You all remember this?
Well those days are behind SKOL Country now. After two seasons playing outdoors at the local college stadium and $1.1 billion in new construction financing, the Minnesota Vikings are ready to move into the house that Dennis Green built.
U.S. Bank Stadium, the first fixed-roof (though the ceiling is glass, flooding the facility with natural light) NFL stadium constructed since Ford Field, has completed construction and is ready for it’s gridiron christening on Week 2 as the Vikings host Green Bay on Sunday Night Football. Unofficially nicknamed Valhalla, BIRDMURDERDOME is a fucking fine piece of stadiuming — at least according to the photos on the internet (available here). The ceremonial ribbon cutting was Friday and tours opened to the public over the weekend.
So what do the locals have to say about this new state of the art venue that has replaced and completely transformed the site of the Metrodome? Well, per Google User Reviews…
So some people think it’s a bank. I guess that’s to be expected but no mention of how close the fans are to the field? How about the Wifi hotspots (which, surely, will surely be used to get fans to Pokemon GO to the games)? I will say (though I’d surely never get to enjoy such an amenity) that I think is cool is how the lounge areas are along a section of the lower bowl in the stadium, rather than as a part of the club seat level.
You can peruse the photos yourself and appreciate that it’s got a whole bunch of tvs, a whole bunch of bars, and fantasy football stats available all over the stadium on gameday. Personally, I just think the outside looks cool and is located downtown — as oppose to looking like a coiled up rattlesnake/spaceship that is sitting in some farm field.
Though I do think it’s kind of messed up that it takes over 30 minutes to make a deposit through the car lane.
Where’s my naming rights monies? I swears birdmurderdome was my invention. My spellchecker agrees with me too!
“BIRDMURDERDOME as brought to you by JERRYWASASHOTGUNNAMEDMARCUS was the site of Minnesota’s 13th straight loss this season…”
I don’t know — seems sort of long.
Just go sue DTZM. I’m pretty sure he said that his goal with starting this site was to get sued.
DAMN IT!!
http://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/nfl/nfl-finds-peyton-manning-did-not-use-hgh-peds/ar-BBuQ2ls?ocid=ansmsnsports11
420
http://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/nfl/josh-gordon-reinstated-by-nfl-suspended-four-games/ar-BBuQpby?ocid=ansmsnsports11
http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/kentucky-moviegoer-arrested-for-pulling-gun-after-kid-kicked-his-seat/ar-BBuM94N?ocid=ansmsnnews11
Pressing charges? Rude people in theaters is one of the main reasons we need lax gun laws in the this country!
-Aurora, CO mayor
Some of the tellers behind the teller desk may not be spellin’……..
Not pictured: PETA protesting outside over the number of Grimaces killed to upholster the seating areas.
It’s appropriate that it’s nicknamed Valhalla because in Norse Mythology Valhalla is an orgy of blood, feasting, war, disappointment, and complaining about Packers fans
Where do I sign up?
Given John 8:7, it’s rather appropriate the pile of rocks is outside rather than inside the Vikings’ stadium
If we are calling the Atlanta stadium “The Asshole”, can we call the Minnesota stadium “The Icehole”?
http://mercedesbenzstadium.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/thumb_facebook_mbstadium_roof.jpg
I hope The Asshole is built with adequate puckering technology to keep all that pumped-in crowd noise from escaping into the atmosphere.
If they open up the roof midway through the game, do we call that a Georgia Fart?
You may be confusing the action with the causation.
Since the engineers had the foresight to put a rock pile next to a glass stadium I can only hope they built a giant set of benwa balls next to the Atlanta stadium.
Roman Moroni Memorial Stadium.
You’d think The Asshole would have a BMW logo on it
I have not been issued a sufficient number of “likes” for this comment.
Rectum? Damn near killed ’em!
This joke can’t be used enough, in spite of what my friends and family say.
WOULD BANG!
“Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen! We’re coming to you live from Astroglide Field at Goatse Stadium for today’s NFC South clash between the Atlanta Falcons and the New Orleans Saints!”
That lounge seating does look pretty comfy. I wonder what tickets for those areas will run?
Also, considering how easily someone shattered a window with a little ol’ rock, I wonder if they actually bothered to make sure the ceiling glass can stand up to stuff like hail or blizzards?
water is heavy, frozen water is totes heavy, (non-engineer) ppl forget that
They got a snow deflector for the roof that funnels, melts, and drains out the snow.
http://kstp.com/news/stories/s3606686.shtml
Of course, the team can also clean up any leftover ‘snow’ in the great Twin Cities area by just signing Johnny Manziel to a one-day contract.
I’m sure that’s totally operable and will never malfunction or seize up.
They’ll hire him, but he’ll never make it to the stadium. They’ll find him in a ditch near I-94
Unfortunately, due to a design defect, the deflector has a single unshielded exhaust port which could be vulnerable to fighter attacks
I know we’re mixing metaphors, but all I can see now is a winged Brian Blessed yelling “WHO WANTS TO LIVE FOREVER!?!” before dive bombing towards that trench and victory for his avian brothers.
For a moment, I read “blizzards” as “buzzards” and thought you were referencing the possibility of a Hitckcockian kamikaze avian attack.
GODDAMMIT! Now I’m hungry for a Raspberry CheeseQuake.
FUCKIN’ CHEESEQUAKES!!
In context of our litigious society the structural engineers and architects probably design this to weather a thirty megaton explosion blast pressure.
Then the contractor VE’d out all the import pieces.