INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY

Jason Pierre-Paul lies asleep in a hospital bed.  A nurse gently shakes him awake.

NURSE: [softly] Mr. Pierre-Paul…Mr. Pierre-Paul…

JASON PIERRE-PAUL: [moans] …where…?

NURSE: You’re in the hospital, Mr. Pierre-Paul. You had an accident. Do you remember?

JPP: [looks down]…missing…

NURSE: [soothingly] It’s all right.

JPP: …paramedics…stole…

NURSE: No, no, your agent took it – he’s having it repaired. Don’t worry about that. The doctor is here and he’ll explain everything to you. You were lucky, you know. We were able to find an NFL quality surgeon right here in town.

[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

DR. DAVID CHAO: Ah, Mr. Pierre-Paul. I’m so delighted to see that you’re awake.

JPP: …my…hand…

CHAO: You’re wondering what happened? Well, you had an accident with some fireworks. One of them went off right in your hand!  I’m happy to report, though, we had a 90% success rate in saving your fingers! I’d like to do some tests to see how your recovery is coming along. First let’s check your eyesight. How many fingers am I holding up? [holds up severed finger]

JPP: …fuck…you…Doc…

CHAO: Hee hee, that was just a little joke. It was actually a test to make sure your eardrums weren’t damaged by the blast. Seems like your hearing is just fine.  Now tell me, are you feeling any pain? The effects of the local anaesthetic should be wearing off.

JPP: Local…? Why…unconscious…?

CHAO: Oh, ho ho ho, what I mean is that I obtained it locally. From one of your former NFL colleagues, in fact, at a nearby bar.

JPP: …drunk…operating? Sue…your…ass…

CHAO: You’re welcome to try, Mr. Pierre-Paul, but I think you’ll find I’m quite uninsured. And besides, you gave informed consent for the removal of your finger.

JPP: …bull…shit…don’t…remember…

CHAO: Ah, I was worried you’d say that, so I took the liberty of recording our conversation. [removes tape recorder from pocket, presses play]

RECORDED VOICE OF JPP: Go ahead, doc. Cut it off. [groans] Just cut it off.

CHAO: And as it happens, there was a witness in the bar who would be more than happy to swear that he was with me the entire time and I didn’t drink a drop. I understand you helped deprive him of a Super Bowl victory he felt quite strongly entitled to. And another witness who said he would gladly vouch for me if I forgot about seeing him engaged in unsavory activities with a potentially underage partner.  What was his expression for what they were doing?  Ah yes, fingerblasting.  An activity you might be familiar with, Mr. Pierre-Paul?  Oh, ho, ho, ho! But enough of such unpleasantness! Let’s talk about your recovery! You’ll be here for the next couple of days, you’ll just need to keep yourself entertained. Watch some television – I hear the cable programming is of extremely high quality. It’s…digital.

JPP: …asshole…

CHAO: Ha ha, have you not seen Patch Adams, Mr. Pierre-Paul?  You simply must regain your sense of humor if you’re to recover properly! Here’s a little physical therapy exercise that might help keep you entertained – it’s a puzzle. [places surgical tray on JPP’s lap]

JPP:  [shocked]…sick…motherfucker…

CHAO:  The object is to remove exactly three fingers to leave three triangles. Can you figure it out?  Good luck!

Puzzle Summary: Remove only three severed fingers to leave three triangles.

Bonus Riddle: How did Dr. Chao get Jason Pierre-Paul to give informed consent for the removal of his finger? 

LINK TO PUZZLE SOLUTION