Tonight is the 45th anniversary of the first ever Monday Nighter! We’re gonna be treated to so many wonderful memories-mamember the time that Cosell called Alvin Garrett “a little monkey” and then denied it? How about the time that the self-absorbed Joe Theismann decided that everyone should see his tibia? My best csb memory of MNF involved me and my fellow staff guys trying to close the dining room that I bar-tended early so that we could get over to a bar called Tramps (run by all my exes) and spend all of our combined tip money on pitchers of beer. (“Yes I realize it’s only 7:30 sir but we’re just about to close.”) I didn’t say this but one time I saw Dexter Manley trying to find his coke dealer at that same place. Remember that one year that he played for the Ottawa Rough Riders? Neither does he.
Jets @ Colts: So it comes down to this-Pagano’s thousand yard stare vs. whatever Bowles does that we should be making fun of. What do Tanzania and the Jets have in common? They’re both short of ivory. I had Ivory getting injured by wk. 4 but he up and done it after the first. Brown-noser! So now it’s Ridley or Powell, Powell or Ridley. So much to choose from! Moncrief gets not-Revis so he should do okay. Right? Right! Colts were ambushed by the Bills last week and the Jets lost to Cleveland. Hold up. They beat Cleveland? This is why we can’t have nice things. Play according to form, Jets team! One Jets blog I came across was yakking about Geno maybe coming back early from the punctured ear drum he suffered while listening to some chin music. Congrats Jets desperation, you have successfully disguised yourself as hope.
Let me guess: shitty country singer?
Is there any other kind?
Tirico: All right, Jon. What are the Jets going to do to the Colts tonight? No, no, take your time. Really describe it in detail. Mmm, that’s good.
“Easton”?
IMPORTANT PLEASE READ:
The Mighty Feklahr is doing interactive performance art tonight. He has let Kahless inspire Him to interpret each team as an image or memory. The Mighty Feklahr has chosen:
Jets:West Side Story
Colts:McDonalds
HOWEVER: to complete the trinity, I need an inspiration suggestion for Chucky and Tirico. Suggest now (and feel free to join in).
Faces of Meth.
http://i.ytimg.com/vi/pXIhdC33NUE/maxresdefault.jpg
Oh wait…I guess they are suppose to be moving pictures…
Thank you so much for that reply.
So I totally have that “top of the roller coaster” feeling right now, but since it’s the Jets, this is countered by the sure and certain realization at least three pieces of the track in front of me are missing and the brakes are loose. Also, the ride is maintained by itinerant carnies who really barely know what they’re doing, and only come to town for the cheap meth.
I may have issues with my Jets fan status.
No, that’s about right.
Fucking Joe Namath…is there a more overrated player in the Hall of Fame?
Lynn Swan.
Hodor?
http://i.imgur.com/kcQkqJ4.jpg
Have the Colts had a 100 yard rusher in a game recently? The Chiefs wide receivers catch a lot of touchdowns right? What school did Fitzpatrick go to?
No enlisted women in the navy is ever that attractive…
Jets v. Browns was the first MNF tilt, eh?
From the humblest beginnings…
John Gruden has to be the first person ever who injects steroids directly into his eyeballs.
Second.
It hurts.
Actually it’s pretty common.
Retrobulbar injection of triamcinolone is used to combat most intraocular inflammations.
Chris Berman is all
I didn’t know Fat Humps can donate their stomachs to use for bag pipes.
It used to be pigs, so you can see where they got the idea.
You know if Science can keep Stephen Hawking alive and run that voice box of his, you would think they could program a computer with the voice and personality of Howard Cosell, Frank Gifford, and Meredith.
I for one welcome our new robot voiceoverlords.
They have hologram Biggie and Tupac, why not hologram announcers?
DIE HODOR DIE
Is the auto refresh working for all yall?
Yes, ma’am.
Yep.
Nope.
Ahh I wonder what the deal is. I’m on an Android device
si, senorita
I am totally rooting Jets tonight because I am so infuriated with the Bears.
honestly i think the colts’ loss last week was just bad luck
http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/boo_this_man_half_baked.gif
You’re a bad person and you should feel bad.
yer not better than this.
http://sadtrombone.com
The Matron Saint picks the Jets! This is offset by every fucking body else picking them except Carter, which means the Jets are a lock to lose four players to career ending injury and someone may actually explode on the sidelines from sheer frustration. Woooo! JETS FOOTBALL!!!!
ESPN panel right now:
http://blogfiles.wfmu.org/KF/2011/11/16/jets_title_500.gif
Was the Monday Night crew smoking more crack than usual? Seven of nine picked the Jest?
Oh Christ Jets are going to get smoked now aren’t they.
I’m totally confused…are the Jets that improved with having their QB’s jaw broken?!?
………yes.
Well, what’s been the primary cause of the Jets malaise is the QBs being the opposing defense’s best friend.
SUZY WAT YOU DONE?
On Cmon man was that Drew Tate that got trampled?
Good ‘eve to you gentlemen and lady
yo
What car would you have restored/modified (restomodded)?
Jensen Interceptor FF for me.
First production 4WD passenger car.
http://www.jensen-sales.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/jensen-BRDC-clean.jpg
Ford Falcon XB…..the last of the V-8 interceptors.
The guy who designed the Interceptor was the guy who designed the glider the Great Escapers used to escape from Colditz Prison.
78 Chevy Malibu
http://s.hswstatic.com/gif/chevrolet-malibu-24.jpg
My first car. I would turn it into an awesome sleeper.
Bowles looks exactly like Bunny from The Wire. So, he really just wants to make a safe haven where late hits and roughing the passer is legal.
It’s a little early in the season for the Jets to be on Prime Time. They haven’t broken my spirit yet, so I’m unreasonably excited for this game. I’m even waiting on the beer for kickoff, which says a LOT.
This is what I feel like every time we Rivebrog.
goddamn, Fek, that’s good fuckin’ hustle
Still…laughing…
Is it Dilfer and Berman?!? I’m in the mood for some shit!
Ottawa up 2-0 over the stinkin’ Leafs in pre-season hockey, thank you very much!
http://33.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_li7wm0C0wS1qhlohjo1_500.gif
I had a fucking surreal day at work. Got called into a meeting. Bunch of sales guy. I’m the head/only mechanical engineer. I’m instantly wondering what the fuck is going on.
I get told I screwed up a project. I ask the project number…they don’t know. Takes them like 15 minutes to find the fucking project number…and that is why we are having the fucking meeting. They tell me the number.
Off the top of my head “okay…um…12 pole, synchronous motor…as I recall IP55…13.8kV. What about it?”
Sales guy never put in for the extra testing required. The fucking thing had to be rated explosion proof. Says I never told him. I pull up the email I sent to him where it says “IP55 EXP” on the ratings and he replied he got the email..
Sales guy “What the fuck is that suppose to mean?”
The next hour and a half was spent detailing how I now have to write out every fucking NEMA or any other fucking standard out instead of using it on the off chance that the Sales person won’t know what it means and rather than admit that and ask a fucking question, just fucking wings it.
This was a $445k screw up. Oh and per management…it was my screw up.
I vote you kill ’em all. Use us as an alibi.
I spent the entire meeting just sitting there thinking “WTF?!? The people selling our equipment have no fucking idea what they are selling”
Are the sales guys explosion proof?
Oh these are the same clowns that once told a customer that I was certified to work on high voltage.
I came back to the office a week later, found the sales guy, and kicked him in the shins with my steel toes.
I deal with a few multi-nationals and my experience has been that sales doesn’t know what marketing is doing which doesn’t know what sales is doing which doesn’t know what IT is doing which doesn’t know what sales is doing which doesn’t know what public relations is doing which doesn’t know what human resources is doing which doesn’t know what product testing is doing which doesn’t know what they’re supposed to be doing. And on and on. I’ve yet to encounter a larger company that has set up an effective communications network between all their respective departments.
I’m literally the only motor guy in the US. So unless they contact Tokyo…they have me.
I can’t get these fucking clowns to ask me a question when they have one. So instead, they just fucking wing it every time. And lately, they been fucking shit up bad. Yet I’m the one that gets chewed out.
I think the next meeting with sales, I am bringing a hand puppet so they pay attention.
My Survivor Pool reset (all 16 of us that were left ALL were wrong yesterday) and half of the loser end are out. So, I’m an honorary Fat Hump tonight.
Pass on the etiquette lessons, APS…
I thought the people who hadn’t picked in the DFO pool picked the Colts. They did not pick anyone at all.
You know the featured pic is a true Jets gal by the comically excess eye makeup.
And the hairy forearms…
shit, hers are even hairier than mine (I missed those once I got below face level first time around for some reason).
Why is she wearing a glove? DEAR THE SWEET BABY JESUS WHY IS SHE WEARING A GLOVE!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
lady snow and I are now completely moved out of our respective old apartments. Sipping a Chimay Dorée in between moving up the rest of the stuff from her car.
I’m starting to wonder how much bemused comtempt Tirico harbors for Gruden.
I’m pretty sure he can masturbate solely to thoughts of murdering Gruden.
Dry.
Hahahaha, no team in the NFC East will get ten wins
You speak of that as if it’s a bad thing.
So you’re saying the Giants have a chance?
http://cdn8.jeremyrhammond.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/theres-a-chance.jpg
Chris Berman looks like Monday Night Football’s been on at least since The Renaissance. If Peter Boyle and Uncle Fester had a child together.
The down side of my current av setup, when I’m watching a game on my parent’s smallish (about the size you would get in a bar) non-HD tv, I realize exactly how horrible the picture is. Maybe I’ll just drink until everything is as blurry as the picture.
That was my plan on Saturday when I realized I would have to deal with random streams for football all weekend.
It’s now Monday and I’m dreading what’s going to happen when I finally sober up.
Hangovers can’t be fatal, right?
Making a spaghetti sauce? Use ground pork, beef and veal together. Brown it off in a separate pan getting rid of all the water, drain it and add it to whatever you’ve got going and let it slow simmer for X number of hours. Next stop? Heaven.
Same theory applies to meatballs and meatloaf.
The Applebees Brunchburger……because fuck it, an asteroid could hit any minute now.
I made the mistake of turning on ESPN during MNF countdown. Rick Reilly just finished a segment on Andrew “Luck” puns that I believe also served as a partial lobotomy.
hey guys
Gentlemen.
Ooff, I just hope this game is entertaining enough that Kravitz shuts his whine-hole for a decent amount of time.
Hooray, TWO of my teams can disappoint me today!
You guys are in so much trouble, I scored more Wookiee Weed.
http://36.media.tumblr.com/25202df0d3190024797b5e2e0b34b5cd/tumblr_nstisksdCl1rra8xoo1_1280.jpg
DAMMIT MOOSE QUIT LEAKING MY INSTAGRAMS
Stop calling me “mendicant.”
Better than Ookie’s weed I hope
Mine’s pretty crap but it gets the job done.
I’ve played so much FF over the years that I’m hoping Moncrief piles up the points-not for the reason that I get the win (that’s not gonna happen) but for the reason that if I’m in a tie to get into the playoffs my “points for” tops the other team.
/I can’t believe I shared this
http://i.imgur.com/8mVog5M.jpg
http://36.media.tumblr.com/c525dc47da8557a082984ea7a1413d08/tumblr_nthc10kIzN1rlb6iho4_1280.jpg
Fiona Apple’s daughter has been a bad, bad girl.
Huuuurrrr?
She doesn’t look like a younger Fiona Apple?
She looks like a correctly aged Eliza Dushku
IF YA AINT FIONA APPLE I DONT GIVE A RATS ASS
http://www.ew.com/sites/default/files/i/imgs/081105/Movie-Idiots/Officer-Barbrady-Southpar_l.jpg
Monday Night Football is only 3 and a half months older than I am…. but at least I’ve aged gracefully.
Was Howard Cosell your father?