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What’s on your mind? Me? Jackson Browne’s “Running On Empty” has been on my brain for the last two weeks. I sure as hell am not going to tell you that it’s the song of all songs-it’s just there. Every day. It is god damn relentless. If someone could distract me while I attempt to watch an entire Blue Jays game for the first time in 25 years, that would be great. Seriously, what are you up to?
Your Very First Monday Afternoon Open Thread
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Takin’ da Brahns to da Super Bowl!!!
LET’S TURN MARMALARD INTO MARMALADE BOYS WOO
That bald eagle only flew down to eat the live mice his trainer uses as a reward. USA USA USA
Happy Monday night footballs
Why does Sam Jackson’s suit look like he just clapped some erasers?
I AM SICK OF THIS MOTHERFUCKING CHALK ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING BOARD!
Holy shit you almost just killed me. That was perfect.
Did anyone else sense a hint of sarcasm from Tirico’s voice?
That was longer than Bleedin’ Gums Murphy’s rendition.
Can we get a few more dudes to sing the National Anthem. I think America…and Freedom deserve more.
I gues “The Jackasses” was taken.
And “The Douchebags” was a little too on the nose.
FUCK YOU HEATHENS
I really don’t like this game.
Quick beisbol aside: man, this postseason TV deal sucks ass. “The mets game will begin on TNT then switch back to TBS at the conclusion of this game, unless FS 1 opens up and we can shove a replay of the Royals game onto MLB network….”
Just think of it as Where’s Waldo but replace “Waldo” with “baseball game.”
This is how I ended up having to watch 30 seconds of goddamn “Friends” earlier today.
JEFF GEORGE REFERENCE!!!! DO ANOTHER SHOT!!
YA BETTA CALL SOMEBODDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Jeff George reference. DRINK!
brilliant minds think alike
THIS EMO KID I CALL HIM JON GRUDEN’S BARBER BECAUSE OF ALL THE INDISCRIMINATE CUTTING
Matron saint still lovely and smart.
Willy Joe will always hold a special place in my heart for that drunken, accurate ramble.
Is there going to be a game thread or is this it?
Might as well dance with the one that brung us.
Shit.
The phrase “oversized novelty” can make anything funny.
“Oversize novelty puppy entrails.”
“oversized novelty late term abortions”…
Huh…kind of works…
“oversized novelty” Chris Berman.
Hmmmm…
Doesn’t count, he’s already oversize and wore out his novelty decades ago.
Evening ladies and germs.
Hope you and yours have had a good day. I showed up to work hungover at 7am, only to have some kid show up with a bunch of guys from Peru in tow.
Apparently it was decided without telling me, that I was to give them a week’s worth of training this week.
COME ON MAN!
Oh god…I am repeating Chris Berman…no wonder i spent time in a mental hospital…
I want to root against the Steelers, but seeing how Vick is their QB, I can’t help but almost feel sorry for them.
Almost.
Oh shit I forgot all about that! Hah fuck you Stillers you have a JV REJECT at QB!!
This Taylor Dayne song has been stuck in my head all day. Merry Christmas.
Getting ready to go to the bar and watch MNF. It’s 96 degrees outside in San Diego in mid-October.
I’m gonna be pissed if the apocalypse is starting before my Bolts have won a damn Superb Owl.
Remember when the Third Army made the big breakout from the Normandy beach-head and raced across France and Germany, including the historic relief of Bastogne and the crossing of the Rhine?
I was shoveling shit in Louisiana.
“This is just like in ‘Nam!”
“I was in junior high, you asshole!”
YOU GET A HOME RUN! AND YOU GET A HOME RUN! AND YOU GET A HOME RUN!
Apparently the NFL isn’t the only league trying to do away with defense.
(having traumatic flashbacks to the 2015 Reds bullpen)
Kris Bryant crushed that one!
Watching “Descendents” movie on Disney, mostly curious based on how its based on the kids of the villains. It was not bad up until the part where they did a hip hop version of “Be Our Guest”.
I’m going to go dig out my old VHS tape of “Beauty and the Beast” and hold it tightly while I cry.
I don’t think I’ll ever be drunk enough to stomach that.
My niece is going to be a character from that movie for Halloween. It took four texts from my sister to explain that we weren’t talking about the George Clooney Hawaii movie.
My nephew is hooked on Disney channel shows, and he’s possibly the most insistent five year old ever, so avoiding that channel is impossible for my family. I know more about Disney now than when I worked in a Blockbuster video.
Another reason I’m so fucking glad we cut the cable.
My kids watch PBS kids or nothing at all. Peg + Cat is the shit.
That’s what I thought you/he were watching.
Man, Pete Rose is OLD.
So tonight I’ll be watching the Stillers with actual Stillers fans (one of whom refers to my Jets as “that JV outfit”) and on the other TV will be my Mets, probably getting blown out because Harvey keeps running his mouth. My question to all of you is, when should I start drinking heavily?
I’m gonna go with “yesterday,” and see how that plan works out for me.
Besta luck to yinz!
Anyone else watching the Cubs vs Assholes game?
I just turned it on, after I got back from walking my buddy’s dog.
Man, that dog is a little asshole.
Gents, I’m back…and detoxing. I raise a ginger ale to you all.
My Golden Monkey salutes you.
Work is for suckers, and I’m a total sucker today.
Gonna meet Rappoccio to watch the MNF game, and that should be fun.
Also, I made egg salad for sandwiches this week, and liberally added a whole bunch of roasted cauliflower, and that’s awesome. I’m also pickling some red onion that I’m going to add to it, which should just kick ass. I may have to post the recipe at some point.
Egg salad sandwiches? Are you, or are you not, my Aunt Edith?
What if… for argument’s sake… I’m wearing her skin right now? Again, just a… hypothetical… would that make me her? Or not? I’m just… asking questions here… that’s all.
If, in the hypothetical happenstance you posit, then 1. no, but 2. could you send me any eyes you came across? My family always told me I had her eyes, but the old bitch would never give them to me.
Monday Night Countdown is going to fill us is on the fact that Jamaal Charles tore his ACL-right after the break! #chrisbermankilledtv
I would rather watch golf willingly than listen to Berman for two seconds.
Finishing up my jerky.
8 lbs net, probably going to gross about 3.
That’s why the stuff is so expensive. Almost 2/3 of your meat just vanishes into the ether.
BEEF FOR THE BEEF GOD!
My Gusto channel shows the original Julia Child cooking show (1960’s) which took place in real time. I will never make fun of her under any circumstance ever again.
When I found out about her career before her PBS cooking show, I stopped mocking her. She was a grade-A, USDA prime studette.
I have a confession to make. I still go over to Uproxx to read Vince’s stuff. His write up on this Paws Up place made me want to quit my job and move to Montana right now.
How do you handle that shitty new layout?
I wonder how long it will take Vince to find a better home. He deserves better than Uproxx.
Royals were down 6-2 in the seventh, and scored five in the eighth, and two more in the ninth to win 9-6 and force a Game 5. Otto’s brain can find some solace today.
I bought some Mexican guava pastries and Li’l Sumpin Sumpin Ale whilst waiting for my kid to finish cross country practice. Need 13.45 points out of teh Le’Veon on MNF. Will drink and have pillage either way, BUHLEE DAT!!
And GO TEAM CANADIA!!!! Birds of a feather, and whatnot. Plus, just a superior country.
And goddamnit scotchy, now all I can think of is “then ah ran clear ‘cross the great state of Alabama”
Sorry, Hip-I needed to pass something on.
He’s not the only one you need to apologize to for that… I just spent twenty minutes on YouTube playing anything to get that song out of my head. Settled on Yes, “Shoot High Aim Low” for a closer and let’s just say I’ve had better ideas.
When stoned, I used to do a better than average Forrest Gump impression. My favourite line to say was always “Jenn-ay, I brought you some oranges for your AIDS.”
Oh you bastard now I have THAT shit in my head.
Jesus. Bosworth in an FS1 commercial is the most he’s gotten in years.
My evening class is off because the school actually takes Columbus Day off as part of a “Fall break.” I’m contemplating beer. I ran 5 miles today, so I think I can justify it.
I should be grading exams. I should be grading homework. I should be answering student emails.
But I’m not. That’s what I’m up to. Thanks for asking!
(Asks what kind of mileage you’re doing and what your 3200 PR is)
I’ve got 20 lbs to lose before I start running fast. Right now when I work out my 5K pace is 24 minutes. 12 years ago when I was getting back into shape after back surgery #1, I was doing a 22 minute 5K. I was 20 lbs lighter then, and my knees and ankles hate the extra weight, so I’m not stressing them by running fast.
My goal after shedding more poundage is to get my 5K pace down around 20. I’d like to get under 18, but that’s probably dreaming at my age.
I run 3 days a week, putting in anywhere from 4 to 6 miles a day. So that makes, what, about 15 miles a week running? Then I walk about the same. My heart and lungs, as well as my leg muscles, are all in much better shape than my joints, ligaments, and tendons, so I have to keep myself in check lest I over-train. I’m on the edge of medial shin splints as it is, so I have to be very very conservative.
(Scoffs. Says I just ran a 14:20 5k last weekend but, you know, it’s ok because I’m ‘training through it’. Looking to make The Trails.)
I’d be happy riding my bike 5K in 14:20.
Is The Trails the Anchorage race?
I should note that I am a former college athlete (and I guess, technically, a former pro athlete since I played in a couple pro beach volleyball tournaments) with delusions that I can achieve something close to the results I had half a lifetime ago.
I end up training too hard, too fast, injuring myself, and having to start over again. And at 45, I don’t heal nearly as fast as I did at 25, so it’s a slow process.
In other words, I’m not trying to brag about running. I have ridiculously high standards and an inferiority complex, and so I compensate by humblebragging, maybe.
Drew Magary @drewmagary 4m ago
I forgot the Astros have a big choochoo train and a hill in their outfield. They’re basically the mini golf of baseball
I disagree. That monstrosity at the Marlins when they hit a home run is clearly the most mini golf thing in baseball.
Actually the Marlin’s ballpark looks like a blown up shrine from the corner of a bodega.
I’m stuck at work listening to the Astros/Royals game on the radio like a goddamn primative. Gonna sneak out a little after 4:30 to head home and watch my recorded version of Cubs/Cards.
C’mon Jake! Let’s kick some redbird ass!
Boo! Boo, ah say!!!
I’m currently sitting here wondering how much seething hatred I have for Chase Utley… I had plenty when he was with Philly, but that slide bullshit really put him into higher levels of hatred for me. I want him to suffer career-ending injury, but in a truly insulting manner, like blowing out both knees trying to fish a quarter out of a storm drain.
Please let him be a partner in TB12/NeuroSafe!
I would probably die laughing if he was in on that.
But he seemed so nice on “It’s Always Sunny”
He did a late slide into Rhea Pearlman after taping. Shattered her hip.
Boob Jays up 4-0.
Does anyone have a go-to ham and pea soup recipe? This would seem to be an uber-French Canadian food staple that never gets referenced in the poutine/tourtiere-dominated pantheon.
1 bag of split peas
2 ham hocks
1 onion diced
4-5 cloves of garlic minced
salt and pepper to taste
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme crushed.
Water to cover
Louisiana hot sauce to taste
Toss your ham hocks in a dutch oven and cover with water. Add in the onion, garlic and thyme. Cook the hocks on simmer for about an hour or so. Add in the peas and the salt and pepper, These will cook on a low simmer for a little over an hour until peas are tender. Serve in bowls and garnish with hot sauce. Goes great with cornbread. If you are in need of a basic corn bread recipe check the one in this post out.
Enjoy!
don’t you start the ham hocks and let them go for several hours by themselves to get all the collagen, etc., dissolved to thicken things up?
Yes sir. I’ve got them going here for an hour before adding in the split peas but you could go up to two hours before adding in the peas. A quick short cut method is just buy a bone-in ham steak, eat half of it with your breakfast cut up the other half and add all of the above ingredients, except the ham hocks and cook all together for an hour or until tender. Less gelatinous goodness but quick and easy.
No improving on that.
If you can get Tasso ham you can make a Creole version with white peas and a roux.
You knew I would be there for you scotchy.
You’re the best! I tried to make it one time when I was super-drunk. It was shit.
Otto’s brain has life!
Not after Charles blew his ACL while KC blew the lead yesterday.
What’s going on over here?
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If she doesn’t want the sex, no one ever has wanted sex.
Is that Mandy Moore?
Jessica Alba
ARI is gonna sign Dwight Freeney. 10/26 is ARI’s SNF game. Take a shot each time Chris says “strip sack”.
If he makes an impact, I’m gonna do a post on what the Cards got for Russel Wilson’s salary this year (so far, Chris Johnson is top 5 in yards at the league minimum).
I drafted Chris out of pity, mostly. Needless to say, I’m a big fan of pity right now.
I picked him up on waivers after he was cut on Tuesday waivers before my week 3 contest. 12-team league with 20-man rosters, and I still was disgusted with myself for picking himself up. But I was desperate.
My sex life also owes a great deal of its success to pity.
Chiefs having a lousy season, then lose their best offensive weapon, and now Los Astros have blown open this ALDS Game 4, on the verge of knocking the Royals out.
Bad day to be Otto’s brain.
Charcandrick to the rescue! For me, the Chiefs issues go far beyond the guy that can hit the home run when you least expect it. I’m looking at the all-you-can-eat-buffet enthusiast.
You may not see it but there is a tiny hand up that would like to argue that point.
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