Look, I’m two grand-plus deep into my dog having recent health issues including an enormous lump on his back that came out of nowhere for which I am awaiting biopsy results. Worse yet, spending two days at the vet last week (after their first shot at ‘take this antibiotic’ put him at the edge of death that I had to pay them to bring him back from) didn’t do much for his psyche so I was happy to be locked inside the house all weekend hanging out with him.
Still, we only took in America’s least-broadcasted game (ARI at CHI) and the last quarter of SNF. The 20 minutes it took me to get stuck in this ‘lift’ (as that hipster heading up to his internship at the rooftop bistro would call it) is the longest I’ve been away from Bandit since Friday night so, when the lights dim and the music stops, don’t ask me about my weekend, don’t ask me when the firefighters are coming to get us out — just shut up and listen to some generic NFL fan talking points from Week 2, you big fat bitch, don’t worry I’m sure someone in the office will brew a weak ass pot of coffee for everyone at the firm to remind them that, yep, Monday.
QB Injuries (Follow Up): Derek Carr (OAK) returned from last week’s injuries to lead a thrilling comeback victory over the Ravens while Vintage JFF is slowly unseating McCown (CLE) by defeating the Titans in the battle of excellent uniforms. Your Response: (re: Carr) “So which city rioted as a result of the outcome?” (re: McCown) “Hey, at least he’ll still get a ring.”
QB Injuries (New): Jay Cutler actually ran an impressive start to the game, including some scrambles and a well executed read-option keeper play. Then the announcers praised his 8 for 8 start and Jay threw a pick directly at the DB who ran it back for a TD, stiff-arming a [trying to tackle?] Cutler in route. Somehow Cutler is out with a hamstring injury. Your Response: Doooooonnnn’tttttttt Caaaarrrrrreeeeeeeee.
QB Injuries (New – America’s Team): Tony Romo (DAL) broke his collarbone (just like in 2010) in a victory over the Eagles on America’s Game of the Week. ESPN reports that Doopy Pantz can lead the ‘Boys to the playoffs. Your Response: What do you mean you don’t know who Doopy Pantz is?
Other Significant Injuries: A Williams (BUF) taken to hospital, D Rogers-Cromartie (NYG) possible concussion, M Kendricks (PHI). Your Response: Thank goodness none of those guys are on my fantasy team!
National Coverage: Seattle fell to Green Bay as pretty much the oldest/best fan base sent the newest/worst fan base to 0-2. Your Response: What kind of world is this where neither the winning nor losing quarterback of SNF goes home and slays some serious pussy?
Fantasy Play: Stock down for Carlos Hyde (SF) and the St Louis Defense. Your Response: It’s alright, I got a system. And I get another shot each morning with the one-day fantasy leagues at Fan Duel Dot Com! Fan Duel – Sign up today!
Social Media Activities: Noted #contentgenerator Stephen A Smith mocked Jay Cutler for getting hurt. Your Response:
MNF: Jets vs Colts in a…AFC game. Your Response: (1) Pretty sorry when they can’t push a ‘Battle of the Undefeated!” in Week 2. (2) So when will the Colts get to hang their banner for hosting MNF?
Not one mention of Horatio’s dog? I’m not sure whether to be impressed or disappointed.
http://espn.go.com/nfl/team/photos/_/name/dal/photoId/5042863/dallas-cowboys
Relentless…
ly breaking bones in your body.
Sorry to hear about your pup, Blax. HOWEVA, I believe we all suffered through the past weekend’s games. Good God, what a shit show.
Congratulations to Darren Sproles acting equivalent.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/25d2418228cf149dac2adea64765eb31/tumblr_nv0bjyRAy71s2791bo1_500.png
Do you think if we asked him, he’d sing “Tiny Darren” for us on YouTube?
I think he’d be an angry elf if we tried it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjmjtOnDyYs
JFF is slowly unseating McCown
I picture Manziel, ever-so-slowly pulling McCown’s chair out from under him just as he is about to sit down.
Wasn’t that a Snickers commercial?
My dog is an idiot who incessantly pisses me off. Every other dog, on the other hand, is a wonderful creature. Hope der Hund is feeling better.
Perhaps a reflection of the owner’s neuroses? My dog is pretty squirrelly too. But hates squirrels.
Best wishes to BlaxDog. All dogs deserve to have long, treat-filled lives.
And lots of squirrels to chase and legs to hump.
Seriously hope the pooch will be okay.
Actually that sounds pretty good to me too.
Dog bills suck but it’s still better than owning a cat. The Bears would agree.
I first thought that was a typo and that your original intent was to type “God, Bills suck”.
“Dog, Bills suck…” also accepted.
The number of my fellow Bears fans, including my own blood relatives, calling Cutler a pussy right now is both immeasurable and infuriating.
My SO was watching the game with me yesterday and after two emu series, she said Cutler should have stayed in. I laughed because she’s pretty new to football and that’s a very fan reaction to not consider another human’s pain. But then she pointed out that a hobbling Jay would have been better than Clausen and I really couldn’t disagree.
Who is CHI’s 3rd string and I hope they reach out to Rexy.
As of yesterday, no one else on the roster. David Fales had been the third option in preseason.
I like David Fales because his name is a complete sentence worthy of the Bears as a whole.
Using SOS’ logic, Richie Incognito should be playing for the Texans
The fucking media and the idiot Alfred Williams in particular, questioning the guy’s toughness are just plain idiotic and even more so if you’ve watched him play at all. The media doesn’t like him because he doesn’t kiss their asses or even want to put up with them. The other criticism is his not getting along with teammates, which is almost as idiotic. The are plenty of thing wrong with Cutler, but those two are baseless and added because people want to hate him. Also he is a pretty good tackler for a QB; this is not a compliment.
“So, which city rioted as the outcome?”
Reporting from the streets of Mobtown (old nickname for Baltimore that my grandfather used and is still relevant today) it would be my fellow citizens.
Here’s hoping Bandit is on the mend, I’m a lifelong dog owner and there is nothing worse than when your best buddy isn’t feeling good.
Also, fuck Stephen A. Smith in the ass with a rusty harpoon. That guy is worse than ass cancer.
Ass cancer killed Farrah Fawcett. Stephen A. Smith, as ass cancer, should be indicted for murder.
Can we find a Lionel Hutz type prosecutor that will go along with this?
http://www.splittinghairs.org/simpsons-reference/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/vlcsnap-2012-11-15-17h08m49s203.png
I may have told this story before but at my old firm the guy in charge moved on and the guy who was next in line tried to persuade the powers that be to let us change the name to “I Can’t Believe It’s A Law Firm”
Good guy to work for.
I’m here forth referring to the Ravens as the Mobtown Ratbirds.