Your Early Afternoon Slate Open Thread

Oak @ Det: The Raiders have given up more than 400 yards rushing their last two games. They have a chance to get things under control against a Lions run game whose best individual performance this year is 56 yards. (6 QB’s have done better than that so far) The Lions stunned the Pack and pretty much anyone that has a functioning cortex last week. The secondary came up big but they’re banged up this week. You may want to start TE Ebron this week-the Raiders have given a TD to opposing tight ends in 8 out of 9 games this year.

Ind @ Atl: Both of these teams can’t stop anyone at this moment in time so I think that this tilt will be a high-scoring affair that leans towards the home team. Look for the Colts O to adopt more of a West Coast look to in order to better exploit Hasselbeck’s skill-set. That means short crossing routes galore and a heavy dose of the Gore. Atlanta has gotten lucky this year. They’ve played against 4 QB backups so far and sport a 3-1 record against them. They get their fifth in Hasselbeck.

NYJ @ Hou: S Pryor is back for the Jets and the team couldn’t be happier. With him in the lineup opposing QB’s had a 3-6 TD/Intercept ratio. Without him it’s 12-4. Of course injuries to Skrine, Bailey and Cromartie (that’s just the DB’s) may have been a factor as well-I’m not a scientist. If your running game consists of handoffs to the likes of Grimes, Polk and Blue, I’d guess that you’re in a world of trouble going up against the Jetski’s massive D-line and capable ‘backers. Here’s something you don’t usually associate with a 4-5 team. Houston hasn’t allowed a touchdown in 10 straight quarters. JJ Watt will be the first to condescendingly tell you that it’s a team effort but the first to think to himself that it’s all because of him. Yee Haw! TJ Yates gets fed to the wolves today.

TB @ Phi: Tampa is 3-2 in their last five which doesn’t seem like much until you compare it to being 3-23 before that. (slow) Progress! We do like to make fun of HC Smith’s in-game decisioning but his D has responded very well as the season has progressed. The talent was there all along-LB’s David and Alexander, DE’s McCoy and Smith and S McDougald all have above average talent and it’s beginning to shine. Lock up your daughters-it’s Sanchez time. Pedo brings his awesome 4-4 record to bear on an adequate offense that is having trouble scoring. Versus last year at this time the Eagles are down a full converted TD per game. Have teams figured out what HC Kelly is putting out there or is the system held down by god-awful QB play? I’m leaning towards the latter myself.

Den @ Chi: Methinks this is the game that will grab the attention of the majority of zee commenters. I mean, it’s got everything. It’s just that it would take too long to list them all. This one doesn’t look good for Denver, does it? The D has fallen apart and now they’re up against a cool cat at the QB spot that has a scorching 82.6 QBR since week six. Can Osweiler throw beyond 15 yards? A guy like WR Sanders might end up appreciating someone doing that. Denver hasn’t lost three in a row in 4 years until now. Langford has done much more than just fill in for Forte. Jeffery is a game-time decision as is Forte. Don’t you think they’ll keep both out of the game so that they’re good to go against Green Bay in 5 day’s time? If the Bears can get these two wins their season can be turned around in very short order.

StL @ Bal: HC Fisher must be desperate, turning to QB Case Keenum and his 34.5 QBR. His Rams coaching obit will most likely have “Against all common sense, he gave the reins over to Keenum” figuring prominently. Which brings us to the question of “how long will it take for Sean Mannion to get a look-see?”. If you are a Balti-moron (sp?) and are at the game you will get a commemorative coin today! You can use it to not-buy an imitation McCrab cake at your local McDonald’s.

Dal @ Mia: “Huzzah, Romo’s back!” say Cowboys fans and certain fantasy owners much like myself. What? At least I’ve still got my…..uh, thing? [checks] Yes, I still have my thing. Dallas is -2 and I’d jump on that like a Texas hick would his cousin. Suh sure does like his Campbell. He’s more than doubled his tackles, has 4 sacks and has disrupted 8 passes. It’s just a matter of time before he feels like his old self and steps on someone’s face.

Was @ Car: Cousins helped himself to the N.O. D and yours truly to a blow-out fantasy win in my money league. The Slurs have allowed 150 rush yards in 5 straight and it looks to be 6 after today. In PFF overall standings the Panthers have jumped ahead of the P*ts as the number 1 team. This means very little. Ginn bounced back last week but pre-season fantasy darling Devin Funchess gets his very first start today. At 6’5″ and 230 he’s a load.

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MultiMigsDown

Sharkbait

I can finally leave work and commence with the drinking in 10 minutes

I think i need to get up and talk a walk.

Doktor Zymm

Godspeed good sir.

Romonobyl

Really Miami…Quiet Riot?

Dick E. Phuck

Osweiler would be a great TE. If only he had played basketball.

Doktor Zymm

The best thing I found via my flag related googling :

Sill Bimmons

As someone has mentioned here before, Cam Newton is everything the fundagelicals/Floridians wanted Tim Tebow to be.

King Hippo

Well, he’s not white or a Republican, but he DOES like girls. So there’s that.

Sill Bimmons

Footballing-wise.

King Hippo

I know, I just wanna make with teh joke

King Hippo

“That’s a real killer for Chuck Pagano”

Hey now, you’re gonna hurt his cancer’s feelings!

Redshirt

What the hell, Bears?! I only went to get a beer and you’re already punting?

King Hippo

Carr to Crabtree, c’mon

Sharkbait

NO! Cooper!

Sill Bimmons

Something told me to go against Nacho today.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Common sense?

Redshirt

They’re called “common sense” and “past experience”.

Sill Bimmons

I’m going with Woman’s Intuition.

Gratliff

SURE IS A GOOD THING WE GET RID OF EVERY PLAYER WHO HAS EVER SUCCEEDED IN THIS OFFENSE. WOULDN’T WANT A GANG MEMBER 5-TIMES REMOVED/POOR TIPPER/SOULLESS GINGER SCORING ANY POINTS.

Sill Bimmons

The Washingtons got so fucked on that call against Chris Culliver something something gay joke.

Doktor Zymm

Well, Culliver does hate teh gays.

Sill Bimmons
John Difool

Sure they got fucked but there was really no need to prolong the inevitable.

Doktor Zymm

As much as I’m a Skins fan, the Panthers are one of the teams with a realistic shot at the Super Bowl that I don’t hate. As such, I really hope they don’t get any significant injuries while bulldozing my home team.

Gratliff

I never fully appreciated the casual racism of football fans until Richard Sherman dared to have a high opinion of his football skills. Now, all I want is Cam Newton lifting the Lombardi while wearing a Superman with the S shaped into a diamond-studded dollar sign.

Doktor Zymm

Fuck and yes. Did you read that Tennessee mother’s letter?

Gratliff

It was delicious. The only way it would have been better is if her daughter started twerking from watching the cheerleaders.

Doktor Zymm

I’m highly doubtful that her daughter actually made the comments attributed to her. Though, with that mother I suppose anything is possible.

God damnit Jets

Redshirt

I’ll take NFL Team Fight Songs for $400, Alex.

John Difool

Just because you represent D.C. doesn’t mean you should compete with Embassy Row for the most flags.

Doktor Zymm

I thought it was the Kennedy Center “Hall of Nations” they were going for 🙂

John Difool

Or maybe the U.N.

Doktor Zymm

I’m gonna go google “largest flag collection” now. I hope you’re happy.

John Difool

My work here is never done.

Redshirt

I feel the Washington [*Redacted] s should be outlawed. Not the name. The organization itself.

Old School Zero

So say we all.

John Difool

If they do change the name it should be to The Washington What The Fucks

Sill Bimmons

HAIL BLEERGH

Dick E. Phuck

Winston kinds of remind me of Cam Newton if Cam were a slow-fat-asshole-rapist.

Old School Zero

Fantastic.

...

Wait, how exactly is “asshole” modifying “rapist” in this context?

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

And yet, he’s still more popular than Cam.

Doktor Zymm

Which lucky wild card team gets to play an NFC East team?

King Hippo

GB/Minny division runner-up

Glorious Chairman Dan

Why do I even watch this team? Got my hopes up like a fucking moron before the refs fucked us and the Skins turned into themselves…

Doktor Zymm

Never hope.

Glorious Chairman Dan

I keep forgetting that maxim.

Dan Snyder, delenda est.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Curt Menefee just unleashed a slew of awful puns. I feel violated.
http://www.ent13.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/stormtrooperrape.gif

Gratliff

FFS Philly. All you had to do was beat a god awful Bucs team to be in first place.

Doktor Zymm

You know what rhymes with “soar?”

Poor, Eagles. Poor.

bourb0nblues

Nothing says going for the kill more than a screen pass.

Gratliff

NFC East gonna go full NFC East today.

John Difool

Blows the mind that one of these teams will actually go to the playoffs.

Sill Bimmons

And host the first game.

Doktor Zymm

How adjective would it be if the Dolphins swept the NFC East?

Sill Bimmons

Satellite.

Gratliff

Winston has had like 4 picks dropped today. Hatred rising.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

True to FSU QB tradition…

entropy

Adding flag to injury in Carolina.

Gratliff

That sequence in Miami just did Gregg Easterbrook’s job for him

Romonobyl

Crapsticks!

entropy

This cliche-ridden Budweiser commercial is th “Right Now” of beer commercials.

Sill Bimmons
Doktor Zymm

comment image

Brocky

Also fuck the colts. Reverting back to their status as secretly being the league’s dirtiest team.

Gratliff

Flagception on RedZone. Good indication.

Brocky

Luis Guzman is stuck doing tv, while kevin james is making movies.

I don’t even particularly like guzman, but damn

THE BRAIN!

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

How the fuck does a team only have 57 yards passing, AGAINST DETROIT?!?

...

Okay, cynical me actually liked that Eagle cam shot. It would be really fun to have wings.

Romonobyl

I’m more of a fried cheese stick man myself, but to each his own appetizer.

Sill Bimmons

Let’s try that again…

Luke Kuechly:

http://sports.cbsimg.net/images/blogs/luke-kuechly.jpg

Sill Bimmons

comment image

Sill Bimmons
bourb0nblues

McManus points accrued.

King Hippo

It hath been so goddamned long

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

WELCOMEBACKROMODOWN!!!
comment image

Romonobyl

ROMOBOMB!

blackroseMD1

That’s not Dez! Dammit.

blackroseMD1

Another pass to Not-Dez!

Hey Cowboys, can you put Matt Cassel back in please?

Redshirt

CBSsports.com is trying to say that Ohio State is still in the College Football Playoff conversation. I haven’t seen bullshit like that since I had to explain to my parents how I got two C’s, a D and an E in my third quarter of collage.

entropy

You had to take collage four times?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

A lot of people go to school for 8 years

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

fucked up that quote but no edit button

Doktor Zymm

I was trying to spell the Latin word “Ecce” with my grades, but accidentally passed that one test. “Dcce” isn’t even a word. SMGDH.

...

For some reason, college football will never let go of the manufactured controversy rankings provide.

Gratliff

Jameis Winston has 3 TDs on 93 yards passing.

/vomits

entropy

Wow this Packers/Lions promo is full of stereotypes, even for the NFL.

blaxabbath

Please tell me there is a [*Redacted] s commercial still in the wings!

Bortleback

A [*Redacted] s ad would be footage of Dan Snyder swimming in a pool full of money, intercut with this:

http://i671.photobucket.com/albums/vv74/randylovin/Misc/Indian.gif

blaxabbath

Did Detroit pick a 1st Grader to rep them their TNF commercial because he’s the most educated man in town?

Doktor Zymm

How does one decide to name their spawn “Brock”?

blaxabbath

They probably let Skyler have input.

entropy

Choke on a chicken bone while trying to say “Brian?”

Bortleback

Lose a bet

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

comment image

Romonobyl

Ever notice how especially unappealing Budweiser commercials are when your thoroughly hung over?

Romonobyl

Can’t even spell “you’re” right.

...

Budweiser is such a shitty beer that I’ve actually had hangover symptoms from drinking it before I start to sober up.

entropy

I won’t drink it (this from the guy who downed a case of Mich Ultra a few weeks back, remember) because I get headaches after my second beer from all the shitty preservatives.

blackroseMD1

I have now.

Funny how you never see a commercial for Fireball. That actually sounds somewhat appealing right now.

entropy

I note Jameson doesn’t have to advertise, because everyone knows it’s good and good for you.

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