It’s the biggest game of club fútbol and we’re getting the equivalent of a Vikings – Bills Superb Owl. “Can I deesterb you for a moment to ask if you would hold these two beers for me please”, asks Jürgen Klopp to Marv Levy, for losing SIX finals. For Tottenham, it’s the end of the five-year project under coach Mauricio Pochettino, the validation of a focused long-term plan. Today, a coronation is at hand: Spurs can cement their also-ran status in the biggest stage.

C’mon. If the negativity alone doesn’t thrill you, for your own good: do NAWT call yo’ self a sports fan.

The Premier League had a banner year. Four of the top five teams in the EPL were this season’s European finalists, with Man City taking a bold stand for protectionism with the domestic treble. Liverpool came in second in the EPL, with 97 points:

(per Google, via here)

Man City lost four EPL games, the Reds only one–which some consider a higher achomlishment than Man Cit—“Barf. Enough with the Klopp knob blow!” says you, fan of a team that is not Liverpool.

[sigh] I get it. It’s easier to persuade Netanyahu to tattoo “Hamas4Lyf” on his left cheek than get a fútbol fan to summon admiration for a rival. Won’t happen, less so for the SAKAH SAWX. Howevah, Liverpool was objectively Boss in reaching the Champions League Final.

After clinching La Liga, Barcelona shamed Liverpool 3-0 in Catalonia in the first leg of the semifinals. The Reds were lucky to have let in only 3. Let’s have a quick recap of what happened in the second leg, for the haters.

Tuesday May 7, Pig  s: Halftime at Liverpool was Reds 1 : 0 Lame Secessionists. No Firmino, no Salah. Georginio Wijnaldum came as a sub in the second half, put in the Reds’ second goal and, after scoring, set the tone by ripping the ball from Ter  Stegen:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vN5JhQOZ-_4

Liverpool scored two more to win on aggregate, the 4th coming from research and balls / ovaries, reducing Barça to a bunch of timid kids. Uf. Amazing. Can’t be topped.

The Next Day: Ajax Ajax Ajax… Ajax! NOBODY talked about Tottenham. Ajax captivated everybody. Eliminated Bayern Munich! Beat Ronaldo’s Old Bag!! Buried Champions League tricampeón Real Madrid… Well, OK. That wasn’t impressive because this season Real was shit—hang on:

????????

[coughs] Excuse me. [spits on floor]

Ajax was flashy and kicking ass: a bunch of fearless youngsters destined for team glory. Until the transfer window opens and they all go to richer clubs ANYWAY…

The first leg was in Tottenham and Ajax won 1-0. In the second leg at Ajax, they went to halftime ahead 2-0 (3-0 on aggregate). The stadium at Amsterdam was loud and shaking—hey, Quakers be quakin’.

(giphy.com)

Spurs, like Liverpool, needed to score three goals in the second half to go to the final; unlike LIV, Spurs had to do it as visitors and could go through on a 3-3 aggregate on the away goals rule. Spurs’ 3^rd came in the 96^th minute. Amazing. Incredible. A sublime moment for the sport–check. Twbs’s head exploded from the arbitrary and secret timekeeping–balance.

Unlike the Man Citys, PSGs, Barcelonas and Liverpools of the world, Tottenham has not signed a new player since January, 2018. The lack of signings is OK for coach Pochettino, who values team cohesion above all. Poch has been celebrated in this blog for being personable against incredible odds (i.e., Argentina birth). Truth be told, Pochettino is the shit: a straight shooter, a dedicated professional, and frequent crier—a guy tender as fuck.

(via elconfidencial.com)

That’s right; just “AF” won’t do justice.

“Fútbol has lost authentic people, we resemble actors”, said Mauricio Pochettino Trosero in a long and candid interview with Spain’s El País. (It’s in Spanish, the most beautiful language; close second, Fortran.) Pochettino believes in, and feels, a universal energy. Spacey stuff, but it reveals a driven guy:

I feel it since I was little. I thought there was an energy that allowed me to dream things that later I accomplished. Programming things with your mind so that they happen has been an easy tool to use to accomplish good things. (elpais.com)

In the interview, Pochettino said it’s inevitable for him to get emotionally attached to his players. Sure, the objectives are wins and trophies, but the players are persons first—with habits and feelings and problems. Pochettino has a broad view of his duties as a coach. Yes, it has to be geared to improve a player’s fútbol techniques and abilities, but coaching also has to improve them as persons, help them find “peace with themselves”.

Pochettino is a successful motivator, often appealing to the players’ love of the game,

It can have miraculous effects because, after reminding them that them that this is not a job but something they used to love, it takes players deep into their consciences and they each go back to a certain point in their past.(via planetfootbal.com).

He’s also a pragmatist: the players make the scheme, and the only constant is training and team cohesion—a firewalk here, a breaking of arrows with necks there…  Activities to get Tottenham to connect “with this energy that is so powerful that it makes you feel invincible. And you set no limits”. This sounds a lotlike catechism, but without the guilt shit.

While Pochettino’s approach to coaching is holistic, many would describe Jürgen Klopp’s as assholistic. He’s tagged as an insincere ham and diva. I do not agree—I mean, look at him!

(via @james_dart)

Truth is, the Reds are stackt. Alison is class; no goaltending  mistakes are foreseen, unlike last year’s Champions final. Salah and Firmino are fit. Virgil Van Dijkt is the world’s most expensive and therefore best defender. Lovren and Mane are veeery fine—Fun Fact: those last three rose as players under Pochettino back when he was at Soton. Everything leads to the energy guy.

Spurs are fit and Kane is a go. But the important thing is,

Predicción: Klopp hated, Poch cries, five yella cards.

(Banner via futboltotal.com.mx)