St. Louis Rams owner Stan Kroenke has submitted a stadium plan for a brand new $2 billion facility in Inglewood, California. The idea would be to move his Rams (and possibly another team) to this new stadium. which is about 20 miles west of downtown Los Angeles and very close to the Los Angeles International Airport.  The reasons for the potential move are obvious (Los Angeles money, Los Angeles climate, Missourians, etc.), but there are roadblocks, mainly a competing stadium proposed in nearby Carson that would house the Chargers and/or Raiders.

As an author and reporter (please note: not actually either one), I decided to examine the site Kroenke chose for the stadium complex. I should mention here that this whole relocation saga is emotional for me. I was a Rams fan during my childhood, right up to the point when non-convicted murderer and former showgirl Georgia Frontiere moved the franchise from Anaheim to St. Louis. Five-plus years later, Kurt Warner and Marshall Faulk led the Rams to their only Super Bowl win, and we all watched that horrible harpy celebrate with her coach, the ever-lachrymose Dick Vermeil. What should have been ours (the long-suffering Rams fans living in poverty-stricken Orange County) had been ripped away from us like so much poorly-made paper that rips too easily (Reminder: Insert better simile here. Or metaphor. Or onomatopoeia.)

Armed with some suitable driving music (Abba mixed with some older Herbie Hancock), I ventured to Inglewood to see what the city offered as it relates to Kroenke’s vision. The first thing that struck me about Inglewood was that it’s gritty. It’s not “Julian Edelman” gritty; it’s more like “The Wire” gritty. While I did not see many Whole Foods stores, there were an abundance of places where one could get a check cashed (for a reasonable fee, I would imagine). In addition, while Kroenke plans to add dining options for fans, the area already boasts a high number of restaurants, especially those that would be considered “fried poultry” or “tacqueria” specialties. (Side note: My first-ever trip to a tacqueria was highlighted by an order of “tacos de sesos” which I gladly ate even though a primary ingredient is cow brains. They weren’t bad, but I lost a few days due to aimless grazing.)

The stadium will be located on the acreage formerly occupied by the horse racing venue Hollywood Park, which closed down last year. Hollywood Park was curiously-named, as it is nowhere near Hollywood, but it did feature the same urine-soaked charm as its namesake. There is also a not-quite-Indian-and-not-quite-Vegas casino on the grounds, and that has remained open since gambling is well-positioned to improve low income areas. Anyway…the actual site should work from a size standpoint, as long as an exorcist can clear out all the abused racehorse ghosts currently haunting the grounds. Really, the stadium and site look to be a good match, and as long as most of the game attendees carpool, there’s every reason to believe Kroenke’s plan is sound.

While in the area, I found myself a few blocks north of the proposed stadium grounds, at an arena called “The Forum.” Despite the decidedly Roman influence, this was no gladiator arena. In fact, the place was full of Scorpions. A team of aging German troubadours had taken the stage (in the same arena where Lakers and Kings had once made sport) and rocked the ever-living fuck out of the house. Or haus. By the time Rudolf Schenker had crushed the opening riff of “The Zoo,” the audience was screaming in ecstasy (not because of ecstasy, however, as the air was redolent of marijuana or “Mary Juan” as the kids say). Diminutive singer Klaus Meine had the pipes of a man half his age, and urged the crowd to roar between songs by screaming, “SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA!!!” The band closed the concert with, in order, Blackout, No One Like You, Big City Nights, Still Loving You, and Rock You Like A Hurricane. And let me tell you, we were indeed rocked. As the band said their thanks. it occurred to me that this group of men, this perfectly-formed powerhouse, this…TEAM would make a better occupant of the new stadium than the Rams. I mean, who kicks more ass, Nick Foles or Klaus Meine? Jeff Fisher or Rudolf Schenker??? So when it’s time to build that magnificent entertainment complex, I urge Mr. Kroenke to leave the Rams in St. Louis, and unveil the Los Angeles Scorpions so the whole world may bask in their glory!

And if this whole bloated story seems like a cheap excuse to tell everyone how awesome my concert experience was last weekend, whatever. I paid $13 each for Stella Artois so this is allowed. And the Forum is pretty nice, but the legroom is non-existent. Also, Queensryche opened and was surprisingly enjoyable. FOOTBALL!!!