Det @ GB: Detroit hasn’t won a game in Cheese Country since 1991-that’s 23 straight times the Lions have hitch-hiked back home with a sour look on their faces. Megatron is questionable and DB Mathis is gone for the year which is strange. He had concussion symptoms then he didn’t then he did again and now he’s been thrown onto the IR. There’s more to this story of The Tell-Tale Brain. Starks gets the start and with the Lions allowing 5 yards per rush so far this year look for him to have a good ‘un. For the betting folk, the Packers are 17-5-1 versus the spread against the Lions when at home.
Dal @ TB: Six straight losses and counting-How ‘Bout Them Cowboys? Dez went off two separate times in the locker room this week because, according to Dallas apologists, he’s “a super passionate leader-type fella and totally not a thin-skinned hothead that can’t stand criticism”. At least this team has stability at the QB spot (nope), the “star” spot (nope, nope) and the ownership spot (hell naw!). Winston has now gone 4 games without an intercept while the Boys QB’s have thrown 5 in total during the same stretch. Tampa has re-jiggered their D and it has improved. How are the Bucs not favoured in this game?
Car @ Ten: The Panthers are trying to put together their very first nine-game win streak. Cam’s numbers aren’t that great-53.7 completion %, 11 TO’s and a not-sparkling 50 QBR. I blame Ginn. Despite these stats I think they’ll win against a Titans team that brings a certain something to this game. That something is…………a coaching change? I think that’s all they got.
Chi @ StL: The spread here is 7 but I think it’ll be closer. Cutler has a 108 passer rating on third downs and the Rams have 10 sacks on passing third downs. Jeffrey and Forte are listed as questionable. Looks as though Chip Kelly and everyone else except Jeff Fisher were right about QB Foles. In this pass-friendly league this wunderbear has gone over 200 yards once. ONCE! That’s not 300. That’s 200. How many times has he thrown for 2 or more scores? ONCE! And now he has to do without the calm, steady presence of Steadman Bailey. [sarcasm detector goes off] Poor guy.
NO @ Was: Cousins gets to play in the Saints secondary. For QB’s it’s a relatively contact-free Wonderland where you can do…pretty much anything your silly little heart desires with no consequences whatsoever. On O the Saints have been so impressed with the play of RB Spiller that they gave him 2 carries last week and signed Tim Hightower off the scrap heap this week. The Slurs led the league in rushing thru weeks 1-4 and have failed to reach 60 yards since. That’s four straight games of abject failure. The last team to do this in five straight was-you guessed it-the 1940 Eagles.
Mia @ Phi: This is a scorching matchup featuring the last and second-last possessors of the league’s worst QBR’s. After running for 40 yards in his pro debut, look for Fins RB Ajayi to get worked into the rush game a wee bit more. For Philly it all comes down to the question posed by Bleeding Green Nation bloggers Dave Mangel and Patrick Wall-“Will the Eagles can make next week’s three of them in a row?” I don’t but doubt they can will. Never has a fan base been so happy to eke out a win in overtime game against a 2-5 team.
Cle @ Pit: Johnny is expected to get the start today. Want to know how to maintain a sh*t franchise? Take a page out of the Browns playbook. Once you’ve assembled a dearth of talent, have the coach not play the GM’s guys. Reportedly Pettine was not happy with the drafting of Manziel and loathes playing/supporting him. In turn he is not giving RB Johnson, who is a Farmer “guy” a fair opportunity. Well done, sucky organization! “Sources” have said that Ben will be the backup to Jones today. Whoo boy, WR Brown is getting matched up against CB Desir who has no Int’s and all of 5 passes defensed this season.
Jax @ Bal: The 2-6 Jags feel that their entire season rides on this game. This seems ludicrous on the surface but you don’t swim in the vile muck that is the AFC South, do you? If any lousy team could pull off a completely impossible 8 game win streak it would have to be Jacksonville though, wouldn’t it? How’d you like to be WR Chris Givens of the Ravens? He was an afterthought on the Rams roster a few weeks ago and now he’s the go-to guy in what could be called the Baltimore passing game. Lucky guy.
This Is The Week Rob Ryan Fixes The Saints Defense: Chapter 10
Interesting note: Chapter 10 is written entirely on a single sheet of pink paper.
Miami with the ol’ “Don’t Block The Pass Rush” strategy
Factory of Sadness opens 3rd Shift to meet demands.
They are quite the committed bunch.
GODD TURLEY
Oh the derp is strong with Aiken.
Fantasy WOO!!!
Best uniform combo: Bears road
I keep fantasizing that the Bears will go all 1985 on the Rams.
Sadly, looks like they’re going to be more 1997, instead.
’85 Bears. ’85 Cubs. What’s the difference.
Well, in the 1985 playoffs, the Bears shut out the Rams 24-0, after beating the Giants 21-0.
Cousins will ne running this play from the stands.
Ladies and gentlemen…please welcome your Dallas Texas Football Cowboys. AKA my excuse for day-drinking.
http://images4.fanpop.com/image/photos/21600000/Randy-Marsh-south-park-21662828-540-405.jpg
I’m rooting for Cleveland today.
Why must you do this to yourself?
Bengals must clench division or else there exists the possibility* of a collapse and the Steelers winning the division on Week 17.
*near damn certainty
You know, Murrika does a lot of shit wrong, but Army coming out of the tunnel carrying the French flag yesterday really fucking touched me.
I was waiting for the guy carrying the French flag to trip and yell “GLAYVIN!” then take off his pads and symbolically surrender to the opposing team.
Too soon? Hell no…if we don’t laugh then the terrorists win.
This was funny, dammit.
Gonna be SO MANY Ronda Rousey comparisons today
Which beer pairs best with a humiliating blow-out loss?
/asking for a fanbase
Natty Ice
Seconded, though any and all of the Smirnoff Ice options make a good second
Turpentine.
Trick question: Cookies and Cream Ice Cream. The tears really bring out the taste.
Stay away from Natty Boh, otherwise you’ll hang close and then invariably fuck up in the end. Plus you’d have to watch Joe Flacco.
No recommendo
It’s looking like Goose Island now.
IN MOVIES; WOULD NOT BANG!
http://45.media.tumblr.com/0206b3c37698cd3acec25da649a890d2/tumblr_n9ooj3E88I1qf5do9o1_250.gif
Ok, ok, just let it go; the paper has been through the shredder.
HAHAHAHA!
http://38.media.tumblr.com/054eaf16d6f2430601f1854e3da07d7b/tumblr_n9kuwguv3U1qf5do9o1_500.gif
I see nipples.
I think we know what to do.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/72209350c9c60108f6aec51b61f25d5d/tumblr_nxapme6uce1qln34ro1_1280.jpg
Dem shoulders. Happy Hippo.
SHOULDERS TOO PERFECT; WOULD NOT BANG!!
HOT 69 ACTION!
http://49.media.tumblr.com/f0b3bb20828928e0ea6cf21207544e34/tumblr_n8lz62YMsJ1qf5do9o1_400.gif
That dog is drunk
http://49.media.tumblr.com/0d75f7e6de1ea7ea5c7f28bbede31759/tumblr_n9kxmeTipP1qf5do9o1_400.gif
DOG ALSO HAS LONG NECK; WOULD NOT PET!!
LMFAO
It would be been more moving if they sang La Marseillaise before the Star Spangled Banner.
Did…did…did Cutler look like he cared during that Paris moment of silence?!?
All those vaccinated casualties. Also, it’s early. Clearly your eyes are bleary.
Hot damn, they were not fucking around about that being a “moment” of silence
Was fully expecting a handful of air horns to go off. Pleasantly surprised.
I’m going against Kamar Aiken in my money league, and I bet this is the thing that beats me. Pills will help. Pills are always the best answer.
Also, I has a nice tuna steak in teh oven. Mmmmmm.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/0c17c8c3476a5104f7ea96193ca7d014/tumblr_n9kxouRqrc1qf5do9o1_400.gif
Moose! Quit posting the beginning of my dreams!
Looks like I get Factory of Sadness versus the Homestead Steelers. This should be interesting.
How do you think Jason Pierre-Paul will do today?
http://41.media.tumblr.com/e1125c68ce675e7c16d7096a95546326/tumblr_nvxempCOld1ric2iqo1_1280.jpg
Speaking of emptying weapons…brb.
NEVAR try to outfinger Superman imo
Though SuperGirl looks like she’s appreciate a good fingering.
Jeb Bush likes this comment.
Welkaahh active today, so I might get to watch the final game of his career.
http://36.media.tumblr.com/dc570239d30b06542d27c9c7ab3b22ac/tumblr_nvru7mG1Ni1qzsnxyo1_1280.jpg
Welcome to Team Hilly-Bob, everyone. Resistance is futile.
HAI, fellow degenerates. Hope you took my advice and DVR’d that Wazzu/UCLA game. Though dunno whether to be more uncomfortable with Leach putting Falk back in or Mora letting his defense blatantly go a-head huntin’
GO OLIVIA MUNN’S SHOPPING BUDDY, WILLIE SNEAD, AND RAIDERS DEFENSE!!!!
So is it wrong to read, “Marshawn Lynch questionable (abdomen)” as tummy troubles from eating too much candy?
And now an update on the digging adventures of my dad:
After digging a hole to uncover an electrical wire so my dad could get a gas line put in, my dad decided to dig a trench to direct water away from the house to our underground well. I asked if he needed help, but he said he could do it. He took his careful time to avoid the electrical wire…and then promptly cut the gas line with a shovel.
Dads. Can’t live with them. Can’t let them perform simply yard work unsupervised.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/28ba88d660b3bc20d5823a2e464e2bf4/tumblr_mxfzshD02T1qf5do9o1_400.gif
Since fashion models seem objectionable; here is Lena Dunham. Maybe more up you alley.
http://i.huffpost.com/gen/2481000/images/o-LENA-DUNHAM-facebook.jpg
I prefer Lena Headey…but maybe that’s just me.
http://images.latinpost.com/data/images/full/4971/lena-headey.jpg
http://24.media.tumblr.com/c4b8f12016e305d4b6d36ae8d7c5d3af/tumblr_mkws36UgVu1ry10fwo1_400.gif
Just trying to please based on previous comments.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/33304619bb4126424ec395c0b971c862/tumblr_ngik34H8uh1qf5do9o1_400.gif
That shirt doesn’t look very warm.
Her face looks like it got looted at Ferguson.
Last leg. See you soon.
Usually sitting on the Rahway platform sucks, but when you can have a smoke and the wifi actually works it’s not so bad.
Of course, then the two guys trying to play their music over one another show up.
YOU WIN AGAIN UNIVERSE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGTuuj-aTJs
Chi-Raq already looks like Spike Lee’s worst movie since Bamboozled. Hell, it looks worse than a Tyler Perry movie.
/Yeah, I went there. I have no regrets.
DEZ IS JUST PASSIONATE ABOUT THE GAME YOU GUYS!!!!
I don’t think Brady sounded too sincere describing his respect for the Giants. Hmm.
Maybe he respects that the Giants defense are fantasy enablers.
Gentlemen.
Wombat.
Person that comments.
Carbon-based life form.
Mammal.
Soooo…Ronda Rousey kinda got her ass kicked last night.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7KZtw9aZeDY/U6nQgekcOvI/AAAAAAAADPY/CkP9m1s3DZs/s1600/bfdidc.gif
Well, at least it proves her mother right that her coach is a moronic, bankrupt jerkoff who needed to stop trotting out listless punching bags for her to wreck fight after fight.
Admittedly, my interest level was low. But I was amused by a headline calling it the upset of the century. I forget which website that was.
The upset of the century was me taking a long-necked blonde home for the night and still having the energy to intercourse after we got through with the necking.
I have also had un-paid-for sexual congress. MOAR THAN ONCE.
BUHLEE DAT!!!
Speaking of listless punching bags ………
We have Cole Beasly doing Tide commercials now? How special…
PeyPey gon git dat yardage thing today. I do have PeyPey at #1 QB all time, in terms of Degree of Difficulty.
The motherfucker got Irsay and the Dung a ring. In the city of Indianapolis.
IRSAY. DUNG. INDY.
Even with those January derps, that is some serious Ninja Gaiden/Battletoads NES bullshit he pulled off.
C’mon Cousins-he’s my “fucked up my bye weeks fill-in QB” today.
hey guys
Hola!
How’s teh go goin’?
Fella.
Ok fuck it. It may not be a DFO meet up, but I’m going to the bar for at least the early slate. I keep forgetting the upside to your team not playing on Sunday is no reason to scream in public.
Stay tuned for details on an NYC get together in the next couple weeks.
If it’s NYC, I’m busing my ass in from eastern PA. There is no way I’m paying holiday rates for a hotel in NY, or even trying to drive after drinking with you guys.
http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/simpsons/images/7/71/Fort_sensible.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20130415182811
9 hours by bus from Ottawa. Hmmm.
Make a weekend out of it!
Fall is the only good season in NYC, so you would have that going for you.
Which is nice.
So I’m considering the purchase of a new gaming system. PS4 or Xbox? What say you, gamer nerdy types?
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uNgX46PFyag/UpkAj9lbcNI/AAAAAAAAAj8/OyUWptSNntM/s1600/sexy-girl-is-playing-video-games.gif
Most people seem to be leaning PS4 now, but if you’re a Halo guy, then you’re stuck, I guess. Still, if you go for last year’s model XBone (with the 500GB drive as opposed to the 1TB one and no Kinect camera, which personally I find Orwellian as fuck), then it’s like $350 now. Not bad at all.
I don’t care which system I just want to be her chair.
I’m curious as to what game she’s allegedly playing.
PANDER DOME 3!!
http://41.media.tumblr.com/840fef11bd441eaa3ef5aaac4507c49d/tumblr_nctzgbj5Rp1ric2iqo1_1280.jpg
Mike Glennon’s girlfriend?
Top model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley; NECK TO LONG! WOULD NOT BANG 1/10!!
http://cdn.rsvlts.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/Rosie-Huntington-Whiteley-Maxim-Portugal-05.jpg
Holy shit, can you imagine their offspring?
http://images2.fanpop.com/image/photos/10500000/Long-neck-bartholomew-jay-simpson-10536693-200-200.gif
What is….if Tom Brady and Ivan Drago had a female(?) child…..?
OK, maybe more your taste.
http://36.media.tumblr.com/6987e4f8b799b3da95c4bd936aeefe31/tumblr_nvxf9qig0a1ric2iqo1_1280.jpg
He flew the shit outta the spaceship in Prometheus. And was a badass in something else I can’t quite recall at the moment.
Luther? Awesome show.
Oh hell yea, I’d go gay for him.
Good point; I’d fuck him too. He’s a god damn handsome motherfucker.
That’s Stringer Bell.
Motherfucker needs to get got.
TOO TALL AND BLOND; WOULD NOT BANG 2/10!!
http://www.zasme.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Rosie-Huntington-Whiteley-Maxim-July-2011-USA-Scans-rosie-huntington-whiteley-22940060-1288-1746.jpg
Chicks like that are a dime a dozen up here. In fact, just the other day I was saying, “long-necked models should just leave here and go back to their own country-they make getting model work for our Canuck models that much tougher”.
http://static6.depositphotos.com/1003496/655/i/950/depositphotos_6559788-Fat-woman-in-winter-hat.jpg
Here’ one for Balls; SOMETIMES WEARS HAT; WOULD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT BANG!!
http://www.withoutlipstick.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/rosie_huntington_whiteley_mary_katrantzou_jacket_220513.jpg
DOES WEIRD PHOTO SHOOTS; WOULD NOT BANG!!
http://www.reviewstl.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/rosie-huntington-whiteley-sexy.jpg
WORKS FOR LARGE CORPORATION VICTORIA’S SECRET; WOULD NOT BANG!!
http://www.aupaysdegally.fr/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/Rosie-Huntington-Whiteley.jpg
So Seamus-are you off the hook?
Nope. Decided to take the hit for future considerations.
Plus my moonshinin’ uncle is gonna be there…so there’s that.
http://uproxx.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/archer-moonshine.gif?w=650
STATUS: urge to drink rising despite Giants game being 4 hours away.
SNL Observations:
1. Kate McKinnon: Good at humor
2. Can we replace Colin Jost with Pete Davidson? Also, can Michael Che take more screentime from Kenan Thompson?
3. Elizabeth Banks: Ladies and gentlemen, Disclosure…
Me:
Is SNL still a thing?
But yeah…yay Elizabeth Banks. She makes me want to hire a realtor and I’m not even selling my house.
Yup, and like always it’s hit or miss.
And yes, Elizabeth Banks is fine. She’s also a decent host.
YELLOW CHAIR 1/10 WOULD NOT BANG!!
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8m0ASemcEIA/USoLwi7SHXI/AAAAAAAACXU/xfvc5RbxVZY/s1600/Elizabeth_Banks.jpg
OH SHIT
https://twitter.com/TheWarNerd/status/665926876041494528
That’s one of the reasons I didn’t go into Public Relations.
Wonder if they are sure that was an ISIS guy or just one of the pro-democracy ones fighting Assad. Russian military has not been know to discriminate targets very clearly. Hopefully it is one of the ISIS assholes.
80% of Russia’s air strikes have hit non-ISIS targets.
The one time a month I am off an entire Sunday, and holy shit these early games…
Luckily, I get what might be (emphasis on might) the only decent game here: CHI/STL.
On CBS. For some reason.
Well, the Jets have already shat the bed for this week, so now I have no idea what to do with myself. I mean, yeah, I’ll be drinking, but it just won’t have that same touch of desperation and despair that it would if Gang Green were on the field fucking up my mood.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/28529510606cb1feffcb1f317209d566/tumblr_np9czjhpMc1r1d5rwo1_500.jpg
Oh, so THAT’S how you’re going to play it today, huh?
Yes; he’s pointing at ………YOUR BALLS!
DON’T MAKE ME WEAR PANTS!
Claws don’t tickle.
I’m not wild about the new Jaxson De Ville.
OK, I laughed.
I tried to get this up earlier but damn family got in the way.
/I do actually love my family
http://38.media.tumblr.com/7444edb50cd09efa732ac3bb20c779f5/tumblr_nfhpakOBrc1qf5do9o1_400.gif
Dude….I say that to myself on a nearly daily basis lately.
/I do actually love my family