Your Early Slate O’ Games Open Thread

Let’s do some games…

Atl @ Dal: Cowboys QB play should be wince-ertaining. Wouldn’t it be great if Dez threw a tantrum while watching from the sidelines? Falcons CB Trufant should take Williams out of the game leaving Potden with…Dunbar out of the backfield? Witten might be able to do something I guess. The other JJ, the one that doesn’t embarrass himself on a near weekly basis, Julio Jones, just keeps rolling along.

Ind @ Ten: This is where the Colts O busts out, right? They did play against two above average D’s (Bills, Jets)- not that that should be an excuse but I thought Luck was better than that. Mariotta has thrown 6 TD’s with no picks at this point but hey, it’s early. There’s plenty of time to come back down  to earth.

Cle @ Oak: The Raiders showed some moxy last week, transferring their impending loss over to the Ravens with only seconds to spare. Now they’re off to see the wizard, uh, Browns. Oakland has lost 19 of their last 20 road games which is impressive and not surprising simultaneously. Browns are down to just 3 DB’s-Pierre Desir (no relation to Pierre Garcon) is to play opposite Haden. At QB McCown is up to bat.

Cin @ Bal: Bengals are 2-0? How’d that get past me? Oh yeah, I don’t care. Surprisingly it’s Eifert leading the team in receiving but I’ve no doubt that Green will speed by soon. Perhaps as early as today. The Ravens #1 corner, Jimmy Smith has given up 10 catches on 16 targets for 141 yards. That’s not what a shutdown gets paid for. Flacco’s buddies in the passing game not named Smith include the likes of Kamar Aiken and Crockett Gillmore. If that’s the case I’m leaning towards Cincy in this one.

Jax @ NE: I hate New England-just putting that out there. That said, this game is a foregone conclusion and the Pats will be 3-0 because there is so much evil in the world.

NO @ Car: Use the running game, Luke! That thing featuring Ingram and Spiller? That one that’s mediocre at best? Yeah, that one. Kuechly is out again but NO is a fat mess right now so it doesn’t much matter. Carolina rolls easy here.

Phi @ NYJ: Philly needs this one desperately and may be without Murray’s complete lack of production. That Kiko Alonso trade has paid huge dividends [makes wanking motion] He’s out after making 7 tackles in two games. Could we see Geno? Probably not but we may not see Decker, Revis and Ivory either. The Jets have forced 10 TO’s in the last two weeks! All hail the Jets DC who is…Kacy Rodgers? Never heard of the guy.

TB @ Hou: This is the sort of game that the average football fan, realizing it’s his only option, would say to himself, “TB/Houston? What did I do to deserve this? [pauses for a moment] Actually, perhaps I should stop masturbating to mental images of that cashier at the drug store that I think might be 18 or so. It’s so hard to tell these days.”

SD @ Min: Covered by Yeah Right.

Pit @ StL: Not sure what to make of this game. The Rams should be able to get after Ben and put pressure on the potent passing game but Bell is back and should have a big one. Gurley is scheduled to play but it sounds like he is hobbled. Hmm. I’ll take the Steelers wearing down the StL D and pulling away in the 4th.

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Romonobyl

There’s the Weeden we know and…well.

theeWeeBabySeamus

This shit is making me miss the Colts and Art Schlichter.

Man, that dude had some great betting tips though.

Romonobyl

The Halloween Whopper looks…disturbing.

WCS

Jeff Fisher’s resting face is that of someone who just put down their dog.

Gratliff

I, for one, am pleased to welcome the Jets back to the land of awful.

5Chan needs to stop watching hentai

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fake punt in our own territory, barely works but only after putting it on the ground.
Stadium erupts with elation.

Shit is bad in B’more.

Sill Bimmons

This Raiders-Browns thing is like watching someone stirring vomit.

Old School Zero

/nods

it is known

Bortleback

The story about them possible wanting to cut Bowe after paying him millions would be shocking if it was any team other than the Browns

Sill Bimmons

oh fuck you haley you fucking dipshit

Kungjitsu

Jesus that would be awesome!

Bortleback

Brandon Weeden tells a great story about where he was when Kennedy was shot

Sill Bimmons

Need THEBENDOWN here.

Sill Bimmons

DOINK

King Hippo

0-3 fever! I feel like teh Ravens.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Really gonna suck if I have to become a Panthers fan to make this season bearable.

Sill Bimmons

VULTUREDOWN

Old School Zero

Well whip my balls, AP got a TD.

WCS

Is Your #BudLightTeamCan #UpForWhatever #BudLight is the #OfficialBeerSponsor of the #NFL Presented By #DraftKings and #UproxxContent

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Oh dear Jets offense.

Senor Weaselo

I’d ask why we can’t have nice things, but it’s because Jets.

Sill Bimmons

BAZINGA

The Maestro

EAGLES DOING THINGS

Sill Bimmons

AJ Smith is the stupidest man alive.

Gratliff

TINY MOTHERFUCKING DARREN

theeWeeBabySeamus

Flacco is good….Flacco is good….Flacco is good….

Nope, didn’t work.

Sill Bimmons

They don’t call him Joe Average because he’s good.

Redshirt

Dalton is Dalton?

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Ah fucking hell.

Senor Weaselo

Aaaand we’re back.

Sill Bimmons

ALL THE GRIT. HE’S GRITHEART

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

I wonder how gold Fitz has mined from the corpses of tristate area mobsters buried in the Jersey marshes.

Sill Bimmons

Pick. Six. Mariota.

Sill Bimmons
King Hippo

well, Mariota can’t tackle for shit

blaxabbath

These clips of youth games is way worse than Duchess’ clips of kids running head first into each other.

Kungjitsu

Blake Bortles (no seriously, that’s his name) is carrying on the tradition of the Jags having great QB sneakers. Remember David Garrard? He has Chron’s disease.

Sill Bimmons

Aaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnd the IROC stalls out on the 2.

HALEYBALL FEVER WOO

WCS

BOSS TODD DEMANDS ALL THE EIGHT MINUTE, 77-YARD FIELD GOAL DRIVES

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Hey at St. Louis discovered that inadvertently burning down the stadium is a way to leverage public financing for a new stadium.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I’ve seen better tackling on reruns of COPS than in this Falcons game.

King Hippo

Le’VeonDOWN, goddamnit. Don;t get fucking cute.

Sill Bimmons

Crap.

King Hippo

Story of my (fantasy and real) life. UGH

Sill Bimmons

Bell has the potential to be Top 5 all-time.

Sharkbait

Take me to the promised land!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Right between morning and Liberty

Sill Bimmons

haha Ratbirds

King Hippo

I’m assuming about 70% Yinzers in the Edward Jones Dome?

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

The Army of the Cumberland rises again.

Sill Bimmons

The Army Of Cummerbund says “Ruffles Up!”

Old School Zero

That was a chippy ass PI call.

Sill Bimmons

Bell wide with Williams in the backfield is going to kill everybody.

King Hippo

I need about 5 TDs, Le’Veon.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

This is what you get when divide by Weeden.

King Hippo

The stern leader’s visage on DOOPY PANTZ

Spanky Datass

GRRRRRR!
comment image

WCS

Pictured: Rams chief pyrotechnic officer

http://i.imgur.com/bEoe7T0.jpg