Also, thanks to all of you drinking that Maui vodka, TEMPTATION ISLAND HAS BEEN RENEWED FOR SEASON TWO!!

Even more exciting, have you ever wanted to flush your shitty relationship down the crapper? Have you ever wanted to stir shit up and fuck with people’s lives? Now you can do it in front of the whole country! You too can apply to be either a single or a couple next season! Apply here:

https://www.usanetwork.com/temptationisland/casting

You need to be available from mid-June to mid-July. Now that’s what I call a bitchen summer!

Let me know what you think in the comments.

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