Your Monday Night AFC East Disemboweling Open Thread

Let’s not regard this game tonight as the end of week whateveritis but see it for what it could be. This, this my friends is the beginning of a long, glorious week of sport-making that could cause the most loyal and understanding of significant others to say, “You’re watching sports AGAIN?”. Whatever you want you’ll get it. NFL Football? Natch. European football? Got it. Hockey? Got it. College AND NBA basketball? Got it. Something that is not-Baseball? YOU ARE COVERED. It’s a perfect ksunami (I prefer the silent “k”) of wonderfulness that is rarely equalled. Think back to the last week of July…..it was a living nightmare wasn’t it? Now fast-forward to today. This future’s so goddamn bright I’ve gotta throw shade. So watch that Cavs game tonight. Take in the Rangers. Check out the Spurs. I’m going to grab a piece of the LSU/Marquette tilt ce soir so that I can see with my own two eye-holes what the big fuss is about with this Ben Simmons kid. Don’t fight it. Just let the myriad sports options wash over you and bathe in their luxurious, soapy…umm, gotta go!

Buf @ NE: There are two scenarios here. 1. It’s a blow-out right out of the gate, like Secretariat at Belmont-level. 2. Rex comes up with a great game plan, hangs with the P*ts and goes in tied or slightly ahead at half-time. The problem is the damn mother-lover that coaches the home team will make the necessary adjustments and Rex will spend the second half looking up at the Jumbotron and thinking, “Huh, well that’s not working any more”. After the two touchdown loss he’ll wander into the press conference and talk about “key errors”, “lousy execution” and “he out-coaches me every time because my in-game defensive changes suck balls”. Happens every time.

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Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

AH GAHD THERE’S STILL ALMOST NINE MINUTES LEFT IN THE 3RD QUARTER

Sill Bimmons

ECCCHHHHHHHHHH

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
jjfozz

YOU WILL NEVAH NOW THE PAIN OF THE INAHDVERTAHNT WHISTLE! NEVAH!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I expected that and still laughed; well fucking done.

jjfozz

Your avatar scares me. What is it?

Why Thank You Eddie

Hey Ultra Man muthafucka. Never charged up before the big fight. Hiyata, you suck too.

Why Thank You Eddie

Is it true? This is..gud..game?

Sill Bimmons

no…no

Doktor Zymm

It’s already surpassed my most optimistic expectations.

Redshirt

Only because the Pats are getting screwed at home.

JustStopDude
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Poor crab.

jjfozz

If I had attempted what Gilmore just did, I would have broken every neuron in my body

nomonkeyfun

That’s why you shouldn’t screw a Mother and Daughter at the same time.

Sill Bimmons

THE EXECUTIONERS SONG

Old School Zero

Brett Favre night: you didn’t ask for it, but at least it’s short.

The Maestro

That’s some fucking bullshit.

I have literally zero right to complain, but that’s still some fucking bullshit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It’s a touchdown; where is he down before touching the pylon?

The Maestro

No, that was the right call, I’m just salty about the whole sequence of events after the phantom whistle.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Got; you are right: don’t complain.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Got it; you are right: don’t complain.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, that worked well for me.

Senor Weaselo

Aww, I don’t want to register for a WSJ account.

Doktor Zymm

Huh, it didn’t ask me to register. I guess my years of putting “Fake Name” as my name and [email protected] as my email address are finally paying off.

Redshirt

I just use [email protected]. So far its been working. Oh wait, there’s a knock at my door.

jjfozz

The Inadvertent Whistle is the Tuck Rule of this season

Redshirt

Before Deflategate, that’s not a touchdown.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Looks like one to me; where is he down before touching the pylon?

bourb0nblues

Appleton for everybody!

makeitsnowondem

Well, Jon, the Patriot fans have every right to be furious, having watched their team win several titles with every possible bit of assistance from the on-field officials even as that same team sought every available illegal advantage, but then having seen the Patriots not get that one call.

Old School Zero

They truly are the team for the 1% of the 1%.

Old School Zero

Did these refs get their certifications from Hollywood Upstairs Dumbfuck School?

Sill Bimmons

I failed out of the neurology program there…

Old School Zero

Well, you’re not a dumbfuck, so go figure.

Redshirt

This may be the first time the Pylon Cam gets used in a replay.

Sill Bimmons

THAT’S A FUCKING TOUCHDOWN

Why Thank You Eddie

Ah ah ah! In Bawstawnese please. That’s a faaaackin touchdown.

Sill Bimmons
Why Thank You Eddie

I’d gladly pay you Tuesday for a Buffalo Wing today.

Senor Weaselo

Wish Gostkowski did that at the end of last week.

jjfozz

Dear Nissan, that commercial makes as much sense as having Antonio Cromartie endorse Trojan condoms

Old School Zero

WHO’S WIDE RIGHT NOW MOTHERFUCKERS?

Sill Bimmons

THAT GUY FOR THE SHITRIOTS

makeitsnowondem

lady snow and I just watched videos of clouded leopards and does anyone know a rare animal merchant?

Old School Zero

I might know a guy named “Mister Lizard” who might know a guy.

No, for real.

Sill Bimmons

I’d kill you if I thought you wanted to do anything other than passively observe it in its natural habitat:

http://events-media.nationalgeographic.com/media/images/photos/052709-dc-winter-tp__jpg_610x343_crop_upscale_q85.jpg

jjfozz

This inadvertent whistle could be worse than ebola

makeitsnowondem

I fucking hate this league.

Old School Zero

Right?

Sill Bimmons

RITE???1

Old School Zero

RY8!

Senor Weaselo

Yeah, this league does need a stratospheric bassoon solo!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PkX5rJ8NsT8

JustStopDude

Ask the old man to give me a ride to pick up a rental car in the am. He proceeds to give me shit for taking it to a dealership…even though I knew the car is still under warranty and I have zero tools at my parents place to fix a fucking transmission.

Here is the fucking hilarious part. In the course of twenty four hours, I have fixed the kitchen sink, replaced a broken toilet, and rewired the wiring to the fucking power box becuase every time my mother would start the washing machine, half the damn house would go dead.

I’m getting shit from a man who can’t change a lightbulb without starting a fire or shocking himself.

At least he has stopped giving me shit about my girlfriend…

Sharkbait

You havent killed him yet?

JustStopDude

I love him…he’s my old man…but dear god if we are in the same room for longer than six hours, we want to murder each other. We both like to piss each other off constantly.

Sill Bimmons

I used to only fix brains.

Even then, not usually.

Shogun Marcus

I used to fix families, but they always came with parents.
So now just kids.

jjfozz

NO DAD, WHAT. ABOUT. YOU?

Old School Zero

HAIL BLEERGH!

hippofant

INTERCEPTION GREEN BAY!

Col. Duke LaCross

TOUCHDOWN SEAHAWKS!

Sharkbait

Wonder if this will get immortalized in the MNF intro

jjfozz

Perky in pink
comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sharkbait

Tunison must be bored.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, I was hopin’ she was doin’ the rapin’.

Why Thank You Eddie

Damn! Knew we should have checked on Christmas Ape.

Doktor Zymm

Looks like Catler and Kristin had another vector, named “Saylor”

Brick Meathook
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

My dad used to fly in those.

nomonkeyfun

I never knew that we should call you Mr. Tibbits.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It was a couple years after that particular flight.

jjfozz

I want Cam Newton to win the MVP, because it will piss off Patriot fans on so many different levels.

Bugg

And Peter King.

Sill Bimmons

Especially Perter King.

Old School Zero

I fucking hate Perter King.

Sill Bimmons

Sor dor Ir.

Sill Bimmons

Pretty sure disembowelling has two “L’s” in the Queen’s.

Why Thank You Eddie

Jameis: So NOW whose the bad, rapey, crab leggin’ stuffing, pussy right in the fucked man on the block? What? Oh yeah. Its still me.

Bugg

Opening scene to “Fargo”-HOLY SHIT!

Why Thank You Eddie

I’m saving it! I’m saving it! Oh lord its gooood isnt it! CAAAANT WAIT!

Horatio Cornblower

That’s it, I’m watching last week’s and rolling into this week’s.

nomonkeyfun

/Pictured Lyndon Laruche”s wet dream

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s fucking funny!

entropy

Ok, that was pretty cool of Carolina to give away the TD balls to kids.

Brick Meathook
nomonkeyfun

I call this picture Kirk Douglas because he raped my eyes and it stole a plane.

Doktor Zymm

I think that tie just gave me eye cancer.

entropy

Woo, Fargo rivebrog because this game sucks! Anybody?

Horatio Cornblower

I’m a week behind but this might be the time to fix that.

entropy

You really should. I’m gonna drop this game for it is making me angry and it’s off to Fargo for me.

jjfozz

MUTE BUTTON PLEASE

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons

This is all just so fucking stupid.

jjfozz

THAT TACKLE, I CALL IT LINDA LOVELACE, CAUSE IT SUCKED MAJOR DICK

Horatio Cornblower

Well that’s pretty much an insurmountable lead for the Bills.

Sill Bimmons

ah FUCK