Your Monday! Monday! Monday! Night Game Open Thread

Tonight is the 45th anniversary of the first ever Monday Nighter! We’re gonna be treated to so many wonderful memories-mamember the time that Cosell called Alvin Garrett “a little monkey” and then denied it? How about the time that the self-absorbed Joe Theismann decided that everyone should see his tibia? My best csb memory of MNF involved me and my fellow staff guys trying to close the dining room that I bar-tended early so that we could get over to a bar called Tramps (run by all my exes) and spend all of our combined tip money on pitchers of beer. (“Yes I realize it’s only 7:30 sir but we’re just about to close.”) I didn’t say this but one time I saw Dexter Manley trying to find his coke dealer at that same place. Remember that one year that he played for the Ottawa Rough Riders? Neither does he.

Jets @ Colts: So it comes down to this-Pagano’s thousand yard stare vs. whatever Bowles does that we should be making fun of. What do Tanzania and the Jets have in common? They’re both short of ivory. I had Ivory getting injured by wk. 4 but he up and done it after the first. Brown-noser! So now it’s Ridley or Powell, Powell or Ridley. So much to choose from! Moncrief gets not-Revis so he should do okay. Right? Right! Colts were ambushed by the Bills last week and the Jets lost to Cleveland. Hold up. They beat Cleveland? This is why we can’t have nice things. Play according to form, Jets team! One Jets blog I came across was yakking about Geno maybe coming back early from the punctured ear drum he suffered while listening to some chin music. Congrats Jets desperation, you have successfully disguised yourself as hope.

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Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Let me guess: shitty country singer?

makeitsnowondem

Tirico: All right, Jon. What are the Jets going to do to the Colts tonight? No, no, take your time. Really describe it in detail. Mmm, that’s good.

“Easton”?

The Mighty Feklahr

IMPORTANT PLEASE READ:

The Mighty Feklahr is doing interactive performance art tonight. He has let Kahless inspire Him to interpret each team as an image or memory. The Mighty Feklahr has chosen:

Jets:West Side Story
Colts:McDonalds

HOWEVER: to complete the trinity, I need an inspiration suggestion for Chucky and Tirico. Suggest now (and feel free to join in).

JustStopDude

Faces of Meth.

http://i.ytimg.com/vi/pXIhdC33NUE/maxresdefault.jpg

Oh wait…I guess they are suppose to be moving pictures…

The Mighty Feklahr

Thank you so much for that reply.

entropy

So I totally have that “top of the roller coaster” feeling right now, but since it’s the Jets, this is countered by the sure and certain realization at least three pieces of the track in front of me are missing and the brakes are loose. Also, the ride is maintained by itinerant carnies who really barely know what they’re doing, and only come to town for the cheap meth.

I may have issues with my Jets fan status.

Senor Weaselo

No, that’s about right.

JustStopDude

Fucking Joe Namath…is there a more overrated player in the Hall of Fame?

MikeWallaceAndGromit
evilbeaver8

Have the Colts had a 100 yard rusher in a game recently? The Chiefs wide receivers catch a lot of touchdowns right? What school did Fitzpatrick go to?

JustStopDude

No enlisted women in the navy is ever that attractive…

Sill Bimmons

Jets v. Browns was the first MNF tilt, eh?

From the humblest beginnings…

John Difool

John Gruden has to be the first person ever who injects steroids directly into his eyeballs.

Horatio Cornblower

Second.

It hurts.

Sill Bimmons

Actually it’s pretty common.

Retrobulbar injection of triamcinolone is used to combat most intraocular inflammations.

The Mighty Feklahr

Chris Berman is allcomment image

I didn’t know Fat Humps can donate their stomachs to use for bag pipes.

Sill Bimmons

It used to be pigs, so you can see where they got the idea.

JustStopDude

You know if Science can keep Stephen Hawking alive and run that voice box of his, you would think they could program a computer with the voice and personality of Howard Cosell, Frank Gifford, and Meredith.

makeitsnowondem

I for one welcome our new robot voiceoverlords.

Senor Weaselo

They have hologram Biggie and Tupac, why not hologram announcers?

Sill Bimmons

DIE HODOR DIE

VonTazeMeBro

Is the auto refresh working for all yall?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yes, ma’am.

Sill Bimmons

Yep.

entropy

Nope.

VonTazeMeBro

Ahh I wonder what the deal is. I’m on an Android device

King Hippo

si, senorita

The Mighty Feklahr

I am totally rooting Jets tonight because I am so infuriated with the Bears.

makeitsnowondem

honestly i think the colts’ loss last week was just bad luck

entropy

You’re a bad person and you should feel bad.

Senor Weaselo
entropy

The Matron Saint picks the Jets! This is offset by every fucking body else picking them except Carter, which means the Jets are a lock to lose four players to career ending injury and someone may actually explode on the sidelines from sheer frustration. Woooo! JETS FOOTBALL!!!!

The Mighty Feklahr
WCS

Was the Monday Night crew smoking more crack than usual? Seven of nine picked the Jest?

Oh Christ Jets are going to get smoked now aren’t they.

JustStopDude

I’m totally confused…are the Jets that improved with having their QB’s jaw broken?!?

entropy

………yes.

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Well, what’s been the primary cause of the Jets malaise is the QBs being the opposing defense’s best friend.

The Mighty Feklahr

SUZY WAT YOU DONE?

The Mighty Feklahr

On Cmon man was that Drew Tate that got trampled?

VonTazeMeBro

Good ‘eve to you gentlemen and lady

Sill Bimmons

yo

Sill Bimmons

What car would you have restored/modified (restomodded)?

Jensen Interceptor FF for me.

First production 4WD passenger car.

http://www.jensen-sales.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/jensen-BRDC-clean.jpg

John Difool

Ford Falcon XB…..the last of the V-8 interceptors.

Sill Bimmons

The guy who designed the Interceptor was the guy who designed the glider the Great Escapers used to escape from Colditz Prison.

JustStopDude

78 Chevy Malibu

http://s.hswstatic.com/gif/chevrolet-malibu-24.jpg

My first car. I would turn it into an awesome sleeper.

entropy

Bowles looks exactly like Bunny from The Wire. So, he really just wants to make a safe haven where late hits and roughing the passer is legal.

It’s a little early in the season for the Jets to be on Prime Time. They haven’t broken my spirit yet, so I’m unreasonably excited for this game. I’m even waiting on the beer for kickoff, which says a LOT.

The Mighty Feklahr

This is what I feel like every time we Rivebrog.
comment image

King Hippo

goddamn, Fek, that’s good fuckin’ hustle

Sill Bimmons

Still…laughing…

JustStopDude

Is it Dilfer and Berman?!? I’m in the mood for some shit!

comment image

The Mighty Feklahr
JustStopDude

I had a fucking surreal day at work. Got called into a meeting. Bunch of sales guy. I’m the head/only mechanical engineer. I’m instantly wondering what the fuck is going on.

I get told I screwed up a project. I ask the project number…they don’t know. Takes them like 15 minutes to find the fucking project number…and that is why we are having the fucking meeting. They tell me the number.

Off the top of my head “okay…um…12 pole, synchronous motor…as I recall IP55…13.8kV. What about it?”

Sales guy never put in for the extra testing required. The fucking thing had to be rated explosion proof. Says I never told him. I pull up the email I sent to him where it says “IP55 EXP” on the ratings and he replied he got the email..

Sales guy “What the fuck is that suppose to mean?”

The next hour and a half was spent detailing how I now have to write out every fucking NEMA or any other fucking standard out instead of using it on the off chance that the Sales person won’t know what it means and rather than admit that and ask a fucking question, just fucking wings it.

This was a $445k screw up. Oh and per management…it was my screw up.

King Hippo

I vote you kill ’em all. Use us as an alibi.

JustStopDude

I spent the entire meeting just sitting there thinking “WTF?!? The people selling our equipment have no fucking idea what they are selling”

entropy

Are the sales guys explosion proof?

JustStopDude

Oh these are the same clowns that once told a customer that I was certified to work on high voltage.

I came back to the office a week later, found the sales guy, and kicked him in the shins with my steel toes.

JustStopDude

I’m literally the only motor guy in the US. So unless they contact Tokyo…they have me.

I can’t get these fucking clowns to ask me a question when they have one. So instead, they just fucking wing it every time. And lately, they been fucking shit up bad. Yet I’m the one that gets chewed out.

I think the next meeting with sales, I am bringing a hand puppet so they pay attention.

King Hippo

My Survivor Pool reset (all 16 of us that were left ALL were wrong yesterday) and half of the loser end are out. So, I’m an honorary Fat Hump tonight.

Pass on the etiquette lessons, APS…

Senor Weaselo

I thought the people who hadn’t picked in the DFO pool picked the Colts. They did not pick anyone at all.

King Hippo

You know the featured pic is a true Jets gal by the comically excess eye makeup.

John Difool

And the hairy forearms…

King Hippo

shit, hers are even hairier than mine (I missed those once I got below face level first time around for some reason).

Horatio Cornblower

Why is she wearing a glove? DEAR THE SWEET BABY JESUS WHY IS SHE WEARING A GLOVE!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

makeitsnowondem

lady snow and I are now completely moved out of our respective old apartments. Sipping a Chimay Dorée in between moving up the rest of the stuff from her car.

I’m starting to wonder how much bemused comtempt Tirico harbors for Gruden.

King Hippo

I’m pretty sure he can masturbate solely to thoughts of murdering Gruden.

Dry.

Doktor Zymm

Hahahaha, no team in the NFC East will get ten wins

John Difool

You speak of that as if it’s a bad thing.

John Difool

Chris Berman looks like Monday Night Football’s been on at least since The Renaissance. If Peter Boyle and Uncle Fester had a child together.

Doktor Zymm

The down side of my current av setup, when I’m watching a game on my parent’s smallish (about the size you would get in a bar) non-HD tv, I realize exactly how horrible the picture is. Maybe I’ll just drink until everything is as blurry as the picture.

blackroseMD1

That was my plan on Saturday when I realized I would have to deal with random streams for football all weekend.

It’s now Monday and I’m dreading what’s going to happen when I finally sober up.

Hangovers can’t be fatal, right?

Sill Bimmons

Same theory applies to meatballs and meatloaf.

John Difool

The Applebees Brunchburger……because fuck it, an asteroid could hit any minute now.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I made the mistake of turning on ESPN during MNF countdown. Rick Reilly just finished a segment on Andrew “Luck” puns that I believe also served as a partial lobotomy.

Sill Bimmons

hey guys

makeitsnowondem

Gentlemen.

American Pie Story

Ooff, I just hope this game is entertaining enough that Kravitz shuts his whine-hole for a decent amount of time.

Senor Weaselo

Hooray, TWO of my teams can disappoint me today!

The Mighty Feklahr

You guys are in so much trouble, I scored more Wookiee Weed.

American Pie Story

DAMMIT MOOSE QUIT LEAKING MY INSTAGRAMS

entropy

Stop calling me “mendicant.”

American Pie Story

Better than Ookie’s weed I hope

Sill Bimmons

Mine’s pretty crap but it gets the job done.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Huuuurrrr?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

She looks like a correctly aged Eliza Dushku

Sill Bimmons
John Difool

Monday Night Football is only 3 and a half months older than I am…. but at least I’ve aged gracefully.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Was Howard Cosell your father?

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