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The Greatest of Pretend HonoUrs – Lesser Sabado Open Thread

King Hippo

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In the Pretend Year of Our LAWD 2081, I achieved the crowning achievement of my life (Pretend or otherwise).  Ground is breaking on 140,000 seat Bernard Gilkey Park.  That’s right, second new stadium of my long Pretend Man City tenure, and they’s naming it after ME.

Hey, at least now I can’t possibly die, thinking I have accomplished nothing.

My For Reals Toffees don’t play their FA Cup 4th round tie until 3p EST Sunday (home to Sheffield Wednesday).  Good thing I was already planning to boycott the MRSA fixture.

Villa and the Barcodes (3p, Peacock) is your only Prem fixture.  I despise both these fuckstain squadrons.  Meanwhile, FA Cup action bounds, all on ESPN+ here in Diamond Joe’s USA.

Wake up with Saints/Gooners (7:15).  One surmises that Handsome Mikel Artet dearly needs another stirring Cup run.   This one’s away at St. Mary’s, so it’s a toughie.

10:00 is the crowded window, but I like Barnsley hosting Norwich as potentially the best clash.  Swans/Forest and Millwall/Bristol City could also be interesting, or at least violent.

Take a nap after that, because I don’t see Cheltenham staying within low-single digits of Man City’s B side (12:30).  But it will be all that’s on.  You could watch AC Milan host Atalanta in Serie A, I guess.  But with MRSA Dreamboat sucking up all the media fluffery, I really don’t want the juju of Atalanta anywhere near my mind.

#NuAIDS-ravaged Shitty Wolves are being forced to play U*NC as scheduled.  Because we have to get our precious Blues into the 2021 tourney, you see.  Fucking shithole conference.  I won’t be watching that, neither.

Talk amongst yourselves, I got me a Pretend Club World Cup to win!

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Doktor Zymm

Greetings and salutations!

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1
bk109

Right, lads, it’s 1AM here, so I think I’m gonna go crawl in bed and watch something on Netflix with wifey (I’m thinking “The Mirror Has Two Faces” ..or a history of swear words.. either is fine)
..Anyway, have a good one lads and lasses

Last edited 5 years ago by bk109
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ballsofsteelandfury

Enjoy the evening/late night!

0
bk109

Steelers search for OC continues with former Browns HC Hue Jackson
I thought someone was just trolling utree on twatter, but if this happens, I’ll legit be worried about him popping an aneurysm

1
ballsofsteelandfury

They’re also looking at the Chargers’ Pep Hamilton…

1
bk109

They can look at a literal dumpster fire and I think it’ll be a better choice than Hue

2
Mr. Ayo

Meanwhile the Seahawks interviewed Adam Gase for their OC position.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

you’re kidding, right?

0
bk109

That’s what I thought too, but .. nope, it’s a thing … Somehow…
In fact, my initial reaction were a series of audible

No fucking way! Bullshit! … HOW?! WHY!? THE FUCK?!

Last edited 5 years ago by bk109
2
Mr. Ayo

They’re bound and determined to waste Russell’s career.

1
bk109

Given that they tried to kill him from before the 1 yard pass derped around the world, .I don’t see why not. I wonder how Jamal Adams would react tho XD

2
Redshirt

Normally, I’d laugh and point, but Hue Jackson was able to turn Andy Dalton into a Top 5 QB in 2015 when he was the Bengals’ OC. If Dalton didn’t suddenly decide to play LB on an Interception return and break his thumb, then who knows what would’ve happened.

This may work out.

0
bk109

Or Dalton had a statistical aberration of a season, because for a counterpoint – look at Cleveland’s play after HJ “started calling the offence”.
I’d link some lowlights here, but I’m pretty sure they’re considered snuff films in the EU XD

2
Redshirt

Actually its cause he had an good O-line and three great WRs. The Bengals were able to put Dalton in position to play to his strengths.

It was like giving an average looking person a $100,000 a year job, a penthouse apartment and sports car. At that point, you don’t really have to go looking for a hot person for a boyfriend/girlfriend, the hot person will find you.

Last edited 5 years ago by Redshirt
1
bk109

What a shocking revelation – if you keep the QB alive and upright for more than 1 second and give him someone to throw to, he’d have a good season… Seriously, though, a lot of coaches made careers outta “one good season”, so when someone flames out as spectacularly as HJ did, I’m more inclined to believe that it was a fluke season than talent tbh…

1
Redshirt

It wasn’t all him. You put Vince Lombardi in his coaching prime on that sideline, and the best he’ll pull out of that team is 3-13, 5-11 if he kills a Practice Squad member just to make a point.

1
bk109

Tom Pelissero

@TomPelissero
Sources: The #Lions and Matthew Stafford have mutually agreed to part ways this offseason and the team will begin exploring trade options in the coming weeks for their star QB.

Soooo, Stafford to the Pats talk starts in….. 3…2….?

1
SonOfSpam

Stafford to the Texans; he’s got the intangibles McNair craves.

2
litre_cola

He’s a fat white guy?

3
bk109

He’s used to dealing with shit on a seasonal basis with nary a grumble?

1
ballsofsteelandfury

He’ll fit right in

0
Mr. Ayo

Clots is what I’m reading. No mention of Chi**** though. Wonder why?

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Gravy and Stafford? Makes sense.

2
SonOfSpam

Why would the Bears replace Trubisky? He was drafted 2nd for a reason!

2
bk109

Yeah, there was a reason DaBears traded up one position in that draft! Not a particularly good or sane one, but there’s gotta be one… RIGHT?!

1
Redshirt

Oh, why? WHY?! WHY?! Why couldn’t Barry Sanders have done this in 1999 so he could’ve played for a good team. He would’ve probably had a Super Bowl ring and maybe 20,000 rushing yards.

1
SonOfSpam

So Hippo hates Aston Villa (probably for someone being a cunt or whatnot) but I always sorta liked them because when I first started watching socfoot, their jerseys were described as “claret” and that was cool to a dumbass Amurrican beer drinker. Go Villa I guess.

2
litre_cola

Prince William or one of em is a Villa fan, Birmingham is a trash gloomy city, Jack Grealish is a drunkdriving fuckface. Fuck Villa. /hard

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Alls I know is that The Cure came from Birmingham. That probably explains a lot.

0
bk109

You sure about that? I thought they were from Crawley ?
Edit: Yeah, they’re from West Sussex – ELO, Black Sabbath, Duran Duran and the Spencer Davis Group (incl. Steve Winwood)

Last edited 5 years ago by bk109
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ballsofsteelandfury

I read it somewhere. It might have been wrong. Maybe I read that Robert Smith liked Aston Villa?

0
bk109

Still nope, a cursory googling claims that he’s a QPR supporter. Also, wtf, I thought UB40 were … well, from outside the UK (despite the white singer), as in like Germany

0
ballsofsteelandfury

I have no clue then. You are correct, though. They are from Crawley. I found out Duran Duran are from Birmingham, allegedly.

1
bk109

Or thereabouts at least, because I saw them mentioned in a couple of lists of celebrity supporters 😀

At any rate nothing can beat some of our most known supporters – Osama, Fidel, Jer Corbyn (dejected yay), Nick Clegg or The Queen (not the band, the lame one 😀 )

Also Harry, but … even we have standards so we don’t acknowledge ‘im

Edit: LOL, Qaddaffi was one of Hippo’s guys (though he may’ve actually been “democracy NOW’d”, because he was switching allegiances to the real Liverpool team … according to rubble analysis XD)

Last edited 5 years ago by bk109
1
WCS

Cousinfuckers-Kansas State (I don’t remember if we have a nickname for the Wildcats) is now on.

LET’S DO THIS, JIZZ STAINS

0
Senor Weaselo

Less fun Manhattan?

0
King Hippo

Unded Bill Snyders

0
scotchnaut

Wolfies hanging with the Tar Fuckoo’s so far…

0
scotchnaut

Sillycuse gets the win vs a top 20 opponent by going inside to their 2 most accomplished scorers. Whoda thunk it was possible?

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Bernie Fine and Bernie Fine’s wife?

0
bk109

Also, this bloody comment on a IMDB review made me absolutely speechless:

Imagine if modern-day Germany released a film depicting the bravery and loyalty of their soldiers in 1942. It’s just unseemly, no matter how accurate.

Das Boot? Cross of Iron? Stalingrad ? The Doctor of Stalingrad (more obscure one that tactfully “neglects” that the guy it was modelled on killed noncombattants on the Eastern front for experiments). Hell, even “Untergang” can be considered as such, because it shows the vast amount of people loyally serving to the bitter end…(Now, all show that the war is hell and it brings out the best and worst in people, but … that’s beside the point of that dipshit’s take)
Oh,yeah – The Bridge (1960ish) – it’s literally a movie about the bravery and loyalty of a handful of school-age boys defending an unimportant bridge to the death …Btw, bloody good, but deeply unsettling film

Last edited 5 years ago by bk109
2
Brick Meathook

Today’s my birthday! Fuck off.

8
Gumbygirl

Happy Birthday to you!?????

3
scotchnaut

Fuck off! To the Great White North, it’s a really beauty way to go. But seriously, folks over 18 that feel the need to celebrate their birthday? Take off.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Jm4LoOaAWI&ab_channel=kr580

2
WCS

Congrats on your latest lap around Sol.

0
Don T

/Obligatorio
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Col. Duke LaCross

Hey! Happy birthday!

1
SonOfSpam

Eat shit you old bastard! (By that I mean “consume feces on this, the anniversary of your birth”)

2
bk109

Actually, since it appears to be a slow commentist day so far, here’s the aforementioned movie on the Bradley… ’tis bloody good

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ir0FAa8P2MU

1
Fronkenshteen

Put on ESPN+. Cheltenham are holding on for dear life and City can’t even turn to DeBruyne.

0
Senor Weaselo

So what division does Cheltenham play in?

0
Mr. Ayo

League Two (4th tier)

0
yeah right

Today I am preparing a pan seared rib eye with a red wine reduction thickened with a peppercorn, thyme compound butter. Served with a baked potato and spinach salad alongside a nice Napa Valley pinot noir.

Dinner is at 4.

6
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Man, I gotta order us some more wine.

1
yeah right

I’m having a lot of luck with the Vons preorder pick up thing. You order ahead through an app, they print up a pick list
Drive to the store, park, call, tell them the space number and they bring it to your car.

1
Gumbygirl

Ohhh that sounds good!

1
bk109

Sounds way better than the Vomelette + Spinach Mushrooms & Cream Sauce Fettuccine
+ mystery MRE (it’s so old, we can’t see the menu number on it or … date of production) I’m eating after a bet with dad and dad-in-law 😀

And yes, I have to eat every bite that isn’t obviously rancid/”gone off”

2
SonOfSpam

I’ll have the Lobster Thermidor au Crevettes with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.

3
herodotus450

Missoula Falls to fade into obscurity with the passing of Larry King

1
Fronkenshteen

Cheltenham are fooking UP FOR IT!

0
ArmedandHammered

Stray thought, I wonder if the last advice Michael Hutchence received were the words ” Well, you do you”?

5
Dunstan

Either that, or “just let it all hang out?”

4
bk109

I thought it was “You shouldn’t be dating Curt’s widow, mate” (judging by the blood splatter)

1
Don T

“Disenchantment” is freekin’ awesome. Can’t wait to finish it to see it again.
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1
Fronkenshteen

Norwich knocked me out of my 6-team parlay. Balls.

1
litre_cola

Dont blame him, he dislikes English futbol.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

It’s true!

0
Redshirt

Well, since there’s no football on TV, I guess I work on my room. Its been a bit neglected ever since baseball started.

(grabs pick-ax)

3
Dunstan

Columbus — Winnipeg trade seems fairly even to me? Which strikes me as a good job by Columbus considering the entire league knew they needed to move Dubois.

Let’s see how long it takes before “Torts” alienates Laine, too….

0
herodotus450

Dubois and a third for Laine and Roslovic, a guy I’ve never heard of but who apparently grew up aroudn Columbus. Hope Dubois’ reason for a trade wasnt the bullshit “i want a bigger market/stage”

0
Dunstan

I strongly suspect it was “my coach is an asshole.”

0
herodotus450

You know what they say about assholes: if you see one, you had a good day. If you see a bunch, your name might be Ballsofsteelandfury

1
litre_cola

Jets kingdom is freaking out.
1. Laine is better but didnt want to be there.
2. He will get 9 mill+ next year, jets wont pay it.
3. Roslovic is from Cbus so whatever
4. Dubois Dad is a coach with AHL Manitoba Moose.
5. Jets keep some of Laines salary this year which hurts.
6. Tortorella is a defense 1st cooch. Laine does not play D.
7. What the fuck do the Jets do with Stastny now?

That is all.

1
herodotus450

Laine contract expires this year, Dubois is signed for this year and next. Also Laine is hurt? But also PLD might have to quarantine for 14 days before playing in Canada, which is like 25% of the season.

0
Dunstan

I didn’t care much for Larry King, but I’ve got to give him credit for one thing: motherfucker openly admitted that he didn’t prepare for interviews, and actually convinced some people it was a thoughtful decision so that he would be at the same level of ignorance as many of his viewers.

Passing your laziness off as wisdom? That’s good (non) hustle!

7
Redshirt

I agreed with what I heard on CNN. He let the interviewee be the star of the show.

0
Dunstan

That was never my sense. But then, I rarely watched him; I wasn’t really the target audience I guess.

0
Don T

Larry King took my heart with his reading of Bible on tape, finishing with “I think San Antonio can win it all in the NBA”.

0
Don T

Found it!
https://youtube.com/watch?v=MwG90jsLUIk

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

I remember that! Unfortunately, it was a few years premature.

0
Senor Weaselo

Is Hippo’s Bernard Gilkey immortal? If so how did he die a violent death the first time, and how does one take his head and with it his lesser footy managing power?

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What’s the over/under on the number of COVID cases in the NFL between now and the Super Bowl? I mean cases that are actually announced, not the real number.

1
bk109

Since Goodell is Satan(NFL department), it’ll be 0 reported, because “we need a win, also… MONEY” … basically the reported amount will be about as reliable as a concussion protocol on a franchise’s generational talent of a QB

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m inclined to believe that Mahomes “concussion” was a blood flow issue (i.e. like being choked out) rather than due to a blow to the head. But even if it had been a legit concussion there’s no way whatever David Chao clone is running the NFL’s concussion program would have forced him to sit tomorrow.

1
Redshirt

It could’ve also been whiplash or something that caused his balance to go out of sorts for a second. If something isn’t right, your body’s first instinct is to lie down.

1
scotchnaut

Two things I came across while reading about Hank Aaron

-if all his homers were taken away he’d still have 3,000 hits (3,016)

-he had 130 plate appearances vs Sandy Koufax and he batted .362. Opponents BA vs Koufax was .202.

3
Redshirt

As far as I’m concerned, he’ll always be the Home Run King. Barry Bonds is just a Pretender to the Throne.

3
Senor Weaselo

I think he’s in the conversation for third-greatest player of all time behind Ruth and Mays. It’s either him, Mantle, DiMaggio, or Williams, and I’d be inclined to take Aaron.
/Pitchers don’t count and this is obviously pending Trout’s rest of career

0
scotchnaut

He was 6 foot and weighed 180, c’mon, man!

0
bk109

Btw, new puppies update – wifey and the kiddos love ’em so much, they tend to hide in the barn with me XD
Also naming update – I decided on Willy (after Willy Coppens) and Wal (for Wallonia) for the pups

3
JimU

Two puppies at the same time? That’s a lot of work. What kind?

1
bk109

Groenendael/Tervuren Belgian shepherd mix (and they raise the total to 6 dogs with the others quickly warming up to them)

Last edited 5 years ago by bk109
1
Don T

The captain of bk’s volleyball team enjoying the backyard breeze
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3
bk109

Purrty sure that’s a Malinois, also I don’t have a M2A3 Bradley (though I do have the movie about the design of the initial crime that was the Bradley programme)…

2
litre_cola

Wonder how things are going in colonial Africa? I am sure the venerable Cecil Rhodes will be by soon.

1
bk109

First rule of Colonial Club, we don’t leave a paper trail!
Second rule – don’t let the natives acquire firearms
Third rule – no Germaniums allowed, mmmmmmkay

3
Redshirt

“Third rule – no Germaniums allowed, mmmmmmkay”

WELL FINE! I DON’T WANT TO BE A PART OF THIS STUPID WEBSITE ANYWAY, YOU STUPID PIECE OF SH… oh, the flower. My bad.

2
bk109

Wrong!
I guess someone slept in chemistry, ’cause
Germanium is a chemical element with the symbol Ge and atomic number 32. It is a lustrous, hard-brittle, grayish-white metalloid in the carbon group, chemically similar to its group neighbors silicon and tin. Pure germanium is a semiconductor with an appearance similar to elemental silicon. Like silicon, germanium naturally reacts and forms complexes with oxygen in nature…

0
Fronkenshteen

And so begins my 6-team FA Cup parlay, paired with a 2-player goal scoring parlay (Ogbonna & Fornals). So yeah, I still bet like a fucking dummy.

1
Fronkenshteen

Shit. Ogbonna on bench. Diop in. Am dope.

0
bk109

Just drink, it helps! Trust me, I’m {in no way, shape or form} a doctor !

1
litre_cola

I just got fucked in Cyprus.

1
scotchnaut

Let me guess, your boots were on the ground?

1
litre_cola

Need to step away from the gamblor machine.

1
bk109

As long as you didn’t enjoy it, it falls under assrape an’ thus not cheating (so yer good with mrs litre)

2
Don T

-Turks

You don’t say.
-Greeks

Last edited 5 years ago by Don T
1
King Hippo

Comintern FC on Da Plus now.

0
montythisseemsstrangetome

I always love a Bernard Gilkey reference. The (‘92? ‘93?) outfield of Gilkey, Lankford, Jordan should have been one of the all time greats.

2
King Hippo

Watching them defend was one of the joys of that #BFIB era.

1
Fronkenshteen

That free kick by Pepe was complete shit.

0
bk109

#ThatsMyGooners

1
King Hippo

You Reacting Reasonably yet?

0
litre_cola

Everytime SOTON scores in any competition a DFO angel loses its wings.

2
bk109

Not reacting at all, tbh – I’ve got better things to do than be upset that Arsenal have defaulted to their usual level of suckage, like rifling through WW2 pictures left from my granddad, because I’ve got the bloody suspicion that the SU-100 I recently saved from being cut up for scrap was on some of them (I’m still waiting for a buddy in Russia to find me the actual logs for this bugger) 🙂

1
litre_cola

My snack addiction got started years ago. I remember coming back from Sweden with a bag of these. My roomies and I in Scotland smoked a bunch of hash and opened these. I remember all of us thinking they were like onion rings. They were peanut butter. That was a mind fuck. Delicious once we realized though.
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1
litre_cola

They were not this brand and there was no peanut butter markings.

1
bk109

Drugs are bad, mmmmkay?
Corollary – Scottish drugs are mui bad 😀 (I lost many friends’ guys night out thanks to marriages that began as Scottish or Northern Irish drug-induced hookups )

Last edited 5 years ago by bk109
3
bk109

Update – found it – same dent in the gun mantlet, same dents in the driver’s hatch and dated 1(ineligible, I think it’s 5 or 6) May, ’45 and I’m purrrty sure I can spot part of the Brandenburger Tor

1
Fronkenshteen

What channel has Gooners/Saints?

0
bk109

Meanwhile, FA Cup action bounds, all on ESPN+ here in Diamond Joe’s USA.

Not sure what ESPN+ is, but .. I’d assume it’s there.
Of course, there are other places you can haz foosball 😀

0
King Hippo

Indeed, on Da Plus.

Wha happen? re Aubamayang?

0
bk109

Something happened to Aubamayang?

0
King Hippo

commentators said “out with a personal issue”

0
bk109

For all we know, it could be a “contact tracing” issue? Or a loved one having a thing? Hell, who knows, maybe he’s becoming a Dad?

I’m speculating here, ’cause I’ve picked the stadium ambience audio channel instead of whichever mouthbreathers are currently tryin’ to comment on the game 😀

0
litre_cola

Sportsnet in Canadia.

0
Fronkenshteen

Sports betting is now legal in Virginia, bay-bee!!

1
bk109

Ahem, there’s a slight mistake in the Arsenal blurb

Wake up with Saints/Gooners (7:15). One surmises that Handsome Mikel Artet dearly needs another stirring Cup run.  This one’s away at St. Mary’s, so it’s a toughie.

Where it should be “Get rudely awoken by the cursing and anguished cries emanating from an undisclosed location north of Stockholm starting at 7:15… ”

Also, g’day y’all…

Last edited 5 years ago by bk109
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