Your Week 2 Early Slate of Games Open Thread

Ten mother-lovin’ games? Better get to work…

Car @ Hou: The Hoyer Era lasted a wee bit shorter than the length of one football game. Congrats coaching staff, no matter who you play at QB going forward you’ll have to answer a boatload of questions about the guy you didn’t start. Kuechly’ (no matter how you spell it, it looks wrong) is out today but the Panther D shouldn’t have much of a problem against the Texans. Where’s Greg Olsen? Nowhere to be found last week. He had only two targets.

SF @ Pit: Hyde went bananas last week and Bush is out (surprise!) so look for more of the same. If Kap spies a gap he should be off and running-the Steelers secondary is iffy. TE Davis may be able to take advantage of the same situation. Brown has a minimum 5 catches and 50 yards for an NFL record 33 consecutive games-the second longest active streak is 4. I thought Wheaton would take advantage of Bryant not being around. That has not been the case.

TB @ NO: Both teams are 0-1 but this division battle will have no ramifications in the future. Winston looked overwhelmed last week just as he did in the preseason. Evans should be ready to go-adjust your lineups accordingly. How ’bout that disconnect between lousy QB play and points expected to be garnered by a quality WR in fantasy? Brees threw 48 times last week. The Wolf Man bulldozed the Saints to 31st in the league in total defense last year. I wonder what he’s got up his sleeve this time around. Colston has had a great run but it looks as though his knees have gone the way of the fax machine.

Det @ Min: As we learned last week, Stafford has been in the league X number of years and still gets rattled by blitz packages. The Lions D is goig to fall from a top 5 unit to somewhere in the middle of the pack.As yeah right said, “give AP the damn ball!” That should solve a number of problems for the offence in general and Bridgewater in particular. Maybe the coaching staff had him on a “carry count”? Otherwise, it doesn’t make sense.

Ari @ Chi: Ellington is out so Johnson (Chris) and Johnson (David) will clean up the running game. I think Andre will come back to a muddled RBBC situation. Palmer picked up where he left off last season. A Warner-like renaissance for him? I’d like to see it. It’s imperative that Allen get pressure on Palmer early. Jeffrey’s hamstring is acting up-if he’s out Patrick Peterson is going to take the next WR out of the game so that leaves Bennett at TE as the only viable threat in the passing game. I don’t like the Bears chances.

NE @ Buff: Rex said that everyone wants them to beat the Pats and he is right. Gronk has scored 9 TD’s in 7 games against the Bills but is generally limited against Ryan defenses. McCoy is questionable so we may see a whole lot of Boobie. Buffalo looked amazing last week and in the preseason as well. Brady doesn’t do well against pressure and this Bills D can deliver on that front.

SD @ CIN: The Chargers D held Megatron to 2 catches-can they do the same to Green? Allen, Green, Floyd, Gordon, Woodhead, Oliver and Gates later on-Rivers has a ton of toys to play with this year. Cincy has no injured players! It doesn’t matter. It is very important for Hill to chew up the clock so that Rivers doesn’t get on the field.

Ten @ Cle: The huge story this week is that Terrance West returns to Cleveland to wreak mediocrity and take a seat on the bench. Mariota, huh? What happened last week? McCown is out and Bowe is questionable, which in this business is known as addition by subtraction.

Atl @ NYG: Ryan shouldn’t have any problems unless he’s terrified by invisible pass rushes. Tevin Coleman looks to be the guy in the Falcons backfield. Say a prayer for the Giants secondary-Julio Jones is in town. Vic Beasley against Ereck Flowers-who ya got? There is a 50-50 chance that the Giants could be 0-3 five days from now. (they meet Wash. on Thursday)

StL @ Was: St. Lou ambushed Seattle last week and should take their opponent out behind the woodshed this week. My buddy Cunningham didn’t embarrass himself last week. The jury is still out on Foles though he didn’t throw a pic last week. Rashad Ross scored 4 TD’s in preseason and is looking for his first in real play. He replaces D-Jax this week.

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blaxabbath

The Bears do not look impressive today.

Smithchez

LOLPHINS!

NYG #comment image

Sharkbait

No dessert for Eli tonight.

blaxabbath

“Fruit is not a dessert!”

-Eli, throws bowl of berries to DB

Senor Weaselo

Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory: The 2015 New York Giants

Sep

Jesus Giants… You have a WR with arguably the best hands in the NFL and you throw it to a bunch of scrubs.

nomonkeyfun

ODB,

First half 10 targets 139yds.
Second half, 2 targets 7yds.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It’s almost like he’s getting double teamed or something.

Sep

I believe it’s called teh Manning Effect

King Hippo

SAVE US, BREESUS

John Difool

Manning face 2: The Manningeng

indieguy

you know the browns are perfect for cleveland both are lower middle class doing just well enough to not get any help but bad enough that they have no hope for upward mobility

Bortleback

Does Baltimore count as upward mobility?

Giants clock management skills visual representation #comment image

Old School Zero

Well, that was almost completely predictable. Fuck.

JustStopDude

Eli with the Intentional Grounding….BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
comment image

egomann

Thank You Eli

Bortleback

Does Tom Coughlin call himself “Same Play Tom”?

King Hippo

WOW, we have reached PEAK Elisha

fleshwound_NPG

Pad those stats, Garbage Time Pickle.

blaxabbath

Get those garbage yards, Clausen. Give us an excuse to call this a QB battle!

Sill Bimmons

FLOATCEPTION AND THAT’LL DO ‘ER

Senor Weaselo

#IStandWithCoughlin

Sep

LASERFACE!!

egomann

Falcons kicker saves the game again.

Smithchez

Floatception!

Sill Bimmons

BREAKING: HUNDREDS INJURED IN HAPPINESS EXPLOSION AT LOCAL SADNESS FACTORY

Smithchez

“The Cleveland fan will go home happy.”

DOES NOT COMPUTE

Senor Weaselo

“AUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!” -Matt Bosher

egomann

Come On Eli

Do what you do

Sep

Cam Newton showing JJ Watt whats up

blaxabbath

Please elaborate.

Sep

There is no such thing as the “Texans”, only JJ Watt

Sill Bimmons

ANOTHER FASANODOWN PLEEZ

Mother Puncher

NO MARIOTA DON’T DO THE SUBWAY COMMERCIAL NO GOOD WILL COME OF THIS

Dick E. Phuck

Damn it Giants.

blaxabbath

Cards up 42-23 with three minutes left. Ball on CHI’s 8. What do you do?

Eli: “There’s no right answer.”

fleshwound_NPG

GARBAGE TIME FIDDY

FIDDYDOWN #3

John Difool

In 2021 DraftKings and Fanduel along with Sirius/XM and Walmart will merge into one giant corporation called Weyland-Yutani.

nomonkeyfun

Do they sell Brawndo. It’s got what plants crave.

WCS

THE BEN gets many Chocotacos today.

20-26 371, 3 TDs

blaxabbath

AM GONNA TAKE PINK TACO ALL BEN WANT HARF HURF!

Senor Weaselo

Bob-ble-head has bet-ter arm.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

KaeperDERP

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Comments Refresh Automatically, No Need to Reload!”
“What?!?”
-Sahel Kazemi

JustStopDude

Well my booking should be fucking ecstatic this week…

comment image

Wakezilla

So, if you’re the Giants, you let ATL score to give Eli some extra time to mismanage the clock?

Bortleback

They probably tried telling the Falcons to not score

fleshwound_NPG

4pm, only two early games not near the end are two blowouts…and those are my games.

Smithchez

Praise be to Redzone

King Hippo

My make it snow League team is loving this Kaep garbage time. Draft strategery!

Sill Bimmons

Was down but wasn’t touched. TD Falcons.

Sill Bimmons

Nope. Bad news for Gints.

ThePirateSloth

The Bucs just Bucs’d the Buccineerest they could Buc.

Horatio Cornblower

So MRSA for everyone?

ThePirateSloth

Their defense just gave them another chance to Bucs!

John Difool

” I haven’t seen Rams get fucked this hard by Indians since my crazy drunk uncle slipped some peyote into the firewater at one of our pow-wows….”
-Sam Bradford

nomonkeyfun

I can see the smoke rising from the riots outside the stadium right now.

Fuck I’m out beer. The Gints fans will be outside my door any minute, send help.

blaxabbath

Guess I’m okay with BA continuing to attack since we don’t have to play CHI again this season.

fleshwound_NPG

Palmer still in the game.
ACL in 3…2…1…