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Your Monday Night Inter-Conference Battle Between Two 2 Win Teams Open Thread

scotchnaut

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It’s not very often that a Canuck politician gets some positive media spittle beyond the 49th parallel but it happened last week when Prime Rib Minister-Elect Trudeau, when asked why his cabinet was evenly split between genders responded with, “Because it’s 2015”. Asked for comment, Tiffany Rivers responded with, “HUUUUUNNNGGGGAAAAAA-I’M PUSHING AS HARD AS I CAN!”

Chi @ SD: Let’s be honest, this is about fantasy points and hanging out on-line with guys/gals that make us giggle. By the way, Clare joins Gunner, Sarah, Rebecca, Grace, Halle, Caroline and Peter in their combined attempts at wrecking a certain woman’s birth canal.

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jjfozz

What Catler can do in his other 8 lives, after he’s finished with this one:
8. Snooty European fashion model.
7. Snooty European porn star.
6. Bored hipster in coffee shop.
5. Queen of Persia.
4. That dickhead professor who failed you in English Lit.
3. Producer of next Chicago themed tv show.
2. Matrie Di at snooty European bistro.
1. Cat who inherits a billion dollar from crazy rich lady.

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entropy

Re: #3: what’s left? CHICAGO PARKING AUTHORITY? CHICAGO BEST BUY CLERK?

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...

Jay Cutler: Surly CTA Bus Driver would be a good show.

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entropy

“But, driver, that was my stop…”

And then he can’t even be arsed to use his catchphrase.

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nomonkeyfun

Chicago Parking Authority, brought to you buy Goldman Sachs.

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JustStopDude

comment image

“What the fuck…”

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Sill Bimmons

Looks like we need another ethics in gaming journalism panel.

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JustStopDude

http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/387288/bolt_man_medium.jpg

Boltman’s out of work cousin…APPROVES!

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WCS

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...

Goddamn. It’s like Shawn Merriman, a middle-aged fat guy, and a giant foam lightning bolt ended up inside that machine in The Fly.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

NOOO!!!! If Gould racks up too many points someone will get to rename my beloved Turbulent Juicers in the DFO League!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hooray!

http://i.imgur.com/I2LSRst.jpg

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ThursdaySkyGoddess

Yesterday’s trend of missed field goals continues.

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Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Jason Verrett: Good at football

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scotchnaut

Everything I’ve read about this game indicated that he’s the next legit shutdown guy.

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JustStopDude

Holy shit…the old white dude holding the down marker…is tatted to fucking hell!

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John Difool

He can tell you all about The Sand Pebbles , it’s his life story.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

When you said “white dude” and “holding down” I assumed you were talking about Ben Roethlisberger.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

How much of the proceeds from the NFL camo gear do you think will go toward paying back the DOD for those paid patriotism events?

We’ll start and end the bidding at zero.

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WCS

I’ll start with minus one million.

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Doktor Zymm

I’m pretty sure the military has to pay licensing fees to the NFL now if it wants to keep it’s camo.

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jjfozz

I’ve found that, if you yell “BOLTS AND BEARS!” like that retarded guy in Something About Mary, you can entertain yourself during this game.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They’re both not quite ass, but awfully close.

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entropy

It still amazes me that’s the same guy who played Dan in Deadwood.

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King Hippo

The day that was pointed out to me, I almost shat myself.

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King Hippo

Laserface will scowl something fierce if you yell “HE WAS MATURBATING” within earshot.

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King Hippo

HAI kids. I just spent an hour in teh MRI tube, followed by two hours of furious Lease editing, so I could join the merriment and fade Martellus Bennett (need < 29 in PPR league). My life in a nutshell. WHEEEEEEEEEEE

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Doktor Zymm

I hear furious leases are much harder to edit than mildly annoyed leases.

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King Hippo

Oh I could tell you stories that would have you dead by your own hand within 90 seconds.

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jjfozz

MRI? You okay, bro?

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His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Eric Weddle in camoflague…when does the shootout with the ATF start?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

By halftime I expect they’ll show him digging into some survivalist rations.

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packman_jon

YA BETTA ASK SOMEBAAAAAAADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

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...

Just not on Twitter.

Lest we deal with all goddamned afternoon.

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Sill Bimmons

What happened?

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...

Somehow we stumbled onto a human spam generators that dispensed nothing but right wing talking points.

Actually, I’m not convinced we were interacting with a human.

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nomonkeyfun

I actually sort of miss when the anti-vaxxers and other nutcases showed up at the previous location.
They were crazy, but hilarious. Wasn’t that the last time we saw Otto?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

From a while back, but…

Fuck every time I see Trent Dilfer I remember that he has a Super Bowl ring….

I think the same thing every time I see Vladimir Putin.

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Sill Bimmons

DEAD MEN COACHIN’

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Senor Weaselo

That seems like a pretty tame day for Florida Man.

https://twitter.com/_FloridaMan?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor

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JustStopDude

That’s fucking stupid on a number of levels.

I mean why this year?!? Granted they aren’t good…but its not like this season was expected to be good for them. Hell, I would argue that Winston the rapist has turned out better than I expected.

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entropy

You’re looking for rational thought in FLORIDA.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He wasn’t trying to burn it, he was trying to disinfect it!

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His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

I wonder if laserface could guide a missile with his powerstare.

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...

America’s missile defense system is actually just Phillip Rivers’ stare and ability to send countermeasures into the upper atmosphere.

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Col. Duke LaCross

They should make those guys try and fold the flag the proper way.

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entropy

I’ve always wondered about that monster flag…. it still can’t touch the ground, right? But what do the individual rolls of each stripe weight?! These people can’t actually CARRY one of these things, can they? This keeps me up at night.

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Sill Bimmons

Why does the Navy still make people wear little sailor boy outfits?

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JustStopDude

13 buttons for easy access baby!!!

Arguably the best dress uniform (the blues…not the whites…the fucking whites always sucked).

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Sill Bimmons

Do enlisted guys get the cool dress blues or just the officers?

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JustStopDude

We had to buy dress blues, dress whites, working blues, working whites (those were the fucking worst…you liked like a goddamn ice cream salesman), utilities, and coveralls.

I mainly wore coveralls.

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Defensive Back Mike Wallace

INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEM

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Sill Bimmons

^

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Doktor Zymm

yup

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JustStopDude

comment image

The rare Boltman streaking….

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Dear Lord

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Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Can we just have a law that allows Pixar full monopoly on CGI productions?

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Doktor Zymm

I had no idea that climbing stacks of overlarge books was an important part of being a QB.

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...

ESPN’s bizarre CGI opening!

WITH A SEX CANNON SIGHTING!

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JustStopDude

comment image

Its the eyes…they scream pure terror…

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Brick Meathook

Thanks Lisa. SHOW THE PARACHUTERS

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Sill Bimmons

TISTS

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entropy

Hey everybody. What’s shakin?

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Michael J Fox?

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jjfozz

One day soon I’m smoking a bowl and watching all of my son’s Yo Gabba Gabba dvds. Good idea or no?

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John Difool

Everything is cool as shitb after you smoke a bowl, even Charlie Rose.

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Sill Bimmons

Never seen it.

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JustStopDude

In celebration of Veteran’s Day coming up, the government notified me that my personal information from my original security background check in 2000 was compromised…

I am consistently surprised we haven’t nuked ourselves through the years…

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Sill Bimmons

We got WOPR to play tic-tac-toe.

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WCS

The Air Force has certainly tried, on more than one occasion.

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entropy

Have you ever looked up the “Project Orion” proposal? That was EXACTLY what the idea was…. launch a spacecraft through a series of controlled nuclear explosions underneath the craft.

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...

You really don’t want to read up on the dozen or so super close calls then…

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JustStopDude

I work for a former East German missile defense officer.

Dear god I learned never to drink with him and listen to his stories. I didn’t sleep for three days afterwards…

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...

The common thread in all of the stories was the overriding sentiment that a nuclear war was fucking insane and should be avoided. Human sanity actually prevailed.

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JustStopDude

Apparently he was in a bunker and they were tracking a plane that flew out of England. Suddenly they notice that the plane was heading straight to East Germany without turning towards France like usual. The kid standing in front the glass map, marking it just keep moving towards East Germany.

So my boss hits the alarm, which sets off the entire defense command of the country and notifies the rest of the Warsaw Pact that an incoming bomber is arriving.

The dude tracking the plane suddenly wakes up. He had fallen asleep standing up and through muscle memory, was marking away.

Apparently military intelligence showed up about 10 minutes later and my boss never saw the kid ever again. He thinks they took him outside and shot him.

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entropy

I was given clearance back in 2000, too, to work in a nuclear power plant, and I also received that notice! Small freakin’ world, huh?

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jjfozz

Looks like they need some discipline
comment image

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Sill Bimmons

Chocolate Tootsie Pops suck.

“Here, little Jimmy! Here’s a lollipop where the outside tastes like the inside except not as good! Life is a cruel series of disappointments and failures!”

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

“I thought I was teaching that lesson.”

–Jimmy Clausen

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Doktor Zymm

I love the Charger’s fight song. It’s like the intro to an 80’s action cartoon. Though if that was a cartoon featuring Boltman, that would be terrifying.

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...

BOLTMAN HAS SOILED YOUR UNDERWEAR

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Doktor Zymm

What, all of it? How did he get in my bedroom?!

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Old School Zero

/flexes, claps, devil horns

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Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Replace Boltman with Black Lightning, and you’ve got a series.
http://i.cdn.turner.com/asfix/repository//8a25c392127763f00112776b1ff20001/harvey_ep002_07.jpg

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jjfozz

Personally, I will take a long flowing dress over a mini skirt every day of the week.

I will also take boobs. Cause, boobs.

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Sill Bimmons

hey guys

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WCS

Howdy, howdy, howdy.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evenin’

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Col. Duke LaCross

‘Sup?

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blackroseMD1

Hey

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Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Fuck you, Chris Berman. Even Family Guy thought that reference was forced.

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WCS

I need a big game from King Laserface to win tonight. He’s going to break his leg two snaps into this, right?

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Old School Zero

BOLTMAN SIGHTING! QUAKE IN TERROR!

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blackroseMD1

He just showed up out of nowhere.

Good thing I’m wearing my brown pants.

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...

Every time I see Boltman I expect him to yell, “KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!”

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Col. Duke LaCross

Fuck Philip Rivers.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

“Again?”

–Mrs. Rivers

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blackroseMD1

Looking at the inactives list…It looks like Rivers is going to have a hay bale and a ball of string for an offensive line.

This should be…something.

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Old School Zero

That ball of string just tore its acl

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blackroseMD1

Wow. Lasted longer than I thought it would.

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Bale of hay is gonna be tough to beat for McPhee all day and ball of string is gonna draw Cutler onto the field for quite a few 12 men penalties

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John Difool

Wait till Catler finds out there’s a ball of string on the field, hilarity will ensue.

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Doktor Zymm

The Bears are 2-5. “B” is the second letter of the alphabet. COINCIDENCE!? If they were named the Gears would they be 7-0? THESE. THESE ARE THE QUESTIONS THE NFL IS AFRAID TO ANSWER.

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Old School Zero

Meeting rappoccio for hot wings and beer for a game where both fanbases are thinking they’re going to lose.

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scotchnaut

“Only half of those people will be right at the end of the night.”

-PK

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...

Bears fan: “No we’ll lose.”

Chargers fan: “No, we’ll definitely lose.”

Bears fan: “That’s nice, but we’re totally losing.”

Chargers fan: “No! We’re losing!”

Bears fan: “Gah! Why can you just let us lose?!”

Chargers fan: “BECAUSE WE ARE SHITTIER.”

Bears fan: “NO! WE’RE SHITTIER!!”

/Bears fan and Chargers fan swing at each other simultaneously, miss, and fall face first onto floor

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...

Never. Forget.

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American Pie Story

evening

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Go Bears (and all the Chargers on my fantasy team)!

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JustStopDude

Fuck every time I see Trent Dilfer I remember that he has a Super Bowl ring….

And then I have a violent seizure….

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makeitsnowondem

Playing the last ending of Fallout New Vegas right now. GET HYPE.

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scotchnaut

Chris Pronger is going into the Hall tonight. I’m not sure I’ve hated a player in the NHL more than him. A smirking, dirty, head-hunting bully with talent that I think he squandered to some degree. Fucking asshole.

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WCS

Who thought THIS GAME was worth MNF when they made the schedule?

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makeitsnowondem

Gentlemen.

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...

Speaking of, wasn’t that gentleman we interacted with Twitter today just something special?

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makeitsnowondem

That guy was fun. I hope he’s not taking the destruction of Ukraine too hard.

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

If the Chargers can’t beat a Forte-less Bears team at home, I may see just how far I can float off my balcony.

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...

I’ve just started my second Manhattan and I suspect the Mighty Potent Floatmaster will ream my team all night.

SO HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN’, BOYS?

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scotchnaut

https://youtu.be/NPIgQdOoEV0

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