It’s Your “Hope She’s Not A Blow-Out” Fins/Pats Thread

Mia @ NE: Hope. I remember when I felt that. It was quite a long time ago but then a marriage and kids came along and it all came crashing down. The Dolphins and their dozens of fans are feeling that very same thing right now. Don’t tell them that Brady has never lost at home to them. Don’t tell them that Brady has had his biggest games TD-wise and yards-wise against them. It wouldn’t be right. Let them enjoy the fact that they crushed two lousy teams like pretty much everyone else has. You know what my doctor tells me when I’m under the weather?-“take one Texans and one Titans and I guarantee you’ll feel better immediately”. Tannehill, Miller and Campbell are getting ball-washed in the media but there’s the small matter of Cameron Wake that must be addressed. He’d been limping through the season with a hamstring pull and finally got better during the bye week. This has resulted in him collapsing his side of the line and grabbing 6 sacks in those last two victories. On the New England side of things RB Lewis is expected to play and the Pats are expected to win. Big. Look, it’s always nice to see a team get up off the dirt and start hitting back but after this game the Fins get the Bills and the Eagles on the road and a Romo-full Cowboys team at home. Welcome back to Mudville, Miami.

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Doktor Zymm

I’ve been really productive and useful this week, but one thing I haven’t managed to get done is hook up my new ice machine. Which means I have no ice. Which means my drink is warm. Dammit.

WCS

Liquor bottles + freezer = cold

See, I can science, too.

Doktor Zymm

I’m not putting dark liquors in the freezer. That way madness lies. It’s good enough stuff it’s not bad at room temp, it would just be better with a couple ice cubes.

Doktor Zymm

Also, if I had space in my freezer for a liquor bottle, I would have space for an ice cube tray.

Saint Taint

Ice is for GLOREE BOYS! Are you a GLOREE BOY?

Sharkbait

TANNICEPTION

WCS

4-3 Ice Stillers and Bills now.

Sharkbait

Go Ice Bills.

Sill Bimmons

Just saw a Coke ad.

Running to the new bodega across the street to get a Mexican Coke in a glass bottle and all will be well.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Gratliff

Literally the only thing stopping me from going back to Halo 5 at this point is that the controller is way over there.

jjfozz

Is it worth buying?

JustStopDude

How good is it?

I have had a video game system since Xbox and the original Halo. I played the shit out of that out to sea.

Gratliff

Actually, I just got it today and only got through the first couple missions on heroic. I mostly bought it for Master Chief vs. Spartan Malcolm Reynolds. Haven’t dipped into the multiplayer yet.

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Legendary or GTFO

Gratliff

Honestly, heroic feels considerably easier than it used to. Of course, it could also be the forty unnecessary abilities they give the characters in Halo these days. Back in my day, Master Chief was the Jason Voorhees to the Covenant’s sinful teenager.

jjfozz

“We don’t want the people who need to use this technology to know too much about it. So, don’t include that resource website on the information sheet.”

Sometimes I want to kill the fuck out of upper management dipshits.

jjfozz

YOU TOUCHED TOM BRADY! OFF TO THE HOUSE OF PAIN FOR YOU

litre_cola

Quite pleased with the results of my missus’ brother’s weed banana bread. Delicious with that special je ne sais quoi.

WCS

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Sill Bimmons

Down to seeds and stems over here.

King Hippo

man, that would hit the spot

JustStopDude

I got a local guy that makes banana moonshine. Holy shit is it good.

You just fucking want to kill yourself the next morning.

makeitsnowondem

I’m still pissed off about the debate last night and I need to turn down.

Sill Bimmons

Why would you do that to yourself?

King Hippo

It’s ok, man. Hillary got this.

/amazed that by comparison I am so enthused about President Hilly-Bob

litre_cola

Vote for KODOS

King Hippo

goddamnit, Miami and Pitt. You each had ONE JOB

Sill Bimmons

Not over for Pitt just yet.

If they score on this drive they get it within one score.

jjfozz

That Lexus commercial was the epitome of shitbag yuppies

Sharkbait

Just wait. It’s almost time for the ads where people give them out as christmas presents.

litre_cola

With big bows!

jjfozz

Every day for breakfast, Bob Kraft eats a baby unicorn that has been served with a fresh dinosaur egg that was brought in from another dimension.

...

Ahem…

That’s MISTER Kraft eats a baby unicorn that has been served with a fresh dinosaur egg that was brought in from another dimension.

Show some respect.

JustStopDude

Dear god Gray…that was epic!

tundrajim

Wow, I’ve got all of the side effects of Lyrica without ever having used it!

King Hippo

MAYBE LYRICA CAN HELP!

Sill Bimmons

JV Stillers back within 10.

Redshirt

THESE DOLPHINS, I CALL IT ME STUDYING FOR A MIDTERM IN A CLASS I NEVER ATTENDED, BECAUSE WE BOTH KNOW ITS GOING TO END WITH US FAILING

jjfozz

Edelman endorses Puma. That’s just extra douchey with a cherry on top.

blordinaryfagicmox

Maybe save the “snow day” commercial for when it’s actually snowing in most of the country? And am I supposed to know who these fucks are?

JustStopDude

I’m doing laundry. I went like 8 years without a washer and dryer. I don’t know how I did that.

Out of all the shit I use every day, I think I would give up my washer and dryer last. I’d give up the phone, computer, fucking tv….pretty much everything.

I also think I live a sad life that I am thinking about this.

litre_cola

Dishwasher for me. Once you have it I would never give it up. Mine broke for 5 months, it was crushing. I could live with a toaster oven, dishwasher.

Sill Bimmons

The 8 days after Sandy taught me I could live without anything electrical but an iPad.

TEN. HOUR. BATTERY.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I hope all those women signed releases before they appeared in an advertisement with THE BEN.

litre_cola

Ice Bombers score. Beating Ice Bears 2-1.

jjfozz

DAHKIES NEVAH PLAY IN SNOW. NO ONE DENIES THIS!

Col. Duke LaCross

If Matthews had made at least a token attempt at catching that ball, he might’ve gotten a flag.

Redshirt

This game is so sad, I was watching Simpsons from 2004.

jjfozz

That foghorn noise on third downs makes the IN-COM-PLETE chant in Denver seem charming

Sharkbait

Its the Bruins goal horn which makes it worse.

Senor Weaselo

And yet par for the course.

Spur

I refuse to believe Supergirl is the #1 show in the country

Sill Bimmons

MURKA FUCK YEAH

Col. Duke LaCross

I was surprised at how not terrible it was.

Sharkbait

Its CBS. Whatever crap they dump on Amrica is guaranteed to be at least #2.

...

Well, we know Jeb! watched.

litre_cola

You mean it surpassed everyones favorite, Big Bang Theory. Colour me shocked.

Sill Bimmons

Sad bazinga.

jjfozz

The Good Dinosaur looks real bad

Horatio Cornblower

I literally would not cross the street to get a free Subway sandwich.

litre_cola

But stand in line to personally punch Jared, yep I would pay for that. Only down side is that you would get that Subway smell on you

Sharkbait

I dont want to see any ads your company posts online subway!

makeitsnowondem

All these unlikely deaths by fire, and the episode doesn’t include that time Rick Perry murdered Cameron Todd Willingham because Willingham’s kids died in an accidental fire.

jjfozz

Can we have Suh kick Edelman so hard in the nuts that his foreskin magically reappears?

Senor Weaselo

Mazel tov?

Brick Meathook

Vot lezam!

Sill Bimmons

Did anyone actually see Pixels?

WCS

Adam Sandler’s parents, but, they were forced at gunpoint.

jjfozz

After sitting through Jack and Jill, a pointed gun doesn’t even register.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

You did if you saw Wreck It Ralph.

Sharkbait

Im pretty sure that’s used as torture in some secret C.I.A Prison

nomonkeyfun

Only in Japanese porn, or so I’m told.

JustStopDude

When I chop up and snort my pills…oh wait…I thought you said “Pixies”…

Brick Meathook

The security guard behind the goal post never flinched throughout that safety.

Moonbatting Average

Dolphins are on the take I see. Either that or they suck

litre_cola

BUT COOOCH CAMPBAWL LAID DOWN DA LAW

Sharkbait

Fellow Degenerates.

Year of the Safety?

Col. Duke LaCross

First it herps, then it derps.

Doktor Zymm

THESE DOLPHINS I CALL THEM LED ZEPPLIN BECAUSE THEY GOT A COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN

blordinaryfagicmox

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Gratliff

Yeah, that’s why I had no issues starting New England over Denver. Stupid, stupid Dolphins.

...

Goddamn it. I hate the NFL.

Sill Bimmons

How could a man with such a wonderful name be so terrible at the footballing?

http://s.ecrater.com/stores/28151/4f3798d75f285_28151b.jpg

JustStopDude

Keenan and Peele aren’t even trying at this point.

jjfozz

DFO – I bid you all a good evening. I also have a confession.

Even though I claim strong bloodlines to Italy and Sicily, I absolutely loathe chicken cacciatore.

Sill Bimmons

That’s because it’s Americanized garbage like Chop Suey, right?

jjfozz

My immigrant grandma made it when I was just a little kid, and I hated it then.

But then again, she made eggs in spinach with hot bread and it tasted like heaven.

Sill Bimmons

My Ukrainian mom made it when I was little.

I hated it then and haven’t had it since.

JustStopDude

I served with a dude that was born and raised in Mexico City. He actually got picked up one time by Norfolk PD as an illegal alien (you want to talk about a fucking criminal police force, read up on those fuckers).

He could not stand tomatoes, onions, and avocados. Basically he hated Mexican food.

blordinaryfagicmox
...

These Sportslocks commercials probably aren’t working as expected. Every time I think of them, I imagine a dude fucking a goat.

JustStopDude

I volunteered for an assignment in the Netherlands for two weeks.

Got told no…as I twitch too much and I can’t get my speech under control (I look and sound like I am having a stroke/seizure).

Sounded like it would have been fun. Instead, I get told I am doing a month in Detroit instead. I point out that I wasn’t allowed to go to the Netherlands because I was so twitchy. Boss says that I have to fly to the Netherlands and he doesn’t want me getting stopped at security.

“I got to..got to…f…f.f.ffuckn…fly to D…d…d.d.d.d.d.d DETROIT!”

“Nah…you can drive there”….its a fucking 12 hour drive one way.

WCS

Dutch and Detroit both begin with “D” so, there’s that…?

JustStopDude

Yeah it was real fun this week doing training. It only took me about 15 minutes to get out my name and what we were covering for the next four days.

“And and and…fe..fe.. feel free to crack joke crack joke crack jokes about my speech. Keep in mmmm mmm mind…you ff ff ff f fffucks are paying $1500 a piece to h…h…he…put up with my shit!”

Got a bunch of laughs from that.

litre_cola

I hear Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. So there is that too…

Senor Weaselo

I’m so so sorry.

JustStopDude

I spent my week of Thanksgiving vacation working in Detroit rebuilding a bunch of drives a customer blew up.

Ended up eating Thanksgiving dinner in a fucking soup kitchen.

...

So this is odd, but I really hate the fact both Ohio teams have so much orange in their uniforms.

blordinaryfagicmox

Paul Brown was a few crayons short of a full pack, apparently.

Doktor Zymm

Hey, I missed most of the first quarter, but it’s not 53-0 yet! Sweeeeeet.

Moonbatting Average

It actually is 53-0, but the Dolphins have a 46 point handicap

blordinaryfagicmox

Did Brady just audible to “Gold Cougar” ?

Brick Meathook
Defensive Back Mike Wallace

I get the overall design, but the upside down “miami dolphins” confuses me.

...

AQUAFRESH DOLPHIN POWER

makeitsnowondem

Currently watching an Unsolved Mysteries episode about spontaneous human combustion. This shit is the biochemical equivalent of trickle-down economics.

Moonbatting Average

Is that like how the rich won’t piss on us if we’re on fire?

WCS

West Virginia quarterback Skyler Howard is a proud graduate of the Rex Grossman Football Academy.