/long pull on a skinny and extremely noxious cigarette

Bon jour, sports fans of questionable culture. I av called you here today to say, c’est tout. I av ad eet with this, how do you say, bullsheet. As ov right now, I am on strike.

/drinks a small and bitter cafe noisette, ashes his cigarette in the half empty cup

You see, ‘ere in Paree, we av a long tradition of striking. Eet is part ov our superior culture, much better and superior to your sweaty and hideous one. I understand you feel inferior at this moment, mais je te jure que c’est vrai! Howevahh, I am striking today in solidarite with my many, many injured NFL players. We av reached our limit and will play NO MORE–C’EST TOUT–for these imperialist swine owners! VIVE LA PLAYERS!

/gets text message to the tune of La Vie En Rose, his mistress has sent an image of the hospital bill for his massively infected children

NE SE SOOOOOOOOUCIENT PAAAAAAAAAAS! Eet does not matter the cost! Let these fat idiots in Cheecago enjoy their [spits] Jimmy. Clausen. [spits] Nique ta mere! Maybe now they will understand the existential misery that I exist under. Or not. Je m’en fou. Au revoir, suckers.

/proceeds to smoke two more cigarettes while having a pastry that costs less and is way better than that muffin you had this morning