It’s Your Monday Nighter Open Thread!

I don’t know how we did it. We watched a quadruple-header yesterday and there are no urine stains on the sofa. Not only that, but we’re back to watch this. I don’t use the word “heroes” very often but damnit!, we are heroes. We’ve slogged through some lousy ref calls, brain-meltingly bad throws by QB’s, shortages of beer, the nagging of significant others, carb-heavy food choices, glasses of scotch that refuse to remain full, mystifying third down play calls, kids demanding to be fed, half-hour late delivery guys and fridges/bathrooms that are much farther away from the tv than they should be. How did we do it? I don’t know-it’s a question for the ages…

Bal @ Ari: The spread here is boysenberry and ten. The Ravens are 0-5-1 against both. They are the masters of squeaking out the close loss-they’ve  done it by 6, 4, 4, 3 and 5 for an average of 4.4. Where did the .4 come from? I’m no mathemagician, but I’m guessing a failed on-side kick or a shared sack or some such. I’d just like to say a little something about Mr. Chris Johnson. The guy is 30 years old and was an afterthought when he was signed by the Cards-Ellington was the lead guy and there was this rook stud by the name of David Johnson in the wings just biding his time until he took over. CJ was done-that blazing Cop Speed that his game was predicated on was long gone. He’s not the back that can hit a home run at any given time any more because he changed his style. At 203 pounds he’s taking a pounding running up the middle. I just can’t see a similar back, say Jamaal Charles, doing the same thing at 30. Why? Because he’ll be out for the season with an injury that year as well. Well done, Chris.

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litre_cola

I am currently chatting with Jenny my tv subscription rep online, do i ask her if joe flacco is elite?

JustStopDude

I would go with this less committal “elite-ish”

WCS

its rekwired imho ppl forgit that godbless

Saint Taint

Do it.

Sill Bimmons

of course duh

Brick Meathook

Tell Jenny that Brick says hi

Lord Joe Don Looney

Tell Jenny that I’m sorry. That has never happened to me before. If she will give me another chance I won’t be pushing rope.

Martin

During the pregame Berman(?) said Palmer deserved to go to the Super Bowl and I started laughing so hard I teared up

JustStopDude

I don’t know…it had to have been tough playing for Mike Brown all those years.

Martin

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOON’T CAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE

Stabby Pants

Why are they running? Do they feel sorry for the Ravens?

JustStopDude

Hey…not a first down! So…yeah…that is good…

Stabby Pants

Ah, Dean Pees vaunted Bend and Break and then Break Again Somehow defense.

makeitsnowondem

Gentlemen.

Sill Bimmons

Get bent.

Sill Bimmons

How many Smiths do/have the Ratbirds employ/ed?

It’s like Sheffield in the 1890s.

Doktor Zymm

Just discovered my dishwasher is broken, so it looks like I’ll be spending the first half cleaning bits of gross rotting foot out of the filter basket instead of watching this game. Considering the quality of games this weekend, this may turn out to be a more pleasant use of my time, and at least at the end I should have a nice, clean, functional dishwasher! Wish me luck.

King Hippo

spending 3 days sans dishwasher will let you know just how woefully unprepared we truly are for the zombie apocalypse

Martin

Time to deport a motherfucker

John Difool

Rotting foot? You’re not supposed to dispose bodies in that thing, that’s what wood chippers are for

Sill Bimmons

You live alone and you use a dishwasher?

Wow. That seems like a lot more work than just washing your dishes every night.

Doktor Zymm

I only run it about every 2 weeks. I haven’t had a dishwasher for the past 6 years, I’m sick to death of washing dishes by hand. Especially since I cook and use a lot of those little reusable plastic containers for lunches and things. Those are really obnoxious to hand wash and they pile up.

JustStopDude

http://www.coinnews.net/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Favored-Nancy-Reagan-Coin-Designs-510×274.jpg

Hold me close Nancy…this is going to be rough to sit through…

Don T

I’m glad for CJ too. No. 1 with a bullet.

Redshirt

For dinner I had Tofu Stir Fry.

I don’t know what I did wrong in a past life, but it must have been something.

WCS

As if being born a Cincinnati fan wasn’t punishment enough…

WhyEaglesWhy

I actually like tofu stir fry. I find the texture of firm tofu irresistible.

WhyEaglesWhy

To avoid giving the LA Snatchgoblins their first win in Sill’s league, I need Larry Fitzgerald to have a quiet night. I’m screwed.

entropy

I could use the win. Help a brother out, Larry!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Men, I just got to my airbnb for the rest of the week in Boulder. Holy shit this place is way nicer than my apartment and might be nicer than the high end hotel they put me up in last night. I’m going to cook the shit out of some rockfish and enjoy this disgusting game featuring long field goals from Justin Tucker and large doses of Flacco-derp.

Brick Meathook

You should go to bar and order a bong hit.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I know, but I’m the only person in this city who doesn’t smoke.

/commence the booing

Sill Bimmons

Do what you please.

Hoofuckingray to you having a nice stiff drink.

Brick Meathook

I don’t smoke either (or very rarely) and I’ve had a good amount of primo California medicinal bud in my freezer for like three years now.

Moonbatting Average

At a taco joint getting the Deportes feed. Might continue with that at home. Does the Spanish feed have a Gruden? “ESTE HOMBRE…”

hippofant

Let us know if you hear araña dos Y plátano!

laserguru

Holy shit. Last night in Memphis. I feel like I’ve been batter dipped and deep fried.
That reminds me. I’ve got some fried chicken from Gus’ fried chicken on the way.
We’re doing beers and shots at the hotel bar and watching the game.

Shit howdy.

Brick Meathook

Did you go to Graceland?

laserguru

Yes goddammit. We didn’t pay the 77 bucks for the VIP tour but we walked the perimeter.
It was hands down the single cheesiest thing I’ve ever been involved with.
There is an all Elvis station preprogrammed into our rental car.

Spanky Datass

The Stal Spangred Bannel?

John Difool

That’s bad and you should feer bad for typing that.

Spanky Datass

Ape and Hines Wlad Apploved … so there.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

INSTRUMENTALANTHEMSINSTRUMENTALANTHEMSINSTRUMENTALANTHEMS
INSTRUMENTALANTHEMSINSTRUMENTALANTHEMSINSTRUMENTALANTHEMS
INSTRUMENTALANTHEMSINSTRUMENTALANTHEMSINSTRUMENTALANTHEMS
INSTRUMENTALANTHEMSINSTRUMENTALANTHEMSINSTRUMENTALANTHEMS
INSTRUMENTALANTHEMSINSTRUMENTALANTHEMSINSTRUMENTALANTHEMS
INSTRUMENTALANTHEMSINSTRUMENTALANTHEMSINSTRUMENTALANTHEMS

Brick Meathook

Jimi Hendrix at Woodstock

WCS

Nothing gets white people more excited than Journey.

entropy

White person here: that’s a filthy filthy lie.

Brick Meathook

JOURNEY????? ARE YOU SHITTIN’ ME??????

entropy

Tomsula approves this band.

Brick Meathook

Actually, as far as singing the national anthem goes, that wasn’t bad.

entropy

No, it wasn’t, but I missed the introduction and just saw Miles from LOST singing on TV. Had no idea what the hell was going on.

entropy

What the fuck is this?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Wolfman before he ate 3 people and then banged his brothers wife while Rex jerked off to foot porn?

Martin

Wolfman wished he had hair that good

Sill Bimmons
King Hippo

This week in oddly specific fantasy requests. I surely would appreciate CJ2K not being outproduced significantly by Ellington, and/or the Ratbirds’ kicker not scoring a bukkake of long FGs.

Sill Bimmons

Insanity league?

King Hippo

Nope, my regular old money league, but long FGs share your insanity league spirit. He’s scored 20+ before. I have a 40 point lead, and it’s full PPR.

entropy

The start of that post did not sound like it was going to end where it did.

Sill Bimmons

50+ yd FGs are worth 7 points in the insanity league.

blordinaryfagicmox

“This week in oddly specific fantasy requests. I surely would appreciate .. a bukkake of long $#s. ”
Eh, checks out to me.

entropy

The James Bond Heineken commercial forced me to admit that I never liked Heineken… and I’ve always loathed James Bond.

Sill Bimmons

Both are relics of a byegone era.

WCS
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Ok, one more Slap Shot video

https://youtu.be/Pdi_kASSsJs?t=105

Lord Joe Don Looney

Oh Jon, please don’t say “Gashed” It feels dirty.

Sill Bimmons

So a little earlier I made the mistake of flipping to ESPN pregame.

There I was treated to RAY LEWIS SCREAMING ABOUT HOW LEADERSHIP HAS TO BE EARNED

I’ve spent the past hour using my toaster and bathtub to electroshock myself back into coherence.

litre_cola

You alright now? Or need a few more sessions?

Sill Bimmons

I threw the toaster into the dumpster because I feared for my life.

entropy

If you didn’t have White Rabbit playing,mint won’t work.

Sill Bimmons

Totes bro

litre_cola

I wish they had an R rated broadcast, the field mic’ed up, announcers allowed to swear. I believe this to be a good idea. Children can watch a bleeped out version with no field chatter, although I am sure all of those gentlemen are good church goers who don’t cuss.

Sill Bimmons

This will happen within the next two years.

entropy

My TV just tried to save me from this game by switching to another channel…. But then I realized it was the movie Alpha Dog and I realized maybe the TV doesn’t like me as much as I’d hoped.

Martin

But topless Olivia Wilde and a briefly fully nude Amber Heard and Amanda Seyfried!

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

“Baltimore is gonna find those hoes.”

litre_cola

Then deny your buddies stabbing em.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Boy, the Dish commercial looks familiar….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmynbxyfFjM

entropy

True, but for some reason, Jill from Dish Network works a little better for me.

blordinaryfagicmox

Alright this is gonna be my thing tonight: weird coins from Liberia, with the pictures all a little too big.
http://firstcoincompany.com/image/cache/data/HA/Christmas/HA-C-S-CRM-00-06-e-900×900.jpg

entropy

Oh yeah. Evenin’, all. Last night got ugly and weird in a hurry (drunken buddy knocked on the door right before the night game started, and asked, “ARE YOU GONNA FUCKIN DRINK WITH ME OR DO I HAVE TO KNOCK ON A STRANGER’S DOOR?!”), but it doesn’t appear I missed anything with that terrible Eagles game.

Here’s hoping tonight’s game is either good, or someone else gets annihilated and knocks on my door.

Stabby Pants

Alright, I’m alive. Let’s finish burying the Ravens season.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Patrick Peterson great??? Calvin Johnson says otherwise.
http://thesportsdojo.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/xXYtdFp.jpg

entropy

This…. This is just AMAZING. I think it will become my go-to response image next time I’m rendered speechless.

blordinaryfagicmox
JustStopDude

Apparently Bruce’s playbook is a symbiote that will combine with the players and force them to kill.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

…or get killed, whatever comes first.
comment image?w=640&h=332

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Gruden: I love noo-dle armed Q-Bs.

JustStopDude

Calls them “Snoodles”

JustStopDude

“Slinbacker”?

Can someone just kill me now?

blordinaryfagicmox

Killing people used to be an honest job, for honest people. Until all the slinbackers came and took our jobs.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
JustStopDude

Everyone needs to just admit that Larry Fitzgerald being too lazy to deal with selling a house, buying/renting a new place, and moving is not some noble thing.

entropy

“Look,min just really like the weather in Phienix, OK? I don’t give a fuck about winning, as long as I never have to shovel fucking snow…”

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

A wrong time at the… wrong time???
Jesus ESPN, where do you get these jokers?

Spanky Datass

“I LERNT TO NOT SAY THE WRONG THING AND LET MY BLADE DO THE TALKNG!” That’s what I took away from that tirade.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Only ESPN can make a segment about a kicker that likes rap and opera be so duuuuuuuuuuull.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Movie I have seen the most. Slap Shot. Best is probably Cool Hand Luke or Butch Cassidy

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am not sure I ever saw Nobody’s Fool. I will have to try to find it at some point.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

You’ve also got Hud, The Hustler, The Verdict, and let’s not forget Towering Inferno!

blordinaryfagicmox

I liked him in Jurassic Park.

Bugg

“Slap Shot”. Cannot stop watching it any time I happen upon it.

“Road to Perdition” gets better with every viewing. And not many established actors would allow themselves to be cast as a villain.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
entropy

That’s why Once Upon a Time in the West is so great… Henry Fonda as the villain is just inspired.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Brick Meathook

The classic Paul Newman movie ALWAYS has him cast as a loser who might win in the end but most likely doesn’t. He’s usually a likeable loser but not always. In Hud he played a complete asshole and was great.

entropy

Nobody’s Fool is one of my top five movies. God damn I love that movie (and the 3-second Melanie Grifith flash is pretty nice, too).

entropy

It’s utterly brilliant, and hit me at the just right time to clue me in that even screwups can be lovable, and you don’t have to carry every mistake with you forever.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I really just copy and pasted so I am not sure if I got the right pic

NSFW

h ttp://cdn30.us1.fansshare.com/image/melaniegriffith/melanie-griffith-nobodys-fool-lion-1346628716.jpg

entropy

You got the right pic, but without context (and Newman’s clasic reaction shot), it’s just prurient content. Damn fine prurient content, but still….

WhyEaglesWhy

The Hustler, but The Sting and Butch Cassidy aren’t far behind.

entropy

For me, the runner-up has to be The Hudsucker Proxy, because he delivers Coen bros. lines perfectly, and his disdain for Tim Robbins’ character drips through every scene.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Dear Steve Smith,
I will give you…
/Checks wallet
…$39 AND a dollar off coupon for a sandwich, if you can get -500 rushing/receiving yards and have a few fumbles tonight vs the Cards. It’ll also be really, really funny and totally worth it. Trust me.

The guy I’m playing also has a newborn that has yet to be punched… Eh? Eh?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Possible repeat from months ago. I like it so it is happening again.

http://40.media.tumblr.com/b47b1b7b8f2fd3372f640a0dbb4b52ec/tumblr_nfkudbkfO71rgjlybo1_500.jpg

Sill Bimmons

hey guys

JustStopDude

HEEEEEEEEEEYYYY ABBOT!!!!

Spanky Datass

sup

Sill Bimmons

yo

JustStopDude

Dear lord this is going to be painful to watch.

I’m almost to the point that I want to see how bad the Ravens can finish this season…

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
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