It’s Your Monday Nighter Open Thread!

I don’t know how we did it. We watched a quadruple-header yesterday and there are no urine stains on the sofa. Not only that, but we’re back to watch this. I don’t use the word “heroes” very often but damnit!, we are heroes. We’ve slogged through some lousy ref calls, brain-meltingly bad throws by QB’s, shortages of beer, the nagging of significant others, carb-heavy food choices, glasses of scotch that refuse to remain full, mystifying third down play calls, kids demanding to be fed, half-hour late delivery guys and fridges/bathrooms that are much farther away from the tv than they should be. How did we do it? I don’t know-it’s a question for the ages…

Bal @ Ari: The spread here is boysenberry and ten. The Ravens are 0-5-1 against both. They are the masters of squeaking out the close loss-they’ve  done it by 6, 4, 4, 3 and 5 for an average of 4.4. Where did the .4 come from? I’m no mathemagician, but I’m guessing a failed on-side kick or a shared sack or some such. I’d just like to say a little something about Mr. Chris Johnson. The guy is 30 years old and was an afterthought when he was signed by the Cards-Ellington was the lead guy and there was this rook stud by the name of David Johnson in the wings just biding his time until he took over. CJ was done-that blazing Cop Speed that his game was predicated on was long gone. He’s not the back that can hit a home run at any given time any more because he changed his style. At 203 pounds he’s taking a pounding running up the middle. I just can’t see a similar back, say Jamaal Charles, doing the same thing at 30. Why? Because he’ll be out for the season with an injury that year as well. Well done, Chris.

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Sharkbait

Hail Bleerg

entropy

YELLOW BE THY GOD

King Hippo

THY WILL BE DONE
IN GLENDALE AS IT IS IN CHARLOTTE

entropy

LEAD US NOT
INTO POSITIVE YARDAGE
AND DELIVER US FROM DEFENSE

Horatio Cornblower

Brett Favre is now doing commercials for a razor blade. They should’ve gone with Deanna; she knows more than most about shaving a few inches off of things.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wouldn’t Ray Lewis be a better pitchman for a blade-related product?

Brick Meathook
JustStopDude

GUYS GUYS GUYS!!! When someone is lying hurt on the ground, you want to lift with the neck…

entropy

“GET ME THE STRETCHER…. QUICK…. SO I CAN BEAT THIS FUCKER TO DEATH WITH IT!!!!”

Old School Zero

–NFL Sponsored Doctors

OR

–Former San Diego Chargers Team Doctor David Chao

MikeWallaceAndGromit

#20 got fucked up there.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

DL Hughley is the latest hack-comedian-turned-disc-jockey-for-the-slack-jawed-masses.

ballsofsteelandfury

Every time I see that sleep mattress commercial with Ellie May from Justified, I think, “Goddam that’s a big chin! ”

– Jay Leno

JustStopDude
John Difool

I’m gonna splurge and get a box of Ritz crackers and some sardines. Can someone loan me two bucks to cover the rest?

JustStopDude

When I was working in Australia, we had a couple of former Rhodesians on the work crew.

Not a happy group of people. Not at all…

Horatio Cornblower

What a bunch of miserable pricks; every one of them a hundred trilionaire and still not happy?

JustStopDude

Very…racist. When I was working in one of the electrical rooms, my phone started ringing where I had it sitting on the counter. The one dude picked it up and saw my girlfriend at the time’s photo (she was the one ringing me).

I spent the rest of the time there watching out for those fuckers throwing shit at me from the top of the crane. They did not like the fact I was fucking a black chick in town.

Sill Bimmons
Horatio Cornblower

Are you sure those aren’t Kardashian implants?

Lothar of the Hill People

Gentlemen.

Turns out I’m not dead. Guess another millennial just couldn’t follow through. Fuckin’ quitters.

entropy

This new generation makes me sick. When I was a kid, we had to murder people uphill… both ways…. IN THE FUCKING SNOW

WCS

AND WE LIKED IT

Moonbatting Average

Naturally hairier: Flacco or Fitzpatrick?

WCS

Are we talking about unibrows?

JustStopDude

WHAT IS WRONG WITH GRUDEN!?!? WHY IS HE TRYING TO GIVE ME A FUCKING SEIZURE?!?!

WCS

Forsett hit the juke button there.

Stabby Pants

The Gru-mote is giving me Gru-motion sickness.

entropy

There’s something you don’t see every day…. Justin Forsett in the end zone.

entropy

Of course this will be the last team Smith plays for…. Someone’s gonna sever his spinal cord one of these games.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I might have made my second Fajita too big. I filled it with everything left so it ended up being like 3 lbs and the shell doesn’t even come close to being functional.

Old School Zero

LIKE A BOSS

JustStopDude

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Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Steve Smith Sr:
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John Difool

Dear Ravens, you can’t run the ball, plez throw it.

Sincerely Yours, The Elite League of Eliteraordinary Gentlemen

Stabby Pants

Well, the Reason they can’t run it is they can’t block anyone, and i hear you need blocking to pass.

John Difool

Not if you’re elite you don’t

Stabby Pants

It was illegal, but do you wanna tell Steve Smith that?

JustStopDude

Offensive interference by number….never mind…FIRST DOWN!

Horatio Cornblower

I was watching the rugby this weekend and some Maori on the New Zealand team got a yellow card and my son says “I wouldn’t give that guy a yellow card no matter what he did.”

Rugby players are fucking terrifying.

John Difool

That was no Hill to die on.

Horatio Cornblower

Part of me wants to move to Zimbabwe with $2,000 and see how much of the country I could buy.

But then I’d be stuck in Zimbabwe.

Brick Meathook

I went Vietnam in 2002. At the hotel I converted a US$100.00 travelers check, and they gave me one-point-five MILLION Dong, the local currency. A cab ride across town would cost 10,000 Dong, which was like 65 cents American.

Horatio Cornblower

I had a similar experience in South Africa. I changed some US money at the airport and all of a sudden I’m holding a brick of weird currency with animals on it and no shortage of people willing to haul my luggage.

It was like a Jerry Richardson wet dream.

Lothar of the Hill People

Even Michael Sam thinks that’s a lot of dong.

blordinaryfagicmox

Is that from the take-a-hundred-billion, leave-a-hundred-billion jar at the Zimbabwe 7-11 ?

WCS

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makeitsnowondem

It’s so much fun when “billion” becomes part of the name of the currency rather than the denomination.

Horatio Cornblower

/Gets back from gym
//turns on game
///puts feet up
////flag is thrown

OH FUCK THIS!!!!!

/flips over to Oprah Network
//has a good cry

Old School Zero

It was so sad when you were in Oprah’s audience ONE DAY BEFORE she gave away emancipation from lockers.

Horatio Cornblower

That’s how I got my locker; I was in the audience and Oprah was all “YOU get a car and YOU get a car and YOU…uh, you get in this locker” and then security grabbed me and now here we are.

True story.

Old School Zero

Should’ve worn pants.

Or at least underwear.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

In today’s NCAA that would have drawn a “targeting” flag.

makeitsnowondem

I can’t wait to see Ed Reed become the first college football head coach ejected for targeting.

Stabby Pants

Wow, a sign of life from the Ravens secondary.

makeitsnowondem

Okay, I’ll say it: This has been an entertaining football game with a lot of fun plays and it doesn’t suck at all.

entropy

I don’t know where you are, but I’m already afraid of the devastation the lightning bolt you just called down will unleash.

Old School Zero

The AM radio broadcast has been engaging.

blordinaryfagicmox
Sharkbait

Evening everyone.

Checking in on the last game to avoid…re-education…

Stabby Pants

This is the prelude to a back breaking 99 yard drive.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No no, if you want a backbreaking drive, you’re going to wait until Steve Smith and the Ravens get the ball back.

entropy

That’s a *heart*breaking drive.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No no, you’re thinking of Gary Kubiak calling the plays for a Broncos drive.

entropy

I think this week’s Thursday Night game should have to be played in costume.

WCS

Should’ve been Jags versus Tennessee as they’d be going in costume of pretend NFL teams.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Steelers could go as that girl from the Blind Melon video.

http://static.nfl.com/static/content/public/photo/2012/10/24/0ap1000000084662.jpg

John Difool

Nice

makeitsnowondem

Calais Campbell must be the best player 90% of NFL fans don’t know about.

blackroseMD1

Got him as my defensive player in my ESPN money league. He’s been pretty great this year.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I thought he changed his name to Mohammed Ali

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Are these guys watching razorporn?

John Difool

3rd and 27…lets run it

WCS

NFL BLITZ!

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

2000!!!!

JustStopDude
Old School Zero

Is that an Italian Euro?

JustStopDude

Netherlands.

Brick Meathook

WHAT A COUNTRY

JustStopDude

Who’s ready for a check down?!?

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

-Alex Smith

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Okay, so right now the local ads have been exclusively hot chicks shilling for auto dealerships.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…and now it’s chicks shilling for a mattress store.

Old School Zero

Een America, first you geet the cars, then you geet the mattress, then you geet the weemen.

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Brick Meathook

I’d buy that for a dollar

WCS

I had a scat team overload earlier today, too.

MikeWallaceAndGromit

How you doin’ boys?!
/toasts glass of Knob Creek

Old School Zero

why don’tcha just tip a little bit o’ that into my cup o’ cider here…

MikeWallaceAndGromit

I just may do that. I’ll be in Portland the next 2 weekends…

Old School Zero

Sweet! I’m busy this Friday, but otherwise available. Let me know! I owe you a beer.

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Halloween party as the Bullet Farmer.
WITNESS!!

Old School Zero

SO SHINY! SO CHROME!

Mother Puncher

I’m doin’ pretty we–

/spills Juicy Juice on lap.

WCS

Mother Puncher is actually Elisha, and he’s sneaking up WAAAAYYY past bedtime.

Brick Meathook

I ran out of ether and propane. I’m huffing some old carburetor cleaner I found behind the Circle-K.

Stabby Pants

Flacco: Underthrows the man on a streak, overthrows the screen pass.

blackroseMD1

So elite.

entropy

To be fair, that kind of inaccuracy IS rare, so he’s elite for all the wrong reasons.

blackroseMD1

You make a very good point there.

Stabby Pants

Steve Smith’s body must just naturally produce Cortizone at this point.

entropy

He’s the bastard with that six foot oxy I’ve been hunting.

King Hippo

He would fight it for being taller than him.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I believe Jay Cutler has had 5 different OCs during his tenure in Chicago.

I’ll just leave that here.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Yet, they all had the same plan: Throw deep, behind scarecrows.

blordinaryfagicmox

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MikeMartzColorsDontRun

THIS GUY, Chris Johnson, I call him a Mario Kart Powerup because he’s made of bullets and all he does is charge through his opponents

blackroseMD1

♫ Peyton is a fucking shill ♫

Spanky Datass

Stem cells are quite ex pen sive.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

“SHE HOME ALONE’D ME!”
I am not a funny man, but that joke was more telegraphed than a Kirk Cousins pass.

John Difool

You Like It….YOU LIKE IT

John Difool

Did I just see a fat guy who was born without a neck wearing cole bottle glasses with a white helmet on with Cortez written on the front of it in masking tape?

Pretty sure I did.

WCS

“Adversity usually brings out the best in Joe Flacco…”

Like the six hours he spent fretting when he realized he was out of lite mayo AND Miracle Whip for his white bread, mayo sandwich. He ultimately decided to order out for a box of raisins and a glass of lukewarm water.

Old School Zero

WHOA WHOA WHOA… order out? ARE YOU CRAZY!?!?! That’s RISKY!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I forgot Marc Trestman was the Ravens offensive coordinator but that is how he likes it, the more indistinct he is the more likely the guy trying to pick him out of a police line up will fail.

Stabby Pants

He’s like the Windowless White Panel Van of coaches.

WCS

Baltimore police really aren’t concerned with middle-aged white guys, anyway.