Hey everybody!

Damn glad to see you!

How’s your spring going so far? 

I’m just a few short days away from getting vaccine shot #2 and now I’ve gotten really paranoid. With only the few days followed by 2 weeks to reach full immunization it feels like I’m walking through a fucking mine field right now.

Holy shit! Did that person just cough? Get me the fuck out of here! You thought I was cautious before? You have no fucking idea.

I find myself talking to myself – like always – and saying things like “Please, please please don’t fuck this up!”

Believe me though, IF I get to full immunization I’m going to try real hard not to pretend that suddenly I’m fucking Superman or some shit and dive head first into an opium den filled with hookers.

Although?

No man. I’m fucking good. Got my ass scared good and proper over this last year and I have every intention to continue practicing the proper protocols.

I’m actually fine with the mask wearing and the hand washing and distancing thing. In fact I fucking dig the distancing thing. I used to hate when some jackass would bump me with their shopping cart and get all up in my grizzy at the grocery store.

Now I’m all “Please keep your distance my good man. There are safety protocols to follow. Thank you.”

The thing about the mask though, I’m going to have a long term visible sore on the upper bridge of my nose that will take years to go away. Behind my ears ain’t exactly enjoying it either.

I do like wearing my dark sunglasses and my black mask though. I call it my “Claude Raines in The Invisible Man” look.

Sexy.

 

Anyway. 

So back to the sandwiches we go!

I mean who doesn’t love a fucking sandwich, am I right?

Maybe it’s a Sloppy Joe?

Or maybe a “Debris” Po Boy?

The simplicity and that flat-out deliciousness of a well prepared homemade sandwich is undeniable.

Today’s sandwich is a fucking beauty. A regular goddamn classic.

Let’s make a corned beef on rye!

Quick bit of information, this year Saint Patrick’s Day was most definitely NOT observed in the traditional “right family” way. You know our tradition by now. Brine our own corned beef, bake our own soda bread, make a couple of extra Irish dishes. Fuck, I don’t even remember what I ate on Saint Patrick’s Day. The only thing I know for certain is I did a shot of Jameson.

We were doing the safe and sane shit this year and simply sent a few texts back and forth. The positive news is that all of the adults in our regular clan, including both daughters have had their first vaccination so it won’t be too much longer.

Goddamn I miss the hell out of my daughters and granddaughters. COVID, I will never forgive your dumb ass for that shit either.

This year I couldn’t even work up the effort to brine my own corned beef.

I DID however get a store bought one and thought “Maybe I should make some goddamn sandwiches with this.”

So I did.

BUT!

I made a fuckin’ loaf of homemade rye bread to serve it on.

That shit probably got your attention.

One final aside; this post was a regular goddamn doozy of a challenge to put together. I actually had this one mostly ready and “in the can” as they say, prior to our site having it’s well discussed server issues. The photos resided on the old host, I switched between two types of editors, “Block and Classic,” then had to re-import the photos, deal with some bizarre graphic gremlins and basically reconstruct it for today.

You may encounter an oddity or two.

Let’s get to work.

Grab our store bought corned beef and let’s get ready for action.

Check out the upper left corner of that package. “Perfect for slicing” it says. The fuck else are you gonna do with it? Do some dumb ass individuals think this would be perfect for “wrapping” or “canoeing?” What kind of shit-fer-brains needs to be told that you’re supposed to slice a corned beef.

/remembers the number of Neanderthals who believe in Q-Anon

Oh. Yeah, I guess so.

Jesus Christ.

So let’s cook this thing prior to “slicing” it, OK?

OK.

You remember our oven baked method of corned beef prep don’t you?

Get a baking dish and line that bastard with some heavy duty foil.

Two things to note: Fatty side up. Always. Also, I rinsed the corned beef under cold water and patted it dry with paper towels. That bag-o-brine is one salty ass motherfucker and you will absolutely notice if you skip this step when baking the corned beef.

Now see what I did there? I rubbed the meat on both sides with some mustard – spicy brown today – then sprinkled that little seasoning pack over the top. No you won’t get a mouthful of pickling spices when you bite into your sandwich because the spices cook on top of the fat and can be easily brushed aside at food service time.

Seal up that foil nice and tight.

Into a 325 degree oven for 3 hours to 3 hours and 20 minutes.

When done, remove the corned beef from the oven but leave it wrapped. You’re going to want this to sit for a minimum of 20 minutes but it can sit even longer. I let it rest for the entire time it took to cook the bread and to let the bread rest. Probably an hour and it was perfect.

In this case, the resting time was just as important as the cooking time. Be sure to factor that shit in.

Now for the fun shit. I’m going to make my very first attempt at baking homemade rye bread.

Will it turn out OK? Will I utterly fuck up and embarrass myself yet again? STAY TUNED!

Or fuck, let’s do it right now.

RYE BREAD!

recipe courtesy of houseofnasheats.com

1/2 cup warm water (110-115 degrees F)

1 tablespoon honey

2 packets of active dry yeast

1 cup whole milk, room temperature

2 teaspoons salt

2 tablespoons oil

1 to 1 1/2 cups bread flour

1 to 1/2 cups whole wheat flour

1 1/2 cups dark rye flour

2 tablespoons whole caraway seeds

 

You’re going to need plenty-o-flour. What kind you ask?

Fucking all of it. Every goddamn kind of flour. The bread flour you can find anywhere but the other two I had to order from Amazon.

So I’ve got to ask. Is it some kind of twisted law that says all honey containers have to be bear shaped? Because that’s just goddamn weird, man!

By the way, I hope you really like caraway. A lot.

Apart from those unusual additions, the steps for making the bread should be all too goddamn familiar to most of you by now. One thing is different. This recipe doubles up on the yeast action.

Add the honey, the packets of yeast and the warm water to your mixing bowl and let it proof for about 10 minutes.

The yeast is happy since it gets to feed on honey today.

Next we’re going to get some of the flour and the caraway into the pool. Also add in the milk, salt and oil.

What I did was use the full cup and 1/2 of the rye flour but only 1 cup each of the wheat and bread flours. I mixed the remaining half cup of each in a small bowl and set it aside for the moment. 

Let’s give this baby a good spin.

That’s a good start, now let’s really put the screws to it.

Here’s where all of our past bread making experience pays off. We’re going to add the extra flour just a tablespoon at a time until the dough reaches the consistency we’re looking for. It should form into a ball and not stick to the sides of the mixing bowl. Sort of like…

That’s what I’m talking about baby! Told you all that breadmaking was going to pay off eventually.

It ended up being about 3 or 4 extra tablespoons of the reserved wheat and bread flour.

The rest of this shit should be routine.

Grab that oiled bowl, slap the dough in…

Cover with a clean kitchen towel and let it double in size. An hour or two.

After it’s risen shape it up.

Please note the use of parchment paper. It’s important.

We’re going to let it do it’s final rise now. Again, about an hour.

It’s so goddamn fluffy!

Let’s get that thing in the oven and see what we’ve made today.

It’s a preheated 425 degree oven for 30 minutes. See? Our asses were smart to get that corned beef out of there before cooking the bread.

Oh fuck. I was supposed to put slashes across the top before baking, like I do with my French bread. Fuck it, let’s see how it turned out anyway.

Your Honor? I rest my goddamn case! Beautiful, isn’t it? Got the looks of a whole wheat loaf but with the caraway presence and the tang from the rye flour.

How about we unwrap that corned beef and get this party started.

Woof! That looks sexy as fuck!

Let’s make a goddamn sandwich already, I’m fuckin’ starving over here.

There you go. A little mustard and some Swiss. I used the same spicy brown mustard on the sandwich that I used as the rub on the corned beef. Symmetry and shit.

Go ahead and “slice” up some of that corned beef.

Shit howdy! Look at that! Then we slap that mustard coated bread on top and give it a slice.

Fuck, Yes! Can I get a close-up Mr. DeMille?

You want that sandwich! You NEED that sandwich!

You want to turn this into a Reuben? Add some sauerkraut and some Russian dressing and rock the fuck out. This is my damn jam right here. Corned beef and Swiss on rye with some mustard.

That’s all I need. Well, that and about a dozen cold ass beers.

That is some world fucking class rye bread right there. Delicious. Not too dense, just dense enough to sop up some of the grease delicious juices from the lovely corned beef.

Oh fuck. Salty, rich, decadent, savory.

Go ahead and make a second sandwich. We ain’t here to judge are we?

I definitely want to make that rye bread again but I might make a slight adjustment with the caraway seeds next time. Those little buggers found every small gap that I didn’t even know I had between my teeth, so next time I’ll give them a few quick pulses in my spice grinder rather than leaving them whole.

I am absolutely stunned that I didn’t have my entire neighborhood pounding on my door while I was cooking this dish. You’ve got the rye bread AND the slow roasted corned beef smells going at the same time?

That might break some kind of unwritten civility law.

Fucking outstanding. Maybe grab a handful of chips if you need to round the dish out.

Ain’t too fancy.

Goddamn delicious is all.

Thanks for reading along folks. Y’all are the best.

And also thanks for bearing with us during our site migration/re-creation. I’m almost positive I contributed to the crash since NOBODY uses the same number of high-res photos like I do.

Can’t wait to see how well this new joint handles them.

There will be more next week.

Take care everyone.

Be Safe.

Be Well.

PEACE!