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What’s on your mind? Me? Jackson Browne’s “Running On Empty” has been on my brain for the last two weeks. I sure as hell am not going to tell you that it’s the song of all songs-it’s just there. Every day. It is god damn relentless. If someone could distract me while I attempt to watch an entire Blue Jays game for the first time in 25 years, that would be great. Seriously, what are you up to?
Your Very First Monday Afternoon Open Thread
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A female referee making a crucial call on a fumble?
Oh tomorrow’s talk radio, I already want you dead.
“Look I’m not sexist…I just don’t understand how you can trust something that bleeds for 7 days and doesn’t die”
Here comes Phillip “every sperm is sacred” Rivers.
Listening to Keith Hernandez is enough to make me want to kill kittens.
But his dyed black hair looks so natural….
Really? I think he’s fucking hilarious, once you get past the accent.
I think he’s a smug pretentious piece of shit.
One of us has to be right.
Those aren;t necessarily mutually exclusive. He’s definitely an asshole. I just find more harmless in that he’s like a drunk asshole who says whatever pops into his head.
How dare you insult that coke snorting, sexist man.
NFL 2015…Year of the Practice Squad.
The League Minimum Season.
Luke Harper should be murdering Reigns on the regular.
Whoops. Live threads are a-crossin’
Don’t cross the steams.
I always liked Steve Spurrier. I mean he is as dirty as fuck as the rest of the SEC…but he wasn’t like “I have to stomp puppies to death to maintain an erection” obvious about it like say Nick Saban.
Plus he headed up the Skins flaming out for a while. I pity anyone that has had to deal with Snyder.
Plus he never tried to pretend he was holier than thou. I respected the hell out of the dude. A true showman.
How can you not like a guy who runs an offense he calls Fun ‘N Gun.
My favorite was when his wife got in trouble with the NCAA because every year, she would send out a personalized card from him and her wishing the family of the kids on the team a Merry Christmas.
Apparently that is against the NCAA rules for the wife of a coach to send a Christmas card to the family of incoming freshman.
I do miss drinking in OB, San Diego. Damn that was always fun.
You know what else is fun in San Diego?
That may be the only scene in that movie that made me laugh.
Halftime means sideboob:
http://41.media.tumblr.com/a559274b93d0e8a510dbfc11a2f811a0/tumblr_nsxbryRtST1risr9ko1_500.jpg
Berman sounds like a drunk mall Santa.
Men who like Chris Berman think Old Spice is a completely legitimate after shave.
I just had to manually approve two different boner pill jokes because the site thought they were spam. What a country!
Boner meant something waaaay different back then.
Oh, I get it! Because Ted Nugent did “Cat Scratch Fever” and Mike Nugent has the same surname.
You guys remember that Bengals game?
I’m still convinced I dreamed it.
Why you gotta do me like that Jamaal Charles?
Pretty happy I drafted Knile Davis and stuck him on my bench.
Mike McCoy is dumber than an orgy with only two straight men attending.
Spurrier should replace Corso on College Gameday
I wish I could upvote this 100 times.
So should Hitler.
Mets are concerned about Harvey’s mounting pitch count, which is now at 69.
Nice.
Things I will do on Sundays now that the Ravens’ season is over:
1. Find out if that third kid in the house is mine.
2. Start thinking about how to celebrate my wedding anniversary that’s coming up soon. I think.
3. Complete plans to skin Berman alive, use his hide to create authentic Sioux longhouse.
4. Think about converting to Judaism to avoid having to go to mass every Sunday.
5. Purchase season tickets to Baltimore’s indoor soccer team, Baltimore Blast.
You’ll enjoy it. Autumn is awesome!
Honestly…I kind of like having the Ravens out of it early as I give less of a shit about particular games and can take in the entire league more.
One thing I love about play-off baseball is that there is now absolutely no reason to listen to Berman bumblefuck his way through the half-time show.
I am boycotting teh el beisbol, but I mute teh teevee box anyway, and just listen to depressing music.
He’s No Novak
Fuck you berman. Some of us had to work today.
Berman! Run away!
All hail Mike “I’m too old for this shit” Vick.
Starring Ronald “Mac” McDonald as Roger Murtaugh as Mike Vick!
I’ll take being half right.
Really, Steelers? You didn’t think about putting your fastest returner back there to catch the short field goal and outrun the slow Field Goal blockers.
love too see stupid-ass 60-yarders
Rivers has knocked his wife up from 60 yards before, so he’s understandably pissed that the kicker can’t make a stupid FG from that distance.
The Rex Grossman situation
That’s not the Halloween Whopper.
That’s ridiculous.
Everybody knows Jesus was a gyro guy.
Come on pick six……
Half right.
yay blue team….(meh from a disgruntled Cowboys fan).
Mike McCoy is just fucking with his kicker now.
THIS GUY PHILIP RIVERS I CALL HIM THE LAST THURSDAY IN NOVEMBER BECAUSE EVERY DAY IS A PARADE OF FLOATS
The light skinned Hispanic hit a homerun. 6-3 Mets. Still no fight. I wonder if BabaBooey is at the game.
That play execution.
http://cdn1.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/1404138/stevehides.0.gif
Gruden is constantly amazed at how QBs throw the ball before the receiver turns around. It’s like he’s witnessing the discovery of fire every damn time.
Does anyone else want Gruden to coach again, and flame out miserably, just so people stop listening to him?
Absolutely.
Woodhead as a bolt…whodathunkit.
Float time
Real conversation that just happened.
Dad: “Who’s playing?”
Me: “Steelers and Chargers.”
Dad: “Who’s the QB?”
Me: “Vick.”
Dad: “Really?! I gotta watch that. How is he?”
Me: “Eh…”
Dad: “Oh.”
Quick father-son conversations are more accurate than the Pittsburgh Steelers’ Scouting Dept.
Chip Kelly to USC or back to Oregon
Jim Tressel to Maryland
Randy Edsall back to UCONN!
We can pay him in mac n’ cheese. I hear it’s worth going to jail for.
So, Tomlin wants the ball back with 28 seconds, and Mike Vick at the helm? He deserves the inevitable pick six.
We want the ball back and we’re gonna score!
Thank god EA finally nerfed Vick this year. Makes the game a lot more balanced.
I wonder what Teh Ben is actually listening to on those headphones.
Slipknot and Veggie Tales.
Ben not understand how talky man get inside earmuffs.
Nickleback
I would say “My Little Pony”, but the thought of Big Ben at a BronyCon just fills me with terror.
#justiceforvisors
http://i.imgur.com/9AIw3LO.gif
#headgearlivesmatter
fuuu
For fuck’s sake, how do you not get to the line of scrimmage on time?!
Interestingly, Philip Rivers also once had an imaginary girlfriend. He still managed to impregnate her.
Five times.
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