Your Monday, Not At All Funday Open Thread

Your job sucks, the apartment/house is a mess but you don’t feel like cleaning , the kids/dog/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend is/are howling at you-you need some peace, don’t you? Well here comes good old football to fill the void that family and loved ones can’t. Now just pull up your Chevy Silverado to the old TV, crack open a Bud Lite, and get face deep into a bag of Doritos while you wait for the Papa Johns to arrive. All better? All better. Now remember this feeling tomorrow morning when you get that twitch that tells you to plow into that damn crossing guard. GOD, Could She Take Any Longer To Walk Halfway Out Onto The Road And Back?

KC @ GB: She’s gonna be a sloppy one tonight folks. I checked the weather for the area and it’s 72 degrees but it feels like, ah, 72. There’s a 100% chance of rainy days and Mondays getting you down, as a skeleton once chirped. Here’s something to wrap your noodle around-Smith is only 4 yds behind Rodgers in passing yards. Rodgers pulls way ahead in overall charisma and endorsements though. The Packers rush D is a bit confused these days-they gave 141 yards to Forte but only 41 to Marshawn. JC will end up somewhere in the middle with some receiving yards to boot. Lacy and Davante Adams are listed as probable and if you tune in you can say that you were there when the WR TD drought ended because the Chiefs listed Kelce at the position. IT WAS THE ONLY WAY IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. Andy Reid is chewing the fat right now, trying to figure out what to do with CB Jamell Fleming. QB’s that pass on Fleming have a 111 rating. Guess where Rodgers is going to focus his energies? Hopefully, Justin Houston will get some pressure on Rodgers. Who the heck is Houston? He’s the guy that isn’t JJ Watt because the former actually led the league in sacks last year. The knowledge-I dropped it on you.

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Sill Bimmons

Bucs 2 on 0 out bottom 9th.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

After what Rosenthal did yesterday, you have to like your chances.

Sill Bimmons

Not so much now.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

I’m Googling symptoms of a nervous breakdown watching this.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Basedball game is over, time to watch this snuff film on ESPN.

Horatio Cornblower

“I like what Andy Reid did there”

Well yes Jon, everyone enjoys a good combo platter.

Doktor Zymm

The Chiefs should try deflating some footballs.

nomonkeyfun

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My view on the KC offense.

makeitsnowondem

FO’s new stat, Air Yards Less Expected, is my new favorite football thing. ALEX for short, and the leader in negative Air Yards Less Expected on third down this season? You guessed it.

Doktor Zymm

ooh, I’ll have to read the background on that. Is it more a play calling thing, or a completions thing?

Doktor Zymm

I will continue to watch the [*Redacted] s play, because I want to see if my 5-11 prediction is right, and I will continue to watch the Bears play, because it’s more fun to make fun of Bears fans when you can be really specific, but it looks like my only realistic rooting interest is gonna be Arizona this year. Go team my Dad likes that is also where my company HQ is located! WOOO!

This is relevant, because the Packers play the Cardinals in week 16.

...

I know talking about baseball on here gets some grumbles, but at least a scoreless baseball game has the advantage of (usually) being over quicker.

...

How the hell did this end up as a reply?

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

Toyota: our cars never hit traffic

trollsoharduniversity

I haven’t seen that kind of escaping of certain doom since I left my first fiance at the altar.

nomonkeyfun

comment image

Hey, I resemble that remark.

Doktor Zymm

Dinosaurs have feathers! When you eat a chicken it’s basically eating a dinosaur!

nomonkeyfun

I know. Judi Dench gets me all hot and bothered too. I can’t watch “As Time Goes By” without losing control.

trollsoharduniversity

Gruden sounds like he’s having a stroke.

jjfozz

I never knew that Seattle was loud . . .thanks NFL!

nomonkeyfun

http://37.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6f4qkakDT1r1ult6o1_500.gif

Best Bond girl of all time. Also, the oldest at the time of filming.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

She’s no Christmas Jones.

litre_cola

You sir, are correct.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“I must be dreaming.”

The Maestro

Serious question for a sec: when the writers were putting this together in the ’60s, did they intend for her name to be as straight-up a sexual innuendo as it is now? Or did it just happen afterwards?

Porky Prime

Pretty sure Ian Fleming was a raging pre-vert and misogynist.

nomonkeyfun

Yes, and yes.
I stand corrected. This is the sexist Bond girl.

http://media.giphy.com/media/1EB6ir5VrJE64/giphy.gif

The Life Guards invade nomonkey’s apartment, take him off to Long Kesh.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

All of those were intended. P.S.; there is a pretty good documentary about the original Bond film makers and producers.

King Hippo

Yellow and green overalls with tophat is more than just a poor life choice.

litre_cola

Who is the alternative to Tiny Hands in KC?

Old School Zero

Despair.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Bigfoot

The Maestro

Chase Daniel, of all possible people to be employed by a midWestern team, with the most midWestern name possible…

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

The 2015 KC Chiefs
– a Lars Von Trier film

Senor Weaselo

I thought Andy Reid ate him while filming Too Many Cooks.

Redshirt

Wow. Those holograms in front of Alex Smith are amazing. They almost look like they’re really there!

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

2pac runs a great crossing route

JustStopDude

Left at an Alex Smith sack…came back to an Alex Smith sack…

Old School Zero

It’s that kind of party, huh?

Doktor Zymm

SMGDH

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

3rd and longer than your noodle arm can heave it

aceg

Amen brother, amen…

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Draft Kings sounds like a documentary about people who dodged Vietnam

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

Time for three Charles runs and a punt

King Hippo

NAH.

/run, run, checkdown, punt

Redshirt

Sack, Sack, checkdown, punt.

Pretty close.

Redshirt

I’m just waiting for the refs to start a Zebra Conference and then we hear over the PA:

Referee: “Did you see the jugs in Section 104? Man, I just want to take my head and just dive right into those….what?…OH SHIT!”

The Maestro

Enrico Palazzo in the 21st century, clearly.

jjfozz

Arby’s: We have the meat.
Aaron Rogers: Go on . . .

Sill Bimmons

Shouldn’t you be conducting community outreach interviews for the Texans?

jjfozz

I don’t get it – but again I’m sick and all medicined up

Sill Bimmons

Earlier I posted a fake AP article declaring you Director Of Texans NFL Outreach after your anti-Green Bay take.

jjfozz

I’m considering mood altering substances for the Ravens-Steelers game on Thursday, here’s the short list:

1. IV hooked up to Bulleit bourbon handle.
2. Rubber mallet to the groin before kick off.
3. Beach towel soaked in ether.
4. Hose from car into living room.
5. Embolism caused by watching our secondary try to defend antonion brown

jjfozz

I’m considering mood altering substances for the Ravens-Steelers game on Thursday, here’s the short list:

1. IV hooked up to Bulleit bourbon handle.
2. Rubber mallet to the groin before kick off.
3. Beach towel soaked in ether.
4. Hose from car into living room.
5. Embolism caused by watching our secondary try to defend antonio brown

Recovery Whiskey

Game Managed the shit outta that one

nomonkeyfun

http://media.giphy.com/media/BENVaY6CQkmyc/giphy.gif

Every DFOer’s worst nightmare.

Recovery Whiskey

Got a half handle of Woodford going. You’d be welcome to a shot, or 3

Recovery Whiskey

Fuck you 80

nomonkeyfun

I’ll take forty. That should get me through tomorrow morning.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris
Porky Prime

I have a bunch of airplane bottles from my birthday pinata iffen you want.

I tell ya, the kids were REAL confused.

Doktor Zymm

There’s nothing more lonesome, duller or sicker, than a sad DFOer in house with no liquor.

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

Arby’s just had to ruin brisket

Redshirt

This is why I miss natural turf. In the rain, this game would be fun.

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Porky Prime

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Doktor Zymm

Fuck yes. I want some mudball.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Oh my God, a muddy Ray Nitschke… don’t get Buddy all hot and bothered!

Redshirt

Can you imagine if this was snow falling instead of rain?

Shogun Marcus

You shush that filthy foodhole!

Porky Prime

“Ehhhhhhhhthe fuuurrrozen tunnnndruhhhhh.”

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

If you go to Taco Bell, that doesn’t make you a taco.

-Justin Bieber

Old School Zero

I just read that, too, and thought “Yeah, but it does make you regret it.”

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

When I was in college, getting a worthless Communications degree, I worked in a mall that had a Taco Bell AND an Arby’s. I had many, MANY shame meals.

Porky Prime

Don’t forget Sbarro, DTZM. Never forget.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Dear God, so many Sbarro’s slices… I’m just glad I worked in a mall when I was young and in shape. If I ate like that now I’d be…um…also fat.

Sill Bimmons

The Philadelphia VA had a Burger King.

A Burger King. In a hospital.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

You could get your Whopper your way. You know, served to you on your deathbed.

Porky Prime

In Philly VA, Burger King is you!

After you die.

Sill Bimmons

If you go to Wendy’s, that doesn’t make you a Wendy.

— MRA/PUAs

Doktor Zymm

Well no, you have to order and pay for a taco before they make you a taco.

Doktor Zymm
JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

Did KC forget to hire a wr coach again?

Senor Weaselo

“There are wide receivers?” -Alex Smith

Porky Prime

“Oooooohhhhh yes.” –Aaron Rodgers

Sill Bimmons

So those Mexican volleyballists from the other night are from a Carl’s Jr./Hardee’s ad.

Sill Bimmons

These Mexican volleyballists:

comment image?quality=88&strip=all&w=650&strip=all

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

Please post this on trump’s campaign Facebook page

Sill Bimmons

Trump loves his cheap immigrant labor that comes from the entire world, not just Latin America.

That’s why he’s dragging the immigration issue so far to the right that the other GOP candidates can only shoot themselves in the foot in response to his lunacy.

He’s a Trojan Horse, but not for Hillary.

For Donald Fucking Trump.

Redshirt

2/7? Two for seven? How is that even possible in 2015?!

Senor Weaselo

I know, I mean who only throws 7 passes?

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

Alex Smith game middle manager

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Porn is a weird thing, eh?

Doktor Zymm

So..the Bears have already given up on the season? I’m gonna go ahead and assume I’ll be able to get Skins @ Bears tickets for less than $50.

King Hippo

I think you misplaced the decimal point.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

You can watch Skins @ Bears at Buddy’s bar for free! But you do have to sign a waiver

makeitsnowondem

Halftime summary: JESUS

Recovery Whiskey

Chris “that tire fire sure is” Berman

Recovery Whiskey

As Peter Gabriel sang….

Here Comes The Flood

King Hippo

Trying to watch el beisbol just to avoid goddamned Berman…you really forget how truly boring it is in close comparison to el futbol norteamericano.

Sill Bimmons

YOU JUST DONT UNNERSTAND THE NOOWANCE

Sill Bimmons

Having hickory-marinated, bacon-wrapped pork tenderloin roasted and finished under the broiler.

http://cdn.meme.am/instances/50366653.jpg

Doktor Zymm

I was at a Jewish wedding this weekend that had bacon wrapped scallops as an appetizer. If I were to ever practice a religion, it would be barely observant Judaism.

Sill Bimmons

That’s hilarious.

nomonkeyfun

My Aunt had shrimp at my cousin’s Bat Mitzvah.

My mother and wee laughing for twenty minutes while cleaning the shrimp.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Most Jews here in NJ have been to Temple University but never Temple

Infinite Jets

Berman just looks like he smells sooooooooo bad.

Sill Bimmons

Definitely some sort of rank cheesy odor.

Porky Prime

Permanent behind the ear stink.

blackroseMD1

How long has Andre Rison been out of the league now?

He’s gonna have to die before Berman retires that one, I guess.

blackroseMD1

I’m just here for the Brie/Jacobs gifs.

Oh, and I guess to see if Jamaal can score me some fantasy points.

But mostly the gifs.

nomonkeyfun
blackroseMD1

You, sir, are a scholar and a gentleman.

nomonkeyfun

If you could read my mind you wouldn’t be calling me a gentleman.

Redshirt

I just love Monday Night Football games where at halftime the score is so bad that if it was a boxing match it would be stopped by the ref due to a boxer being Outclassed.

Sill Bimmons

10-Run Rule.

Doktor Zymm

Nice tie, Berman.

JustStopDude

Screw it…I’m flipping to Rick and Morty…

King Hippo

Twas excellent this week.

Porky Prime

Does it get better than the pilot? Couldn’t finish the pilot.

King Hippo

pilot was worst episode by like factor of 10. AWESOME SHOW. I don’t even like sci-fi, generally.

Porky Prime

Coo, I think Hulu has a season or two. Guess I’ll try again.

nomonkeyfun

http://33.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mc6o70aVNd1r426i4o8_250.gif

If you’ll excuse me I’ll be back in 30 seconds.

Redshirt

What are you going to do with the other 27 seconds?

nomonkeyfun

Cleaning up, and that was 29.675 seconds of clean up. I always leave my women satisfied.

Dunstan

An Andy Reid team sucks in the two-minute drill? I’m shocked.

Doktor Zymm

Who is asking “Why would you give the ball to Jamaal Charles?” No one is asking that.

Senor Weaselo

People who forget that the quarterback is Alex Smith.

Sill Bimmons

As a Kelce owner, I am asking that.

blackroseMD1

Am I accidentally streaming LiveLeak? Cause all I’m seeing here is a physical assault.

Old School Zero

Me: Hey, Second Beer. Should I have you?

Second Beer: I think you know the answer to that, OSZ. /wink

Me: Yes. Yes, I do.

Doktor Zymm

It’s only fair. You can’t play favorites and love your first beer more than your second.

nomonkeyfun

Glad to hear NSZ didn’t clean you out.

makeitsnowondem

Whatcha got?

Old School Zero

Weihenstephaner Oktoberfest. Like the Warsteiner Oktoberfest before it, it’s nice and bready.

blordinaryfagicmox