Your Sarcasm-Heavy “So Many Games To Watch!” 4 O’Clock Slate Open Thread

Two frickin’ games? Two? For the whole goddamn country? Why not throw the Minny/Atlanta game into this slot? What about Fins/Jets? But noooooooooooo. Two games! I’m SMGDH over here!

Ari @ SF: One of the biggest questions surrounding this game is “Why?”. Another question is, “Can the Cards top the 47 points they hung on the San Fran back in week three?”. This looks like a good game for RB Johnson to get back on track. Them Niners gave up a 200+ spot to Seattle’s Rawls just last week. There’s yakking going on about this being a trap game for the Cards what with the Rams next up. Huh? Palmer is running on all 12 cylinders and I just can’t see it. The big news in Niner-land is that Gabbert will be wearing an alternate black uni while he gets sacked numerous times/limps to the sideline/chases after the DB that got the intercept/demands a trade at half-time/posts a low-teen QBR rating.

Pit/Sea: Ben is back and so are the chances of the Steelers grabbing a wild card berth. They do have to steal this game plus one other vs. the Bengals or Broncs. They should beat the Browns, Colts and Ravens. It seems that if the D is right then so are the ‘Hawks. In their last 3 wins they gave up an average of just over 8 points a game. Their last two losses had them surrendering an average of 33 but in fairness that was against the Cards and Panthers.

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fleshwound_NPG

HAHAHAHA CAREY IS A MORON

litre_cola

“I may be an idiot, just don’t look me in the eye.” – Mariah

Gratliff

WHY DO THEY EVEN HAVE THE FUCKING OLD REFS THEN

Sharkbait

So they’re really just flipping coins to determine catches now right?

Romonobyl

Not a catch…jet fuel just doesn’t burn that hot.

Sill Bimmons

IS IT A CATCH THE INFINITE: THISISRUININGTHEFUCKINGGAME BOOGALOO

litre_cola

BUT PHEEEELLL SAYS HE CAUGHT IT SO CLEANLY

theeWeeBabySeamus

After he “re-grabbed” it.

Romonobyl

Sesame Street is now in what is known as a transitional neighborhood:
http://40.media.tumblr.com/629c43494b10f5f44eef1cce485cdcdf/tumblr_niuz5bHjqg1r6mdwlo1_500.jpg

theeWeeBabySeamus

cookie!!!!!

King Hippo

Elmo strikes me as being more about dat ass, imo

Dunstan

“Elmo likes big butts, and Elmo cannot lie,
You other muppets can’t deny….”

WCS

Who sat Markus Wheaton today?

/raises hand

King Hippo

Derek Carr AND Kelce for me!

King Hippo

HOLY SHIT

theeWeeBabySeamus

Phil just said a whole lotta words which basically boil down to win = good, lose = bad.
That’s some top drawer commentary right there.

Sill Bimmons

Makes you wonder what kind of clock shenanigans were going on back when people weren’t paying any attention.

King Hippo

Jeeeeem: “Crowd noise at Phil thrust”

Freudian slip much?

Sill Bimmons

JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMM

Dunstan

Please, Phil Simms, explain more about how these “playoffs” work. I’m fascinated.

litre_cola

The margin of error is getting shorter and shorter eh JEEEEEMMM, that sir is ridiculous.

Gratliff

I never made it past episode 1 of season 2. Is it worth it to plow through?

fleshwound_NPG

ALL THE FAILED 2-POINTERS

Sill Bimmons
King Hippo

cray-cray game is still cray-cray

Redshirt

First one to 40 wins?

Gratliff

“Lands in the arms of Gay.”

The age old question: Can concerned mothers write letters to a football down?

WCS

HOW CAN EXPLAIN TO MY CHILDREN THAT THE HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA IS BEING FORCED ONTO US BY THE NFL?!?!

blackroseMD1

I need Dreamboat and the P*ts defense to combine for like 70 fantasy points tonight.

So I predict Denver to put up 50 points and Tawmy to throw about six picks.

Sharkbait

I liked the first sentence in that post.

King Hippo

From your mouth to God’s ears!!

Gratliff

How the fuck is Brady 6-7 vs Denver?

fleshwound_NPG

Because Brady is alarmingly mediocre on the road, especially in Mile High.

Gratliff

But I mean, DENVER.

WCS
Romonobyl

/calls finance advisor…
“My Choco Taco stock….SELL SELL SELL!!!!!!

Old School Zero

IT’S ALREADY BEEN EATEN!

WCS

I’m beginning to wonder if our resident midweek goddess is actually Sarah incognito.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Wish I was, but alas no.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Just kick the damn point after next time.

Redshirt

THIS LEGION OF BOOM, I CALL IT THE OUTFIELD WALL BECAUSE ONCE THE BALL GOES OVER THEM, ITS A HOME RUN!!!!

Romonobyl

/bitmapped

King Hippo

cray-cray game is cray-cray

fleshwound_NPG

69 YARD HARFBOMB NICE

ThursdaySkyGoddess

WHEATONDOWN!!!!!!!!!!!

Sill Bimmons

NICE CATCH WHEAT DON’T EVER FUCKING DO IT AGAIN

fleshwound_NPG

ALL THE HARFCANNONS

WCS

HARFBOMB

Redshirt

You could’ve timed Palmer’s scramble for a TD with a calendar.

fleshwound_NPG

CBS Graphic: “Washington downs The Giants”

[Nantz says [*Redacted] s anyways]

makeitsnowondem

washington breadskins

Sharkbait

NFC East is wild!

Or a dumpster fire. Whatever you want yo call it Jeeeeeeem

blaxabbath

Stupid Blaine Gilbert.

WCS

— Blaine Gabbert’s mom

Romonobyl

That is a better first name.

blaxabbath

SF picks up 19 on a 4th and 20.

That pretty much sums up the 2015 NFL season in so many ways.

blaxabbath

SF has been seriously holding all game.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s been so blatant I’m surprised their coach’s name is not William Holdin’ Caufield.

fleshwound_NPG

The chance of win % chart for this game probably looks like a 1-year old’s scribble by now.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Bleergh 2: Electric Bleergharoo

Lothar of the Hill People

Hmmm… hurt knee without being hit? ACL. Bye, Jimmy.

Romonobyl

His lower leg is gimbal mounted.

Sill Bimmons

comment image

Romonobyl

That’s what happens when you keep going for threes.

Lothar of the Hill People

Jimmy Graham went down? Bet he wishes he had stayed a Saint for some of that sweet faith healing.

Sill Bimmons

BREESUS SAVES

blaxabbath

As Drew’s TD passing streak dies today….

Sill Bimmons

How much is Jared Jewelers loving this whole Jared Fogle debacle?

WCS

“He went to Jared” has an entirely different connotation.

Lothar of the Hill People

You can bet his blockmates and cellmate will be “going to Jared” on a regular basis.

Gratliff

“I got a footlong that won’t cost you $5”

Lothar of the Hill People

“You provide the marinara sauce on my meatball, Jared”

Brick Meathook

All of those retail diamond stores are owned by the same company.

Sill Bimmons

Doesn’t mean that the people who work for the Jared division are any less fucked than GM employees who worked for Pontiac or Chrysler employees that worked for Plymouth.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Well, fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Old School Zero

You weren’t really using him, were you? (joke)

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Awwwwww

TOO MEAN

Yer gonna get eaten by a giant ape now.

Sharkbait

Aaaaand its broken

King Hippo

can’t he just drink some of Charmslinger’s water??

Sill Bimmons

#NanoBubbles #Blessed

Lothar of the Hill People

OK, daughter turns to me after the Ride of Paul Revere and says, “My brain is full for now. Turn the football back on.”

Romonobyl

That will empty it quickly.

blaxabbath

ARI is getting killed by TEs.

Coverage is very poor today.