Mia @ Jax: Oh, to be in Florida watching a football game. Eh, my couch is just as nice. Miami gutted out a win last week while the Jags QB Bortled his way to just over 50% passing, 2 intercepts and 5 sackeroos. Jax is worried about a man named Suh. As well they should-I’ve no doubt that he will tear the head off an opposing O-lineman, stuff it down his pants and say “get a load of THIS package” to the Jax cheerleaders, causing several of them to faint. It’s bound to happen.
Bal @ Oak: The Suggster is gone for the year. He’s off to winter in Paris I’m told. This game has ugly written all over it. Raven rook DE Davis graded out as the 2nd best pass rusher at his position last week. The only guy in front of him was Aniston-lover JJ Watt. Raiders are missing their starting safeties for this game. That doesn’t sound good. A film guy studied Cooper in his pro debut (5 grabs for 47) and says he mitted 5 of 6 catchable balls and was open on 67% of the routes he ran. Film guy says there’s only so much you can do with Carr as your QB.
Dal @ Phi: Dez is gone for 4 months so now it’s Cole Beasley’s Time To Shine! And he’s gonna shine like a crazy diamond up until the moment he’s concussed. The Cowboys have won their last three in Philly. Murray ran for 9 whole yards last week. If you take away the 2 TDs he scored that’s one hell of a lousy day. Byron Maxwell, DB for the Eagles gets to cover not Julio Jones (that was last week) and not Dez Bryant this week. He is listed as “hopeful” with a shattered ego for this game.
Time to put ‘ole Tony down. Tell the kids we took him to this special farm where he gets to run and play all day long with other QBs just like him.
So with Romo out…that leaves me with Alex Smith, Tyrod Taylor, Manziel, and Nick Foles. I’ve gotta go with Taylor, right?
Do you mean who to go out and party with or your fantasy team?
RG3 to the Cowboys?
The NFC East: If you don’t destroy our quarterback, we’ll probably do it ourselves.
I should convince Jerry Jones to sign my dear friend, Brett Favre.
-Peter King
YOU MADE ME BELIEVE RAIDERS
Weeden getting cocky.
Alright, I’ve come back from getting dinner to see that the Eagles score is now 3. So, I can only assumed that the fans finally rioted and FOX cut away to archive footage of another DAL-PHI game before Chip Kelly was drawn and quartered at midfield.
There’s a distinct possibility that Ryan Mallet, Brandon Weeden, Tyrod Taylor, Johnny Manziel, and Jimmy Clausen will all be starting games next week. In 2015.
What a country!
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_InaQsFQD1kk/TG3o0LBhO0I/AAAAAAAAA_I/Am5LnCxyG_Y/s1600/Al_Bundy_Gun_To_Head.jpg
YEAR OF THE OH GOD IS THIS OUR SECOND OPTION QUARTERBACK!
Sam Bradford still has twelve minutes of gametime to live through.
Sanchize 15.
No Mark, Goddammit. That’s not her age, it’s the year.
So…[*Redacted] s are the favourite in the NFC East?
Nou.
Yea, but at that this point it’s what ever rat can crawl on top of the turd first.
I know I shouldn’t but man i feel good about Romo and Dez being injured.
/feels guilty
/goes smokes a bowl
/what did I feel bad about. Fuck use demarco murray!
wut
WTF is a leg collarbone?
So Dr. Nick worked on him?
I believe it’s his LEFT clavicle. But tomato, tomahto.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooo
Avg. yards per Sam Bradford attempt: -20 Yards
Sometimes the best thing about being a Washington fan is the other teams in the division. Actually, that’s almost always the case.
I never thought we could surpass plaid before the 4th quarter…
Itz a season of Doopy Pantz for the Cowboys.
ROMO BROKO COLLABO
Boko Haroko, #BRINGBACKOURBUKKAKEGIRLS
-sadface-
hope it is not end of season. or it is end of season.
Was I supposed to hear that in Opera Man’s voice? Because I did.
I hadn’t thought of that, but I’ll allow it.
Bored Dan Bailey, just amusing himself on the sideline.
#kickerpenalties
Dan Bailey is a thug.
Another Festivus miracle!
Not surprised that the kicker would get chippy.
BWHAHAHAHAHAHA 15 YARD PENALTY ON THE KICKER ON THE BENCH
LOL Dan Bailey.
Hahahahhahahahhaah kicker flag!
OK that was a pretty cool leap there.
So if the Raiders and Jags win today, plus the Jets on Monday will there be anyone alive in suicide pools.
That’s a flag?!
Okay, this game is turning out awesome
GIF!
Hurdle.
Fuck the Patriots.
This ought to be the official DFO greeting.
Romo out for the season with a broken collarbone….I should be rejoicing but that means no more Romobyl
http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/gHXtB8zfCL8/maxresdefault.jpg
Another Festivus miracle!
Cowboys have Kellen Moore from BSU. He should get a chance to play if Romo is done for the season.
I think we all want to see Bradford scrambling. His body parts might actually fly into the stands if he gets enough momentum before they snap off.
What happened to Gronk’s elbow HantaAIDS?
Hi I’m Peyton Manning. And I’m Steamboat Willie Manning.
Touchback, my ass.
Yeah, my wedding night was awkward too.
Yo.
She followed me too an hour ago…
Erin can read lips? OK, here I go…ERIN…OLIVE JUICE.
They need a lip reader?
http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/dam/assets/140627160341-03-seinfeld-marlee-matlin-horizontal-gallery.jpg
So, if Weeden gets hurt, which random player on the Cowboys started at QB a couple times in high school?
Aikmen runs down to the field with his cell phone.
Coach Garrett.
Hmm, they need someone with scrap and grit and…SEAN LEE! Send in Sean Lee!
Fucking Patriots. Hate seeing Brady on the front page of ESPN getting jacked off. Just because the Rog overdid his punishment doesn’t mean he didn’t fucking cheat. He’s a cheating fucking cheat!
Fuck this country for being a place that holds a cock like that in such high regard.
Also — AP got a standing ovation.
This is my shocked face.
Tebow to the Cowboys.
Your 2015-2016 NFC East final standings:
Washington: 6-10
Dallas: 5-11
New York: 4-12
Philadelphia: 2-14
Weeden and Sanchez should decide this game with a knife fight
http://jonathandallen.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/mj-beat-it-knife-fight.jpg
MOAR LIEK
http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/simpsons/images/d/d0/Monkeyknifefight.JPG/revision/latest?cb=20100716034957
At least I’ll get to tell my grand kids someday about getting to witness the beginning of the Brandon Weeden era…
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Y_TT2meCCo8/US0IabTAzOI/AAAAAAAAFt0/qLVvE5L3vCY/s1600/3p0lyz.jpg
Sees interception. Pets dog slowly. Its ok, its ok. Youre still a good dog. Doesnt throw wine bottle against the wall
THIS SAM BRADFORD, I CALL HIM DDT BECAUSE HE’S KILLING THE…what? Already been used this week? Nevermind. Carry on.
Maybe Night of Champions will be so good as to make up for this shitshow. Oof.
Out of control beard Andrew Luck has to watch the Bears game.
Poor guy.
Well. I benched Brady specifically for the Bills game so all of my hate could be focused like a karmic laser beam and I’m still winning fantasy. Am I the one? Am I one that curses Buffalo… or maybe the entire NFL?