Your Week 2 Early Slate of Games Open Thread

Ten mother-lovin’ games? Better get to work…

Car @ Hou: The Hoyer Era lasted a wee bit shorter than the length of one football game. Congrats coaching staff, no matter who you play at QB going forward you’ll have to answer a boatload of questions about the guy you didn’t start. Kuechly’ (no matter how you spell it, it looks wrong) is out today but the Panther D shouldn’t have much of a problem against the Texans. Where’s Greg Olsen? Nowhere to be found last week. He had only two targets.

SF @ Pit: Hyde went bananas last week and Bush is out (surprise!) so look for more of the same. If Kap spies a gap he should be off and running-the Steelers secondary is iffy. TE Davis may be able to take advantage of the same situation. Brown has a minimum 5 catches and 50 yards for an NFL record 33 consecutive games-the second longest active streak is 4. I thought Wheaton would take advantage of Bryant not being around. That has not been the case.

TB @ NO: Both teams are 0-1 but this division battle will have no ramifications in the future. Winston looked overwhelmed last week just as he did in the preseason. Evans should be ready to go-adjust your lineups accordingly. How ’bout that disconnect between lousy QB play and points expected to be garnered by a quality WR in fantasy? Brees threw 48 times last week. The Wolf Man bulldozed the Saints to 31st in the league in total defense last year. I wonder what he’s got up his sleeve this time around. Colston has had a great run but it looks as though his knees have gone the way of the fax machine.

Det @ Min: As we learned last week, Stafford has been in the league X number of years and still gets rattled by blitz packages. The Lions D is goig to fall from a top 5 unit to somewhere in the middle of the pack.As yeah right said, “give AP the damn ball!” That should solve a number of problems for the offence in general and Bridgewater in particular. Maybe the coaching staff had him on a “carry count”? Otherwise, it doesn’t make sense.

Ari @ Chi: Ellington is out so Johnson (Chris) and Johnson (David) will clean up the running game. I think Andre will come back to a muddled RBBC situation. Palmer picked up where he left off last season. A Warner-like renaissance for him? I’d like to see it. It’s imperative that Allen get pressure on Palmer early. Jeffrey’s hamstring is acting up-if he’s out Patrick Peterson is going to take the next WR out of the game so that leaves Bennett at TE as the only viable threat in the passing game. I don’t like the Bears chances.

NE @ Buff: Rex said that everyone wants them to beat the Pats and he is right. Gronk has scored 9 TD’s in 7 games against the Bills but is generally limited against Ryan defenses. McCoy is questionable so we may see a whole lot of Boobie. Buffalo looked amazing last week and in the preseason as well. Brady doesn’t do well against pressure and this Bills D can deliver on that front.

SD @ CIN: The Chargers D held Megatron to 2 catches-can they do the same to Green? Allen, Green, Floyd, Gordon, Woodhead, Oliver and Gates later on-Rivers has a ton of toys to play with this year. Cincy has no injured players! It doesn’t matter. It is very important for Hill to chew up the clock so that Rivers doesn’t get on the field.

Ten @ Cle: The huge story this week is that Terrance West returns to Cleveland to wreak mediocrity and take a seat on the bench. Mariota, huh? What happened last week? McCown is out and Bowe is questionable, which in this business is known as addition by subtraction.

Atl @ NYG: Ryan shouldn’t have any problems unless he’s terrified by invisible pass rushes. Tevin Coleman looks to be the guy in the Falcons backfield. Say a prayer for the Giants secondary-Julio Jones is in town. Vic Beasley against Ereck Flowers-who ya got? There is a 50-50 chance that the Giants could be 0-3 five days from now. (they meet Wash. on Thursday)

StL @ Was: St. Lou ambushed Seattle last week and should take their opponent out behind the woodshed this week. My buddy Cunningham didn’t embarrass himself last week. The jury is still out on Foles though he didn’t throw a pic last week. Rashad Ross scored 4 TD’s in preseason and is looking for his first in real play. He replaces D-Jax this week.

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Sep

Redeem yo self Matt Ryan

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Batman question; now that it is fall, do Poison Ivy’s leaves fall off?

Sill Bimmons

JULIODOWN

King Hippo

GiantsDERP status: COMPLETE

Smithchez

HOOLIO HONES!!!!!

Dick E. Phuck

“BOOOOO”
-The five Titans fans that aren’t MADDEN computer sprites.

Senor Weaselo

The angering part of this game is that after much going back and forth I picked the Giants to win and cover in our pool.

Bortleback

Johnny Football did a good?

Sill Bimmons

FLOATDOWN 2: LASERFACE BOOGALOO

JustStopDude

So Manziel is now a good QB…but only at home…and playing the Titans…and the Titans have food poisoning.

blaxabbath

He’s wrecking this league!

Bortleback

I think that’s called doing a Springboks

Smithchez

Sweet coverage, Giants

blaxabbath

Bears wisely using the screen to avoid the safety. Down by 19. With 8 mins left. At home.

Sill Bimmons

Is Matt Ryan deliberately trying to get Julio Jones killed?

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Yes, the evidence supports that conclusion.

Wakezilla

Nobody is better than Matt Ryan at 4th Quarter comebacks? I thought Romo and Peyton both had more?

blaxabbath

More isn’t Better.

#MacrobrewPride

ThePirateSloth

I’m pretty sure it ain’t very hard to befuddle Nick Foles on a daily basis.

WCS

If you turn out the lights, he becomes convinced he’s gone blind.

John Difool

Father Time must owe Tom Coughlin money.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sep

Goddammit Falcons

Spanky Datass

New Jersey? MOAR LIKE BOOOO JERSEY, AMIRITE?!?!?!?!1!

Sill Bimmons

Antonio Brown: Not Mike Wallace.

Sep

Yes, Brown has hands.

Wakezilla

and can run routes

Senor Weaselo

Lovie approves of the Giants’ clock management.

Horatio Cornblower

I like to think Tom Coughlin lives his life in a continual state of exasperation, no matter what the situation.

“A 1964 Cobra for my birthday? Aw geez, the gas mileage is terrible!”

“They’re doing prime rib for the early bird special? Aw geez, my dentures can’t handle that!”

“A Matlock marathon? Aw geez, I’ve got film-study until 3:30 am!”

Bortleback

The Maras pay some youths to stand on Coughlin’s lawn so he has a source of anger to take out on players

Smithchez

Coughlinface with some braised Manningface and a side of poor clock management? I’ll take three, please.

nomonkeyfun

Don’t worry, there’ll be plenty more bad clock management. I forsee the Giants having too many men on the field with the clock running, and calling a timeout.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Is it just me or is the site running a bit slow today?
http://33.media.tumblr.com/c4d77c89540827a1b59eb456dfcc0ec6/tumblr_n9hfu2qSMa1qztdsmo1_1280.gif
It’s just me isn’t it?

Recovery Whiskey

I barely notice the ~30 seconds of refresh to a single comment.

Sill Bimmons

Giants clock management is a fucking embarrassment.

WCS

ALL THE ANTONIO BROWN PLAYS

laserguru

/checks clock
//drums fingers

Yeah fuck it. You talked me into it.
///cracks open beer.
Let’s do this damn thing!

blaxabbath

I’ve been high since Cutler was healthy!

I mean, his leg. Not the smallpox hiding out in his colon.

King Hippo

WOW. Shit call and the Saints and our Survivor pools have faint breath.

Senor Weaselo

I don’t know about you, but I picked the Stillers.

King Hippo

A few people picked SF in the “Loser” pool (as I picked the Jets), but nobody picked PIT to win.

laserguru

Yeah that could hurt some folks.

laserguru

And I took the Ratbirds over Oakland.

Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood

Oh, the big bad pass interference stole your interception? Here, let me offer you another on the very next play.

– Matt Stafford

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I appreciate that yogurt keeps you regular, but Cam Newton needs to trim his fingernails.

Sep

Hey DFO, did you know Sammy Watkins is a good WR? I don’t Rex knows, I’m pretty sure he forgets his name on a daily basis.

Senor Weaselo

Rex Ryan doesn’t believe in this “offense” you speak of.

Bortleback

Rex picked a starting QB by drawing names out of a hat, I doubt he knows the name of anyone on offence other than Richie Incognito

Smithchez

Stop showing the Houston-Carolina game. Nobody cares.

Wakezilla

Why are they showing a football an Oilers/Panthers game from 1996?

Wakezilla

Where’s my beautiful edit button? I mangled that sentence more than JPP mangled his hand.

Wakezilla

Did. . . Did Harris just run out of bounds when he saw the Falcons’ punter? That’s an automatic cut, right?

Old School Zero

Goddamnit Chargers. Where’s the help, Weddle? Pagano is a dumb sack of crap, thinking our undersized CBs can handle big TEs or AJ Green 1-on-1. What a platter of shitburgers.

WCS

Just a reminder that the Stillers secondary is still ass.

Senor Weaselo

So apparently Cam Newton’s being controlled by RFD.

King Hippo

So, with WAS and TB winning, my Survivor pool is over if BAL beats OAK this afternoon (one dude picked that).

nomonkeyfun

Looks like the factory may be working overtime to exceed the quota.

Horatio Cornblower

I dunno, if I’m Matt Ryan I maybe try NOT to get Julio Jones killed over the middle.

Bortleback

Mariota seemed to be trying his best to give the ball to the Browns any way he could, but accidentally threw a touchdown on 4th down

Wakezilla

So what the shit is wrong with Brees? Is he just entering his late Favre years?

Recovery Whiskey

No Jimmy Graham to bail him out? Can’t be.

Horatio Cornblower

I heard Graham played basketball.

Smithchez

Sadness is in demand, boys! Up the production!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

CLEVELAND FUMBLE RESULTS IN POOP-N-SCOOP?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Apologies for dog pound joke.

King Hippo

Tyler Eifert. The only player to come out of ND in the last 20 years to not be a sack of shit.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Go home Rams, you’re bad.

Recovery Whiskey

Typical. Their superbowl is playing Seattle.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

It’s the closest they’ll get. Until the Super Bowl is in LA and they can just buy a ticket in town.

ThePirateSloth

BUZZSAW SUPA BOLE BOUND

blaxabbath

Starting Cards D in FF. Went from like a 29% chance of winning with Cutler in to 40% with Clausen on the field.

WCS

PK demands to know why yahoo would besmirch such a hard-working, plucky, and all-around good guy from Notre Dame like Jimmy Clausen.