Sunday Gravy with yeah right: In lofty praise…Of Mayonnaise.

Good morning, DFO!

Welcome back.

Bit of a polarizing title for today’s post, no?

Before we get our menu going I think we need to discuss some things.

The first of which is the current state of civility in the world, or at least in the US. A better statement would be the lack of civility in this country.

It’s certainly not that difficult to figure out the origin of our current hate-filled mindset. Pretty certain it came about in the lead-up to the 2016 presidential election. 

I’m also absolutely positive that the pandemic and subsequent shutdown weaponized hate in this country. It certainly lowered the aggregate IQ of the population by, oh let’s say 50 fucking points or so.

The lack of civility is everywhere too. Daily news stories about idiots getting in fights, especially on planes, and the refusal to wear a mask thing.

Now we’ve got fans at games dumping popcorn on players and that stupid cocksucker in New York who SPIT an Trae Young.

Hey! Stupid fuck! That’s NOT HOW WE DO SHIT HERE!

The worst part is the hatred exhibited by these fucking knuckleheads fuels hatred by the people who are opposed to this type of behavio(u)r and it just feeds into itself.

This shit is goddamn awful.

Don’t mean to get you good folks too riled up this early in the morning but the current state of civility does indeed lend itself to today’s topic.

Some folks, including our former internet Big Daddy, go absolutely fucking ballistic when talking about our featured ingredient.

Mayonnaise.

Relax dammit!

Now say it to yourself.

Mayo-Naze!

See that shit’s not too hard is it?

Why do people get themselves so fucking worked up over a goddamn condiment?

You don’t like it don’t eat the motherfucker.

Ain’t fucking rocket science.

Now for me, I don’t like guacamole. I can eat it if it’s put on something but given the choice I prefer not to. I don’t blow a fuse and damn near shit my pants simply because I don’t like it. And THAT is my point.

We’re talking about food. It’s not worth getting that carried away over.

I know we’ve got some of our regular folks who don’t care for mayo and that’s goddamn fine with me. If you’re one of these folks, maybe skip down a bit. I’ve got a brand new bread recipe down there and it’s fucking beautiful.

Let’s bring civility back.

My motto for today: “Don’t Hate. Embrace Debate.”

If you have differing opinions then let’s have a civil discourse in the comment section. I look forward to it.

Anyway.

We are here to discuss mayonnaise.

You folks out there who aren’t big on mayo may want to avert your eyes a time or two today. We ain’t just using mayonnaise, we’re using the HEAVY shit.

Back in my Jersey Shore days I assisted in management of a deli. Their mayo actually was called “Heavy” mayo and we used it on all of our sandwiches when mayo was ordered. I fell in love with that stuff.

With a proper application mayonnaise brings a lot of goodness (and oh yeah fattiness) to a dish. How can you even have a leftover turkey sandwich after Thanksgiving without it?

Anyone recognize that jar up there? Goddamn right it is.

Blue Plate mayonnaise is right out of New Orleans and you will find it all over the city. Pretty much anytime you get a Po’ boy or a muffaletta you’ll be getting this shit right here. It is a tiny bit disconcerting to walk into a restaurant and see a jar of it sitting out on a tabletop – unrefrigerated – but hell, I ate this a bunch and I didn’t die.

If you are used to Hellman’s or Best Foods (same mayo, different coasts) this one will be a little more dense and a lot more mayo-centric.

It’s called heavy mayo for a reason and it fucking rules.

Brother Taj ordered a jar of this online. When we got the jar of mayo, my brain immediately started thinking up possible uses.

This dish today was what came to mind first.

We’re making chicken salad and it’s going to be served on homemade wheat bread.

Now we’re talking.

Before getting fully started here I just have a question for Commentist herodotus450: This comment is from last week;

“May 30, 2021 12:52 pm
forgot to buy some at the store, so today we’re answering the ancient philosophical question: if you don’t put celery in your chicken salad does anyone actually notice?”

I already had the bones for today’s post written and in “drafts” when last week’s post ran. And how the actual fuck did you get in my head and read my future post a week early?

That’s some shit, right there.

Yes. I have my own answer in a bit.

Not going to formalize a recipe since chicken salad is more of a personal choice thing but I will give you a full list of what I used.

Nope, we’re not starting with chicken shit either. We’re starting with chicken.

That’s two big slabs of bone-in skin on chicken thighs. Of course you can use chicken breast, do what you like. I had an ulterior motive though.

I’m going to take the opportunity to make a batch of chicken stock while I’m at it. I’ve got an idea for next week’s meal that could use a good homemade stock for its base and since we’re cooking chicken there’s no time like the present. 

Into the pot they go!

I actually had a good amount of store bought chicken stock in my fridge and used it here then topped the pot off with water. Probably about 8 total cups of liquid.

Add in some salt and pepper and get to simmering.

Get your carrots chopped up.

Then you got your onions.

Get them in the pot. Yep, had a couple of celery stalks on hand too.

Let’s get busy now.

That’s looking real nice. How about some garlic and some herbage?

My stock always has a good 1/2 tablespoon of dried thyme and today we added some fresh sage leaves to the party too. Bay leaves would also be nice here.

Now bring it to a boil and simmer away.

The chicken will be fully cooked in about 45 minutes or so. Remove the chicken from the pot but let the stock continue cooking for a total of 2-3 hours. 

Let the chicken cool and prepare to skin and debone.

I toss the excess skin and the bones right back into the stockpot while the stock continues cooking.

Keep some of that cooked celery for the chicken salad too.

Ahem.

Now chunk it all up.

Here is our guest of honor.

We’ll be marrying the mayo with our properly cubed up chicken and celery bits.

Add in your favorite herbs. For chicken salad I find these two beauties do the job nicely.

If you’re a regular then you know my affinity for thyme. And since we’re using mayo from New Orleans then we better be using a bunch of thyme since the folks in the Big Easy love it too.

In addition, tarragon and chicken play together extremely well.

Now mix!

Not exactly sure how much mayo I used here but it was over half a cup and less than a cup. Get it to your preferred texture.

Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Cover the chicken salad with some plastic wrap and refrigerate overnight. Yes, you could eat it right away but I like it to rest. Besides I’ve got a couple of more ingredients I’ll be adding right before we serve the salad.

We’re going to keep that stock going for a couple more hours.

Before heading to bed, let the stock cool and give it a drain.

I placed the stock in a plastic container and stored it in the freezer for next week.

Look!

It’s the next day!

Let’s make some bread.

Whole wheat bread!

recipe courtesy bakingamoment.com

1 1/2 cups warm water

1 packet of active dry yeast

1/4 cup honey

3 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened

3 3/4 cups whole wheat flour (you may need as much as 4 1/2 cups)

1/2 teaspoon kosher salt

Proof the yeast with the warm water for about ten minutes then add in the honey and the butter.

If that wheat flour looks familiar it was from our Corned Beef on Rye episode a few weeks ago.

Next add the first two cups of flour to the bowl and it’s sponge time!

First it’s the paddle.

Then it’s the hook.

Start adding in some of the remaining flour. Start with about 1 and 1/2 cups.

Then we make the doughball.

Got to tell you, this dough was being a right bastard. It would come together as a doughball, then get too sticky. I added flour, it came together then got sticky. I ended up using the full 4 and 1/2 cups of flour.

Now we get to break out the new toy!

After all of this time I finally got a bread pan. I don’t have to fucking freeform my bread anymore.

Does that container of oil look familiar to anyone?

Anyone?

We’re going to lightly oil the inside of the bread pan before baking the bread.

This will be the standard 1 hour rise in a covered, oiled bowl, then punch down and rise again.

The last rise is in the bread pan now.

After it’s risen…

Looking positively bread-ish!

This will bake in a 350 degree oven for about 40-45 minutes.

Nice! But will we be able to get it out of the pan?

Sure as shit we can.

But how does it look sliced?

That’s the shit I’m talking about.

Finally let’s take our chicken salad out of the fridge and we’ve got a couple more final ingredients.

Yes, grapes. That’s a bag of red seedless grapes. Slice the grapes in half or quarters then gently mix it into the chicken salad. How many grapes is up to you. I did about half a cup of the sliced grapes. I like the sweetness and the light “pop” you get from the grapes.

One final addition will be some chopped up pecans for a lovely crunch. You can use almonds too but I prefer the lighter crunch of pecans. Since brother Taj is still having a slight tooth issue I added the pecans right on top of my sandwich.

Let’s get a close-up, a’ight?

 Hell yes.

Grab some chips and sit on down.

Goddamn delicious.

This is my version of chicken salad but use what you like. I won’t argue with you. I know some folks who use apple chunks in theirs. Others like their celery raw and cut into bits. Some add diced onion.

Customize it, man!

An old girlfriend from Louisiana taught me this version. It’s a riff on a Waldorf Salad with chicken. She used tons of thyme as well and she dropped in a bunch of smokehouse almonds in hers.

It’s easy to make, I love that hit of thyme and tarragon and the light crispness of the pecan. The chicken is tender and since it’s dark meat it’s positively chickeny! The wheat bread is a perfect delivery vessel.

That bread needs a few more reps before I can brag on it. It was a dense fucker. But you pile enough chicken salad on there and it’s very forgiving.

You all know the star of the show right?

That fucking mayonnaise. 

A good and decent world awaits us if everyone increases their doctor recommended daily dose of civility.

We not only can and should be more civil as human beings, I think it’s absolutely goddamn essential to our survival as a country. The level of incivility is out of fucking hand right now and we must fix that.

Perhaps we can start by being a little more friendly when discussing mayonaisse.

Shit, man I ain’t gonna win the Nobel Peace Prize by saying this but it’s a goddamn start at least.

Thanks for coming by, folks. You’re some of the good ones.

Be Safe.

Be Well.

PEACE!