HRTN Opening Day Special

Beastmode Ate My Baby - September 8, 2016September 6, 2016

The scene: Out front of the DFO clubhouse. DFO prospect Cookiethulhu is busy sweeping up the street when Beerguyrob comes out of the clubhouse with a six-pack of beer. Cookiethulhu: I think that's it, sir. The street looks quite orderly now, I must say. Beerguyrob (motioning Cookiethulhu over): Good job, kid. I've

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 46)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - September 2, 2016September 1, 2016

The scene: An empty road somewhere in the Midwest, where Future Moose recently ran someone over. That someone is now biting Moose on the arm. It seems pretty fair, all things considered. Ballsofsteelandfury (approaching): Hey, what the hell...? Future Moose (sighing as the man continues to bite at his outstretched arm): Well... Ballsofsteelandfury

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 45)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - August 26, 2016August 24, 2016

The scene: Somewhere in the Midwest. At night. On a deserted road. It's kind of spooky. It's even spookier because there's a body in the road. I mean, that's never good. Sitting in the car that just ran the poor guy over are Future Moose, Ballsofsteelandfury, Low Commander of the

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 44)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - August 19, 2016August 18, 2016

The scene: Somewhere in the Midwest. Future Moose is driving his new car...which isn't really new. In fact, it's kind of old. And a bit leaky. It might creak a little bit when it brakes. And the exhaust fumes when it accelerates might just be a global warming tipping point.

Seattle Seahawks 2016 Preview

Beastmode Ate My Baby - August 18, 2016August 18, 2016

Warning: The following post contains drug use, sexual innuendo and profanity. It is not intended for children, the elderly, Mennonites, scowlers, frowners, hipsters, tennis fans, Bill Simmons, pearl-clutchers, accountants, Kirk Cameron, your parents, or the family pet. I'm blowing down some eastern Washington backroad at 110 in a '72 convertible Impala. And that's

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 43)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - August 12, 2016August 11, 2016

The scene: The John Tyler Junior High Dungeons & Dragons club. A young Percival Po sits behind his Dungeon Master screen, rolling a variety of polyhedral dice. Also playing are young Marc Trestmans Windowless Van, Brocky and Old School Zero. Young Po: You reach the end of the corridor...what do you

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 42)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - August 5, 2016August 4, 2016

The scene: Mrs. Grigsby's third-grade class. Young Percival Po is standing at the front of the classroom, showing off his robot drawing for show & tell. Young Po: This is my robot...he's made of a special titanium alloy that you can only make in space, an' he's got a flame-thrower for

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 41)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - July 29, 2016July 28, 2016

The scene: The launch pad on the Island of Professor Po, where Doktor Zymm, Yeah Right, King Hippo and Steve the Ninja all await takeoff in their rocket. Doktor Zymm (into the microphone): Mission control, start the countdown. Mission Control (via the radio): Affirmative. Starting countdown at five minutes. Doktor Zymm (into the

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 40)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - July 22, 2016July 21, 2016

The scene: Space! The final frontier! This is the voyage of the unnamed rocket that is currently propelling Professor Po past the stratosphere. But what of our intrepid DFOers, last seen valiantly clinging to the rocket as it sped towards space? Welp, they fell off. Yup! Sorry about that. Burned

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 39)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - July 15, 2016July 15, 2016

The scene: Inside Professor Po's secret base, where the DFOers are scrambling madly down the hallway as the entire facility rumbles ominously. Doktor Zymm: Hurry! If zis is vat I zink it ist... Yeah Right: What do you think it is? Doktor Zymm: I believe Perzy is launching a mizzile, or perhaps a